Addictive Obsession - Chapter nine [part I]
Authors: aroruae & fighter_of_moon
Pairing: Akame, slight Kokame & Jinda
Genre: Smut, AU, drama, tragedy
Warnings: use of drugs, whoring, slaving, insanity, bad language, incest and a lot more to come xD You've been warned, so don't read if you don't want to see them in a lot of pain *evil laugh*
Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, but we're in the process of making it true!! The proof is Jin's twitter~
Summary: Kazuya’s addiction becomes Jin’s obsession. They came to need each other to the extend of wanting to kill.
First Scent ~ Strawberry
Second Scent ~ Poison
Third Scent ~ Musk
Fourth Scent ~ Ecstasy
Fifth Scent ~ Spring
Sixth Scent ~ Fear
Seventh Scent ~ Sky
Eighth Scent ~ Winter
Chapter nine
The ninth scent ~ Loneliness
Sometimes you’re happy, you feel like you can fly towards the sky, spread your wings and never go back to the suffering again. You smile, you laugh, you make jokes and everyone enjoys your company. And you think that maybe this is your place, the place where you belong because you feel free, like you have no worries, like nothing bad can happen.
But then there’s the other part of you. The one that most of the people know and hate. You’re grumpy, you don’t want to see anybody and you feel like killing every person that dares to speak with you. You lock yourself in your room, hoping that it will pass but you find yourself throwing with things to the ones that want to take you back to the pink and happy world again. You don’t like it there. But you also hate it here. So you end up not knowing what to do, alone and with no one by your side.
They don’t understand you. They’re scared of you, of your creepy smile that gives them shivers. They run from you and bow deeply in front of you because they don’t want problems. They think you’re mad and you laugh in their faces. Yeah, maybe I am, you say to them. Maybe I am mad, but you made me like this. And you like it, you enjoy seeing their terrified expressions. And you won’t forgive anyone that tries to make you think otherwise.
The room was dark, silent. There was no sound, no movement, no nothing. The door was locked to prevent any attempt of escape, but Jin knew that the boy won’t even get the chance to get close to it. He won’t allow him, not now, not ever. He will never let Kazuya go.
It was kind of funny, Jin thought, like every thing that happened between him and Kazuya since the two of them had met. He had really wanted a real relationship with the younger, he had wanted to cherish and protect him, but he couldn’t do it all alone. He needed Kazuya’s support, but the younger had lied to him. Had cheated on him. And Jin snapped.
It all started like a normal night. Dinner between the two of them. A normal discussion, a funny evening. Jin was really enjoying himself and he had never thought, not even one second, that something like this can happen. Kazuya had been at the bathroom for a long time and Jin was starting to get worried. He didn’t waste any more time, knowing Kazuya’s habit to forget to get out of the bathroom, so Jin rushed to the back of the restaurant, wanting to check up on him. But then that bitch appeared.
He thought it was kind of strange when he saw a woman entering the bathroom for men, but he had just shrugged, thinking that she just made a simple mistake. He had wanted to help and guide her to the women’s place, but Jin stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her again, in the bathroom, pinning Kazuya to a stall.
And all fell apart. He was furious, he was mad, he was beyond his limit and Jin had already decided to crush that bitch’s neck with one simple move. How could she dare touch his Kazuya?! Kazuya was only his and even if he hadn’t touched the younger for a long time now, he knew that Kazuya feels the same. After all, he had accepted him again in his life, he had promised Jin to try it again and to give him another chance.
Jin smirked, waiting for Kazuya to reject her immediately. But that didn’t happen. And Jin felt his blood boil in his body, rushing to his brain and ordering him only one thing. Revenge. Revenge on that bitch that kissed his property and that little slut that lied once again to him. His gaze darkened, his body trembled with the thought of sinking his hand into Kazuya’s heart and ripping it apart. He wanted to hurt the younger, he wanted to make him feel the exact pain that Jin was feeling in that moment. His eyes started to glitter with a weird spark. The smirk that a few moments ago had been changed to disappointment was now transformed into a wide grin, almost maddening. He was still trembling, but now with excitement and he cursed because he couldn’t stop the feeling from controlling his body. He closed his eyes, missing the moment when the girl exited the bathroom, and leaned on the wall, taking a deep breath and trying to control his beating heart.
He knew what he had to do. Kazuya had betrayed him and he felt stupid because he should have seen that coming. Everyone betrays, Kazuya was no exception. He was just like the rest of them. Dirty, tainted, impure. Jin had been the naïve one because he had believed in Kazuya. He really thought that the younger was different and that… he really wanted to be with Jin.
The older tried to suppress his urge to hit something when he wondered what exactly did Kazuya want from him. He didn’t want his friendship, that had been clear from the beginning. He didn’t want his love either, seeming as he makes out with the first person that crosses his way. Money, power, advantages? To kill Jin? He didn’t know. But one thing was for sure.
He won’t let Kazuya do whatever he pleases.
He opened the door to the bathroom and hid his surprise when he noticed that the younger was now alone. He smiled sweetly, hiding his feelings and slowly approaching the younger. And then… all became black for Kazuya.
It had been a little difficult to get Kazuya out of the restaurant without raising suspicions, but with a little lie that he had passed out from too much drinking and acting like a good friend, Jin got away without any problems. And now he was in his own room, on the same armchair from the first night Kazuya fell into his hands, waiting yet again for him to wake up.
“Fate.” Jin snorted annoyed, not moving his gaze from the unconscious form lying on the bed. There was no fate and all these coincidences were just that - coincidences. Kazuya had proved once again that the only relationship they can have was the one between a master and his puppet. And Jin was planning to respect it this time. He won’t give in, he can’t.
And Kazuya will learn what’s best for him soon.
It all ended with a blur and it started the same and as Kazuya slowly opened his eyes, he quickly came to realize the pain that soared from his head and straight to his toes, making him moan. He tried to move, but this only made it worse. He closed his eyes immediately and tried to calm his beating heart, to calm down the anxiety that would soon wash over his pity self. He wanted to lift his hand to his throbbing head and realized that he couldn’t really move it.
What?! Came the immediate question and his eyes snapped open again, the mere action making him squirm in pain. What the hell happened last time?! Had he been on drugs again? No, last time he was with… Jin. The name reverberated in his mind and it all made sense. Kazuya tried to move his hands again and realized that they were tied, the rough sensation of a rope rubbing against his wrists. And where was the bastard who did this to him?!
He was watching Kazuya, not saying one word, not making one move. He enjoyed seeming him like this, trying to get free to only realize that he can’t, trying to move to learn that he’s tied and he’s now at someone else’s mercy. It was satisfying to know that he’s the one in control, that Kazuya now depends on him and not the contrary, as it had been since Jin met him.
“You’re having fun tonight?” Jin repeated his question from last night with a low voice, almost like whispering, but the hard and cold tone could easily be detected.
Kazuya’s head snapped towards Jin’s direction, but his eyes couldn’t make a clear view of him, only a mass of blur and blackness. But he was there, oh, he was, sitting there in the dark like some predator watching for his prey - cornering it. The bastard had gone mad again and Kazuya couldn’t do a fucking thing. He had been a fool from the beginning to trust in a madman like Jin, in such a twisted person as him. Now he was paying the consequences.
“You son of a bitch.” Kazuya said through clenched teeth. “What’s the meaning of this?” he asked, rage and pain in his voice. And it was pain from his head, not heart.
“I don’t know, you tell me.” Jin replied with a calm voice, like he was discussing the weather and Kazuya hadn’t been tied by him.
Angered by the answer, the younger tried to release himself but ended up groaning in pain not only from his wound, but also from his wrists. “Don’t fucking joke with me!” he growled, fisting his palms. “Untie me now!” he demanded, hating this situation.
“Make me.” Jin continued on the same tone, not moving from his chair.
Kazuya groaned in exasperation, wondering what the hell happened with Jin and why was he behaving like this. Like a total jerk. “If you think this is the way to make me come back to you, you’re totally wrong.” He said, disgust in his voice.
“Then tell me, how can I do that?” Jin asked with a slight raised tone, finally lifting himself up from his chair and approaching Kazuya. He only continued to talk when he stopped next to the bed, his face now in Kazuya’s vision. “If I start kissing other people, you’ll then come back to me?” he questioned with a rhetorical voice. “Is this your idea of loving someone?” Jin added, raising his tone yet again, tightening his fists and looking at Kazuya with disappointment and anger in his eyes.
He knew. But Kazuya wasn’t going to give in. “I never loved someone. What makes you think I love you?” he asked with a mocking voice. He shouldn’t be doing this, but Jin has humiliated him too many times and he wasn’t that forgiving. “You might have caught my attention, but you never had my love.” He added with a low and dark chuckle, wondering why he was saying all this, perfectly knowing that such words will only anger Jin. And make him suffer. And Jin too.
Because it hurt. It hurt Jin to hear Kazuya saying that he never loved him. He was almost saying that he never cared about Jin, that Jin had only been his toy and now that he had been discovered, he didn’t care about maintaining any façade and he was free of the fake mask that he wore around Jin. He thought Kazuya really loved him. That Jin meant for him the same thing Kazuya meant for Jin. And it had all been a lie.
