i want to drink vodka and watch battleship potemkin. maybe get raped by a coupla cossacks while i'm at it.

note: when the boy you like rises from your bed the next morning and asks you to come have dim sum, the answer that comes out of your mouth should be "yes". even if you don't want dim sum, even if you want a fat burger and a milkshake, even if you don't particularly want to go outside at all because it is hot and you are hungover and you smell kind ( Read more... )

sometimes i will place my hand lovingly upon my stomach while i am smoking a cigarette and then wait for someone to chastise me.

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i accidently had sex with a 46 year old on-air sports personality last night. over and over again. but only for about two minutes each time. i don't care how many times you can get it up, dude; two minutes aint gonna do it. i was visibly pissed but he seemed kind of oblivious and was like, "i'll bet you're gonna sleep like a baby tonight." then i ( Read more... )

so i've been seeing this dude for a few weeks and last night decided to break if off basically because he is lame and i am awesome. i did not say this during said break up, but i'm pretty sure he knew that was the reason. he came over after work bearing spinach knishes that his mother made. the knishes i can get behind, but the 31 year old man ( Read more... )

good morning, journal. what's the good word? i apologize i've been neglecting you for.... ten months. i'd like to say that this entry, here on may 15, 2009, is my first step towards remedying our relationship, but i couldn't lie to you like that. we've been through too much. i want very much for us to be friends again, but you know me; i am ( Read more... )

hey! look!


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hello friends. how are your hearts? mine is full of love for you, chocolate chip pancakes, and zac efron ( Read more... )

i've tried to write several times over the last week or so because so much is going on. as soon as i write it all out though, i realize nobody gives a shit but me, so i click the little x, guzzle down a bottle'o'two-buck-chuck, and go on my merry way. however, i did something today that warrants--nay, NECESSITATES-- an announcement for all of ( Read more... )