Supernova { Part III }
{ PROLOGUE } { PART I } { PART II } { INTERMISSION I } { PART III } { PART IV }
{ INTERMISSION II } { PART V } { PART VI } {PART VII } { EPILOGUE }
Part III - Life
MARCH 2012
Another morning, another night swimming in senseless dreams of flying stars and trailing fingertips. Minseok, unaware, slept in the arms of warmth and care with a little nose that pecked the back of his neck and lips that trailed his skin, yet only lightly. Even though he could feel it all, his lethargic mind convinced him it wasn’t real and he fell back into an oblivious slumber as deer eyes watched him with affection.
When he finally did awaken, Minseok rolled over to a bed with only him in it and his heart thunked in disappointment at the empty space next to him; cold, white and barely crinkled. He wondered for a second if Lu Han coming back with him the previous night was another lie his brain was determined to feed him, but then he heard the turn of a key and the front door rattle open.
Eyebrows furrowed with curiosity, he leapt out of bed and crept outside, peering apprehensively around the open doorframe. Sure enough, a slender someone had made their way inside his apartment and was now slipping off their shoes, engulfed by a massive, navy hoodie. It wasn’t until they shook the hood off that Minseok even realised it was Lu Han’s fluffy morning hair underneath. Minseok cleared his throat and Lu Han looked up, startled.
“Oh! You’re up! I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“No, no. I was awake anyway.” He stepped into the room and attempted to slyly flatten his hair which felt wild and unkempt under his fingers. He soon abandoned that lost cause and regretted not checking himself in the mirror beforehand. No doubt his cheeks were extra puffy, too, as they always were at the start of every day, but there was nothing much he could do about that either except pray that Lu Han didn’t notice. Just then, his gaze caught the sight of the kitchen area and he froze.
“Whoa. What happened there?”
Somehow Minseok found it hard to believe that a tornado had swept through his apartment and solely hit the kitchen before disintegrating but what he witnessed before him made it difficult to dispute. The limited counter space was covered it splashes of food and dirty utensils and eggshells and most of the cupboard doors were flung open and, now that he thought about it, he could smell a slight tinge of charcoal to the air.
“That’s…my fault, I’m sorry. I tried making you breakfast earlier but I’ve never cooked before so…that happened.” Lu Han waved his hand shyly in the direction of the chaos and then gleefully picked up the paper bag he’d brought in with him. “It’s okay, though! I went out and bought you something instead!”
He walked over and looped the handles onto Minseok’s fingers, smiling proudly. “When I was in New York last year for a concert I ate these delicious bagels, and there’s this American food place around the corner from here and I thought you might like them so I got you some…” His voice trailed off slightly towards the end and he started scratching behind his ear. A cute little habit that Minseok had picked up on - something he always did when he was embarrassed.
Minseok couldn’t help but smile at that. “You did that for me? Wow…I mean, thanks! They smell fantastic!” He wandered to the kitchen and pushed aside the rubbish to make room for his room service. “How did you manage it outside without being overrun by your fangirls?”
“Your hoodie. Sorry, I borrowed it - it was the perfect disguise. I got some funny looks but generally people ignored me. It was…refreshing.” He slid a key on to the counter top. “Borrowed this, too.”
“That’s cool. Cheers.” After reaching into a drawer and pulling out a knife, Minseok rustled the bagel bag. “Do you want one?”
Lu Han wrung his hands. “I can’t. I actually…have to go.”
“Oh.” Minseok was half-way through cutting a bagel in half when he heard those words. His hand froze and lingered in air as his abdomen sunk for a second time that morning. “How come?”
“I’ve got an interview in Busan tonight and I’m already sort of late for the airport. My manager has been ringing me all morning already. I think he’s pissed.” He let out a chuckle, pulling at the bottom of the hoodie to take it off and then pausing. “…can I keep this?”
“Sure, if you want.” What would he want with my manky, old hoodie? Minseok wondered. He’d had it for years - longer than he cared to admit - and he’d never quite grown into it; it always hung wide and baggy on his short frame, but it was perfect for snuggling up in on a cold day when no-one was around to impress. He couldn’t even remember the last time he washed it. “So…when will I see you next?”
Lu Han skipped over with a sly grin and laced his arms around Minseok’s neck, burying his face in his shoulder. It brought back the blurry memories of Friday night when his breath stunk of exotic alcohol and Minseok was beginning not to care in the slightest. “Never fear, little bun. I’ll be back,” Lu Han murmured. “We have classes tomorrow! I wouldn’t miss those for the world!”
The hint of sarcasm to his voice made Minseok laugh and they broke apart, though his fingers automatically remained glued to Lu Han a little longer. The star’s figure was so slight in his hands with a waist tiny enough to be envied, even under all the thick fabric. He pulled back his hands and turned his warming cheeks away. “Yeah, classes…the highlight of my week…”
Lu Han flipped the hood up and over his head so his hair disappeared and only his angelic, natural face could be seen. “See you soon, Baozi.” At the front door, the stopped and turned back with one last wink, and then he was out the door.
Minseok had never stared after anyone for so long. Not once.
Or prayed so hard that a door would immediately open again.
*
It took a couple of hours of Minseok to fully wake up properly and in that time he’d managed to be relatively productive for a change. Well, it was a change for that weekend at least. His usually immaculate home had been somewhat neglected over the past few days as he’d had other, more important and certainly more attractive, things to distract him. Normally the sight of a messy and disorganised living space was enough to drive him crazy but somehow it didn’t matter so much anymore. The kitchen was in a complete state but he barely had the heart to clean it all away - no-one had ever even tried to make him breakfast like that before. He didn’t care about the spillages or the burnt bits eternally stuck to the frying pan despite hours of soaking or the continuous smell of burning that never quite disappeared. He did, however, contemplate renewing the batteries in his smoke alarm and made a mental note to pick some up. Just in case.
