Secret Whispers - Chapter Four [part I]
Title: Secret Whispers
Authors: aroruae & fighter_of_moon
Pairings: Akame, Ryokame & others along the way
Genre: AU, angst, fluff, drama, smut
Disclaimer: If the boys were ours, you'd be seeing more of them on TV and we'd have them in RL too
Summary: For those who don't give a damn on things like destiny, let me tell you one thing. They are real. And that's what Akanishi Jin was going to find out.
A/N: We're baaa~ack ^^ Or as back as we can do considering the fact that we still haven't done that much writing. I mean, we have more than ten chapters written to SW and AO but there are some parts that have yet to be written and they're a little boring to write so we keep cancel this and end up into a hiatus of a couple of months :))
Anyway, chapter 11 of Addictive Obsession will be up soon, maybe in a few days. So enjoy~~
First song: Without notice
Second song: Water dance
Third song: Our story ~ Prologue
Chapter four
Forth song ~ Crazy love
Only by calling your name did the world have meaning
Everything inside me wanted to protect you from injury, no matter the past
In case my voice reaches you, I'll be waiting here
This Crazy Love that won't happen ever again.
We’re young so we’re allowed to make mistakes. We don’t know that much about life so when we do something, we’re sure that it’s the right thing to do, that nothing can be better than what we think it’s good. No one can make us change our mind because we know better than them. It’s not necessarily because we think we’re smarter than the others, but we’re supposed to know best what’s good for us and what’s wrong in the same time. We are the ones who should know which road to choose, which decision to make or which path to take.
But things don’t go that way. And it’s okay because we’re young, we have all the time in the world to be making mistakes and learning which would have been the right thing to do. It’s okay to fail because next time we’ll know what we’re not supposed to do and maybe this way, we’ll be slowly leaving our teenage years behind and we’ll start walking on the road of adulthood.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
But it’s wrong to keep repeating them.
The morning after the party had passed quietly and without any further events. Kazuya had been the first one to wake up and had proceeded to kindly kick Jin out of bed too, just because he could do it and because he had wanted a little revenge for the last night. Jin had screamed, had yelped and had flapped his arms like a princess, his high voice managing to wake up all the others - most of them with headaches and some even with stomachaches or others parts hurting. Ryo had been the first one to enter the room where Kazuya and Jin had slept, opening the door with a loud slam and looking with narrowed eyes at Jin who was still on the floor.
“Shut up, you girly girl!” he barked annoyed, one of his hands fisted on the doorknob while the other one was massaging his temple. Oh, God, he shouldn’t have accepted some of those dares to drink with the guys.
“It’s not my fault!” Jin protested, fiercely pointing with his finger towards Kazuya who was still standing in bed and looking at the two of them, trying to keep his poker face as Jin’s girly screams and Ryo’s remark had made him laugh inwardly and outwardly too. The younger looked at Ryo, shrugging innocently, though you could see a certain gleam in his eyes as he glanced at Jin, hiding his mischief.
Ryo forced himself to suppress his smile, though it wasn’t that hard to do when Jin had just woken him up after a night of drinking and partying. “Bakanishi, everything is your fault.” He simply stated, his frown changing into an amused smirk as he continued to look at Jin’s pathetic figure still standing on the floor. “Even the recession.” He added with a little shrug and a wave of his hand.
Jin pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest, throwing daggers with his eyes at Ryo and Kazuya for making him look like an idiot. “You should know better than me. After all, your height is in recession too.” He commented with a tone that said he was an expert in this matter.
“That wasn’t even funny.” Ryo said, his eyes wide as he looked at his friend, wondering if he had gone mad from Kazuya’s kick - because it was clear what had happened to make Jin scream like that.
“You’re the one to talk.” Kazuya said suddenly, throwing a pillow in Jin’s head. “Recession or not, it’s still your fault.” He stuck out his tongue and jumped out of the bed on the side opposite the actor. He looked at Ryo and his lips curled a bit. “Sorry, gotta wake up my little brother and go home. Thanks for the party, Nishikido-san.” Kazuya bowed a little and then snuck out of the room before Jin could stop him as he expected him to do.
*
It was another regular day of work at the studio and Kazuya was pretty satisfied of how everything went. Jin was behaving like he should, the scenes were going well and the director was pleased. Nothing bad could happen, Kazuya mused as he was sipping from his coffee and surveying everyone else. He felt at peace with himself, work being the sole thing that made his life whole. His eyes set on Jin who was talking with Meisa, both of them finally getting along. Of course, Kazuya didn’t miss all those glances the woman threw at Jin and how she would try to get Jin’s attention just by playing the inaccessible one. But he trusted Jin to not be a beast and not go after her, following his animal instincts. The assistant left the flirting pair and he turned to check something in his agenda; he’ll have to take Jin later at the hair stylist, a new image being necessary for the movie. As he was humming to himself, he turned his attention again at the others, only to notice that there was something wrong, something missing.
Or someone missing. Kazuya frowned a bit as he searched for Jin and, why not, for Meisa too. It couldn’t be, he thought as he headed for the place where those two have been talking. He asked an AD on the way if he had seen them but no luck. Kazuya clicked his tongue and had the worst feeling ever, so he started an Akanishi hunt. And what will happen to the bastard when Kazuya will get his hands on him, oh yes, indeed.
So he checked every room possible, every bathroom and every set they have filmed on. But of course, none of them were to be found and now Kazuya was getting really worried - what if the stupid Jin was going too far? That would cause a ruckus nonetheless, seeing how loose Jin was when it came to women. The assistant cursed under his breath and went past a closed door and suddenly there were giggles from behind it. Kazuya’s ears suddenly perked up and he stopped in his tracks, turning towards that particular giggling door. He frowned and went towards it, thinking that there might be blood in that day.
“Nice shooting you two are having here.” Kazuya said as he opened the door, light flooding the small chamber - which was more like a closet - and revealing the tangled bodies of Jin and Meisa. He didn’t look at the woman at all, but oh, God, Jin should be dead by now seeing the daggers in Kazuya’s eyes.
“Oh. Kazuya.” Jin stated with a calm voice, even if his eyes were dancing furiously, glancing from Meisa to Kazuya and backwards. “Umm…” he bit his tongue, nervousness obvious in his tone. “What are you doing here?” he then asked, even if he knew perfectly well what he wanted there.
And, damn! He had been so close too!!
Kazuya refrained from marching into that sex filled closet and drag Jin out to scold him for what he was doing. “Kuroki-san, I believe your manager was looking for you.” He said politely to the lady that was trying to adjust her outfit and hair. She blushed intensely when Kazuya addressed her, murmured some apologies and quickly ran off leaving those two together. The air sizzled between them and Kazuya prayed to gods for patience. “Do you have peas instead of brain, horny Akanishi?!” he rounded on Jin, anger written in each of his feature.
“Umm… no?” Jin answered, still unsure of his words as he finally left the closet, ignoring his ruffled clothes and leaving them like that as he turned left, heading to his dressing room, knowing that he won’t get away of this that easily.
“Don’t you walk out on me, Akanishi!” Kazuya quickly joined him, hissing and almost wanting to hit the actor. “Your stupid needs will get us in trouble! Besides, did you really have to go on Kuroki-san?! For God’s sake, she’s your co-star! Rumors will spread, your image will be tainted once more, you moron! Why don’t you think for once? Or do you have your brain between your legs?!” Kazuya continued on nagging Jin, hissing like a goose or something, just so the others won’t hear him.
“Stop preaching me!” Jin rolled his eyes as he turned the doorknob of his dressing room and entered it, leaving it opened for the younger - even if he would have liked to slam it into his face at that time. “I told you a million times that I’ll be careful, for cryin’ out loud!” he threw himself on the couch, stretching his whole body on it and intentionally not leaving any space for Kazuya. “No one found us, right? No problem here.”
“I found you!” Kazuya roared and thankfully there were enough noises outside to not hear him shout in Jin’s dressing room. “If I did, so could someone else! And that wasn’t careful at all, you were just two stupid horny teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands away from each other!” Kazuya continued, glaring at Jin, his fists balled against his hips. “Can’t you fucking do yourself a hand job?!” the assistant asked with a desperate voice.
“Nope, it’s not as pleasant at all as when you fuck a woman.” Jin simply shrugged, like he didn’t care about Kazuya’s opinion at all. “Besides, my hand feels a little lonely after all this time.” He then proceeded to pout, pursing his lips and trying to look cute and awfully annoying.
“Then grab it tighter!” Kazuya hissed through gritted teeth, irked by the actor’s nonchalant behavior and thinking that one more stunt like this and he’ll have Jin locked up and with guardians by his side. “Or go fuck a tree or something! Just leave, for once, women out of this! Especially the ones you’re working with!” he continued, his voice raising a few octaves.
