Comments | aprilia27: Back in action

aprilia27

Back in action

Jan 15, 2008 16:51

So I am just back from my trip to the Cayman Islands and Jamaica! It was sooo much fun. The weather was gorgeous and I met so many nice people! Not to mention ate too much good food but we'll skip that part. I really loved Grand Cayman Island. This was such a long time to be away from Sophie though. I really wasn't sure how she'd take it or how I ( Read more... )

Comments 8

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edobrzel January 16 2008, 12:50:08 UTC

I agree that insecurity (and jealousy) are usually about trust, usually from baggage brought forward from the past. I'll ask a spin-off question of "was she cheated on before": Has he ever given her any (real) evidence to not trust him? Ashamed as I am sometimes of my gender, guys can be dogs. Not all of us are bad though. :)

While I don't condone lying, given the facts as laid out in the post, I don't see he had a lot of choice. Of course he could not interact with the Ex, but that isn't entirely fair (unless he's cheated or given evidence) nor does it address the underlying insecurity issues.

I'm in a slightly similar situation in that I am friends with an Ex. Fortunately, my wife is not insecure about the relationship. I know it has bothered her at times (which is understandable), but I've done what I can to reassure her. Plus, she trusts me.

aprilia27 January 31 2008, 21:20:41 UTC

I agree with both of you and I am sorry it took me so long to reply to your advice, my internet has been rocky lately. My friend has been hurt by cheating/lying guys in her past so I guess that is where the insecurity comes from, but at the same time it feels wrong for her to punish this guy for wrong doings he didn't commit. I don't know, it's tough. I always say honesty is the best policy but yeah, she can be really hard on him when he hasn't done anything to deserve it.

Thanks for your opinions : )

masonsmommy75 January 16 2008, 01:43:50 UTC

That sounds like a really cool trip and I'm glad you had fun!
Your mom's birthday is today? She must be really super cool then. (Mine is too!)
Coming from someone who's been in your friend's position, I don't ever think it's right to lie about something like that. My husband did that to me, only it was before we were married and she wasn't an ex. She was a friend of his that he'd had before I came along. But I'd heard bad things about her from other women that didn't trust her. I called Randy out on it, and he said he had to lie to me because he knew I'd freak out. He ended up introducing me to her to show me there was nothing to worry about. Her and I came to be pretty good friends, and I felt like an idiot for ever being jealous. But it was all in the way he handled it. If he would've done that FIRST, there would've never been a problem.

aprilia27 January 31 2008, 21:29:27 UTC

Definitely agree with you on this one. And sorry for the long delay, i've been having internet issues. But yeah, the way a situation is handles can make ALL the difference. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone sees things in their own way but if a situation is handled well and with compassion for the other person's feeligns that can really go a long way.

njsharkman January 16 2008, 16:55:17 UTC

This can go either way.

1. If you're in a relationship where you can't be honest since your partner will fly off the handle, or go into a jealous fit, you're not with the right person.

2. I would tend to beleive its ok to lie if someone is always going to get into a tizzy and not accept you or your past for what it is/was. Say if I was involved in the past with a dog and cat laboratory where I had to put down dogs and cats for medical experiments and I was dating/married to a animal lover. Every time she looked at me or I held a knife she'd have thoughts about it and would be upset if she knew what I used to do. Just something little like that might be a problem. Could be the number of partners you had, sexually, before you were with them, or what you used to do for a living, or a bad time in your life you're over now (other than drugs or alcohol).

Dunno. Honestly should be the cornerstone of the relationship, I just think too many people are opinionated and cant get over these things and are inflexible.

little_turtle January 16 2008, 23:18:22 UTC

I'm glad you had such a fun trip, you deserved it!

I don't think it's ever okay to lie about something like that, it's a huge violation of trust, even if the friend is very insecure and hanging out with the ex causes drama. Honesty and trust are my two huge relationship items. Without them, is there truly a bond/relationship?

what_if January 17 2008, 03:03:34 UTC

MSU won and so did April! What a trip! You'll have to explain the waterfall-human-chain thing better. I'm not sure what to picture.

That is a tough situation. I've often told people (adults) to lie to their parents because their parents can't handle the truth and flip out, and I tell them, if they can't deal with you in a rational manner, they don't deserve the truth.

At the same time, parents aren't your s/o. I say it isn't okay to lie to your s/o. They need to come to a compromise of some sort.... or someone has to give in.