After a purposefully much colder shower than what he was used to, he grabbed his trusted backpack and headed out himself. Regardless of how late he got in that morning, he still had a date with Jongdae in the office and a lot of writing to catch up on - another commodity neglected. He’d almost forgotten the reading for his university course that he’d abandoned in favour of socialising and generally having a good time. Not a good start to the academic year, he had to admit. But he still had time to catch up.
He pushed open the heavy door that lead out of the block on the ground floor and immediately stopped on the top step.
Chanyeol was sticking something to the side of the building.
Minseok blinked. “Umm...Yeollie? What are you doing?”
Chanyeol looked up with round eyes and immediately hid whatever he was holding behind his back. “Hyung! Err…nothing! I’m not doing anything.” He shook his head innocently and it made his curls swing.
Minseok rolled his eyes and jumped the last 2 steps. “You always were the worst liar.” Looking around, he finally got a decent look at his and Lu Han’s fanboard in the day, shining red and white in the sunlight and littered with his round face which was more than slightly unnerving. It even looked as though more photos had been added in the few hours he’d known about it.
“Wait, are these from last night?” He pointed to the new polaroids that showed the band posing with Lu Han, his long arm around Minseok and pulling him close in the middle of the shot. Everyone looked so happy and relaxed; a bottle in hand and large grins painted across each of their faces with the stage and instruments as a backdrop. Raising an eyebrow at Chanyeol, he asked, “did you put these here?”
“Maybe.” Chanyeol shifted uneasily and brought his hand back around, clutching at one more polaroid. “Oh, hyung, don’t look at me like that - I figured it would look even better with the band on it. Oh, but this one’s my favourite.” He stepped forward and happily stuck one last photo near the middle of the poster; a polaroid of LuMin at its finest with just the two of them smiling together by the bar - carefree and loving life in that precious moment. It was definitely the best one - something real and personal amongst the sea of secret shots from sasaengs.
“That one’s my favourite, too,” came a little voice behind Chanyeol.
“Huh?” Minseok hadn’t noticed before but there was a much smaller someone hiding behind the drummer’s towering form, shyly peeking around his waist; a girl with a thick fringe and large, unblinking eyes. He grabbed Chanyeol’s arm and whispered, “Yeollie, why is there a child hiding behind you?”
The girl huffed. “I’m not a child. I’m 13.”
Chanyeol pulled his limb out of Minseok’s grasp. “It’s okay, hyung. It’s her poster.”
The girl nodded, stepped forward out of Chanyeol’s long shadow, and bowed. “I’m Jung Minah; your biggest fan.” She lifted her chin up proudly.
“My…fan?” Minseok wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. “And this poster…you made it?”
“No, not just me. My classmates helped, too. We’re Lu Han fans so we became your fans, too. LuMin fans.”
Minseok was rendered speechless. This wasn’t the sort of thing he was used to. “I…wha-…how did you find out where I live?”
“My sister was in your class last year - Jung Miyoung? Korean Traditional Music 2? She said you guys did a project together.”
Chanyeol wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and started nudging Minseok in his side.
“Yeah, yeah, I remember. She came over to work on the project a couple of times. Stop nudging me!” He snapped at Chanyeol who drew back with a smirk. “But…umm…thanks, I guess - for making the poster. It’s cute.” Minseok turned back to Chanyeol, still somewhat dumbfounded by the situation. “And you’re here because…?”
“I came to see if you were going to the office or not today. I brought the photos anyway to show you and Jongdae but then I saw your fanboard and…well…I liked it so I added to it.” He looked down at Minah. “Hey, you should be an Urban Blackout fan, too!”
“Who are Urban Blackout?”
“My band!” He poked the picture in the top-right of the heart. “See? I’m the drummer.” He pointed proudly to his puffed up chest.
Minah studied the picture intently. “Are you famous?”
“Not yet, but we might be some day! Hopefully…”
She looked him up and down. “Can I ship you with anyone?”
“Err…” He looked at Minseok who only crossed his arms and shot him a now-look-what-you’ve-got-yourself-into kind of expression. “Well, me and Baekhyun are pretty close…see the one wearing eyeliner? He’s the main singer. In fact…” He yanked his satchel around to his front and pulled out a CD case. “Here, have this. Share it with all your classmates.”
“Wow, thanks!” She took the CD in her hands like it was made of gold and hugged it close to her chest. “Can I get your autograph? Just in case you do become famous?”
“Of course you can!” said Chanyeol happily, tooth-rich smile gleaming in the sun. Minah fished a notepad and pen out of her backpack and handed it over. Minseok took that as a cue to move on so he started walking away as Chanyeol drew a stylish, loopy signature which he’d obviously been practicing.
“Oppa?”
Minseok turned to see that she’d ran to catch up with him. “Can I have your autograph, too?”
“Err, sure. Okay.”
Minah pushed the pen and paper into his hands. Unlike Chanyeol, he’d never prepared an autograph signature to an Idol’s standard and he tried his best to let the ink flow across the page as professionally as he could. It didn’t turn out half bad.
When he finished, he passed the bundle back and ruffled his hand in her long hair. “There you go. Now get back home!”
“Thank you, oppa!” She skipped away with a satisfied grin and shouted back, “LuMin and Urban Blackout fighting!”
Chanyeol laughed, slapping Minseok on the back. “You ready then, hyung? I can give you a ride.” He nudged the wheels of a steel-blue bike leaning against the wall next to them with his feet. “Jump on the back.”