The grip of his fists was starting to hurt, his nails were sinking into his skin and small drops of blood fell from his hands. Jin didn’t feel them, he couldn’t feel anything but the anger and fear and fury and a desperate wish to make Kazuya pay for his words, for his actions. To make him pay because he had dared to take advantage of Jin.
His head was spinning and the only thing Jin could see now was Kazuya’s figure on the bed, soaked in his own blood. He grinned, a mad grin, full with uncertainty but in the same time, with determination. He felt weak, he felt strong. He wanted to run, he wanted to stay and destroy everything. He wanted to kiss Kazuya and make him his but in the same time, he wanted to hear him scream out of pain.
He couldn’t decide, not his brain, not his heart either. And in the end, his body did it for him.
Jin sat down on the bed, fetching a small object from his back pocket. His wide grin was still present on his lips, looking like a clown from a haunted circus. And his voice was full of hate. “No, you don’t love me. Somehow, I knew that even if I wanted to lie to myself that you might feel the same as I do.” He said, his voice softening a little towards the end, sounding more disappointed and sad than hateful. But then he changed again. “But now I realize that I was naïve to think that you can love someone. I should have known that a slut like you can’t love, that you have no heart.” Jin continued, hovering over Kazuya and looking into his brown orbs. For the first time, he wasn’t mesmerized by them but disgusted by the indifference that he saw in them. “But it doesn’t matter, now I know what I have to do.” He added with a serious voice, his expression the same and his eyes cold and very distant. “And you will pay.” He now said, bringing his hand to Kazuya’s cheek and dragging a thin line on it with the knife he had fetched earlier.
As soon as he saw the knife, Kazuya froze. He didn’t dare to move or to say a word. His eyes kept following the white blade, wondering what Jin was thinking and what the hell wanted to do! He inhaled air as Jin touched his cheek, as he felt the cold blade against his skin. He looked at Jin but he knew that Jin wouldn’t hear him out. He was breathing slowly, almost carefully. A wrong move and this wouldn’t end up pretty. He closed his eyes, gathered his courage and opened them again, looking at Jin.
“You’re wrong.” He said hoarsely and closed his eyes again. “I wanted to really love you and I even said that I might do.” Kazuya continued, his eyes still closed and very aware of the cold blade. “But I do care about you.” He added, opening his eyes, a single tear falling down his cheek and meeting the white blade. Kazuya kept looking at Jin, unwavering and sadness filling his brown orbs, while Jin’s eyes darkened.
“Liar.” the older said, almost whispering the word like he didn’t want to believe it but he didn’t have any choice. “You don’t care about me, you never did.” Jin continued with a restrained voice, moving the knife more towards Kazuya’s mouth, deepening the cut. “If you did, you wouldn’t have let anyone kiss you. You would have been only mine.” He choked on his words, pain and suffering clouding his mind, not letting him think clearly. “I should cut your tongue so that you’ll never kiss anyone. So that you’ll never lie to me again.” He added with a low chuckle, his eyes foggy by tears, and removed the knife, now tracing Kazuya’s lips with it but without pressing hard on it.
Kazuya didn’t feel the pain, he didn’t want to feel it. But he did feel the warm blood sliding across his jaw and neck, he could feel it prickling his skin, its warm sensation lingering on and on. He was also aware of Jin, of the man’s tears and words, but that knife stopped him from saying anything. The way it traced his lips, the way it touched him made him shiver, afraid of his sharpness. He looked at Jin, wanting him to see and to understand.
“J-Jin…” he managed to utter, carefully at the blade against his lips, careful at his voice which was deep and with that twinge of pleading.
“What?” Jin asked with a cheerful voice, backing away a little and straddling Kazuya, his hands now on the bed, next to him and at a safe distance from the younger. “Cat caught your tongue?” he laughed, looking at Kazuya with cold eyes and a happy expression.
The younger felt the need to shout, to sigh, to simply run away from there and never come back or to see Jin. He had it with the older one’s moods, he had it with his mood swings, with his damaged brain and personality. He was almost at his limits and he’ll sure crack. Kazuya gulped and tried to keep his calm.
“Tell me.” Kazuya said on a grave tone. “Why the hell are you treating me like this when I clearly showed you that I can be by your side without such stupid outbursts?” he asked, complain clearly in his voice. He said outbursts but he was aware that Jin was mentally disturbed. Somehow, Kazuya knew that he will never get away from Jin, seeing the way the man was. Ironically, the light he had seen at the end of his tunnel turned out to be another tunnel - one much longer and much darker.
“You kissed that bitch.” Jin stated, looking at Kazuya with an unreadable expression. “You kissed her when you knew that I’m waiting for you to come back.” He continued, now a little angrier. He laughed. “Now I understand why you asked if I’m not following you anymore when we met that night with Ueda.” Jin said, like he was having fun. “You wanted to be sure that you can do whatever you want and I won’t find out.” He then accused with a sharp voice. “Kazuya, you don’t want to be free, you just want to be a slut again.” He continued, leaning over him, breathing over the younger’s lips, slowly licking the trail of blood from his cheek.
Kazuya flinched out of pain and surprise. “You’re wrong!” he breathed the words, turning his head away from Jin. “You’re imagining things again, you’re once more…” he lost his words, realizing the shake from his body. “God, why do you have to be like this?” Kazuya said turning to look at Jin with a sorrowful expression.
Jin frowned, not understanding what was Kazuya talking about. He didn’t pay that much attention to it as he raised his knife for the second time and touched once again the younger’s lips with it. “It’s your fault.” Jin whispered, grinding his hips on Kazuya’s body, a big bulge visible in his pants as Jin moaned inwardly. He traveled with his hand still holding the knife on the younger’s body, cutting his shirt on his way, completely ripping it apart and leaving Kazuya naked above his waist. “Do you know how much it hurts to see you with someone else?” Jin asked, now leaving the sharp knife and concentrating on licking the naked skin and biting it to mark Kazuya as his own. “Do you fucking have any idea how much I wanted to fuck you but I refrained myself because I thought you aren’t ready?” he continued, now biting hard on Kazuya’s nipple until he heard a scream. “You tell me now, Kazuya. How many have you fucked while I was making a fool of myself? How many have you let fuck you?!” he raised his tone, digging his nails into Kazuya’s arms and looking at him angered, forgetting about everything else but the younger’s answer.
“You’re crazy!!” Kazuya shouted, red in his cheeks and trembling. “When the fuck could I have slept with someone when I spent all my time with you?!!” he continued to shout, not caring at all of the consequences. If Jin wanted to fuck, to rape him, then be his guest! It wouldn’t be the first or the last. “Go to hell, Jin and never return!” he yelled again and wanted to hit the man in front of him, but his tied hands stopped him from doing so. “Just get it over with…” he mumbled, letting his head fall and letting his exposed body at Jin’s mercy.
He wouldn’t be the first indeed.
“I’m not crazy.” Jin growled, annoyed by Kazuya’s reaction, slipping his hand between the younger’s legs and gripping hard on his length hidden by the pants. “I’m not crazy!” he repeated, moving his other hand and holding Kazuya by his chin to look him into the eyes. “I…” he tried but failed when he didn’t find his words. He took a deep breath, freeing Kazuya of his hands and leaning back to sit on the boy’s legs. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.” He confessed with a tired voice, his gaze away from Kazuya, wandering somewhere on the walls.
Jin suddenly trembled, like someone just shot him with an invisible gun. He got off bed and started to search in his drawers like a madman, throwing everything that stayed in his way, not even once glancing at Kazuya. He didn’t understand, Kazuya didn’t understand him. Nobody did, Jin thought with a bitter laugh, so what was the point? This was hopeless, it didn’t work the way it was supposed to. And Jin had to do something to stop this. Even if Kazuya didn’t love him, even if he had cheated on him… Jin didn’t want to let him go. And now they’ll play by his rules.
“I changed my mind.” Jin started to talk, his back at Kazuya, his hands on the drawer facing the bed, supporting his weight. He shook his head a few times, trying to clear his mind and trap Kazuya completely this time. “The deal is on again.” He continued, his voice void of emotions, like he never knew them. “And this time…” he stopped for a couple of moments, taking a deep breath before turning to look at Kazuya. “This time you’ll understand what happens if you betray me.” He threatened without blinking, his eyes fixed on Kazuya’s figure, watching him from head to toes.
The younger remained still and tried to free himself again, slowly rubbing his wrists against the rope, but no use. The hold was too tight. He had been so concentrated on trying to release himself that he almost missed Jin’s last words.
“What?” he asked and looked bewildered at the older. “I didn’t betray you, Jin!! What the fuck is so hard to understand?!” he began to shout again, making his fresh cut bleed again. He winced at the sudden pain and the warm blood prickled his skin again. “You want me like this, right?” he said with a mad laugh. “Bleeding and hating you, right?” he lifted his eyes and met Jin’s. “Well, you’ll get it sooner than you might think.” He added disgusted.