And Jin snapped. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he also raised his tone, leaving the couch and approaching Kazuya with fast moves, stopping in front of him and grabbing his arms tightly, throwing him into the wall. “What’s your problem if I fuck someone or not?!” he asked, feeling how rage slowly started to consume him. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous!” Jin mocked the younger, holding him with more strength as their bodies glued even more.
Kazuya’s eyes narrowed, though he had felt shock when Jin had slammed him into the wall. “Don’t belittle me!” he replied, his arms going numb from the pressure Jin had upon them. “I have abso-fucking-lutely no problem if you fuck a woman or not!! But the director has and I am stuck with your stupid brains and fucking dick to take care off, just because you are unable to do so!” he snarled, all defensive and angry. “So, screw you, Jin, ‘cause I don’t give a damn about your sexual life!”
“It doesn’t seem like that, seeing as you’re more preoccupied if I fuck Meisa or not.” Jin said, a smirk adorning his lips as he leaned over Kazuya, their noses touching and their breaths entwining. “You’re jealous, little turtle? Who do you want? You want to fuck Meisa instead of me?” he asked with a devilish tone. “Or do you want to fuck me?” he laughed, grinding his body into Kazuya’s and stopping him completely from moving. “I’d say it’s the latter seeing as you’re here and annoying me instead of going to that sweet little princess.” He ended with a voice so sweet that it made you nauseous.
“Fuck, you’re sick.” Kazuya said on an irritated voice, thinking that if Jin was getting any closer, he’ll kick the man in his jewelries. “I’m not horny as you are, so get off me! You’re taking up my private space and air!” he hissed, turning his face away from Jin, there was too much closeness between them.
Jin didn’t move for few moments and then he simply detached himself from Kazuya with a gesture full of disgust and hate and maybe something else. He took a few steps back, his eyes settled on Kazuya and studying every trait of his face, every breath. “As I’ve said,” he continued with what seemed to be a calmer voice even if inside he was still boiling with rage, “if you’re jealous, please don’t mess up my business. Go and find yourself another toy to annoy.” He spitted the words, sounding full of hate even if in his mind he was wondering why he was acting like this.
And why? What if Kazuya had seen them? Why was he so mad, just because the younger was upset that this might create problems for Jin? No, this didn’t sound right because he should be grateful that Kazuya was there and was helping him keep his image and not destroy the movie. Then… why was his heart beating with so much fury?
And Kazuya was bewildered at Jin’s stupid remarks. He couldn’t believe that such a jerk could ever exist on planet, but here he was! The perfect incarnation of the biggest jerk - Akanishi Jin! “Yeah, maybe I should, it would sure make my days a bit brighter and without much worry!” Kazuya replied with a trembling voice. “In fact, I should go to Director Matsumoto and tell him about your little adventure and ask him to let me walk on you. Since I’m being such an eyesore to you.” He spit the words and turned to exit the room. He had enough with Jin and his stupid attitude!
Jin didn’t know how he got there. He had no idea what he was doing or why he was doing this, but he didn’t waste too much time on thinking about it, he just did it. The only thing he knew was that he was standing in the middle of the room, arguing with Kazuya about the most stupid thing ever, and now… he was kissing him. Jin had pinned Kazuya to the door, his back glued to it while Jin’s was pressing against the younger’s, holding his hands and pressing his lips on Kazuya’s, his eyes closed and his heart beating faster than ever.
What was this feeling? Jin asked himself. He couldn’t put a name on it, but it just felt right. Just like that night, in his bedroom, when he had sort of made out with Kazuya. It had felt right then. And it felt the best now, he concluded, keeping his eyes closed and fearing Kazuya’s reaction. He won’t back down now even if he’ll be kicked and tossed away.
It was too late for that anyway.
Kazuya was shocked beyond shock. His eyes were wide opened and his lips… his lips were being kissed by Jin’s ones. Fuck! What was happening?! He asked himself, fighting the memories of that night at Jin’s house, when the actor had practically turned him on; fighting the sensations from back then to revive and make him do something he might regret. But he found himself moving his lips, creating a small friction between his and Jin’s, as his eyes were still looking at the older one who was too much of a coward to face him. And he opened his mouth to say something but that only misled the situation and had Jin slid his tongue inside his mouth, pouring pure liquid of passion into it. His tongue was like fire that slowly entered and touched, making everything burn, making Kazuya to respond back.
And when he did, it was shy and almost unsure. Was this right? Wasn’t this weird? All of these questions were popping inside Kazuya’s head who finally gave in to their lips meeting, tongue dance and all. The assistant closed his eyes and relaxed his body he hadn’t realized had gone stiff. He melted under Jin’s kiss, he welcomed it.
Only now Jin’s body stiffened, when Kazuya finally started to answer to his kiss, but Jin didn’t dwell too much on it, continuing to kiss the younger slowly and gently, with fearful moves but full of his desire. He had no idea that a simple kiss would feel this way. Kazuya made him go crazy with his shy moves - even if Jin wasn’t that brave either in taking a further step - and their tongues stroking each other made him lose his every sense of reason that he never had. It didn’t just feel good and it wasn’t just incredible. It was… just Kazuya.
His mind was blank but in the same time it was full of thoughts that he had never had and had never thought he’ll have. But nothing seemed to be that important in comparison with Kazuya, with his kiss, with his hands that were starting to lose power and instead of trying to push Jin away, they were clutching his shirt, resting on his chest and nervously and with uncertain moves bringing him closer. And Jin wasn’t one to argue about that, just following Kazuya’s arms and letting his own hands settle on the boy’s waist, their bodies close but keeping a little distance between them. Their lips continued to stroke each other into a shy and unsure kiss, their tongues exploring and their eyes not opening once, almost like they wouldn’t dare to see the other or like they were afraid that everything will disappear as soon as their eyes met and they realize what are they doing.
And his heart had never beaten this fast. Jin was trying to control it but he knew he was failing with grace and the only thing that was concerning him was if Kazuya would feel it. What will he think about it. What he’ll say, what he’ll do.
Jin sighed into their kiss, realizing that he couldn’t stop thinking about Kazuya. It was kind of hard when their bodies were glued to each other and their lips were touching, their tongues battling a battle that Jin wanted from all of his heart to lose for once. He felt himself melting into their kiss, his knees weak and barely supporting him and giving him strength to keep himself straight in front of Kazuya. Something was wrong with this image but in the same time, it had never felt so right.
And in that moment, Jin didn’t want to let go, he realized as he brought Kazuya’s body even closer, tilting his head a little and kissing the younger with more force, more power and more lust hidden behind his uncertain moves. His hands cupped the younger’s cheeks, changing the angle of their kiss to deepen it, to feel more of Kazuya and everything of his being.
He just couldn’t get enough of Kazuya and even if it seemed a crazy thing to do, Jin didn’t care in that moment. The world could crash and he wouldn’t care as long as their kiss won’t stop.
The touch of Jin on his cheeks made Kazuya shiver despite himself, its warmth prickling his already heated skin. The way his tongue seeped deeper into his mouth, exploring and taking him had an effect on Kazuya he never thought he’d feel. He was getting a little dizzy and the desire was slowly consuming him, spreading into his body and gathering into a single place. If he had known such emotion could be felt, he’d… have fallen into their spell a long time ago. And knowing it now, it made him yearn for more and as he went limp in Jin’s arms, letting him take control of him, damaging his system and fogging his mind, Kazuya knew it was time to stop otherwise something will happen, something that both of them will regret.
The assistant suppressed a moan as Jin took more of him, as he kept making love with his mouth. Oh, what sweet temptation to plunge into it, but he won’t. He had to resist such urge or he’ll definitely regret it later. Therefore he gathered the little strength he had since Jin kissed him to obliviousness and pushed Jin a little, his hands trembling on the actor’s chest to his surprise. There was a small sound as their lips parted and Kazuya didn’t want to admit that it had come from his mouth and had sounded more like a moan of protest.
He kept his eyes closed, afraid to open them and find … he didn’t know.
It took a while for Jin too to open his eyes and have the strength to look at Kazuya, but when he did and saw the boy’s closed eyes, he couldn’t suppress a smile from appearing on his face. He leaned over Kazuya again and pecked his mouth, his own lips still curled into a smile as he continued to kiss lightly the boy and whisper his name with an aroused voice. “Kazuya…” he said and Jin thought that Kazuya’s name had some magic wrapped around it because it seemed to lure Jin and trap him into the spell that was Kazuya.