Oh God, here we go, he gulped. Minseok secured the straps of his bag on his shoulders and perched on the rear of the bike, gripping the metal tight to keep his body steady as Chanyeol swung himself onto the seat and pedalled away into the bustling morning traffic.
*
When they finally marched into the office - Minseok’s knees quaking from the most terrifying bike ride of his life - Jongdae’s head was firmly resting on the keyboard of his computer, sending letters trailing frantically across the screen. Minseok had to slam and open the door again a couple of times before he eventually woke up with a start with little squares imprinted on his cheeks and drool escaping from the side of his mouth.
“Huh? Wha-? Did someone say something?”
“I said,” started Minseok. “You’re lucky that you’ve got another writer at all. Yeollie just nearly killed me.”
Chanyeol huffed and threw himself into his spinning chair. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about, hyung. I was miles away from that bus. I was never going to hit it.”
Minseok’s racing heart rate proved otherwise.
Jongdae rubbed his eyes thoroughly and pulled out something from the top drawer of his desk. “Here, hyung - have you seen this?”
It was a newspaper. Minseok took it and his eyes raked the front page.
“Oh no…”
Of course, it was bound to be about Lu Han. Half of the cover was taken up by a full-body shot of him exiting Enigma on Friday night - except this wasn’t a complimentary fan-taken shot. It was an unfortunate photo that showed the star half-collapsing out of the entrance, eyes mid-way through blinking, and even Minseok had to admit that it didn’t look good for him. But it was obvious the paper had purposefully chosen this particular picture to match the ominous headline:
ONE LAST SHOT - IS THE PRECIOUS HALLYU DEER ON ITS LAST LEGS?
The article underneath was enough to make Minseok’s skin crawl; so many false accusations of drunken debauchery and carelessness to make Lu Han appear as a pointless celebrity with a drink problem, which Minseok knew for a fact wasn’t true. Yes, Lu Han liked to drink and yes, he got a little drunk at the club but certainly not to the extent that the tabloid was insinuating.
Minseok shook the newspaper angrily. “He was invited! As a special guest! Dammit, how can they write these things about him?”
Jongdae shrugged and sipped his coffee. “Tabloids. They don’t need a reason. Just money.”
“He wasn’t even that drunk when we left…” Minseok growled, flinging the pages onto his desk in frustration. Chanyeol eyed him warily before leaping up and snatching it for a read himself.
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” said Jongdae. “I’m sure Lu Han’s used to it.”
“Yeah, but that’s the problem.” Minseok ran his fingers roughly through his hair with a sigh. “He has to deal with this kind of fake crap all the time. How does someone do that?”
“You’ll have to prepare yourself, hyung. You’ll be dealing with this pretty soon, you wait,” said Chanyeol with a hearty chuckle. When Jongdae looked at him with confusion, he added in a whisper, “Minseok-hyung has a fanbase already. He even signed an autograph!”
“Really? When?” Jongdae laughed.
Minseok shot Chanyeol a look. “It’s not a fanbase…this girl just made me and-oh, it’s not important. You’re the one giving out free CDs!”
“Everybody’s got to start somewhere! I just want to catch up to your popularity!” He cackled as Minseok scrunched up a scrap piece of paper and threw it across the room in his direction where it bounced off his shoulder. “Hey, hyung, I just had a thought - do you still have your CDs? Of those songs you wrote?”
Minseok slowly nodded. “Umm, yeah, maybe. Somewhere...”
“I remember those!” said Jongdae. “Do you still write music these days? We haven’t heard one of your songs in forever.”
Minseok sat down in the chair behind his desk and shifted uncomfortably. The truth was - he wasn’t writing music anymore. Despite studying music composition as his major, he’d practically severed his passion for songwriting in the recent months and resorted to writing music purely for academic prevalence; sketching empty notes onto lined paper for the sake of a decent grade or two. It used to be so different. It used to be so easy. Motivation to exercise his creative juices would fly to him in all manners of situations; walking outside in nature, whenever a loved-up couple strode past, listening to his favourite artists - it was as if the notes would paint themselves in bright colours across his mind and translate onto paper effortlessly.
But not anymore. The colours weren’t as bright as they used to be and opportunities for inspiration were seldom. He didn’t know what went wrong. Perhaps the banality of mundane life finally caught up with him and stole away his muse.
“You should write a song for Lu Han.” Chanyeol sighed and flung down the newspaper with defeat. “He could do with something positive by the looks of things.”
And, oh, how Minseok wished he could.
*
That night, after an exhaustive day in front of his laptop screen and listening to Big Bang’s new album Alive on a continuous loop for yet another mind-numbing review, Minseok and his buzzing brain staggered back to his home and collapsed on the sofa, kicking off his shoes. With his hands cradling the back of his head and his ankles crossed comfortably, he could have easily fallen asleep on the deflated, but still relatively squishy, cushions and not opened his eyes until the sun rose - a tempting prospect, had it not been for the nagging thought from the rear of his skull that had plagued him since that morning.
Heaving in a breath, Minseok pushed himself upright and walked into the bedroom. From under the bed, he pulled out a long, heavy case and wandered back to the sofa where he settled the content of his arms onto the coffee table in front of him. Slowly, he unzipped the case. His heart thumped with nostalgia; it seemed like a lifetime ago since he’d used it.
A keyboard. But it wasn’t just any keyboard to Minseok - it was a gift from his parents, just before he moved away to university; pure fodder for his blooming, unadulterated dreams of infinite success and creativity in his promising future. Although, in recent months, it only represented his lousy attitude of giving up and occasionally glancing under his bed to check it was still there, but not actually using it, was a mantra he’d become a little too accustomed to.