“It’s alright.” Jin replied with a gentle smile. “A lot of people hate me.” He simply shrugged, approaching the bed again and sitting on its margin, next to Kazuya, looking calmly at him. He raised his hand and slowly touched his bleeding cheek, hissing as if it was hurting him. “And you yourself said that you don’t love me. Seeming as you are more interested in kissing other people than me, I doubt that you can ever love me.” He shrugged again, leaving the bed and searching in yet another drawer for a few moments before he came back, resuming his place. He started to clean Kazuya’s wound with cotton dipped in alcohol, touching his cheek with care and attention, concentrating on his task and pursing his lips. “You know… I once told you that I don’t know what’s happiness. That I don’t have dreams but goals. That if I want something, then I take it.” Jin sighed. “I really thought that I finally understand the meaning of this strange word these past days.” He confessed, putting away the cotton and fetching a bandage to cover Kazuya’s wound with. Jin stared into the younger’s brown eyes for a couple of seconds before leaving him again to put away the bottle with alcohol. “I should have known it’s just an illusion.” He continued with a whisper, but loud enough for the younger to hear him.
Kazuya didn’t flinch or retreated when Jin treated his wound, he wouldn’t back away so he simply endured it all. “And I should have known better than to care about you.” The younger replied, his eyes always following Jin, not letting him get away from his sight. I might not love you, but I do care about you. I might want to hate you, but I can’t help but feel attracted to you, I can’t help but wanting to know you better. But I’ll never say this to you, I’ll never let you know that somehow, in an unbelievable way, you touched me, you managed to reach out to me when not many can do it. Kazuya thought all that, but his expression remained the same - calm and composed.
Jin bitterly laughed. “I wouldn’t be so worried about that.” he said, returning to the bed and watching Kazuya, still standing up. “It’s not like you even care.” He said, not wanting to show how much it hurt him but failing badly. His lips curled up a little, trying to show a small smile, trying to show that he’s fine, that he’s Akanishi Jin and something like this doesn’t bring him down, he can’t break down.
But he was already broken. “Does it still hurt?” he asked with a tiny voice, referring to the younger’s cheek and feeling guilty for what he did and even guiltier because he didn’t regret a thing. Still, he loved Kazuya and he didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t want to see him in pain.
“What do you know about me?” Kazuya replied, ignoring Jin’s last question, knowing very well that there was no regret in his voice, just plain worry, which Kazuya didn’t need. “Don’t assume that you know me.”
“No, I don’t know you.” Jin said, disappointment in his voice. “I can’t know you if you don’t tell me anything about you, if you don’t talk, if you fake your laughs and pretend to be what you’re not.” He continued, aware of the fact that he was now just babbling. But it was true. If Kazuya lied to him about this and he was meeting other people behind Jin’s back, then what else was fake? Did Kazuya lie to him about everything? What was true and what was false? He didn’t know and Jin felt a tinge of regret in his heart when he realized that he doesn’t even want to know. It was better this way, it was better to not know how deep Kazuya’s betrayal was.
And he knew that he hadn’t been a saint either. But Jin didn’t lie about his feelings, he didn’t fake his personality or hurt Kazuya this much with his lies. Every time Jin had lied to Kazuya had been for the younger’s own safety and for keeping him by his side. Some things were better to not be known but this… Jin was sure that he’ll never forget the image of Kazuya kissing that woman.
“You didn’t even reject her.” Jin found himself whispering against his will. He sat down on the bed and caressed Kazuya’s cheek once again. “Does it still hurt?” he repeated, not wanting to fall again into some stupid discussion which can only end with them arguing.
Kazuya arched his eyebrow and scoffed. “If you had been watching, then you should have watched until the very end.” He said accusingly. “Maybe then you would have seen that I did reject her.” Kazuya finally recognized that he had indeed kissed a girl.
But it was no use. It was too late to recognize now what happened because Jin was already full of doubts. And the fact that Kazuya had said nothing about this matter until now made things worse. The only thing that was on Jin’s mind was that Kazuya finally felt cornered and decided to try another tactic, to confess and say that he wasn’t guilty, that he had rejected her and it was only the girl’s fault. Yeah, like you need only one for a kiss. Jin wasn’t that dumb. He won’t fall in his trap again.
“Do you need something? A pill or something if it still hurts?” Jin pressed on, ignoring Kazuya’s words, his voice betraying the fact that he didn’t believe anything of what the younger said.
Kazuya sighed and decided that since Jin was so stubborn to stick with his ideas, he won’t try anymore to change his mind. “Yeah, I need something.” He replied, looking into Jin’s eyes. “I need to go home.” He added, hoping for the impossible.
“Impossible.” Jin answered with a smile on his lips, exactly how Kazuya had suspected. “You won’t leave this room any time soon.” He continued, seeming to think of something. He didn’t have any plan, he didn’t know what he could do if he kept Kazuya locked here. He couldn’t keep him too long, people would start to ask about him and then Jin would have problems because they would find him, sooner or later. But he also didn’t want to let him go because he knew that if he lets go now… he might never see Kazuya again. And he didn’t want that. He loved the younger and he wanted to be by his side forever.
“But if you behave nice, I might free your hands.” Jin added, a little reluctantly. He glanced at the knife that he had forgotten on the bed and took it in his hands, studying it for a few moments, and then he put it back in his pocket, looking at Kazuya with a goofy smile.
“What does nice mean?” Kazuya asked tired. “Are you keeping me here forever?” he then asked with an ironic smile.
“Hmmm…” Jin pretended to think yet again. “If you don’t try to escape or pull other stunts like this, then you’re free… to wander through the house.” He replied with what wanted to be a comforting smile but ended up like a smirk, ignoring his last question. He would love to have Kazuya around the house and if the younger doesn’t make him any problems… then he’d have some fun too.
“Do you trust me?” Kazuya asked smiling.
“No, not anymore.” Jin answered without flinching, his voice cold and his lips pressed into a thin line. “But I can give you a chance, I’m not as heartless as you.” He then added, raising himself from the bed and taking out his knife for the second time to cut the rope on Kazuya’s wrists without waiting for his promise to behave. He wanted to trust Kazuya, he wanted to give him another chance, but… he knew that it will end up the same. And Jin didn’t want the same thing to happen again.
Kazuya laughed and brought his hands together, slowly rubbing them to chase away to numbness. “I am heartless, you say.” He laughed some more, feeling totally amused about such remark. “Then Jin, what does that make you?” he asked innocently while touching his hurt cheek. There would be a faint scar on his face.
“I’m a killer and a rapist, didn’t you say that?” Jin simply answered, shrugging and backing away a little from the bed to look at Kazuya better. “I never lied about what I am. Maybe I didn’t tell you how deep I am involved in this shit, but I never hid it either.” He said with a normal voice, not feeling regret at all for his actions. After all, he had threatened Kazuya to keep him by his side with killing his friends. If that wasn’t a hint about what he was able to do… then what? Dancing in a puddle of blood?
“Yeah, I forgot you pride yourself with this.” Kazuya snorted, rolling his eyes. “When can I go home?” he asked, looking at Jin through his bangs.
“I don’t know.” Jin replied honestly. “It depends. On a lot of things. On how well you understand what’s your position now. What I want from you. And some other things.”
“And what do you want?” Kazuya asked, merely surprised. “What’s my position?” he added with a fake humble voice. Up or down. Kazuya wanted to say but this wasn’t a moment for such a bad joke, not when his own skin was at stake.
“For now, I just want you to go and have a bath.” Jin said, raising himself from the bed. “I cleaned your wound last night but I still want to take a look at it, I wasn’t that… concentrated then.” He explained, searching in his closet for some clothes. “You know where’s the bathroom, I’ll come later to help you wash your hair.” Jin added, throwing a pair of pants and a loose T-shirt into Kazuya’s hands, wondering if he was going to protest or accept without any word. Kazuya always managed to surprise him.
“I can wash my hair by myself, I’m not a child.” Kazuya took the clothes that Jin threw at him and slowly got off the bed, closing his eyes for a bit. His head still hurt. “Or I’m not allowed?” he asked again with an ironic tone.
“You’re not a child, Kazuya, you’re hurt.” Jin sighed, approaching the younger and stopping at a few inches from him. “You have to be careful with that wound on your head and you can’t do it alone.” He tried to convince him that it’s better how Jin had suggested. “So, please, let me help you.” The older pleaded, reverting normally at his submissive self that he was two days ago with Kazuya.
The younger glanced up at Jin, suddenly feeling enraged by his voice and the plea in it. It was much easier to deal with a cocky and cold Jin than with a humble and puppy-like Jin. “Still, I can manage.” Kazuya replied, his tone somewhat softer. He had to ply himself after Jin’s character if he ever wanted to get out.
“But I want to help you.” Jin insisted, taking one more step towards Kazuya. “After all…” It was my fault, Jin completed the sentence in his head but not wanting to say it out loud. The atmosphere had become somehow amiable and Jin didn’t want to risk it for now. Later, they had enough time on their hands.
“Jin, I won’t die in the bathroom.” Kazuya sighed, honestly not wanting the other’s help. “Look, you’d better go and cook something.” Just then, his stomach grumbled as if to show it needed to be fed. “See? I’m already hungry.” The younger smiled a little.
Jin pouted and crossed his arms, but didn’t protest anymore. Instead, he threw himself on the bed, stretching his body and making himself comfortable. “I’ll order food. We’ll end up in the hospital if we eat something made by me that’s not pasta. Besides, my fridge’s empty.” He grinned, taking out the phone from his pocket and searching for a number in the agenda. “What would you like?” Jin questioned, glancing at Kazuya.
“A pizza would be great.” The younger answered and made his way to the bathroom.