Jin’s voice made his heart beat faster and Kazuya thought that it was the first time his name sounded so good out of Jin’s mouth. The assistant opened his eyes slowly, their brown color now turned to liquid amber. He looked at Jin and saw the desire glittering in his dark orbs, making Kazuya’s insides churn into a ball of lust and passion. And such a reaction made him fully realize - now with his eyes wide open - that what they have done was not right and it was better if he left.
“Fuck…” Kazuya swore on a small voice and then he pushed Jin further away from him, escaping his alluring warmth and desire. Luckily he was against the door because this offered him the opportunity to open it quickly and exit the room which was now impregnated with their forbidden kiss.
Kazuya didn’t look back as he hurried as far away from Jin’s dressing room, hiding his face which he was sure was having a deep shade of red and leaving behind a confused and needy actor.
*
Kazuya never thought that the day he didn’t want to go to work would come. But apparently it did and he found himself curling under his blanket, ignoring the alarm clock. The kiss he had shared with Jin the day before was lingering on him and each time he thought of it, his heart would start beating furiously, threatening to jump out of his chest. It was wrong and it was the worst thing that he could have done. Leaving aside that Jin was his superior, he was a man and he had mixed private life with work, thing he had never done before. Yet nonetheless, the worst part was the arousing traces the actor left on Kazuya’s body, making him feel weird and funny. The younger threw his blanket off and sat upright, ruffling his hair with annoyance.
“What the hell I am doing?” he asked himself, hating the insecurities in his heart.
Before he had met Jin, he had set priorities in his life, he had principles which he had followed strictly. Now… now he had overruled all of them and this only because of Jin. And that kiss that won’t leave his mind kept popping up and making him feel aroused and shockingly wanting more. It created a new fear in Kazuya and he wasn’t that pleased, especially since it made him feel awkward about his work. And he was worrying way too much.
Jumping out of the bed, Kazuya decided to interact as less as possible with Jin, this way he will be able to do his work properly and the actor will forget about the kiss and blame it on the spur of the moment. And Kazuya will do the same. With this decision, he entered the bathroom, feeling ready for work. At last.
Two hours later, he was standing in front of Jin’s door, his heart thumping loudly and his hands sweating unexpectedly. He drew air and exhaled it with a long breath, before inserting the key in the lock and opening the door. Silence welcomed him as usual and Kazuya was feeling more anxious than when he had come first to wake Jin up. He proceeded through the darkness of the living room and to Jin’s bedroom.
Again he found himself standing in front of the door, pondering if he should enter and wake the actor. But how will he face him? How should he act? He could pretend, of course, but after an amount of time had passed, not immediately the day after the kiss. It was too much even for a workaholic and perfectionist as Kamenashi Kazuya. But he had to resolve his mind and he should better do his job than to keep bouncing back and forward in front of a fucking door. The assistant got angry with himself and he pushed the door open, walked furiously at the windows and pulled the curtains, letting the sun rays enter the room. Then he proceeded to Jin and although his heart stilled and his legs almost stopped moving, Kazuya didn’t back down and pulled the sheets covering Jin before he began to shake the man fervently until he heard him shout, telling him to stop.
“Wake up!” Kazuya said on a loud voice and he pinched Jin’s nose until the actor couldn’t breathe anymore, this causing instant awaking as the man began to gasp for the air he had been deprived earlier. “Wake up or you’ll be late.” The assistant said and after he assured himself that Jin was now awake, he left the room hurriedly, not even making eye contact with the other. Soon enough, he left the apartment too - without Jin.
Later on, at the set, he had placed Jin’s schedule in the actor’s dressing room and each time he had the impression or feeling that Jin was looking for him, he fled to somewhere where he couldn’t be reached. This wasn’t ignoring or running, no, it was more like protection against what might happen if the two of them actually sat in front of each other or looked at each other. Even in the presence of Director Matsumoto, Kazuya didn’t meet Jin’s eyes and if there would be questions, he would answer them placidly and looking through his papers or somewhere to Jin’s left. He knew that the actor won’t do anything in the presence of the director and Kazuya was grateful for this. That’s why as soon as their small meetings ended, the assistant would excuse himself and flee to another place, apparently busy.
Also, there were moments when Kazuya had to call Jin from his dressing room, but there would be little time allowed as the younger one barely opened the door, telling Jin what he was supposed to do, and he quickly closed it again, leaving a shocked actor behind. But the assistant wasn’t to dwell on such things, not when there was work to do and a heart to settle alongside with the body that was hosting it.
Somewhere in his mind, Kazuya realized that such a situation won’t continue long like this, especially since there were apparently rumors going around about his relationship with Jin and Meisa who kept throwing him fidgeting glances. Kazuya was sure that soon this hide-and-seek game will end and he will have to face Jin eventually. But he will prolong it as much as he could, because he was still not ready and he will do anything to protect his work and… private life. After all, he had other things to think about, not to fuss over a kiss between him and a man, namely Jin.
And like this, three days passed, Jin being woken by a ninja turtle and avoided by a workaholic one too.
*
It was starting to get annoying, really. Kazuya had been avoiding him for three days and Jin felt how his patience would run out soon enough for him to cause a scene in the middle of the set. He had tried to catch the younger one and to talk to him about what had happened, but it seemed that Kazuya was happier not doing anything and just pretending that everything was alright.
Jin didn’t settle with that. He didn’t want such a thing, not after he had struggled so much to convince Kazuya to be his friend and especially not after they had shared such an amazing kiss that was still imprinted in Jin’s mind and threatened to remain there for a long time. It wasn’t the first time he was feeling like this, so Jin knew very well what was his heart doing and why he was feeling so weird around Kazuya.
He liked Kazuya.
It hadn’t been that hard for him to accept this fact. He had a lot of gay friends and he was used to see guys kissing or making out like he was used to be with women and kiss them. It was still a mystery how he had ended up in such a situation though and that was why he needed answers. Because, sure, he liked Kazuya, but it wasn’t the first time he liked someone so why him? Why was he feeling like that around the boy and why was his heart beating so fast every time they would be closer than what was allowed? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about their kiss and why was he getting so flustered every damned time he thought of it?!
It was confusing, honestly. He could admit that he liked Kazuya, but… in the same time, he couldn’t. It was like his heart had developed a mind of its own that said all the time how much Jin liked Kazuya while his real mind would tell him that it’s impossible, that Jin isn’t gay and that he can’t be attracted to a man no matter how gorgeous he was.
And that was why he needed answers and the only person who could give them to him was currently running around and avoiding him like a plague.
Jin was now in his dressing room, waiting for someone to call him on set, waiting for a certain person but dreading his appearance. When the door finally opened, he looked up from the couch, the hope and curiosity written clearly in his eyes.
Kazuya entered the room tensed as a bow and he looked anywhere else but to Jin. It was an awkward situation like this, but it made him feel a little safer, because each time he entered that dressing room, images of him and Jin kissing popped in his head. Not to mention, that the presence of the person itself made things even more awkward. So he spoke quickly, almost like a machine. “You are to be on set in the following ten minutes.” Then he turned to leave, only to have Jin’s icy voice stop him. But he knew better, there was fire burning beneath it.
“Stop right there.” Jin said while raising himself from the couch and coming closer to the younger, stopping between the door and Kazuya to not allow him from escaping like he had done in the past days. He had had enough of Kazuya running away like that. He didn’t want to see only Kazuya’s back for the rest of the months that he’ll be spending in Japan filming a stupid movie, with stupid co-workers, in a stupid place that he didn’t want to be. “Don’t you think you’re acting childishly?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his gaze piercing, looking into the depths of Kazuya’s soul.
Kazuya gulped and looked away from Jin’s scrutinizing stare. “I’m not.” He said on a small voice, not even himself believing. But he really wasn’t! It was… just that things were a bit too much for him and he wasn’t sure how to react to such a situation!
“Yes, you are.” Jin immediately denied Kazuya’s words. “You don’t even have the courage to watch me in the eyes.” He said, leaning on the door, his eyes never leaving the boy. His voice was calm, composed, but Jin was starting to feel himself getting excited, nervous and unsure about being with Kazuya for a long time in the same room. Involuntarily, the thought of not being able to let Kazuya go crawled into his mind and Jin shuddered at it. He needed to escape from those torturing thoughts.
Kazuya gulped and forced himself to look at Jin. And his heart started to beat faster, the memory of those lips on his own clutching strongly around his body, making him feel waves of pleasure just from imagining to have Jin kiss him again. That’s why it was better if Kazuya kept a safe distance between him and the actor, there were definitely some unwanted desires in his body and all was because of the actor. “I’m looking at you now.” He said on a hoarse voice, trying to regain his composure.