Not this time, however. He may have been determined to believe the colours drained away, but he couldn’t deny that some of them were floating back and things were starting to look beautiful again. He felt the need to take advantage of these sporadic moments, to exercise the shrinking muscle that was his creative ability and feel the passion pumping through his veins again.
And it was all because of one heavenly angel.
He dug his hand into his backpack on the floor and drew out the tangled spaghetti that was his earphones with his iPod dangling lazily at the end. One of the first things he made sure he did that morning was to download Lu Han’s Into Your World and he’d been waiting all day to listen to it. It wasn’t going to be the same as hearing it sung live, but it was enough to preserve the beautiful memory of those precious few minutes that was now tattooed across his heart.
One earpiece in place, he let his fingertips wander over the keys as the music started playing, lightly stroking them as though teasing himself. He didn’t know what it was, but something about Lu Han’s voice in such a heartfelt song melted away his inhibitions and woke something inside of him - it made him want to create something that mattered. Like he used to.
Like he wanted to.
And in the end, his fingers couldn’t help but give in and press down on those keys and wait for the colours to play across his soul.
*
The moon had risen high into the darkened sky as the night enveloped Minseok and stole away his dreams; earbud barely clinging to his ear as his head rested on a pile of lined paper dotted with his inspirations.
Little did he know that, barely 200 miles away in a lonely hotel room, a certain someone was dreaming about him in return.
*
It was half a week before he saw Lu Han again.
But, surprisingly, he still got to hear from him each day in one form or another.
Whether it was a text from his first lecture, complete with a photo from the back row of seats:
Baozi, look! I’m in a lecture! Like a real student! ㅋㅋㅋ I might go to sleep, it’s boring without you T_T ~ LH
Or a random box of donuts waiting outside the office door with a sticky note on the top which, unsurprisingly, had a doodle of a baozi sketched on it.
Minseok sighed. He wondered if drawing MINSEOK in big, thick letters with a permanent marker on Lu Han’s arm would be enough to get him to remember his name, but he doubted it. The drawing did make him chuckle, though, as he scoffed each one with sticky satisfaction while Jongdae watched on with envy and a rumbling stomach.
*
The weekdays seemed to fly by and soon it was almost another weekend.
Thursday morning had dawned bright and clear and Minseok gratefully soaked in the warm sunshine as he made his way across campus to a meeting with his tutor for a progress report. As always, the odd pair of eyes would watch him curiously as he walked past; some trying to work out where they’d seen his face before and others whispering excitedly to their friends next to them - the strangest thing was that this was what Minseok now considered to be normality.
He’d made it just beyond the Science and Technology building before a pair of hands suddenly appeared in front of his eyes.
“Guess who,” breathed a voice in his ear.
“Kim Taeyeon?!?” he joked with mock surprise. The hands disappeared and Lu Han jumped in front of him, beaming like a child. “Aw, man. I could’ve sworn it was a girl’s voice!”
“Very funny, little bun. Do you want to hear some exciting news?”
“What’s that?” They started walking off together, side by side.
“Tomorrow night. Enigma. V.I.P tickets for all of us.”
“Us? Who is ‘us’?
“You, myself, the other guy on your magazine and the band, of course. In fact, it’s imperative that you bring them all along - they’re the reason I sorted this all out.”
Minseok rung his hands together. “Are you sure you want to go out another weekend? After…?”
Lu Han’s eyebrows met in confusion and then he slowly nodded his head. “Ah. You read the newspapers, right?” He threw his arm around Minseok’s shoulders. “Have I ever told you that you worry too much in that little noggin of yours? Besides, it’s like I said - this isn’t for me.”
He untangled himself from Minseok as the path began to fork. “Get the boys ready for 10PM - and make sure they look swish - like, real swish. You get me? I’ll pick you all up.” He flashed a heart-stopping smile and waved, disappearing down the other path with a shy gaggle of girls following not far behind him. “You won’t regret it, Baozi! And remember: swish!”
*
To say that Chanyeol and the rest of the band were excited about going to Enigma with Lu Han was an understatement. After several minutes of looking dumbfounded with his mouth hanging wide open in shock, Chanyeol then proceeded to jump up and down repeatedly, flapping his arms, with a squeal so high that Minseok reckoned only dogs could hear it. Baekhyun, after skipping with delight himself, then went on a frantic spree of worrying about whether a blue or silver shirt would make him look hotter, to which Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. And Tao…well, Tao remained his cool and unwavering self but the sly tilt to his lips revealed how happy he was, also.
Minseok, however, had mixed feelings. One the one hand, he was thrilled to be going again, especially with all his friends and actually looking the part this time would be a novelty. On the other, he dreaded the aftermath of journalists and haters slating the star’s activities and twisting it into an unnecessary mess.
He didn’t know if his heart could take reading that sort of slander again.
Nevertheless, when Friday night arrived, butterflies danced in his abdomen and made him jittery. He seemed to be having a Baekhyun-inspired problem with not knowing what the hell to wear and spending far more time than he should styling and then re-styling his hair for the hundredth time in the bathroom. He didn’t have the slightest clue what made him look better or worse, so in the end he settled for an organised mess on his head by running his fingers through it a couple of times with gel.
He nodded at himself in the mirror. Good enough.
Bzzp, bzzp, went the phone in his pocket.
We’re outside. You ready yet? ~ LH
Yup. Give me 2 seconds to grab everything ~ B
It took him a few moments to realise he’d signed the text as ‘B’ for Baozi and he laughed. It looked like it was really starting to catch on, even with himself.
Minseok patted his other pockets for the usual wallet-and-keys bulge and headed out the door, trying not to think too much about how swish he looked and whether Lu Han would approve because it would only make him run up the stairs and change. Again.
Deep breaths. You look fine. Lu Han will look stunning. Everyone will have fun. Stop touching your hair. Don’t read any more newspapers, were the rogue thoughts scrolling across his mind like a banner.