As soon as he closed the door, Kazuya leaned against it and his legs gave in under his weight. He was hurting and he didn’t realize which hurt the most - the head or the hole in his chest. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been betrayed before or like no one treated him before like some damn property. No, it definitely wasn’t the first time, but it hurt to feel the bitter taste of disillusion, it hurt to see himself trashed over and over by persons that shouldn’t even be in his life.
Kazuya made an effort and pulled himself up and went to turn on the tap of hot water. Soon the small room was filled with steam and Kazuya looked into the mirror to himself through a haze. It was funny. He had managed to make himself cry earlier, he had managed to make Jin believe his words… but now, he was beginning to question his own act. Because that had been an act, he had intended to cry, he had intended to say those words, to give off that impact of really caring, really meaning what he had said. Yet, why he was wondering about that act? Why did he feel an intense urge to stay with Jin when the logical thing would be running as far away from him?
Maybe he was getting affected, maybe when he hit his head he suffered brain damage or something. Or maybe he really cared about Jin. Kazuya shook silently his head and turned to stop the water from running. Too much steam would make him dizzy. He undressed, welcoming the wet warmth that embraced his naked body. He turned on the tap of cold water and he watched it as it hit the surface of the hot water. It made a rough sound, but in the same time melodic. The cold water dived strongly in the hot water, cooling it, making it swirl and splash.
That’s how it was with him and Jin. Sometimes, Jin would be the hot water that was spoiled and swirled by Kazuya; other times, Kazuya himself would be the hot water in which Jin selfishly intrudes and making him feel cold and numb until there was nothing left to feel. They were complementary, they suited each other, Kazuya thought with a low chuckle and dived his hand into the still hot water. It burnt his skin, but soon that burning turned into a prickling and under the flowing of the cold water he would feel nothing but … well, cold.
Jin had this gift to make him feel this way, he managed to make Kazuya bring out his worst self, to make him realize his most despicable persona. Jin had this wonderful gift. The younger rose and without stopping the flowing water, he entered the tube filled with water, the hot and cold brushing against his body. It felt bad and it felt good; it felt wrong and it felt right… it will never be the same though. Meeting Jin had changed Kazuya.
This fatidic meeting meant for Kazuya his second turn in life. His first one had been when he was a child and he couldn’t have done anything to stop what it was done to him. And now the situation hadn’t changed at all. He was still the helpless and pathetic little boy that he was back then and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Jin would trap him every time and even he wasn’t sure if he wasn’t enjoying this. This cat and mouse chase like… this sudden pain and happiness that would fill his body, never letting him feel what it is like to be a normal person.
Kazuya went under the water, quickly coming out to the surface, the cut on his face and the wound on his head hurting like hell. This reminded him of the danger Jin was implying and he didn’t feel scared. Not for him, because he could take on much more and besides, Jin would never truly hurt him. At least this much, he believed. But he was scared for his friends, he didn’t want other persons to be in danger because of him, because he was with a crazy guy. Kazuya sighed and slowly splashed with water the cut on his face. It didn’t hurt anymore, but it stung. The younger smiled and wondered what will his friends will say when they’ll see him. How will he explain this perfect cut?
The younger gave a small chuckle that sounded muffled in the steaming room. He turned off the running water, the sudden silence filling his ears and soul. He stayed still and watched the water around him, the rising steam making him wonder about himself. Kazuya thought that in the last two years he had grown strong, he had managed to build a life that won’t be demolished that easy and he won’t be broken that quick. That’s why he never chose to be in a real relationship, that’s why he had striven to make his image the best out of them all, letting no one to outrun him. He had to be the best in order to survive in the cruel world that he had been born into. But just like the steams coming out from mixing hot and cold water, his whole creation had dissipated into thin air. And Jin was the root of all. He had made Kazuya see that he was as weak as ever, that he had done nothing but lie to himself in all of these years. And for such a thing, Kazuya hated Jin.
He moved his hand through the water, slowly splashing it on his body. Jin had managed to make him realize that he was nothing but powerless in front of him and he’ll always be at someone’s mercy. Cruel fate, Kazuya mused as he thought of Jin who slowly came to resemble his mother. There will always be people in his life that would want to have him, to possess him, to make him lose even the tiny hope he had for once succeed in feeling. It was an endless circle and he won’t be able to get away any soon now. Never.
Kazuya sighed and began to wash himself, wincing each time he’d splash his face and forget about the cut. He tried to wash his hair too, but he stopped the moment he felt a gash along his skull and feared to wash further, so he simply rinsed it, gritting his teeth in order to support the pain. Kazuya sighed and sunk again under the water, thinking that he had been through too much for one simple day.
The water was already cold and his body was slightly trembling when he got out of the tube. He wrapped himself into a big and white towel before exiting the bathroom. When he entered the room, the delicious smell of pizza filled his nostrils and made his stomach grumble. For how long did he stay in the bath? Kazuya questioned himself but not really caring.
“Great, I was hungry.” He said, but didn’t move from where he was.
Jin smiled to him, still lying on the bed, now with three boxes of pizza on the night table and one on his lap from which he was munching happily. “Sorry, couldn’t wait.” He said, swallowing the bit of food from his mouth and grinning at Kazuya after. “Do you want to sit there,” Jin continued, pointing to the table near Kazuya, “or here with me?” he asked, a tinge of politeness and something else in his voice.
Kazuya frowned a bit, disliking the fact that he didn't get to get the first piece. "It doesn't matter." he replied lazily and headed towards the bed and sat down on it, but not too close to Jin. For now, a safer distance was better. He took out a piece of pizza and hungrily bit onto it. "Mmm..." he made an expression of pure bliss, enjoying the taste.
“Yeah, I’m a great cook, ain’t I?” Jin joked, chuckling a little and opening another box. Silence fell over them once more, the two of them eating and not talking at all, until they finished all the food. Jin frowned, looking at the empty boxes and wondering when did they get this way. He shrugged and gathered them all, leaving the room and coming back with two bottles of water, one of them throwing it into Kazuya’s arms.
“Thanks.” Kazuya replied and took a big gulp from the bottle. “I’m full now.” He grinned to Jin and lied down on the bed. He yawned, feeling a little sleepy.
Jin answered with a goofy smile and sat down on the bed, on the opposite part of Kazuya. He let his body fall onto the bed, sighing happily when his head hit the pillow, stretching his arms and feeling more relaxed than ever. “Come here.” He said gently, his hand raised towards the younger, inviting him closer with a silent plea.
Kazuya froze in that moment and he kind of didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to get close to Jin, but he also didn’t want to cause another outburst like the one earlier. But if he wanted to be safe and his friends too, he felt obliged complying to Jin’s will. Exactly like a fucking puppet. Kazuya resigned and slowly crept along the bed, closer to Jin, but he didn’t touch him. He brought his hand at an inch distance of his, but he didn’t hold it.
It’s not a problem, Jin thought when he saw Kazuya’s reluctance. He knew that their relationship had gone down a few levels after last night, but it was alright. He was sure that in a few weeks everything will go back to normal and the younger will understand Jin’s actions. It was just a matter of time because Jin knew that it wasn’t a mistake what he did. He had been cheated on. And now he’ll make sure that this won’t happen again. He sighed and lifted his hand to grab Kazuya’s, bringing the two of them closer and forcing him to cuddle at his chest. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” Jin demanded, burying his nose into Kazuya’s hair and inhaling deep, sighing contently.
“I think of nothing.” Kazuya immediately replied, biting his tongue on the next words, knowing that it’s better not to tell them. Because that’s what puppets do.
“Kazuya, please listen to me.” Jin pleaded, tightening his hold around the younger’s waist. “I don’t want you to be afraid or to act different from before. I don’t want to restrict you or to stop you from being yourself.” He carefully explained. He understood Kazuya, he really did, and he knew what he’s thinking in that moment. Jin knew that Kazuya was scared and had once again closed the gate to his heart, to his personality, to his everything. But it hadn’t been the older one’s fault, he wasn’t the one who made the first mistake. And that was why he felt no need to change his attitude.
“Please don’t change and don’t lock me out.” Jin continued, feeling a little scared of the influence that Kazuya had over him.
“I locked you out?” Kazuya asked on a dark tone. “No, Jin. You locked yourself out and you even threw the key.” He added, cursing himself for not being able to shut up. He didn’t want to give in again to his emotions, he didn’t want to let Jin know that he was bothered or that he was scared.
“But I’m sorry and you know it.” Jin replied with the same pleading voice, now trembling a little. Maybe he had screwed it up, no, he definitely screwed it up, but… this wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be, not now when he finally felt that this is not for nothing. Even if he thought he hadn’t been wrong just a couple of hours ago. And now he was willing to trust Kazuya again if that meant that the younger will forgive him too and revert to his old self.
“But you know why I’m doing this, don’t you?” Jin continued, almost whispering. “You understand what I want, don’t you?” he asked, confident on Kazuya’s answer. Because if the younger didn’t know too… then who did? Who really understood him?
Kazuya took a long breath before he could really answer. Jin was making him dizzy, was giving him a headache. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to believe in something better between the two of them or like he was the bad guy and he simply enjoyed torturing Jin. No, it was definitely not like that, but still… why was it always that he was the one feeling guilty, the one who had to give a chance because maybe - maybe this time - it will be better. He was deluding, he was perfectly aware of this.
“You want me.” He finally answered. Chained, alone and all yours. Kazuya thought, but again didn’t say it.