“And how much of your courage did you just use to do this simple thing?” Jin arched an inquiring eyebrow, seeming really curious to know the answer. Of course, he didn’t have to mention that he himself had needed a lot of courage to decide to talk to Kazuya, but he had acted on impulse when he had stopped the assistant from leaving him like it happened in the past days. He was an actor though, he could hide his nervousness.
The problem was that he had never been able to use his acting talent in private life.
Kazuya narrowed his eyes at Jin. “Look, it’s not about courage or anything. It’s just that… we made a mistake and I don’t want to misunderstand our situation any further.” The assistant started to say, ruffling his hair, a sign of the nervousness he was feeling. “I’m sorry that I came over you and Meisa, if it hadn’t been for me, you’d have been satisfied and wouldn’t have done such a thing. I know it was because of the tension, we were fighting and everything that happened was because of a spur of the moment. And I’m sorry that you had to do such a thing just because I had to interfere with your needs.” He continued, biting his lips all the time and passing a hand through his hair. “I know it was on a whim…” he added as if he wanted to convince Jin that he was completely fine, though it clearly showed that he wasn’t.
“You think I kissed you just because you stopped me from fucking Meisa?” Jin asked with the same calm voice and inquiring expression, taking a step towards Kazuya who likewise took a step back. “You think I would just kiss any guy because I missed the chance to hit on a girl?” he added, the truth of his own words finally shinning on him, making him realize that he didn’t regret at all kissing Kazuya.
The assistant bit onto his lower lip some more and looked unsure. He needn’t to answer Jin’s questions since he had already said what he thought about this whole kiss situation. “You wouldn’t?” he asked innocently, his eyes darting from Jin to the floor and back.
“No, I wouldn’t.” Jin sighed deeply, shaking his head a little in disbelief. “I kissed you because I wanted to.” He confessed, finally understanding what was that nagging feeling that kept coming back and refused to leave his heart. “And I enjoyed it, much more than anything.” He added, sincerity written in his eyes as he took one more step towards Kazuya. “I realized that I wanted to do this for a long time. From when I met you and you came to my apartment and bit me and made me aroused and feel a lot of things that I didn’t understand back then.” He continued to ramble, not really knowing what he was saying but that it was the truth and it was the only thing that mattered.
He had really enjoyed kissing Kazuya and when Jin finally realized that, he felt like something weighting a lot disappeared from his chest, leaving him to breathe freely and not choke him anymore. But then panic came. Why did he do that? And why did he enjoy their kiss that much? Why was he looking like that at Kazuya, like he wanted to devour him completely, to make him his and to hear all of those sounds that he knew Kazuya’s mouth can make?!
“I wanted to kiss you then as much as I want now.” Jin whispered, half-afraid of what his words would mean for him, for them. But the other half of him couldn’t be stopped, not when Kazuya was so close to him so Jin took another step towards him, only a few inches separating them now. He seemed unsure of what to do and Jin thought that for the first time in his life, he really was. All of his thoughts didn’t make any sense because he still didn’t understand why did he like kissing Kazuya, only that he did and that he wanted to do it again. Again and again and never getting tired of it.
Jin’s words had some magic into it and rooted Kazuya on the spot, unable to do nothing except looking at the actor getting closer and closer to him, uttering gibberish that somehow made sense to Kazuya. The younger gulped and lowered his head, incapable of facing Jin’s stare and the desire that was written in it. Everything was stupid, really! He couldn’t be feeling all these because of a man, let aside to make another man feel it too! Jin was probably confused right now, they have spent a long time together and maybe… things had gotten into his mind. Also, that morning when he had bit Jin or the night when he had done striptease… everything had their consequence and apparently, it was such a consequence for both of them.
“Y-you’re confused.” Kazuya stuttered, thinking that reason will solve their sexual desires. “From that morning and that night. You’re deluding yourself that you want to kiss me…” he glanced at Jin and gulped again. “You can’t be really wanting to do such a thing, you’re simply confused and… I don’t know, you want to try out things! But it can’t happen, no, we’re both men and it’s… it’s wrong!” Kazuya said all in one breath, feeling his chest burn as if the words he had said were far away from the truth and they hurt.
“I’m not confused, Kazuya.” Jin said with a firm voice, slowly raising his hand to cup the younger’s cheek into his palm, gently brushing his fingers on it. He may be confused about the reason, but he was sure of his feelings. And he wanted Kazuya. “That night… and that morning… happened because we both wanted something but didn’t know what it was.” he smiled, his face brightening a little at the memories. “And I know we’re both men, but…” he took a deep breath, “can’t we please try to see how it works? It isn’t wrong if we like each other.” Jin added, not aware of the fact that he had just confessed to Kazuya.
Kazuya’s heart stopped and his eyes widened at Jin’s words. This wasn’t happening, he hadn’t heard words of like and he was definitely dreaming. But the fingers on his cheek were burning and leaving lingering marks, it was impossible to be dreaming. “No.” Kazuya replied and to his surprise, his tone was calm and steady. “It’s wrong in every possible way.” He continued and lifted his hand to remove Jin’s one. “And I never said I like you back.” The assistant added, his voice a tad gentler.
Jin didn’t look surprised, but his smile widened a little, turning into a smirk as he let his hand fall, swinging it a little and brushing Kazuya’s fingers now. “Then you make a habit of kissing any guy like that?” he asked with a teasing voice and a playful tone.
Kazuya blushed furiously and glared at Jin. “I didn’t kiss you, you kissed me.” He replied, although he was perfectly aware that he had responded to that kiss. “And like I said before, it has been a mistake. But I’m willing to look over it and try to be friends again.” Kazuya emphasized the word friends. It was better like this, there wasn’t the time to have something like this in his life. It will never be.
“Kazuya, you kissed me back so don’t put all the blame on me.” Jin scolded the younger, making a tired face. “And it’s not a mistake, it never was!” he just stated, raising his tone a little and dropping the whispering and calming voice. “I like you, Kazuya, I’m attracted to you and don’t you dare and lie to me that you don’t feel a thing!” Jin threatened, gritting his teeth but he was now simply freaking out just because of one word. He didn’t like how the word ‘friends’ sounded on Kazuya’s lips, on those lips that he had kissed with so much starvation three days ago and had hunted him since then.
But Jin’s persistence only made Kazuya more stubborn in his belief. “Okay, I might have kissed you back, but it still doesn’t change the fact that it really was a mistake.” The younger replied, lifting his chin in defiance. He will never say that the kiss between them had been more than a mistake. “And I can’t be attracted to you when I… I have someone I like already!” he then added, blushing.
But that declaration made Jin’s own stubbornness to come back, even more powerful than at the beginning. It was one thing to say that Kazuya thought it was a mistake because Jin could have probably dealt with that and find another occasion - he still wouldn’t have given up, maybe just waited a while; two days top. But to say that he liked someone else… now that was a challenge for him. “Oh, really?” he said, taking one more little step towards Kazuya and grabbing the younger by his waist, trapping him in his arms. “And have you told her that you like her?” he then asked, shrugging a little like it didn’t matter to him.
There were shivers down Kazuya’s spine when Jin pulled him in his arms and it surely had his heart sink into his stomach, giving him the butterflies he dreaded to feel. “I have to see her, I promised a date.” He replied and pushed Jin away. It wasn’t a safe distance for neither of them.
Jin pouted for a second, looking upset because he had been pushed away by Kazuya, but he recovered quickly, a smirk adorning his lips again. “So she doesn’t know about you kissing me either.” Jin lingered on his words with a thoughtful expression and mischievous eyes. “I wonder what she would say about this.” He then added with a slight teasing tone.
“And why would I tell her about that mistake?” Kazuya asked, his eyebrow cocked in irony. “It’s not like it’s that important to have her know about it.” He then shrugged and put some more space between him and Jin, now almost close to the couch.
“Weell…” Jin continued with a playful voice seeming to be really enjoying this situation as he once again followed the younger with an expectant expression. “It may have been a mistake and I had been the one to initiate it, but you clearly responded to it and actually enjoyed it.” He said with confidence like this was the only truth that could exist. He then shrugged a little. “I was just wondering what she would say if she finds out about your little habit.”
Kazuya’s eyes flared in an instant. “Habit?!” he asked with a voice that leaked of contained fury. “Don’t make me sound like you, I’m not the one who’s doing girls in a closet.” He retorted, now glaring at Jin. “And she won’t find out anything, she doesn’t have from where.” Kazuya smirked, looking pleased.
“Oh, but she does.” Jin laughed a little, stopping in front of Kazuya and pushing him lightly so that he could fall on the couch, Jin immediately hovering over him, his hands on the wall to support his body and his eyes glittering with mischief. “The world is surprisingly small and trust me that it won’t take me long to find out who she is.” He continued with an arrogant tone, the unsaid threat obvious in his voice.