And then what he saw when he stepped outside was enough to freeze him in his tracks.
A limo.
“You have got to be kidding me…”
The rearmost window rolled down and thumping music blared out. “Oh, did I not mention I was bringing a limo?” shouted Lu Han’s voice. “Now hurry up! You always so scared of cars or something?”
Chanyeol’s face squeezed into the space next to his, a champagne glass swaying in his hand. “Hyung, look! A freakin’ limo! Get in! It’s so awesome!”
Minseok couldn’t help but laugh at what his life had been transformed into. This was not normal.
And he was loving every second of it.
He jumped in as the door swung open and pulled it closed behind him. It seemed he was the last to be picked up since everyone else was already in there - Jongdae in a bright purple shirt with a bow tie and waistcoat combo and hair styled like an younger Tom Hanks; Baekhyun had chosen a silver shirt in the end which contrasted his dark hair and guyliner perfectly making his skin shine; Chanyeol in a simple white shirt and black skinny tie which made him look surprisingly sophisticated even with hair looking extra wild and curly; Kyungsoo sat elegant in midnight blue; Tao the most suave of them all in a light pink shirt, suit jacket and single diamond earring that glistened in the disco lights which Minseok had only just noticed. Each of them were drinking from their own tall glass of pale bubbly and merrily laughing together.
And then there was Lu Han; adorned in a pale turquoise shirt with the long sleeves turned up and matching eye-glitter bordering a smoky blur of kohl, as per usual. Minseok was reminded of a wistful nereid dancing under the watery moonlight and he quickly gulped down some fizzy alcohol of his own to block out the other ridiculously poetic similes that were beginning to zoom around his head.
Minseok’s attire was kept classy and simple; a classic choice of-
“Black, huh? Sticking with what you know - I like it. It suits you,” said Lu Han, scanning him up and down. “A slight upgrade from your outfit choice last week.”
He snickered as Minseok poked him playfully in the ribs. “Cheeky sod - I didn’t know I was gonna be going clubbing last week!”
“Excuses, excuses…”
Chanyeol and Baekhyun were singing along loudly and enthusiastically, if a little out of tune, to the music and playing around with the glowing buttons behind their seats - it sent the lights haywire with different colours and popped open a whole variety of hidden cubby-holes filled with free snacks and miniature bottles of soju which only got them more excited. One of the buttons even opened the sun roof and the two culprits looked at each other in amazement.
“This is so cool! C’mon!” Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s hand and pulled him upwards and they both stuck their torsos out into the night air, hollering at the top of their lungs. Minseok rolled his eyes; he couldn’t take these kids anywhere.
When the rest of them joined in, cramming their bodies into the tightening spot, Lu Han edged closer to Minseok on the dark leather seats and clinked their glasses.
He leaned in and breathed, “Ganbei.” The word tickled at Minseok’s ear and sent a shiver through his bones. He tried to not think about how close Lu Han’s lips were to his neck.
Minseok swallowed hard and patted Lu Han’s thigh. “Oh no, you can’t start that again - I’ll be on the floor before we even get there!”
“Maybe that’s my plan.”
His head shot to Lu Han then with wide eyes, but the star only smirked and turned away shyly.
Chanyeol ducked down again, hair stood on end as though he’d been electrocuted, and cried, “hyung! You should try it! It’s so much fun!”
Before he could say anything, Minseok’s hand was suddenly entwined with Lu Han’s and he was being dragged to the top of the limo.
The wind hit his face and blew his hair into a frenzy as soon as he poked his head out, which only made Lu Han laugh at him when he tried, but failed, to flatten it again. But despite that, the breeze was refreshing and gave him something of a high. He stuck out his arm into the air and felt the wind dance between his wavering fingers. People looked up at him through their car windows and even beeped their horns for attention but he didn’t care. He felt free.
Lu Han perched his chin on Minseok’s shoulder and spoke into the wind, “I said ganbei, little bun. You know you can’t deny a guy a ganbei.”
Minseok had no choice to give in to that little voice and rolled his eyes dramatically before downing the champagne and letting the empty glass hang in his hand by his side.
He shuddered. “If my liver gives out, I’m blaming you.”
“Then you can just have mine - If it’s still working.”
Minseok snorted. “You couldn’t live without your liver, Lu Han.”
“But…neither could you.”
The limo slowed for a red light and they were met with a chorus of “Lu Han! Lu Han!” from a group of scantily dressed girls gathered around an ATM. Lu Han waved backed to their gesturing arms and even blew them a sly kiss which they theatrically swooned and screamed over. As the engine roared again and the limo pulled away, a couple of the girls started running after it, pulling off their stringy stilettoes to chase the flawless celebrity barefoot along the pavement. But their efforts were short lived, fading into nothing but buzzing specs in the distance.
Minseok grabbed his side. “You’re such a tease.”
“They love it. Don’t you?” His eyes went unmistakably to Minseok’s lips.
Too much.
*
What happened when they arrived at the club was something that Minseok did not expect, although why he still bothered expecting anything was a mystery to him. He might as well have just gone with the flow.
While the previous Friday night’s entrance to Enigma had been tame and generally unexpected by the public, this Friday night was quite different - it looked as though there were close to a hundred people gathered outside, and that wasn’t including the queue into the club itself. Lines of paparazzi lay waiting for them and as soon as the limo approached; they each threw their cameras in front of their faces and frantically flashed at the vehicle, gathering around. Chanyeol and Baekhyun pressed their hands against the blacked-out glass and stared in amazement.
“Is this all for you?” Baekhyun asked, mouth gaping.
Lu Han’s lips tilted coyly. “Not just for me.”