Part II
Pairing: Akame, slight Kokame & Jinda
Genre: Smut, AU, drama, tragedy
Warnings: use of drugs, whoring, slaving, insanity, bad language, incest and a lot more to come xD You've been warned, so don't read if you don't want to see them in a lot of pain *evil laugh*
Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, but we're in the process of making it true!! The proof is Jin's twitter~
Summary: Kazuya’s addiction becomes Jin’s obsession. They came to need each other to the extend of wanting to kill.
First Scent ~ Strawberry
Second Scent ~ Poison
Third Scent ~ Musk
Fourth Scent ~ Ecstasy
Fifth Scent ~ Spring
Sixth Scent ~ Fear
Seventh Scent ~ Sky
Eighth Scent ~ Winter
Chapter nine
The ninth scent ~ Loneliness
Sometimes you’re happy, you feel like you can fly towards the sky, spread your wings and never go back to the suffering again. You smile, you laugh, you make jokes and everyone enjoys your company. And you think that maybe this is your place, the place where you belong because you feel free, like you have no worries, like nothing bad can happen.
But then there’s the other part of you. The one that most of the people know and hate. You’re grumpy, you don’t want to see anybody and you feel like killing every person that dares to speak with you. You lock yourself in your room, hoping that it will pass but you find yourself throwing with things to the ones that want to take you back to the pink and happy world again. You don’t like it there. But you also hate it here. So you end up not knowing what to do, alone and with no one by your side.
They don’t understand you. They’re scared of you, of your creepy smile that gives them shivers. They run from you and bow deeply in front of you because they don’t want problems. They think you’re mad and you laugh in their faces. Yeah, maybe I am, you say to them. Maybe I am mad, but you made me like this. And you like it, you enjoy seeing their terrified expressions. And you won’t forgive anyone that tries to make you think otherwise.
The room was dark, silent. There was no sound, no movement, no nothing. The door was locked to prevent any attempt of escape, but Jin knew that the boy won’t even get the chance to get close to it. He won’t allow him, not now, not ever. He will never let Kazuya go.
It was kind of funny, Jin thought, like every thing that happened between him and Kazuya since the two of them had met. He had really wanted a real relationship with the younger, he had wanted to cherish and protect him, but he couldn’t do it all alone. He needed Kazuya’s support, but the younger had lied to him. Had cheated on him. And Jin snapped.
It all started like a normal night. Dinner between the two of them. A normal discussion, a funny evening. Jin was really enjoying himself and he had never thought, not even one second, that something like this can happen. Kazuya had been at the bathroom for a long time and Jin was starting to get worried. He didn’t waste any more time, knowing Kazuya’s habit to forget to get out of the bathroom, so Jin rushed to the back of the restaurant, wanting to check up on him. But then that bitch appeared.
He thought it was kind of strange when he saw a woman entering the bathroom for men, but he had just shrugged, thinking that she just made a simple mistake. He had wanted to help and guide her to the women’s place, but Jin stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her again, in the bathroom, pinning Kazuya to a stall.
And all fell apart. He was furious, he was mad, he was beyond his limit and Jin had already decided to crush that bitch’s neck with one simple move. How could she dare touch his Kazuya?! Kazuya was only his and even if he hadn’t touched the younger for a long time now, he knew that Kazuya feels the same. After all, he had accepted him again in his life, he had promised Jin to try it again and to give him another chance.
Jin smirked, waiting for Kazuya to reject her immediately. But that didn’t happen. And Jin felt his blood boil in his body, rushing to his brain and ordering him only one thing. Revenge. Revenge on that bitch that kissed his property and that little slut that lied once again to him. His gaze darkened, his body trembled with the thought of sinking his hand into Kazuya’s heart and ripping it apart. He wanted to hurt the younger, he wanted to make him feel the exact pain that Jin was feeling in that moment. His eyes started to glitter with a weird spark. The smirk that a few moments ago had been changed to disappointment was now transformed into a wide grin, almost maddening. He was still trembling, but now with excitement and he cursed because he couldn’t stop the feeling from controlling his body. He closed his eyes, missing the moment when the girl exited the bathroom, and leaned on the wall, taking a deep breath and trying to control his beating heart.
He knew what he had to do. Kazuya had betrayed him and he felt stupid because he should have seen that coming. Everyone betrays, Kazuya was no exception. He was just like the rest of them. Dirty, tainted, impure. Jin had been the naïve one because he had believed in Kazuya. He really thought that the younger was different and that… he really wanted to be with Jin.
The older tried to suppress his urge to hit something when he wondered what exactly did Kazuya want from him. He didn’t want his friendship, that had been clear from the beginning. He didn’t want his love either, seeming as he makes out with the first person that crosses his way. Money, power, advantages? To kill Jin? He didn’t know. But one thing was for sure.
He won’t let Kazuya do whatever he pleases.
He opened the door to the bathroom and hid his surprise when he noticed that the younger was now alone. He smiled sweetly, hiding his feelings and slowly approaching the younger. And then… all became black for Kazuya.
It had been a little difficult to get Kazuya out of the restaurant without raising suspicions, but with a little lie that he had passed out from too much drinking and acting like a good friend, Jin got away without any problems. And now he was in his own room, on the same armchair from the first night Kazuya fell into his hands, waiting yet again for him to wake up.
“Fate.” Jin snorted annoyed, not moving his gaze from the unconscious form lying on the bed. There was no fate and all these coincidences were just that - coincidences. Kazuya had proved once again that the only relationship they can have was the one between a master and his puppet. And Jin was planning to respect it this time. He won’t give in, he can’t.
And Kazuya will learn what’s best for him soon.
It all ended with a blur and it started the same and as Kazuya slowly opened his eyes, he quickly came to realize the pain that soared from his head and straight to his toes, making him moan. He tried to move, but this only made it worse. He closed his eyes immediately and tried to calm his beating heart, to calm down the anxiety that would soon wash over his pity self. He wanted to lift his hand to his throbbing head and realized that he couldn’t really move it.
What?! Came the immediate question and his eyes snapped open again, the mere action making him squirm in pain. What the hell happened last time?! Had he been on drugs again? No, last time he was with… Jin. The name reverberated in his mind and it all made sense. Kazuya tried to move his hands again and realized that they were tied, the rough sensation of a rope rubbing against his wrists. And where was the bastard who did this to him?!
He was watching Kazuya, not saying one word, not making one move. He enjoyed seeming him like this, trying to get free to only realize that he can’t, trying to move to learn that he’s tied and he’s now at someone else’s mercy. It was satisfying to know that he’s the one in control, that Kazuya now depends on him and not the contrary, as it had been since Jin met him.
“You’re having fun tonight?” Jin repeated his question from last night with a low voice, almost like whispering, but the hard and cold tone could easily be detected.
Kazuya’s head snapped towards Jin’s direction, but his eyes couldn’t make a clear view of him, only a mass of blur and blackness. But he was there, oh, he was, sitting there in the dark like some predator watching for his prey - cornering it. The bastard had gone mad again and Kazuya couldn’t do a fucking thing. He had been a fool from the beginning to trust in a madman like Jin, in such a twisted person as him. Now he was paying the consequences.
“You son of a bitch.” Kazuya said through clenched teeth. “What’s the meaning of this?” he asked, rage and pain in his voice. And it was pain from his head, not heart.
“I don’t know, you tell me.” Jin replied with a calm voice, like he was discussing the weather and Kazuya hadn’t been tied by him.
Angered by the answer, the younger tried to release himself but ended up groaning in pain not only from his wound, but also from his wrists. “Don’t fucking joke with me!” he growled, fisting his palms. “Untie me now!” he demanded, hating this situation.
“Make me.” Jin continued on the same tone, not moving from his chair.
Kazuya groaned in exasperation, wondering what the hell happened with Jin and why was he behaving like this. Like a total jerk. “If you think this is the way to make me come back to you, you’re totally wrong.” He said, disgust in his voice.
“Then tell me, how can I do that?” Jin asked with a slight raised tone, finally lifting himself up from his chair and approaching Kazuya. He only continued to talk when he stopped next to the bed, his face now in Kazuya’s vision. “If I start kissing other people, you’ll then come back to me?” he questioned with a rhetorical voice. “Is this your idea of loving someone?” Jin added, raising his tone yet again, tightening his fists and looking at Kazuya with disappointment and anger in his eyes.
He knew. But Kazuya wasn’t going to give in. “I never loved someone. What makes you think I love you?” he asked with a mocking voice. He shouldn’t be doing this, but Jin has humiliated him too many times and he wasn’t that forgiving. “You might have caught my attention, but you never had my love.” He added with a low and dark chuckle, wondering why he was saying all this, perfectly knowing that such words will only anger Jin. And make him suffer. And Jin too.
Because it hurt. It hurt Jin to hear Kazuya saying that he never loved him. He was almost saying that he never cared about Jin, that Jin had only been his toy and now that he had been discovered, he didn’t care about maintaining any façade and he was free of the fake mask that he wore around Jin. He thought Kazuya really loved him. That Jin meant for him the same thing Kazuya meant for Jin. And it had all been a lie.
The grip of his fists was starting to hurt, his nails were sinking into his skin and small drops of blood fell from his hands. Jin didn’t feel them, he couldn’t feel anything but the anger and fear and fury and a desperate wish to make Kazuya pay for his words, for his actions. To make him pay because he had dared to take advantage of Jin.