“Yeah, right.” Kazuya mocked him and climbed up on the couch, trying to weasel out under Jin. “Like my world and your world would ever clash.” He laughed shortly.
“I wasn’t talking about any clashing.” Jin grinned, deciding that he also wanted to sit on the couch and the perfect place to do that seemed to be Kazuya’s lap so he straddled the younger, continuing his thought immediately to stop the boy from yelling at him: “The staff people also have eyes. And you have been in their center of attention since you became mine.” Jin stopped there, refusing to utter the words ‘my assistant’ because it sounded better without. “I will know.” He declared, emphasizing the word ‘will’ to show that he will do that with any cost, even if it meant that he had to hire a detective to follow Kazuya - even if Jin was more the type to do the following by himself and be spotted by all the fans and ending up in creating a mess.
“Became yours??” Kazuya looked incredulously at Jin. “Since when?!” he asked with a dry laugh. “And don’t kid yourself thinking that you will know anything anytime now.” He added and tried to push Jin off him. “And get off of me.” Kazuya glared, displeased with their position.
“Don’t wanna.” Jin pouted, letting his head fall on Kazuya’s shoulder while his hands encircled the younger’s waist. “I like being this close to you.” He whined, smiling and thinking how good this felt.
“Jin, someone might come in and…” Kazuya just realized. “Fuck!! Get off, you were supposed to be on set in ten minutes!!” he shouted and with sudden power, he pushed Jin off, Kazuya himself jumping off the couch and looking around hectic-like. “You have memorized your lines, right? Check your clothes, they mustn’t be crinkly. Also, hurry already, I’ll follow you quickly!” he turned to Jin who blinked at Kazuya, watching him like he didn’t understand what was happening or why was the assistant freaking out like that.
Then he laughed. “Okay, okay.” He said, accepting for now Kazuya running once more. He got off the couch and went to the door, opening it and turning his back on it to look at the younger. “But just remember that this isn’t over yet.” He announced with a sweet smile, tilting his head a little and gazing innocently at Kazuya.
And just like that, he left the room.
Part II
Authors: aroruae & fighter_of_moon
Pairings: Akame, Ryokame & others along the way
Genre: AU, angst, fluff, drama, smut
Disclaimer: If the boys were ours, you'd be seeing more of them on TV and we'd have them in RL too
Summary: For those who don't give a damn on things like destiny, let me tell you one thing. They are real. And that's what Akanishi Jin was going to find out.
A/N: We're baaa~ack ^^ Or as back as we can do considering the fact that we still haven't done that much writing. I mean, we have more than ten chapters written to SW and AO but there are some parts that have yet to be written and they're a little boring to write so we keep cancel this and end up into a hiatus of a couple of months :))
Anyway, chapter 11 of Addictive Obsession will be up soon, maybe in a few days. So enjoy~~
First song: Without notice
Second song: Water dance
Third song: Our story ~ Prologue
Chapter four
Forth song ~ Crazy love
Only by calling your name did the world have meaning
Everything inside me wanted to protect you from injury, no matter the past
In case my voice reaches you, I'll be waiting here
This Crazy Love that won't happen ever again.
We’re young so we’re allowed to make mistakes. We don’t know that much about life so when we do something, we’re sure that it’s the right thing to do, that nothing can be better than what we think it’s good. No one can make us change our mind because we know better than them. It’s not necessarily because we think we’re smarter than the others, but we’re supposed to know best what’s good for us and what’s wrong in the same time. We are the ones who should know which road to choose, which decision to make or which path to take.
But things don’t go that way. And it’s okay because we’re young, we have all the time in the world to be making mistakes and learning which would have been the right thing to do. It’s okay to fail because next time we’ll know what we’re not supposed to do and maybe this way, we’ll be slowly leaving our teenage years behind and we’ll start walking on the road of adulthood.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
But it’s wrong to keep repeating them.
The morning after the party had passed quietly and without any further events. Kazuya had been the first one to wake up and had proceeded to kindly kick Jin out of bed too, just because he could do it and because he had wanted a little revenge for the last night. Jin had screamed, had yelped and had flapped his arms like a princess, his high voice managing to wake up all the others - most of them with headaches and some even with stomachaches or others parts hurting. Ryo had been the first one to enter the room where Kazuya and Jin had slept, opening the door with a loud slam and looking with narrowed eyes at Jin who was still on the floor.
“Shut up, you girly girl!” he barked annoyed, one of his hands fisted on the doorknob while the other one was massaging his temple. Oh, God, he shouldn’t have accepted some of those dares to drink with the guys.
“It’s not my fault!” Jin protested, fiercely pointing with his finger towards Kazuya who was still standing in bed and looking at the two of them, trying to keep his poker face as Jin’s girly screams and Ryo’s remark had made him laugh inwardly and outwardly too. The younger looked at Ryo, shrugging innocently, though you could see a certain gleam in his eyes as he glanced at Jin, hiding his mischief.
Ryo forced himself to suppress his smile, though it wasn’t that hard to do when Jin had just woken him up after a night of drinking and partying. “Bakanishi, everything is your fault.” He simply stated, his frown changing into an amused smirk as he continued to look at Jin’s pathetic figure still standing on the floor. “Even the recession.” He added with a little shrug and a wave of his hand.
Jin pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest, throwing daggers with his eyes at Ryo and Kazuya for making him look like an idiot. “You should know better than me. After all, your height is in recession too.” He commented with a tone that said he was an expert in this matter.
“That wasn’t even funny.” Ryo said, his eyes wide as he looked at his friend, wondering if he had gone mad from Kazuya’s kick - because it was clear what had happened to make Jin scream like that.
“You’re the one to talk.” Kazuya said suddenly, throwing a pillow in Jin’s head. “Recession or not, it’s still your fault.” He stuck out his tongue and jumped out of the bed on the side opposite the actor. He looked at Ryo and his lips curled a bit. “Sorry, gotta wake up my little brother and go home. Thanks for the party, Nishikido-san.” Kazuya bowed a little and then snuck out of the room before Jin could stop him as he expected him to do.
*
It was another regular day of work at the studio and Kazuya was pretty satisfied of how everything went. Jin was behaving like he should, the scenes were going well and the director was pleased. Nothing bad could happen, Kazuya mused as he was sipping from his coffee and surveying everyone else. He felt at peace with himself, work being the sole thing that made his life whole. His eyes set on Jin who was talking with Meisa, both of them finally getting along. Of course, Kazuya didn’t miss all those glances the woman threw at Jin and how she would try to get Jin’s attention just by playing the inaccessible one. But he trusted Jin to not be a beast and not go after her, following his animal instincts. The assistant left the flirting pair and he turned to check something in his agenda; he’ll have to take Jin later at the hair stylist, a new image being necessary for the movie. As he was humming to himself, he turned his attention again at the others, only to notice that there was something wrong, something missing.
Or someone missing. Kazuya frowned a bit as he searched for Jin and, why not, for Meisa too. It couldn’t be, he thought as he headed for the place where those two have been talking. He asked an AD on the way if he had seen them but no luck. Kazuya clicked his tongue and had the worst feeling ever, so he started an Akanishi hunt. And what will happen to the bastard when Kazuya will get his hands on him, oh yes, indeed.
So he checked every room possible, every bathroom and every set they have filmed on. But of course, none of them were to be found and now Kazuya was getting really worried - what if the stupid Jin was going too far? That would cause a ruckus nonetheless, seeing how loose Jin was when it came to women. The assistant cursed under his breath and went past a closed door and suddenly there were giggles from behind it. Kazuya’s ears suddenly perked up and he stopped in his tracks, turning towards that particular giggling door. He frowned and went towards it, thinking that there might be blood in that day.
“Nice shooting you two are having here.” Kazuya said as he opened the door, light flooding the small chamber - which was more like a closet - and revealing the tangled bodies of Jin and Meisa. He didn’t look at the woman at all, but oh, God, Jin should be dead by now seeing the daggers in Kazuya’s eyes.
“Oh. Kazuya.” Jin stated with a calm voice, even if his eyes were dancing furiously, glancing from Meisa to Kazuya and backwards. “Umm…” he bit his tongue, nervousness obvious in his tone. “What are you doing here?” he then asked, even if he knew perfectly well what he wanted there.
And, damn! He had been so close too!!