The limo parked alongside the path and the same burly shape Minseok recognised from his visit before opened the door. Lu Han drained his glass and, just before leaving the car, he turned to face the rest of the group.
“Just follow my lead. Oh, and don’t forget to smile.”
He stepped out into an ocean of glaring flashes and Minseok reluctantly followed; the others creeping behind him anxiously. It was disorientating in the sea of bright lights and urgent shouts but a hand crept out of the blur and lead him along. He instinctively reached behind him to grab Jongdae’s hand and they formed a makeshift train to make it through the chaos.
Suddenly Lu Han stopped to face the wall of cameras being held back by security guards and the boys lined up to the side of him. He quickly repositioned himself between Jongdae and Chanyeol and flaunted a beaming smile for all to see. Over the thunderous wave of voices, Minseok managed to distinguish some of the voices:
“Lu Han! Lu Han, look over here!”
“Lu Han, any news on the next album?”
“Lu Han, who are these guys? Are you collaborating?”
He lifted his chin up high and raised his voice. “No, no news on the next album. And these are my friends. In fact,” he signalled to the band members. “This is Urban Blackout, an up-coming indie group. Their music is fantastic - you should definitely check out them out!”
The crowd went wild to that and the band froze for a second in shock, mouths barely unable to keep from falling open. Baekhyun and Chanyeol looked at each other mischievously and threw care into the wind by posing for the cameras; Baekhyun as smouldering eye-candy that made the girls squeal and Chanyeol the life of the party with his toothy grin. Kyungsoo looked nervous but Tao draped himself over him and squeezed his shoulders reassuringly and he seemed to relax slightly.
“Urban Blackout Music! On YouTube!” exploded Chanyeol over the racket, unable to contain his excitement any longer and practically shaking from all the attention they were getting.
Lu Han soon ushered them all along and the doorman happily let them through without any hassle. No need to check names on the guest list when you look the part.
Typical.
They each collapsed into the elevator when it arrived.
“That should drum up a little interest,” Lu Han sighed, leaning back against the wall of the lift.
“I felt like a celebrity - a real celebrity! That was incredible! We’re gonna be famous!” Baekhyun held on to Kyungsoo’s arm and jumped up and down.
Chanyeol was gripping his pounding chest with one hand. “My heart…it actually hurts a bit…”
Lu Han laughed. “Well, I’d get recovering pretty quickly, if I were you. There are some important people I want you to meet.”
*
In a hazy whirlwind of sparkler-ignited champagne bottles and showers of colourful lasers, the boys melted into the swanky designer crowd, mingling with high money and even higher spirits. Tao, especially, was in his element - he resembled something plucked straight off the runways of Shanghai rather than a draughty lecture hall of SNU, and his sexy dark circles drew more than a few gazes in his direction. Baekhyun couldn’t help but lick his lips as he watched the half-naked dancers run their bodies up and down the poles in the corners of the dance floor, while Chanyeol spoke to everyone and anyone and reached over people’s head to fetch drinks for him, Jongdae and Kyungsoo from the trays of wandering waiters.
At one point Lu Han disappeared and came back with a suited professional in tow. It turned out he was a representative of FNC Entertainment who he’d had spoken to briefly during his stay in Busan and Lu Han was eager to introduce him to the boys of Urban Blackout who he’d more than advertised to the industry on the down-low, much to everyone’s surprise.
Naturally the band members went into silent shock when they found out who wanted to see them, and they bowed so low so many times that Lu Han had to ask them politely to stop. As they started excitedly conversing with the FNC official, Lu Han slipped away and Minseok went to join him.
“You’ve made all their dreams come true tonight, you realise that don’t you?” he told him over his shoulder. Lu Han turned and beamed as Minseok struggled to find the words. “I…don’t know what to say. But thank you.”
Lu Han nodded and leaned in to be heard over the music. “People have to be told what to enjoy in this world, that’s the sad truth. So I made the decision for them. Heck, those guys have got talent, charisma, stage presence - you name it. Plus, their songs are amazing. They deserve a shot at the big-time!”
Suddenly his attention caught something behind Minseok and he started bouncing on his toes, waving his hands. “Jongin-ah! Sehun-ah!”
Minseok looked around and his stomach twisted uncomfortably. Two of what he could only describe as Korea’s male answer to Victoria’s Secret supermodels were gliding towards them, taking everybody’s stolen breath from their lungs with them as they went. One stood very tall and ethereal - a constant nonchalant expression painted onto his long, chiselled face while the other, copper-toned and almost as tall himself, oozed unparalleled confidence and mysterious allure which was enough to make Minseok want to hide in a dark room at home and never step outside in public ever again.
Lu Han, on the other hand, couldn’t have been more overjoyed. “I’m so glad you came! This is B-”
“Minseok. My name is Minseok,” he quickly intercepted. The last thing he wanted was for these guys to think of him as a laughing stock, if they didn’t already.
“Right. Minseok, this is Jongin and Sehun, my back-up dancers in Seoul.” He pulled them both into an embrace and Minseok found himself looking away as one held on a little too long for his liking. “Sehun-ah, you have to tell me about the Super Show, it must’ve been incredible…”
Lu Han and Sehun walked off to the side to talk with their heads bent together. The one called Jongin remained next to him, not-so-subtly judging him with slanted eyes.
The dancer scoffed. “It’s cute.”
“What is?” Minseok tried straightening his back and puffing out his chest in an attempt to look taller but his efforts didn’t achieve much.
“How much you pine for Lu Han. But I guess that’s what a pet is supposed to do.”
Minseok almost choked on his drink. “Excuse me?”
