I've realized something. I love myself there. That is why I want to get back so badly. There... it's always about the drama, the nerves and it's always hot. I stop eating, I'm always so nervous that I don't even care about food. I've just taken a look at some of my pics from Turkey... gosh, have you ever seen me thinner and more beautiful than I ( Read more... )

I can be divided in two different parts. I have been like this since I was about 13 or 14 years old. Two girls, like twins or something. They look almost the same, but they are so very different ( Read more... )

Crap. Why do I always skip the important messages online? Whatever.( Damn me ( Read more... )

Elliot: "Oh, right, cause you're diabetic. Boo hoo. You know Turk, if you want sympathy, get a disease people can see" (c) - Scrubs

I'm so god damn lucky to get yet ANOTHER spine injury for the last 6 months. Yeah, that is so cool, can never be more proud of myself. If seriously, that totally sucks. It was so hurtful and so scary that I can barely ( Read more... )

Sometimes I miss the good old days. I know it's probably high time I grew up but I can't get used to it. The way it was on court or on the pitch - you were watched 24\7, every single step of yours was being watched by the coach's crew and they knew everything about you. My football coach for example knew how exactly I step on the grass and why I do ( Read more... )

We, athletes, do stupid things. To hide our fears or our issues, we do everything, we do really reckless stuff. A few days ago I fell down pretty tough... My spine benden like in a full ring or about so... I thought I'm gonna break my neck. But what did I do? I stood up and said: "I'm fine". I was really hurt. But not to concentrate on my failures ( Read more... )

I'm back from the camp. It was extremely challenging, very hard, but a lot of fun. I met a lot of new people, I met very talented and qualified instructors and really had a lot of fun. I am awfully tired and I'm looking forward to coming back to my angola practices.

I'm leaving first in the morning. For like 2 weeks. I keep positive though. Yesterday I realized how to keep myself going even there. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we all stood there for like an hour (literally!) after our training not even knowing how to say goodbyes and finally leave. That's awesome... I'm saving this amazing ( Read more... )

 It's been like only a few days and I'm already feeling fine. I don't know what has change, I don't know what was wrong before that is fine now... But I'm fine. It even turned out that my good friend will be there when I'll be having my vacations. That's kinda cool, that means I can go and just have fun without thinking about him. I am not thinking ( Read more... )

I am stronger than this. Yesterday I thought I'm almost there again - I could even have a sigarete. I stood near the window with the lighter and sigaretes, but I just couldn't do it... I can't start all over again just because of him. I mean, I've already been there. I started smoking and drinking 'because of him'. I did stupid things and excused ( Read more... )