Yeah, it's been a long, LONG time since I put anything up here. I thought before I'd be able to handle it OK. Rather obviously, I was wrong. It's been a great deal of pain and grief and anger and confusion and....just BLEAH over the last 2.5 years. Ever since
( Read more... )

From the journal I keep at home, the entry I wrote last night ( Read more... )

Yesterday was the 18-month mark of Ariel's death. Well, OK, it's probably a couple of days off. It is the 18-month (to the day) of when the police were at my door to tell me they'd found her body. Given the condition of it, it was like ly at least day or two before that that she'd died. However, as that's what I know for sure, I've been using ( Read more... )

For the first time in awhile, I have something to write about other than things about Ariel. Work has gotten to be...character-building of late. The short version is that they've decided to do a temporary expansion to show what we can do if we can just get better funding. That's meant brining on contract people. Sadly, because they went for the ( Read more... )

I surprised myself this weekend. I'd been in a space of wanting to get stuff done, as for most of the last year I've been struggling to just keep up with the barest necessities. Having the energy to do a bit more has been a nice change. Among other things, I got the bathroom where the cat box is cleaned up and managed to clear up the kitchen ( Read more... )

One thing has been going through my head of late. See, I've been thinking a lot about just who I am now, especially after Ariel's dead. For most of the last year I've been just putting myself back together again, just trying to hold on by the skin of my teeth. I've kept my job and made sure that the cats are fed, keeping the house moderately ( Read more... )

I know I haven't been writing here much lately. Part of it is just due to lack of energy and focus. While it feels like I'm getting better at dealing with my life in some ways, it's still a struggle to just keep up with the regular, day-to-day stuff. Part of it also is that some of the stuff that I've been working through is a bit more personal ( Read more... )

I've been meaning to update LJ for awhile, and frankly the thought in the back of my head has been that it hasn't been so long. Then I looked at the date of my last entry and my jaw dropped. Where the Hell did the last 3 or so months go??? I had to remind myself that for much of it I was dealing with the heavy stuff associated with getting ( Read more... )

Because of the condition her body was in when the police found it, the M.E. wasn't able to specify date or time of death for Ariel. The death certificate lists the day they found her as the date of death. However, her last post on Facebook was on February 1st in the evening, wishing people a happy Imbolc, one day early. Given that, it's been my ( Read more... )

It was a year ago today that I last saw her, last talked to her, last held her. She'd let me know that she was going to take off for a few days to sort some things out. I had no idea that she was planning to go off and kill herself. I had no idea that I was saying goodbye to her for the last time. I'd said that I was afraid that she wasn't ( Read more... )