Jongin stepped closer. “That’s what you are, aren’t you? You’re Lu Han’s little pet to entertain him when he’s bored and bring in the publicity. It’ll be sad when he discards you, but don’t worry,” His face was a little too close now and he growled through gritted fangs; “He’ll get over it. Because, let’s face it, he’ll have new pet to play with straight after.”
The words stung like venom although Minseok didn’t want to admit it. His gaze drifted to Lu Han who was standing even nearer to the other dancer and now whispering flirtatiously in his ear.
That noxious voice returned. “You don’t belong here. You know it, I know it. Enjoy your 15 minutes of camera time…Baozi.”
*
Since the band had been socialising in the roped-off V.I.P area and shaking hands with music industry experts, Jongdae managed to drag Minseok onto the dance floor for a shot at working some questionable moves but Minseok had to admit his heart wasn’t quite in it and, instead, they retreated to the bar.
You’re Lu Han’s little pet.
You don’t belong here.
He shook his head roughly. He was determined to not let those crushing words erode at his spirit, not tonight. Not ever. Because they weren’t true. He meant more than that.
He had to.
True to his character, Jongdae managed to get into a heated discussion with the server behind the bar about something music related. Minseok often had to remind him: you’re not a lawyer yet, you don’t have to win every debate you throw yourself into. But, naturally, he would never listen.
Minseok stood pensive by the cocktail menus, mindlessly stirring his drink, when a soft voice echoed in his ear:
“I’m bored. Let’s go somewhere.”
“Hm? What?” But he was already being dragged away, light fingers wrapped around his arm and dragged him through the concoction of writhing bodies to the fire exit at the far rear of the club. He stared at Lu Han sceptically as he opened the door and ushered Minseok through. There was a dark staircase that lead back up to ground level and out of the rear of the building where fans and paparazzi were absent, thank goodness.
“Where did your friends go?” Minseok asked as casually as he could while silently praying for them to have fallen off the edge of the world.
“You mean Jongin and Sehun? Probably still in the club somewhere - they’re fine. They know enough people.”
“You guys seemed pretty close…”
They walked around a corner and carried on straight down an empty alley. “We are. I’ve known them both since they joined the company a few years ago. They’re incredible dancers. The things their bodies can do…I mean, wow…”
Minseok gulped. “In dancing, right? You mean when they dance?”
“Of course when they dance, silly bun. What else could I mean?”
Headlights suddenly illuminated their surroundings and the roaring face of a black Mercedes came into view.
“Ah. No limo?”
“They don’t have an app for that yet,” Lu Han teased. “You getting a little too used to the high life, Baozi? I might have to start weaning you off all these luxuries…”
“Please don’t, I’m enjoying it.” He followed Lu Han into the car. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
*
They drove a little out from the centre Hongdae, out to the edges of the Han river. It was late now and there were barely any cars on the road, save for a dozen or so taxis carrying Seoul’s intoxicated and over-worked inhabitants back home again.
The car drove over a bridge - Minseok didn’t recognise which one, his eyes were getting heavy - and stopped once they were over the side. Lu Han pulled a bundle out from under the front seat and unfolded it, revealing Minseok’s old hoody and his trusted shiny hipflask tucked inside the front pouch. He pulled the hoody over his head and motioned for Minseok to step outside with him.
The air was nippy but bearable. Lu Han lead the way through the unknown, leaping ahead but occasionally looking back to check Minseok was still following. They wandered down a crumbling path lined with grass on either side that lead away from the main road and towards the river. The ground tilted upwards for a short while and, when Minseok reached the top, he let out a slight gasp.
The city skyline across the water was breath-taking - it stretched for miles either side of the glowing bridge and hundreds of lit-up windows reflected on the river’s surface like dancing fireflies. It was quiet, too; the only sounds were the faint rumble of traffic which could have been an entire world away.
It was just him, Lu Han and the fireflies.
Lu Han heaved in a satisfying breath. “I know it’s not much but…I like to come here sometimes to pretend the city lights are like the stars. Since you can’t see them otherwise.” He laid back on the grassy hill, unscrewing the top of the hipflask, and Minseok joined him, pulling his shirt sleeves down to protect his skin from the chilled ground. The dark sky was aglow with the blinding pollution of the towering buildings and it washed out the delicate pinpoints of light staring down from the universe.
“It’s crazy to think everything comes from the stars, isn’t it?” Lu Han mused, taking a sip. “You. Me. Everything we can see around us every day - all the elements fused inside a gigantic nuclear furnace and then released into the universe when it finally collapses under its own gravity. A supernova.” He turned his head to look at Minseok and stroked a lone finger under his chin. “A star died so we could be here tonight, Baozi. Beautiful, right?”
“Yeah, that’s…pretty amazing, actually. Wow.” Minseok could just about make out a faint dot of white on the black canvas above them and wondered what incredible things would be created some day when it reached the end of its long life. If it hadn’t already. “How come you know so much about this stuff?”
“Plane flights are boring so I started downloading astronomy books and things to read for long trips. It’s all really interesting. Reminds you how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things. Humbling.”
“You could never be insignificant. To anyone,” Minseok half-whispered.
“Some days I wonder if it would be better if I was.”
He pushed himself up onto his elbows. “…What do you mean?”
Lu Han sighed deeply and sat up again, leaning forward and flipping the hood over his head to hide his face.
“Once upon a time, I just wanted to sing and to make the kind of music that made people feel good about themselves. Now all I do is make people want to starve their bodies, cut up their faces, hate themselves for not having their identity known by the world or a bottomless bank account. Maybe they are all right about me; maybe what they write is true. Maybe what I really am…is poison.” He spat the last word in disgust and took a long swig of his flask. “The truth is, Baozi…I read astronomy books to remind me that there are better things, more amazing and beautiful things, out there because…honestly? I just don’t see much of it anymore.”
