Well, here I am in life. Funny how the romantic days of writing in a physical journal are over. Who will find the countless pages of my personal thoughts, 200 years in the future, when they can all be erased with a click of the "deactivate" button on my account. All my thoughts - all the frailty and depression and heartbreak and rare happy moments ( Read more... )

Once upon a time, I was happy. I’d waited my whole life to feel that feeling, and I promised myself that if I died immediately after feeling that happiness, at least I would have gotten to know what feeling happy was like. But there was a grey area that I didn’t know about. When I discovered that the man who made me feel so happy, who made me feel ( Read more... )

God, I feel fucking lost and sad.

I am unhappy with my relationship, and all I can think of is how much I want a separation, how happy I was in my own space, with freedom and adventures and the world open to me. I don't want to be with a partner who always has something wrong with him - he's too tired, this hurts or that hurts, or he's hyper or he's "just low energy." I'm tired of ( Read more... )

I came to Bardo Coffee Shop to write, not to write about Aaron.

We've been married for three weeks now, and I've tried to leave him twice - on our honeymoon. It's been horrible, though I know some of it is my fault. I don't think it's necessarily been my fault on the honeymoon, but I have a ton to do with contributing to how things are currently ( Read more... )

I've been so afraid to lose my identity. What does it mean to be a "wife"? For some reason, if I explore myself, I find these stereotypes that I have to cling to: a wife is no longer as attractive because she is taken. Alluring, for me, apparently means sexy; beautiful is innocence to me; wifely is either more frumpy or more masculine; no one wants ( Read more... )

It's been a hell of past couple of months: Things were rocky between Aaron and I and only became figured out a few days ago, wedding planning has been madness, my work is saddling me with an insane amount of tasks but wants to promote me, Zinky passed away...

Tomorrow night is my rehearsal dinner, and Saturday is the wedding. I can't even believe ( Read more... )

Little Zinky Dog, I will miss you so much. Your sweet face and personality, your kisses, your softness, your energy...I will miss the brightness of your eyes and your intelligence, how you made the house a home and licked me when I cried. I will miss you so much.

My parents had to put him to sleep this morning, and I didn't get the message until ( Read more... )

It's a month and a half until my wedding, and I don't like my fiancé anymore. I don't feel loved, listened to, appreciated, or cared about by him. I feel as though I am something in his mind, rather than in reality, that he takes care of. It's on his terms. It is the Aaron show. I have to teach him how to be supportive. I am so frequently hurt by ( Read more... )

It finally hit me today that it's two months - less than two months - until I get married to Aaron. That's such an odd feeling. Something within me is snapping into action, finally, and I'm scrolling through a mental to-do list.

But there are so may thoughts I'm having. A lot of emotions. What does it mean to be a wife? How does this position me ( Read more... )