I wish I could be caught in a passing fog and carried away. Swirls of mist to protect you, hidden away in the grey folds of her giant robe. Or maybe perhaps walk out my own front door and find a spot between the trees, between the musings of fireflies and wisps of warm wind. My tears would wind down my face and their absence would only make the ( Read more... )

Right now I am going for minimal movement, except of course the random patterns of my fingertips. I figure if I stay still enough, this wave of sadness will simply pass over me. Accept the sadness, let the sadness fill me up. I will never be good enough. I will never be smart enough, pretty enough, I will never play hard enough. Never isn't ( Read more... )

Sometimes I feel like I have this really special talent of making myself feel completely and utterly miserable. It's like I take a jackhammer to my tattered and lonely shack on the beach and instead of the beautiful new house at the end like Life as House, it's merely just a big hole in the wall, or hole in the roof, or broken window. No ( Read more... )

I wonder if some people wake up in the morning, and after stepping through the veil of dreams, jutting out a hand to turn off an alarm clock or pat a dog, emotionally place an invisible mask over their face. All those angry lines smoothed over, or perhaps that vein that tends to pop out pushed down, that plastered Barbie smile hiding what? People ( Read more... )

Today I feel like a giant lazy failure. A great big failure.

I am so angry right now. I hate my sister passionately at this very moment, like concentrated hatred. Please, spare me the "But she's your sister comments" because they are not wanted. Honestly I am shaking, and I had to work myself out of hyperventilating for a good five minutes. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash off the nail polish ( Read more... )

I think some of the best moments are those right before you fall asleep. The ones where you are lost in that middle ground of consciousness and sleepiness, of reality and dreams. I love the way the blanket feels especially. Wearing shorts is a good idea because then you can feel the rise and fall of the blanket, the small cracks and crevices ( Read more... )

Right now it is raining outside - the huge raindrop kind of rain. Probably a quick passing shower. I just ran outside to get the clothes that were drying and it was wonderful. I opened the door and the old cat sprinted inside to the safety of no water, and I myself would have lingered outside had it not been for the still relatively dry clothes ( Read more... )

Is it so wrong to want to feel beautiful or to want someone else to think you are beautiful? Lately, I feel so unsure of my footing, like at any moment I could stumble and fall into some deep abyss. I feel like the real Ashley is waiting behind some hidden door, a prize waiting to be realized. It's confusing groping around in the darkness for ( Read more... )

I hate how sometimes I feel like I am addicted to the computer. When there's nothing to do, I sit on my bum and talk to random people to pass the time. Not to say that talking to people isn't great, because it is, but this dependency is not healthy. At home, I feel like I can't go a day without checking my email. However, when I go down to the ( Read more... )