His head was spinning and the only thing Jin could see now was Kazuya’s figure on the bed, soaked in his own blood. He grinned, a mad grin, full with uncertainty but in the same time, with determination. He felt weak, he felt strong. He wanted to run, he wanted to stay and destroy everything. He wanted to kiss Kazuya and make him his but in the same time, he wanted to hear him scream out of pain.
He couldn’t decide, not his brain, not his heart either. And in the end, his body did it for him.
Jin sat down on the bed, fetching a small object from his back pocket. His wide grin was still present on his lips, looking like a clown from a haunted circus. And his voice was full of hate. “No, you don’t love me. Somehow, I knew that even if I wanted to lie to myself that you might feel the same as I do.” He said, his voice softening a little towards the end, sounding more disappointed and sad than hateful. But then he changed again. “But now I realize that I was naïve to think that you can love someone. I should have known that a slut like you can’t love, that you have no heart.” Jin continued, hovering over Kazuya and looking into his brown orbs. For the first time, he wasn’t mesmerized by them but disgusted by the indifference that he saw in them. “But it doesn’t matter, now I know what I have to do.” He added with a serious voice, his expression the same and his eyes cold and very distant. “And you will pay.” He now said, bringing his hand to Kazuya’s cheek and dragging a thin line on it with the knife he had fetched earlier.
As soon as he saw the knife, Kazuya froze. He didn’t dare to move or to say a word. His eyes kept following the white blade, wondering what Jin was thinking and what the hell wanted to do! He inhaled air as Jin touched his cheek, as he felt the cold blade against his skin. He looked at Jin but he knew that Jin wouldn’t hear him out. He was breathing slowly, almost carefully. A wrong move and this wouldn’t end up pretty. He closed his eyes, gathered his courage and opened them again, looking at Jin.
“You’re wrong.” He said hoarsely and closed his eyes again. “I wanted to really love you and I even said that I might do.” Kazuya continued, his eyes still closed and very aware of the cold blade. “But I do care about you.” He added, opening his eyes, a single tear falling down his cheek and meeting the white blade. Kazuya kept looking at Jin, unwavering and sadness filling his brown orbs, while Jin’s eyes darkened.
“Liar.” the older said, almost whispering the word like he didn’t want to believe it but he didn’t have any choice. “You don’t care about me, you never did.” Jin continued with a restrained voice, moving the knife more towards Kazuya’s mouth, deepening the cut. “If you did, you wouldn’t have let anyone kiss you. You would have been only mine.” He choked on his words, pain and suffering clouding his mind, not letting him think clearly. “I should cut your tongue so that you’ll never kiss anyone. So that you’ll never lie to me again.” He added with a low chuckle, his eyes foggy by tears, and removed the knife, now tracing Kazuya’s lips with it but without pressing hard on it.
Kazuya didn’t feel the pain, he didn’t want to feel it. But he did feel the warm blood sliding across his jaw and neck, he could feel it prickling his skin, its warm sensation lingering on and on. He was also aware of Jin, of the man’s tears and words, but that knife stopped him from saying anything. The way it traced his lips, the way it touched him made him shiver, afraid of his sharpness. He looked at Jin, wanting him to see and to understand.
“J-Jin…” he managed to utter, carefully at the blade against his lips, careful at his voice which was deep and with that twinge of pleading.
“What?” Jin asked with a cheerful voice, backing away a little and straddling Kazuya, his hands now on the bed, next to him and at a safe distance from the younger. “Cat caught your tongue?” he laughed, looking at Kazuya with cold eyes and a happy expression.
The younger felt the need to shout, to sigh, to simply run away from there and never come back or to see Jin. He had it with the older one’s moods, he had it with his mood swings, with his damaged brain and personality. He was almost at his limits and he’ll sure crack. Kazuya gulped and tried to keep his calm.
“Tell me.” Kazuya said on a grave tone. “Why the hell are you treating me like this when I clearly showed you that I can be by your side without such stupid outbursts?” he asked, complain clearly in his voice. He said outbursts but he was aware that Jin was mentally disturbed. Somehow, Kazuya knew that he will never get away from Jin, seeing the way the man was. Ironically, the light he had seen at the end of his tunnel turned out to be another tunnel - one much longer and much darker.
“You kissed that bitch.” Jin stated, looking at Kazuya with an unreadable expression. “You kissed her when you knew that I’m waiting for you to come back.” He continued, now a little angrier. He laughed. “Now I understand why you asked if I’m not following you anymore when we met that night with Ueda.” Jin said, like he was having fun. “You wanted to be sure that you can do whatever you want and I won’t find out.” He then accused with a sharp voice. “Kazuya, you don’t want to be free, you just want to be a slut again.” He continued, leaning over him, breathing over the younger’s lips, slowly licking the trail of blood from his cheek.
Kazuya flinched out of pain and surprise. “You’re wrong!” he breathed the words, turning his head away from Jin. “You’re imagining things again, you’re once more…” he lost his words, realizing the shake from his body. “God, why do you have to be like this?” Kazuya said turning to look at Jin with a sorrowful expression.
Jin frowned, not understanding what was Kazuya talking about. He didn’t pay that much attention to it as he raised his knife for the second time and touched once again the younger’s lips with it. “It’s your fault.” Jin whispered, grinding his hips on Kazuya’s body, a big bulge visible in his pants as Jin moaned inwardly. He traveled with his hand still holding the knife on the younger’s body, cutting his shirt on his way, completely ripping it apart and leaving Kazuya naked above his waist. “Do you know how much it hurts to see you with someone else?” Jin asked, now leaving the sharp knife and concentrating on licking the naked skin and biting it to mark Kazuya as his own. “Do you fucking have any idea how much I wanted to fuck you but I refrained myself because I thought you aren’t ready?” he continued, now biting hard on Kazuya’s nipple until he heard a scream. “You tell me now, Kazuya. How many have you fucked while I was making a fool of myself? How many have you let fuck you?!” he raised his tone, digging his nails into Kazuya’s arms and looking at him angered, forgetting about everything else but the younger’s answer.
“You’re crazy!!” Kazuya shouted, red in his cheeks and trembling. “When the fuck could I have slept with someone when I spent all my time with you?!!” he continued to shout, not caring at all of the consequences. If Jin wanted to fuck, to rape him, then be his guest! It wouldn’t be the first or the last. “Go to hell, Jin and never return!” he yelled again and wanted to hit the man in front of him, but his tied hands stopped him from doing so. “Just get it over with…” he mumbled, letting his head fall and letting his exposed body at Jin’s mercy.
He wouldn’t be the first indeed.
“I’m not crazy.” Jin growled, annoyed by Kazuya’s reaction, slipping his hand between the younger’s legs and gripping hard on his length hidden by the pants. “I’m not crazy!” he repeated, moving his other hand and holding Kazuya by his chin to look him into the eyes. “I…” he tried but failed when he didn’t find his words. He took a deep breath, freeing Kazuya of his hands and leaning back to sit on the boy’s legs. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.” He confessed with a tired voice, his gaze away from Kazuya, wandering somewhere on the walls.
Jin suddenly trembled, like someone just shot him with an invisible gun. He got off bed and started to search in his drawers like a madman, throwing everything that stayed in his way, not even once glancing at Kazuya. He didn’t understand, Kazuya didn’t understand him. Nobody did, Jin thought with a bitter laugh, so what was the point? This was hopeless, it didn’t work the way it was supposed to. And Jin had to do something to stop this. Even if Kazuya didn’t love him, even if he had cheated on him… Jin didn’t want to let him go. And now they’ll play by his rules.
“I changed my mind.” Jin started to talk, his back at Kazuya, his hands on the drawer facing the bed, supporting his weight. He shook his head a few times, trying to clear his mind and trap Kazuya completely this time. “The deal is on again.” He continued, his voice void of emotions, like he never knew them. “And this time…” he stopped for a couple of moments, taking a deep breath before turning to look at Kazuya. “This time you’ll understand what happens if you betray me.” He threatened without blinking, his eyes fixed on Kazuya’s figure, watching him from head to toes.
The younger remained still and tried to free himself again, slowly rubbing his wrists against the rope, but no use. The hold was too tight. He had been so concentrated on trying to release himself that he almost missed Jin’s last words.
“What?” he asked and looked bewildered at the older. “I didn’t betray you, Jin!! What the fuck is so hard to understand?!” he began to shout again, making his fresh cut bleed again. He winced at the sudden pain and the warm blood prickled his skin again. “You want me like this, right?” he said with a mad laugh. “Bleeding and hating you, right?” he lifted his eyes and met Jin’s. “Well, you’ll get it sooner than you might think.” He added disgusted.
