hello children. today is christmas, and for that reason i say the following: merry christmas. i had to explain my reasoning just in case you couldn't figure it out ( Read more... )

way to sleep with yet another boy who couldn't give a shit about you, heath. double points for actually thinking this one did ( Read more... )

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i decided i'm gonna be daniel plainview for halloween because i just watched that movie again for the first time in a few months and FUCK daniel day lewis is awesome. if any of you suckers know where i can get a stetson campaign hat and an old timey moustachio, i'd be greatly obliged. also, if you are small and boyish, or you have a small and ( Read more... )

thanks to the bestie, in three hours i'm going to be ten feet away from my favorite jew. PLASTICS.

also, register to vote, suckas! this shit is only a few weeks away, and leonardo dicaprio says it's important.

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so, it came to my attention a few days ago that i have a sebaceous cyst.​ or anywa​y,​ that'​s what my mom said​ and she'​s a mofug​gin M.D. so i guess​ i shoul​d trust​ her. it didn't reall​y look like anything at first, just like someb​ody punch​ed me in the chest​ and left a gnarl​y bruis​e right​ in betwe​en my (​magni​ficen​t)​ chi-​chis.​ ( Read more... )

did you sluts know that i'm in africa? because boy oh boy, that's where i am, and that's where i have been for nearly three months, and that's where you all should come and live because beer is 90 cents and you can buy single cigarettes from rastas on the street for a penny ( Read more... )

new tattoo!


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plans for the week include dinner at the seafood toilet with one ms. angelisa hoover, finally getting a new tattoo, seeing ferraby lionheart at the troubadour and satisfaction at the viper room, a woody allen double feature of bananas and sleeper at the new bev, and a glorious weekend spent in san francisco (for reals this time!). "what could be ( Read more... )