Kazuya refrained from marching into that sex filled closet and drag Jin out to scold him for what he was doing. “Kuroki-san, I believe your manager was looking for you.” He said politely to the lady that was trying to adjust her outfit and hair. She blushed intensely when Kazuya addressed her, murmured some apologies and quickly ran off leaving those two together. The air sizzled between them and Kazuya prayed to gods for patience. “Do you have peas instead of brain, horny Akanishi?!” he rounded on Jin, anger written in each of his feature.
“Umm… no?” Jin answered, still unsure of his words as he finally left the closet, ignoring his ruffled clothes and leaving them like that as he turned left, heading to his dressing room, knowing that he won’t get away of this that easily.
“Don’t you walk out on me, Akanishi!” Kazuya quickly joined him, hissing and almost wanting to hit the actor. “Your stupid needs will get us in trouble! Besides, did you really have to go on Kuroki-san?! For God’s sake, she’s your co-star! Rumors will spread, your image will be tainted once more, you moron! Why don’t you think for once? Or do you have your brain between your legs?!” Kazuya continued on nagging Jin, hissing like a goose or something, just so the others won’t hear him.
“Stop preaching me!” Jin rolled his eyes as he turned the doorknob of his dressing room and entered it, leaving it opened for the younger - even if he would have liked to slam it into his face at that time. “I told you a million times that I’ll be careful, for cryin’ out loud!” he threw himself on the couch, stretching his whole body on it and intentionally not leaving any space for Kazuya. “No one found us, right? No problem here.”
“I found you!” Kazuya roared and thankfully there were enough noises outside to not hear him shout in Jin’s dressing room. “If I did, so could someone else! And that wasn’t careful at all, you were just two stupid horny teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands away from each other!” Kazuya continued, glaring at Jin, his fists balled against his hips. “Can’t you fucking do yourself a hand job?!” the assistant asked with a desperate voice.
“Nope, it’s not as pleasant at all as when you fuck a woman.” Jin simply shrugged, like he didn’t care about Kazuya’s opinion at all. “Besides, my hand feels a little lonely after all this time.” He then proceeded to pout, pursing his lips and trying to look cute and awfully annoying.
“Then grab it tighter!” Kazuya hissed through gritted teeth, irked by the actor’s nonchalant behavior and thinking that one more stunt like this and he’ll have Jin locked up and with guardians by his side. “Or go fuck a tree or something! Just leave, for once, women out of this! Especially the ones you’re working with!” he continued, his voice raising a few octaves.
And Jin snapped. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he also raised his tone, leaving the couch and approaching Kazuya with fast moves, stopping in front of him and grabbing his arms tightly, throwing him into the wall. “What’s your problem if I fuck someone or not?!” he asked, feeling how rage slowly started to consume him. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous!” Jin mocked the younger, holding him with more strength as their bodies glued even more.
Kazuya’s eyes narrowed, though he had felt shock when Jin had slammed him into the wall. “Don’t belittle me!” he replied, his arms going numb from the pressure Jin had upon them. “I have abso-fucking-lutely no problem if you fuck a woman or not!! But the director has and I am stuck with your stupid brains and fucking dick to take care off, just because you are unable to do so!” he snarled, all defensive and angry. “So, screw you, Jin, ‘cause I don’t give a damn about your sexual life!”
“It doesn’t seem like that, seeing as you’re more preoccupied if I fuck Meisa or not.” Jin said, a smirk adorning his lips as he leaned over Kazuya, their noses touching and their breaths entwining. “You’re jealous, little turtle? Who do you want? You want to fuck Meisa instead of me?” he asked with a devilish tone. “Or do you want to fuck me?” he laughed, grinding his body into Kazuya’s and stopping him completely from moving. “I’d say it’s the latter seeing as you’re here and annoying me instead of going to that sweet little princess.” He ended with a voice so sweet that it made you nauseous.
“Fuck, you’re sick.” Kazuya said on an irritated voice, thinking that if Jin was getting any closer, he’ll kick the man in his jewelries. “I’m not horny as you are, so get off me! You’re taking up my private space and air!” he hissed, turning his face away from Jin, there was too much closeness between them.
Jin didn’t move for few moments and then he simply detached himself from Kazuya with a gesture full of disgust and hate and maybe something else. He took a few steps back, his eyes settled on Kazuya and studying every trait of his face, every breath. “As I’ve said,” he continued with what seemed to be a calmer voice even if inside he was still boiling with rage, “if you’re jealous, please don’t mess up my business. Go and find yourself another toy to annoy.” He spitted the words, sounding full of hate even if in his mind he was wondering why he was acting like this.
And why? What if Kazuya had seen them? Why was he so mad, just because the younger was upset that this might create problems for Jin? No, this didn’t sound right because he should be grateful that Kazuya was there and was helping him keep his image and not destroy the movie. Then… why was his heart beating with so much fury?
And Kazuya was bewildered at Jin’s stupid remarks. He couldn’t believe that such a jerk could ever exist on planet, but here he was! The perfect incarnation of the biggest jerk - Akanishi Jin! “Yeah, maybe I should, it would sure make my days a bit brighter and without much worry!” Kazuya replied with a trembling voice. “In fact, I should go to Director Matsumoto and tell him about your little adventure and ask him to let me walk on you. Since I’m being such an eyesore to you.” He spit the words and turned to exit the room. He had enough with Jin and his stupid attitude!
Jin didn’t know how he got there. He had no idea what he was doing or why he was doing this, but he didn’t waste too much time on thinking about it, he just did it. The only thing he knew was that he was standing in the middle of the room, arguing with Kazuya about the most stupid thing ever, and now… he was kissing him. Jin had pinned Kazuya to the door, his back glued to it while Jin’s was pressing against the younger’s, holding his hands and pressing his lips on Kazuya’s, his eyes closed and his heart beating faster than ever.
What was this feeling? Jin asked himself. He couldn’t put a name on it, but it just felt right. Just like that night, in his bedroom, when he had sort of made out with Kazuya. It had felt right then. And it felt the best now, he concluded, keeping his eyes closed and fearing Kazuya’s reaction. He won’t back down now even if he’ll be kicked and tossed away.
It was too late for that anyway.
Kazuya was shocked beyond shock. His eyes were wide opened and his lips… his lips were being kissed by Jin’s ones. Fuck! What was happening?! He asked himself, fighting the memories of that night at Jin’s house, when the actor had practically turned him on; fighting the sensations from back then to revive and make him do something he might regret. But he found himself moving his lips, creating a small friction between his and Jin’s, as his eyes were still looking at the older one who was too much of a coward to face him. And he opened his mouth to say something but that only misled the situation and had Jin slid his tongue inside his mouth, pouring pure liquid of passion into it. His tongue was like fire that slowly entered and touched, making everything burn, making Kazuya to respond back.
And when he did, it was shy and almost unsure. Was this right? Wasn’t this weird? All of these questions were popping inside Kazuya’s head who finally gave in to their lips meeting, tongue dance and all. The assistant closed his eyes and relaxed his body he hadn’t realized had gone stiff. He melted under Jin’s kiss, he welcomed it.
Only now Jin’s body stiffened, when Kazuya finally started to answer to his kiss, but Jin didn’t dwell too much on it, continuing to kiss the younger slowly and gently, with fearful moves but full of his desire. He had no idea that a simple kiss would feel this way. Kazuya made him go crazy with his shy moves - even if Jin wasn’t that brave either in taking a further step - and their tongues stroking each other made him lose his every sense of reason that he never had. It didn’t just feel good and it wasn’t just incredible. It was… just Kazuya.
His mind was blank but in the same time it was full of thoughts that he had never had and had never thought he’ll have. But nothing seemed to be that important in comparison with Kazuya, with his kiss, with his hands that were starting to lose power and instead of trying to push Jin away, they were clutching his shirt, resting on his chest and nervously and with uncertain moves bringing him closer. And Jin wasn’t one to argue about that, just following Kazuya’s arms and letting his own hands settle on the boy’s waist, their bodies close but keeping a little distance between them. Their lips continued to stroke each other into a shy and unsure kiss, their tongues exploring and their eyes not opening once, almost like they wouldn’t dare to see the other or like they were afraid that everything will disappear as soon as their eyes met and they realize what are they doing.
And his heart had never beaten this fast. Jin was trying to control it but he knew he was failing with grace and the only thing that was concerning him was if Kazuya would feel it. What will he think about it. What he’ll say, what he’ll do.
Jin sighed into their kiss, realizing that he couldn’t stop thinking about Kazuya. It was kind of hard when their bodies were glued to each other and their lips were touching, their tongues battling a battle that Jin wanted from all of his heart to lose for once. He felt himself melting into their kiss, his knees weak and barely supporting him and giving him strength to keep himself straight in front of Kazuya. Something was wrong with this image but in the same time, it had never felt so right.