“It’s alright.” Jin replied with a gentle smile. “A lot of people hate me.” He simply shrugged, approaching the bed again and sitting on its margin, next to Kazuya, looking calmly at him. He raised his hand and slowly touched his bleeding cheek, hissing as if it was hurting him. “And you yourself said that you don’t love me. Seeming as you are more interested in kissing other people than me, I doubt that you can ever love me.” He shrugged again, leaving the bed and searching in yet another drawer for a few moments before he came back, resuming his place. He started to clean Kazuya’s wound with cotton dipped in alcohol, touching his cheek with care and attention, concentrating on his task and pursing his lips. “You know… I once told you that I don’t know what’s happiness. That I don’t have dreams but goals. That if I want something, then I take it.” Jin sighed. “I really thought that I finally understand the meaning of this strange word these past days.” He confessed, putting away the cotton and fetching a bandage to cover Kazuya’s wound with. Jin stared into the younger’s brown eyes for a couple of seconds before leaving him again to put away the bottle with alcohol. “I should have known it’s just an illusion.” He continued with a whisper, but loud enough for the younger to hear him.
Kazuya didn’t flinch or retreated when Jin treated his wound, he wouldn’t back away so he simply endured it all. “And I should have known better than to care about you.” The younger replied, his eyes always following Jin, not letting him get away from his sight. I might not love you, but I do care about you. I might want to hate you, but I can’t help but feel attracted to you, I can’t help but wanting to know you better. But I’ll never say this to you, I’ll never let you know that somehow, in an unbelievable way, you touched me, you managed to reach out to me when not many can do it. Kazuya thought all that, but his expression remained the same - calm and composed.
Jin bitterly laughed. “I wouldn’t be so worried about that.” he said, returning to the bed and watching Kazuya, still standing up. “It’s not like you even care.” He said, not wanting to show how much it hurt him but failing badly. His lips curled up a little, trying to show a small smile, trying to show that he’s fine, that he’s Akanishi Jin and something like this doesn’t bring him down, he can’t break down.
But he was already broken. “Does it still hurt?” he asked with a tiny voice, referring to the younger’s cheek and feeling guilty for what he did and even guiltier because he didn’t regret a thing. Still, he loved Kazuya and he didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t want to see him in pain.
“What do you know about me?” Kazuya replied, ignoring Jin’s last question, knowing very well that there was no regret in his voice, just plain worry, which Kazuya didn’t need. “Don’t assume that you know me.”
“No, I don’t know you.” Jin said, disappointment in his voice. “I can’t know you if you don’t tell me anything about you, if you don’t talk, if you fake your laughs and pretend to be what you’re not.” He continued, aware of the fact that he was now just babbling. But it was true. If Kazuya lied to him about this and he was meeting other people behind Jin’s back, then what else was fake? Did Kazuya lie to him about everything? What was true and what was false? He didn’t know and Jin felt a tinge of regret in his heart when he realized that he doesn’t even want to know. It was better this way, it was better to not know how deep Kazuya’s betrayal was.
And he knew that he hadn’t been a saint either. But Jin didn’t lie about his feelings, he didn’t fake his personality or hurt Kazuya this much with his lies. Every time Jin had lied to Kazuya had been for the younger’s own safety and for keeping him by his side. Some things were better to not be known but this… Jin was sure that he’ll never forget the image of Kazuya kissing that woman.
“You didn’t even reject her.” Jin found himself whispering against his will. He sat down on the bed and caressed Kazuya’s cheek once again. “Does it still hurt?” he repeated, not wanting to fall again into some stupid discussion which can only end with them arguing.
Kazuya arched his eyebrow and scoffed. “If you had been watching, then you should have watched until the very end.” He said accusingly. “Maybe then you would have seen that I did reject her.” Kazuya finally recognized that he had indeed kissed a girl.
But it was no use. It was too late to recognize now what happened because Jin was already full of doubts. And the fact that Kazuya had said nothing about this matter until now made things worse. The only thing that was on Jin’s mind was that Kazuya finally felt cornered and decided to try another tactic, to confess and say that he wasn’t guilty, that he had rejected her and it was only the girl’s fault. Yeah, like you need only one for a kiss. Jin wasn’t that dumb. He won’t fall in his trap again.
“Do you need something? A pill or something if it still hurts?” Jin pressed on, ignoring Kazuya’s words, his voice betraying the fact that he didn’t believe anything of what the younger said.
Kazuya sighed and decided that since Jin was so stubborn to stick with his ideas, he won’t try anymore to change his mind. “Yeah, I need something.” He replied, looking into Jin’s eyes. “I need to go home.” He added, hoping for the impossible.
“Impossible.” Jin answered with a smile on his lips, exactly how Kazuya had suspected. “You won’t leave this room any time soon.” He continued, seeming to think of something. He didn’t have any plan, he didn’t know what he could do if he kept Kazuya locked here. He couldn’t keep him too long, people would start to ask about him and then Jin would have problems because they would find him, sooner or later. But he also didn’t want to let him go because he knew that if he lets go now… he might never see Kazuya again. And he didn’t want that. He loved the younger and he wanted to be by his side forever.
“But if you behave nice, I might free your hands.” Jin added, a little reluctantly. He glanced at the knife that he had forgotten on the bed and took it in his hands, studying it for a few moments, and then he put it back in his pocket, looking at Kazuya with a goofy smile.
“What does nice mean?” Kazuya asked tired. “Are you keeping me here forever?” he then asked with an ironic smile.
“Hmmm…” Jin pretended to think yet again. “If you don’t try to escape or pull other stunts like this, then you’re free… to wander through the house.” He replied with what wanted to be a comforting smile but ended up like a smirk, ignoring his last question. He would love to have Kazuya around the house and if the younger doesn’t make him any problems… then he’d have some fun too.
“Do you trust me?” Kazuya asked smiling.
“No, not anymore.” Jin answered without flinching, his voice cold and his lips pressed into a thin line. “But I can give you a chance, I’m not as heartless as you.” He then added, raising himself from the bed and taking out his knife for the second time to cut the rope on Kazuya’s wrists without waiting for his promise to behave. He wanted to trust Kazuya, he wanted to give him another chance, but… he knew that it will end up the same. And Jin didn’t want the same thing to happen again.
Kazuya laughed and brought his hands together, slowly rubbing them to chase away to numbness. “I am heartless, you say.” He laughed some more, feeling totally amused about such remark. “Then Jin, what does that make you?” he asked innocently while touching his hurt cheek. There would be a faint scar on his face.
“I’m a killer and a rapist, didn’t you say that?” Jin simply answered, shrugging and backing away a little from the bed to look at Kazuya better. “I never lied about what I am. Maybe I didn’t tell you how deep I am involved in this shit, but I never hid it either.” He said with a normal voice, not feeling regret at all for his actions. After all, he had threatened Kazuya to keep him by his side with killing his friends. If that wasn’t a hint about what he was able to do… then what? Dancing in a puddle of blood?
“Yeah, I forgot you pride yourself with this.” Kazuya snorted, rolling his eyes. “When can I go home?” he asked, looking at Jin through his bangs.
“I don’t know.” Jin replied honestly. “It depends. On a lot of things. On how well you understand what’s your position now. What I want from you. And some other things.”
“And what do you want?” Kazuya asked, merely surprised. “What’s my position?” he added with a fake humble voice. Up or down. Kazuya wanted to say but this wasn’t a moment for such a bad joke, not when his own skin was at stake.
“For now, I just want you to go and have a bath.” Jin said, raising himself from the bed. “I cleaned your wound last night but I still want to take a look at it, I wasn’t that… concentrated then.” He explained, searching in his closet for some clothes. “You know where’s the bathroom, I’ll come later to help you wash your hair.” Jin added, throwing a pair of pants and a loose T-shirt into Kazuya’s hands, wondering if he was going to protest or accept without any word. Kazuya always managed to surprise him.
“I can wash my hair by myself, I’m not a child.” Kazuya took the clothes that Jin threw at him and slowly got off the bed, closing his eyes for a bit. His head still hurt. “Or I’m not allowed?” he asked again with an ironic tone.
“You’re not a child, Kazuya, you’re hurt.” Jin sighed, approaching the younger and stopping at a few inches from him. “You have to be careful with that wound on your head and you can’t do it alone.” He tried to convince him that it’s better how Jin had suggested. “So, please, let me help you.” The older pleaded, reverting normally at his submissive self that he was two days ago with Kazuya.
The younger glanced up at Jin, suddenly feeling enraged by his voice and the plea in it. It was much easier to deal with a cocky and cold Jin than with a humble and puppy-like Jin. “Still, I can manage.” Kazuya replied, his tone somewhat softer. He had to ply himself after Jin’s character if he ever wanted to get out.
“But I want to help you.” Jin insisted, taking one more step towards Kazuya. “After all…” It was my fault, Jin completed the sentence in his head but not wanting to say it out loud. The atmosphere had become somehow amiable and Jin didn’t want to risk it for now. Later, they had enough time on their hands.
“Jin, I won’t die in the bathroom.” Kazuya sighed, honestly not wanting the other’s help. “Look, you’d better go and cook something.” Just then, his stomach grumbled as if to show it needed to be fed. “See? I’m already hungry.” The younger smiled a little.
Jin pouted and crossed his arms, but didn’t protest anymore. Instead, he threw himself on the bed, stretching his body and making himself comfortable. “I’ll order food. We’ll end up in the hospital if we eat something made by me that’s not pasta. Besides, my fridge’s empty.” He grinned, taking out the phone from his pocket and searching for a number in the agenda. “What would you like?” Jin questioned, glancing at Kazuya.
“A pizza would be great.” The younger answered and made his way to the bathroom.
