dear G-Dub ( Read more... )

today we were back on the bedtime stories set (it's actually a kid's movie, not a showtime soft core porn series. don't worry, i made the same mistake!) and there were elephants! one of them hugged me with its trunk, and then i got to watch one make a poo poo in the grass. have you guys ever seen an elephant take a dump? it's awesome ( Read more... )

today, dear friends, is my 22nd birthday. since waking up on this most special of days, i have consumed a diet coke, cleaned my room, emptied the dishwasher, and watched an episode of dr. katz. later, i shall be attending a dinner at the world famous benihana, and taking in a screening of a pretentious movie with ellen page. i have a feeling twenty ( Read more... )

so tuesday started kidney infection part deux: with a vengeance. it's like a hot shots and die hard sequel all in one. apparently, somebody wasn't properly medicated the first time, so somebody got sick all over again, and then somebody's mother didn't believe there was any problem even though somebody had smelly pee and exploding kidneys and threw ( Read more... )

the taxman realized he raped me a little too violently last year and decided to make up for it by sending me 562 dollars. thanks taxman! too bad most of that bread went towards making an overdrafted-bank-account sandwich. bank of america has been calling me for two months, without fail, everyday at eight in the morning, demanding money that i don't ( Read more... )

the best friends made a video! here is your chance to watch it and then cry over the fact that my best friends are way more fantastic than yours.

Click to view

also, a letter ( Read more... )

dear charles schwab ( Read more... )

here's the rub: the fucking buckaroos are playing on tuesday and hell's bells, i want to see them. so let's live the goddamn american dream and take an ill-advised, twenty four hour road trip to san francisco.

last night was spectacularly sub par, thanks mainly to the fact that i dropped the new cell phone i had just gotten two days ago in a toilet. WHAT.THE.FUCK. why do i have such awful luck with cell phones? this is number six in a little over a year, and i seriously don't know what to do with myself. this is probably happening because i didn't repost ( Read more... )

dear littlepowers

DOGMEAT.

regards to your wife,
heath