And in that moment, Jin didn’t want to let go, he realized as he brought Kazuya’s body even closer, tilting his head a little and kissing the younger with more force, more power and more lust hidden behind his uncertain moves. His hands cupped the younger’s cheeks, changing the angle of their kiss to deepen it, to feel more of Kazuya and everything of his being.
He just couldn’t get enough of Kazuya and even if it seemed a crazy thing to do, Jin didn’t care in that moment. The world could crash and he wouldn’t care as long as their kiss won’t stop.
The touch of Jin on his cheeks made Kazuya shiver despite himself, its warmth prickling his already heated skin. The way his tongue seeped deeper into his mouth, exploring and taking him had an effect on Kazuya he never thought he’d feel. He was getting a little dizzy and the desire was slowly consuming him, spreading into his body and gathering into a single place. If he had known such emotion could be felt, he’d… have fallen into their spell a long time ago. And knowing it now, it made him yearn for more and as he went limp in Jin’s arms, letting him take control of him, damaging his system and fogging his mind, Kazuya knew it was time to stop otherwise something will happen, something that both of them will regret.
The assistant suppressed a moan as Jin took more of him, as he kept making love with his mouth. Oh, what sweet temptation to plunge into it, but he won’t. He had to resist such urge or he’ll definitely regret it later. Therefore he gathered the little strength he had since Jin kissed him to obliviousness and pushed Jin a little, his hands trembling on the actor’s chest to his surprise. There was a small sound as their lips parted and Kazuya didn’t want to admit that it had come from his mouth and had sounded more like a moan of protest.
He kept his eyes closed, afraid to open them and find … he didn’t know.
It took a while for Jin too to open his eyes and have the strength to look at Kazuya, but when he did and saw the boy’s closed eyes, he couldn’t suppress a smile from appearing on his face. He leaned over Kazuya again and pecked his mouth, his own lips still curled into a smile as he continued to kiss lightly the boy and whisper his name with an aroused voice. “Kazuya…” he said and Jin thought that Kazuya’s name had some magic wrapped around it because it seemed to lure Jin and trap him into the spell that was Kazuya.
Jin’s voice made his heart beat faster and Kazuya thought that it was the first time his name sounded so good out of Jin’s mouth. The assistant opened his eyes slowly, their brown color now turned to liquid amber. He looked at Jin and saw the desire glittering in his dark orbs, making Kazuya’s insides churn into a ball of lust and passion. And such a reaction made him fully realize - now with his eyes wide open - that what they have done was not right and it was better if he left.
“Fuck…” Kazuya swore on a small voice and then he pushed Jin further away from him, escaping his alluring warmth and desire. Luckily he was against the door because this offered him the opportunity to open it quickly and exit the room which was now impregnated with their forbidden kiss.
Kazuya didn’t look back as he hurried as far away from Jin’s dressing room, hiding his face which he was sure was having a deep shade of red and leaving behind a confused and needy actor.
*
Kazuya never thought that the day he didn’t want to go to work would come. But apparently it did and he found himself curling under his blanket, ignoring the alarm clock. The kiss he had shared with Jin the day before was lingering on him and each time he thought of it, his heart would start beating furiously, threatening to jump out of his chest. It was wrong and it was the worst thing that he could have done. Leaving aside that Jin was his superior, he was a man and he had mixed private life with work, thing he had never done before. Yet nonetheless, the worst part was the arousing traces the actor left on Kazuya’s body, making him feel weird and funny. The younger threw his blanket off and sat upright, ruffling his hair with annoyance.
“What the hell I am doing?” he asked himself, hating the insecurities in his heart.
Before he had met Jin, he had set priorities in his life, he had principles which he had followed strictly. Now… now he had overruled all of them and this only because of Jin. And that kiss that won’t leave his mind kept popping up and making him feel aroused and shockingly wanting more. It created a new fear in Kazuya and he wasn’t that pleased, especially since it made him feel awkward about his work. And he was worrying way too much.
Jumping out of the bed, Kazuya decided to interact as less as possible with Jin, this way he will be able to do his work properly and the actor will forget about the kiss and blame it on the spur of the moment. And Kazuya will do the same. With this decision, he entered the bathroom, feeling ready for work. At last.
Two hours later, he was standing in front of Jin’s door, his heart thumping loudly and his hands sweating unexpectedly. He drew air and exhaled it with a long breath, before inserting the key in the lock and opening the door. Silence welcomed him as usual and Kazuya was feeling more anxious than when he had come first to wake Jin up. He proceeded through the darkness of the living room and to Jin’s bedroom.
Again he found himself standing in front of the door, pondering if he should enter and wake the actor. But how will he face him? How should he act? He could pretend, of course, but after an amount of time had passed, not immediately the day after the kiss. It was too much even for a workaholic and perfectionist as Kamenashi Kazuya. But he had to resolve his mind and he should better do his job than to keep bouncing back and forward in front of a fucking door. The assistant got angry with himself and he pushed the door open, walked furiously at the windows and pulled the curtains, letting the sun rays enter the room. Then he proceeded to Jin and although his heart stilled and his legs almost stopped moving, Kazuya didn’t back down and pulled the sheets covering Jin before he began to shake the man fervently until he heard him shout, telling him to stop.
“Wake up!” Kazuya said on a loud voice and he pinched Jin’s nose until the actor couldn’t breathe anymore, this causing instant awaking as the man began to gasp for the air he had been deprived earlier. “Wake up or you’ll be late.” The assistant said and after he assured himself that Jin was now awake, he left the room hurriedly, not even making eye contact with the other. Soon enough, he left the apartment too - without Jin.
Later on, at the set, he had placed Jin’s schedule in the actor’s dressing room and each time he had the impression or feeling that Jin was looking for him, he fled to somewhere where he couldn’t be reached. This wasn’t ignoring or running, no, it was more like protection against what might happen if the two of them actually sat in front of each other or looked at each other. Even in the presence of Director Matsumoto, Kazuya didn’t meet Jin’s eyes and if there would be questions, he would answer them placidly and looking through his papers or somewhere to Jin’s left. He knew that the actor won’t do anything in the presence of the director and Kazuya was grateful for this. That’s why as soon as their small meetings ended, the assistant would excuse himself and flee to another place, apparently busy.
Also, there were moments when Kazuya had to call Jin from his dressing room, but there would be little time allowed as the younger one barely opened the door, telling Jin what he was supposed to do, and he quickly closed it again, leaving a shocked actor behind. But the assistant wasn’t to dwell on such things, not when there was work to do and a heart to settle alongside with the body that was hosting it.
Somewhere in his mind, Kazuya realized that such a situation won’t continue long like this, especially since there were apparently rumors going around about his relationship with Jin and Meisa who kept throwing him fidgeting glances. Kazuya was sure that soon this hide-and-seek game will end and he will have to face Jin eventually. But he will prolong it as much as he could, because he was still not ready and he will do anything to protect his work and… private life. After all, he had other things to think about, not to fuss over a kiss between him and a man, namely Jin.
And like this, three days passed, Jin being woken by a ninja turtle and avoided by a workaholic one too.
*
It was starting to get annoying, really. Kazuya had been avoiding him for three days and Jin felt how his patience would run out soon enough for him to cause a scene in the middle of the set. He had tried to catch the younger one and to talk to him about what had happened, but it seemed that Kazuya was happier not doing anything and just pretending that everything was alright.
Jin didn’t settle with that. He didn’t want such a thing, not after he had struggled so much to convince Kazuya to be his friend and especially not after they had shared such an amazing kiss that was still imprinted in Jin’s mind and threatened to remain there for a long time. It wasn’t the first time he was feeling like this, so Jin knew very well what was his heart doing and why he was feeling so weird around Kazuya.
He liked Kazuya.
It hadn’t been that hard for him to accept this fact. He had a lot of gay friends and he was used to see guys kissing or making out like he was used to be with women and kiss them. It was still a mystery how he had ended up in such a situation though and that was why he needed answers. Because, sure, he liked Kazuya, but it wasn’t the first time he liked someone so why him? Why was he feeling like that around the boy and why was his heart beating so fast every time they would be closer than what was allowed? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about their kiss and why was he getting so flustered every damned time he thought of it?!
It was confusing, honestly. He could admit that he liked Kazuya, but… in the same time, he couldn’t. It was like his heart had developed a mind of its own that said all the time how much Jin liked Kazuya while his real mind would tell him that it’s impossible, that Jin isn’t gay and that he can’t be attracted to a man no matter how gorgeous he was.
And that was why he needed answers and the only person who could give them to him was currently running around and avoiding him like a plague.