As soon as he closed the door, Kazuya leaned against it and his legs gave in under his weight. He was hurting and he didn’t realize which hurt the most - the head or the hole in his chest. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been betrayed before or like no one treated him before like some damn property. No, it definitely wasn’t the first time, but it hurt to feel the bitter taste of disillusion, it hurt to see himself trashed over and over by persons that shouldn’t even be in his life.
Kazuya made an effort and pulled himself up and went to turn on the tap of hot water. Soon the small room was filled with steam and Kazuya looked into the mirror to himself through a haze. It was funny. He had managed to make himself cry earlier, he had managed to make Jin believe his words… but now, he was beginning to question his own act. Because that had been an act, he had intended to cry, he had intended to say those words, to give off that impact of really caring, really meaning what he had said. Yet, why he was wondering about that act? Why did he feel an intense urge to stay with Jin when the logical thing would be running as far away from him?
Maybe he was getting affected, maybe when he hit his head he suffered brain damage or something. Or maybe he really cared about Jin. Kazuya shook silently his head and turned to stop the water from running. Too much steam would make him dizzy. He undressed, welcoming the wet warmth that embraced his naked body. He turned on the tap of cold water and he watched it as it hit the surface of the hot water. It made a rough sound, but in the same time melodic. The cold water dived strongly in the hot water, cooling it, making it swirl and splash.
That’s how it was with him and Jin. Sometimes, Jin would be the hot water that was spoiled and swirled by Kazuya; other times, Kazuya himself would be the hot water in which Jin selfishly intrudes and making him feel cold and numb until there was nothing left to feel. They were complementary, they suited each other, Kazuya thought with a low chuckle and dived his hand into the still hot water. It burnt his skin, but soon that burning turned into a prickling and under the flowing of the cold water he would feel nothing but … well, cold.
Jin had this gift to make him feel this way, he managed to make Kazuya bring out his worst self, to make him realize his most despicable persona. Jin had this wonderful gift. The younger rose and without stopping the flowing water, he entered the tube filled with water, the hot and cold brushing against his body. It felt bad and it felt good; it felt wrong and it felt right… it will never be the same though. Meeting Jin had changed Kazuya.
This fatidic meeting meant for Kazuya his second turn in life. His first one had been when he was a child and he couldn’t have done anything to stop what it was done to him. And now the situation hadn’t changed at all. He was still the helpless and pathetic little boy that he was back then and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Jin would trap him every time and even he wasn’t sure if he wasn’t enjoying this. This cat and mouse chase like… this sudden pain and happiness that would fill his body, never letting him feel what it is like to be a normal person.
Kazuya went under the water, quickly coming out to the surface, the cut on his face and the wound on his head hurting like hell. This reminded him of the danger Jin was implying and he didn’t feel scared. Not for him, because he could take on much more and besides, Jin would never truly hurt him. At least this much, he believed. But he was scared for his friends, he didn’t want other persons to be in danger because of him, because he was with a crazy guy. Kazuya sighed and slowly splashed with water the cut on his face. It didn’t hurt anymore, but it stung. The younger smiled and wondered what will his friends will say when they’ll see him. How will he explain this perfect cut?
The younger gave a small chuckle that sounded muffled in the steaming room. He turned off the running water, the sudden silence filling his ears and soul. He stayed still and watched the water around him, the rising steam making him wonder about himself. Kazuya thought that in the last two years he had grown strong, he had managed to build a life that won’t be demolished that easy and he won’t be broken that quick. That’s why he never chose to be in a real relationship, that’s why he had striven to make his image the best out of them all, letting no one to outrun him. He had to be the best in order to survive in the cruel world that he had been born into. But just like the steams coming out from mixing hot and cold water, his whole creation had dissipated into thin air. And Jin was the root of all. He had made Kazuya see that he was as weak as ever, that he had done nothing but lie to himself in all of these years. And for such a thing, Kazuya hated Jin.
He moved his hand through the water, slowly splashing it on his body. Jin had managed to make him realize that he was nothing but powerless in front of him and he’ll always be at someone’s mercy. Cruel fate, Kazuya mused as he thought of Jin who slowly came to resemble his mother. There will always be people in his life that would want to have him, to possess him, to make him lose even the tiny hope he had for once succeed in feeling. It was an endless circle and he won’t be able to get away any soon now. Never.
Kazuya sighed and began to wash himself, wincing each time he’d splash his face and forget about the cut. He tried to wash his hair too, but he stopped the moment he felt a gash along his skull and feared to wash further, so he simply rinsed it, gritting his teeth in order to support the pain. Kazuya sighed and sunk again under the water, thinking that he had been through too much for one simple day.
The water was already cold and his body was slightly trembling when he got out of the tube. He wrapped himself into a big and white towel before exiting the bathroom. When he entered the room, the delicious smell of pizza filled his nostrils and made his stomach grumble. For how long did he stay in the bath? Kazuya questioned himself but not really caring.
“Great, I was hungry.” He said, but didn’t move from where he was.
Jin smiled to him, still lying on the bed, now with three boxes of pizza on the night table and one on his lap from which he was munching happily. “Sorry, couldn’t wait.” He said, swallowing the bit of food from his mouth and grinning at Kazuya after. “Do you want to sit there,” Jin continued, pointing to the table near Kazuya, “or here with me?” he asked, a tinge of politeness and something else in his voice.
Kazuya frowned a bit, disliking the fact that he didn't get to get the first piece. "It doesn't matter." he replied lazily and headed towards the bed and sat down on it, but not too close to Jin. For now, a safer distance was better. He took out a piece of pizza and hungrily bit onto it. "Mmm..." he made an expression of pure bliss, enjoying the taste.
“Yeah, I’m a great cook, ain’t I?” Jin joked, chuckling a little and opening another box. Silence fell over them once more, the two of them eating and not talking at all, until they finished all the food. Jin frowned, looking at the empty boxes and wondering when did they get this way. He shrugged and gathered them all, leaving the room and coming back with two bottles of water, one of them throwing it into Kazuya’s arms.
“Thanks.” Kazuya replied and took a big gulp from the bottle. “I’m full now.” He grinned to Jin and lied down on the bed. He yawned, feeling a little sleepy.
Jin answered with a goofy smile and sat down on the bed, on the opposite part of Kazuya. He let his body fall onto the bed, sighing happily when his head hit the pillow, stretching his arms and feeling more relaxed than ever. “Come here.” He said gently, his hand raised towards the younger, inviting him closer with a silent plea.
Kazuya froze in that moment and he kind of didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to get close to Jin, but he also didn’t want to cause another outburst like the one earlier. But if he wanted to be safe and his friends too, he felt obliged complying to Jin’s will. Exactly like a fucking puppet. Kazuya resigned and slowly crept along the bed, closer to Jin, but he didn’t touch him. He brought his hand at an inch distance of his, but he didn’t hold it.
It’s not a problem, Jin thought when he saw Kazuya’s reluctance. He knew that their relationship had gone down a few levels after last night, but it was alright. He was sure that in a few weeks everything will go back to normal and the younger will understand Jin’s actions. It was just a matter of time because Jin knew that it wasn’t a mistake what he did. He had been cheated on. And now he’ll make sure that this won’t happen again. He sighed and lifted his hand to grab Kazuya’s, bringing the two of them closer and forcing him to cuddle at his chest. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” Jin demanded, burying his nose into Kazuya’s hair and inhaling deep, sighing contently.
“I think of nothing.” Kazuya immediately replied, biting his tongue on the next words, knowing that it’s better not to tell them. Because that’s what puppets do.
“Kazuya, please listen to me.” Jin pleaded, tightening his hold around the younger’s waist. “I don’t want you to be afraid or to act different from before. I don’t want to restrict you or to stop you from being yourself.” He carefully explained. He understood Kazuya, he really did, and he knew what he’s thinking in that moment. Jin knew that Kazuya was scared and had once again closed the gate to his heart, to his personality, to his everything. But it hadn’t been the older one’s fault, he wasn’t the one who made the first mistake. And that was why he felt no need to change his attitude.
“Please don’t change and don’t lock me out.” Jin continued, feeling a little scared of the influence that Kazuya had over him.
“I locked you out?” Kazuya asked on a dark tone. “No, Jin. You locked yourself out and you even threw the key.” He added, cursing himself for not being able to shut up. He didn’t want to give in again to his emotions, he didn’t want to let Jin know that he was bothered or that he was scared.
“But I’m sorry and you know it.” Jin replied with the same pleading voice, now trembling a little. Maybe he had screwed it up, no, he definitely screwed it up, but… this wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be, not now when he finally felt that this is not for nothing. Even if he thought he hadn’t been wrong just a couple of hours ago. And now he was willing to trust Kazuya again if that meant that the younger will forgive him too and revert to his old self.
“But you know why I’m doing this, don’t you?” Jin continued, almost whispering. “You understand what I want, don’t you?” he asked, confident on Kazuya’s answer. Because if the younger didn’t know too… then who did? Who really understood him?
Kazuya took a long breath before he could really answer. Jin was making him dizzy, was giving him a headache. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to believe in something better between the two of them or like he was the bad guy and he simply enjoyed torturing Jin. No, it was definitely not like that, but still… why was it always that he was the one feeling guilty, the one who had to give a chance because maybe - maybe this time - it will be better. He was deluding, he was perfectly aware of this.
“You want me.” He finally answered. Chained, alone and all yours. Kazuya thought, but again didn’t say it.
Part II