Minseok’s mouth went dry. “Is that…what you really think?”
Lu Han didn’t say anything for a while and then slowly bobbed his head. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. You shouldn’t have to deal with all the crap in my life.”
Something awoke inside Minseok, then; an anger, a passion, something he hadn’t felt in such a long time, it felt almost foreign. He leapt onto his feet, snatched the flask from Lu Han’s fingers and, with all the strength he could muster, flung it far into the air and watched it crash into the water below
“He-!” Lu Han started, but Minseok wasn’t having any of it.
“Look at me,” he ordered, kneeling down in front of him and grasping either side of Lu Han’s face in his hands. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, do you hear me? On the inside and the outside - and I can’t live a single second of my life anymore knowing that you think anything less of yourself - I won’t accept it, not once. The vultures are never going to go away, not entirely, they’ll always…pick at you and tear at you until you break but you can be strong and beat them - if not for yourself then for me because, dammit, I don’t know what will happen to me if you give up. I’m not that strong. I can barely hold it together just looking at you.”
He threw his arm out towards the water and stared deep into those watery eyes.. “You don’t need that crap, okay? You don’t need the soju or the baijiu or the beer or whatever else you drink because that shit doesn’t fix anything. You’re worth so much more than that. Have me - let me be the one you drown your sorrows with because, you know what? I’m never gonna run out. I want to deal with all the crap in your life because all the colours have come back thanks to you. I have so much to thank you for, Lu Han…you have no idea.”
Lu Han’s lip wobbled as tears fell from under his fluffy eyelashes and he fell forward into Minseok’s chest, wrapping his arms tight around him. Minseok leaned to the side and sank back onto the grass, cradling half of Lu Han in his arms and stroking fingers through his soft hair as the hood fell back.
The strangest part was that he could feel the sharp edges of Lu Han’s broken soul gently snagging on the fabric of his own, tugging at those loose seams that could barely hold it all together - but it didn’t hurt, not even a little. It only made him want to pull him closer, to protect him from the lonely, twisted world outside and make everything perfect.
Because that’s what an angel deserves.
His lips met the top of his head. “I’m going to write this article for the magazine and I’m gonna showcase you to the world - the real you, I swear to it. And if the world doesn’t fall in love with you like they should then…” He paused as his voice cracked and he sniffed. “Then I shouldn’t be a writer at all and I’ll give up my day job. Deal?”
Lu Han let out a muffled chuckle and nodded into his chest. His used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe under his eyes, smudging makeup across his skin as he always did at the end of a night, and looked up into Minseok’s face. “Thank you, Baozi. For everything.”
Even in the limited light, Lu Han’s features were so close to his that Minseok wanted nothing more than sit there with him for eternity and count every eyelash, every pore of his skin, and kiss away every tear that fell, and it hurt him to know he’d missed possibly thousands in his lifetime already.
Let me make up for lost time, he yearned to say. At least let me try.
His hand reached up to cup under his chin, lips so close he could feel Lu Han’s breath tickle his mouth, but he faltered.
It’ll be sad…when he discards you…
Instead, Minseok rubbed his hands up and down Lu Han’s shuddering arms. “Come on, let’s go back to the car before we freeze.” And I drown in my own feelings.
*
They held hands as they walked back; it felt comforting and natural, like an old habit.
But as they made it back up the path, suddenly voices called out:
“Oppa! Oppa!”
“Lu Han-oppa!”
Lu Han tensed. “Wow, they really followed us all the way here…impressive…”
“Are those…fans? Fans are stalking you?”
“Yup. Are you ready to run?”
“Run? Wha-?”
Lu Han leapt forward and hauled Minseok along with him as the screaming girls chased them back towards the road. Minseok would have been terrified of the whole ordeal had Lu Han not been cackling the whole time; he really was a complete tease.
“You could just stop and talk to them!” Minseok cried, trying hard not to trip up on the uneven ground.
“But where’s the fun in that?”
Instead they flew like dust caught on the wind and soared to the Mercedes sat purring in the distance - only it wasn't alone. At least half a dozen other cars had gathered around it, some even going as far as blocking it in. The driver, who Minseok realised he’d never actually seen before, was arguing with a group of flustered paparazzi with large dangling cameras around their necks and gesturing to them dramatically. Lu Han skidded to a halt.
“What do we do now?” Minseok asked, quickly looking behind him to find the fangirls but they’d fallen far behind.
Lu Han didn’t say anything. He just looked between Minseok, the car, the photographers and back again with a calculating expression.
“Lu Han? What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking…” he muttered, and then an affectionate smile tilted his lips. “Follow my lead.”
And, shoulders back, he marched into chaos, fingers still interlocked tightly with Minseok’s.
Naturally, the paparazzi went crazy when they noticed him. Minseok didn’t have a clue what they were doing there - what was the big deal? They must have followed them from the club, secretly tailing their getaway vehicle, but for what? A picture of him with his friend? What was so exciting about that?
“Lu Han, who is this guy?” they shouted.
“Set the record straight: are you two involved?”
“What is he to you?”
At the same time, the girls caught up, huffing and panting, and aiming their phones in their direction.
All eyes were on them.
Minseok’s heart thumped so loudly in his chest he could’ve sworn everyone could hear it.
All Lu Han could do in that moment was pull him close and say in a clear voice:
“Wǒ de*.”
Everything stopped then, or at least melted into slow motion, as he wound a hand around the back on Minseok’s neck, lacing it into his hair and pulling his face towards his, and their lips collided in the air in front of the whole world; skin on skin, chest on chest, and fireworks exploded behind his eyes.
Heaven, it seemed, wasn’t so far away after all.
{ PART IV }
*Wǒ de (我的): mine.