so its late. 3am. i would have told you earlier in the day that i was going to sonny's tonight. i would have said it and you would have believed it. but i came home at 730pm, washed the day off my face, took off my clothes and got into bed. i couldn't get myself to leave once i was there. and now i've woken up. at 3am. and the bar is closed because ( Read more... )

it was wednesday today. i saw a movie called 'the help' and i cried six separate times. today is not as bad as yesterdays have been. no... there were people in this good land once upon a time. whose decisions were harder than mine. they chose between killing their children, or letting them be captured to become slaves. they chose between self ( Read more... )

the dilemma ( Read more... )

on the way home i think about love, and how i want to come home to you ( Read more... )

i am something ( Read more... )

i wish you wanted my support.
i want to be there for you,
and it sucks that being there for you
means not telling you this.

im sorry to even write it.
i dont know what else to do with my heart.

i feel it in my guts and behind my eyes. thawed out numbness, and something more. i strange discomfort. loneliness, sadness, longing, mourning, missing things. a grandmother gone. a grandfather long since gone since long before. a mother no longer child. i feel it when i watch well scripted movies and my laughter turns to jerking tears so rapidly ( Read more... )

anything that i have ever been, is not now. perhaps has led me to now. but is not now. i am grateful, and emotive, and alone. in the comfort of my own someplace where i have learned to trust as home, i am naked and exposed and i am with myself ( Read more... )

The time is 2011. June. So exactly five years ago we met for the first time. And I am trying to figure a reason that exists that doesn't make me want to change absolutely everything about the constructions in my mind about the way my emotions work, and why. In so many words, or so many relationships I suppose, which seem to be made up of a lot of ( Read more... )

The days go by since the last time I made you smile, felt your heartbeat with mine, and at first I felt relieved. Now its just the silent beckoning of twisted guts and things I've tried to forget the names of. This forlorn and pensive silence that creeps slowly into its own home in my chest, climbing upwards for air that doesn't get through the ( Read more... )