Jin was now in his dressing room, waiting for someone to call him on set, waiting for a certain person but dreading his appearance. When the door finally opened, he looked up from the couch, the hope and curiosity written clearly in his eyes.
Kazuya entered the room tensed as a bow and he looked anywhere else but to Jin. It was an awkward situation like this, but it made him feel a little safer, because each time he entered that dressing room, images of him and Jin kissing popped in his head. Not to mention, that the presence of the person itself made things even more awkward. So he spoke quickly, almost like a machine. “You are to be on set in the following ten minutes.” Then he turned to leave, only to have Jin’s icy voice stop him. But he knew better, there was fire burning beneath it.
“Stop right there.” Jin said while raising himself from the couch and coming closer to the younger, stopping between the door and Kazuya to not allow him from escaping like he had done in the past days. He had had enough of Kazuya running away like that. He didn’t want to see only Kazuya’s back for the rest of the months that he’ll be spending in Japan filming a stupid movie, with stupid co-workers, in a stupid place that he didn’t want to be. “Don’t you think you’re acting childishly?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his gaze piercing, looking into the depths of Kazuya’s soul.
Kazuya gulped and looked away from Jin’s scrutinizing stare. “I’m not.” He said on a small voice, not even himself believing. But he really wasn’t! It was… just that things were a bit too much for him and he wasn’t sure how to react to such a situation!
“Yes, you are.” Jin immediately denied Kazuya’s words. “You don’t even have the courage to watch me in the eyes.” He said, leaning on the door, his eyes never leaving the boy. His voice was calm, composed, but Jin was starting to feel himself getting excited, nervous and unsure about being with Kazuya for a long time in the same room. Involuntarily, the thought of not being able to let Kazuya go crawled into his mind and Jin shuddered at it. He needed to escape from those torturing thoughts.
Kazuya gulped and forced himself to look at Jin. And his heart started to beat faster, the memory of those lips on his own clutching strongly around his body, making him feel waves of pleasure just from imagining to have Jin kiss him again. That’s why it was better if Kazuya kept a safe distance between him and the actor, there were definitely some unwanted desires in his body and all was because of the actor. “I’m looking at you now.” He said on a hoarse voice, trying to regain his composure.
“And how much of your courage did you just use to do this simple thing?” Jin arched an inquiring eyebrow, seeming really curious to know the answer. Of course, he didn’t have to mention that he himself had needed a lot of courage to decide to talk to Kazuya, but he had acted on impulse when he had stopped the assistant from leaving him like it happened in the past days. He was an actor though, he could hide his nervousness.
The problem was that he had never been able to use his acting talent in private life.
Kazuya narrowed his eyes at Jin. “Look, it’s not about courage or anything. It’s just that… we made a mistake and I don’t want to misunderstand our situation any further.” The assistant started to say, ruffling his hair, a sign of the nervousness he was feeling. “I’m sorry that I came over you and Meisa, if it hadn’t been for me, you’d have been satisfied and wouldn’t have done such a thing. I know it was because of the tension, we were fighting and everything that happened was because of a spur of the moment. And I’m sorry that you had to do such a thing just because I had to interfere with your needs.” He continued, biting his lips all the time and passing a hand through his hair. “I know it was on a whim…” he added as if he wanted to convince Jin that he was completely fine, though it clearly showed that he wasn’t.
“You think I kissed you just because you stopped me from fucking Meisa?” Jin asked with the same calm voice and inquiring expression, taking a step towards Kazuya who likewise took a step back. “You think I would just kiss any guy because I missed the chance to hit on a girl?” he added, the truth of his own words finally shinning on him, making him realize that he didn’t regret at all kissing Kazuya.
The assistant bit onto his lower lip some more and looked unsure. He needn’t to answer Jin’s questions since he had already said what he thought about this whole kiss situation. “You wouldn’t?” he asked innocently, his eyes darting from Jin to the floor and back.
“No, I wouldn’t.” Jin sighed deeply, shaking his head a little in disbelief. “I kissed you because I wanted to.” He confessed, finally understanding what was that nagging feeling that kept coming back and refused to leave his heart. “And I enjoyed it, much more than anything.” He added, sincerity written in his eyes as he took one more step towards Kazuya. “I realized that I wanted to do this for a long time. From when I met you and you came to my apartment and bit me and made me aroused and feel a lot of things that I didn’t understand back then.” He continued to ramble, not really knowing what he was saying but that it was the truth and it was the only thing that mattered.
He had really enjoyed kissing Kazuya and when Jin finally realized that, he felt like something weighting a lot disappeared from his chest, leaving him to breathe freely and not choke him anymore. But then panic came. Why did he do that? And why did he enjoy their kiss that much? Why was he looking like that at Kazuya, like he wanted to devour him completely, to make him his and to hear all of those sounds that he knew Kazuya’s mouth can make?!
“I wanted to kiss you then as much as I want now.” Jin whispered, half-afraid of what his words would mean for him, for them. But the other half of him couldn’t be stopped, not when Kazuya was so close to him so Jin took another step towards him, only a few inches separating them now. He seemed unsure of what to do and Jin thought that for the first time in his life, he really was. All of his thoughts didn’t make any sense because he still didn’t understand why did he like kissing Kazuya, only that he did and that he wanted to do it again. Again and again and never getting tired of it.
Jin’s words had some magic into it and rooted Kazuya on the spot, unable to do nothing except looking at the actor getting closer and closer to him, uttering gibberish that somehow made sense to Kazuya. The younger gulped and lowered his head, incapable of facing Jin’s stare and the desire that was written in it. Everything was stupid, really! He couldn’t be feeling all these because of a man, let aside to make another man feel it too! Jin was probably confused right now, they have spent a long time together and maybe… things had gotten into his mind. Also, that morning when he had bit Jin or the night when he had done striptease… everything had their consequence and apparently, it was such a consequence for both of them.
“Y-you’re confused.” Kazuya stuttered, thinking that reason will solve their sexual desires. “From that morning and that night. You’re deluding yourself that you want to kiss me…” he glanced at Jin and gulped again. “You can’t be really wanting to do such a thing, you’re simply confused and… I don’t know, you want to try out things! But it can’t happen, no, we’re both men and it’s… it’s wrong!” Kazuya said all in one breath, feeling his chest burn as if the words he had said were far away from the truth and they hurt.
“I’m not confused, Kazuya.” Jin said with a firm voice, slowly raising his hand to cup the younger’s cheek into his palm, gently brushing his fingers on it. He may be confused about the reason, but he was sure of his feelings. And he wanted Kazuya. “That night… and that morning… happened because we both wanted something but didn’t know what it was.” he smiled, his face brightening a little at the memories. “And I know we’re both men, but…” he took a deep breath, “can’t we please try to see how it works? It isn’t wrong if we like each other.” Jin added, not aware of the fact that he had just confessed to Kazuya.
Kazuya’s heart stopped and his eyes widened at Jin’s words. This wasn’t happening, he hadn’t heard words of like and he was definitely dreaming. But the fingers on his cheek were burning and leaving lingering marks, it was impossible to be dreaming. “No.” Kazuya replied and to his surprise, his tone was calm and steady. “It’s wrong in every possible way.” He continued and lifted his hand to remove Jin’s one. “And I never said I like you back.” The assistant added, his voice a tad gentler.
Jin didn’t look surprised, but his smile widened a little, turning into a smirk as he let his hand fall, swinging it a little and brushing Kazuya’s fingers now. “Then you make a habit of kissing any guy like that?” he asked with a teasing voice and a playful tone.
Kazuya blushed furiously and glared at Jin. “I didn’t kiss you, you kissed me.” He replied, although he was perfectly aware that he had responded to that kiss. “And like I said before, it has been a mistake. But I’m willing to look over it and try to be friends again.” Kazuya emphasized the word friends. It was better like this, there wasn’t the time to have something like this in his life. It will never be.
“Kazuya, you kissed me back so don’t put all the blame on me.” Jin scolded the younger, making a tired face. “And it’s not a mistake, it never was!” he just stated, raising his tone a little and dropping the whispering and calming voice. “I like you, Kazuya, I’m attracted to you and don’t you dare and lie to me that you don’t feel a thing!” Jin threatened, gritting his teeth but he was now simply freaking out just because of one word. He didn’t like how the word ‘friends’ sounded on Kazuya’s lips, on those lips that he had kissed with so much starvation three days ago and had hunted him since then.
But Jin’s persistence only made Kazuya more stubborn in his belief. “Okay, I might have kissed you back, but it still doesn’t change the fact that it really was a mistake.” The younger replied, lifting his chin in defiance. He will never say that the kiss between them had been more than a mistake. “And I can’t be attracted to you when I… I have someone I like already!” he then added, blushing.
But that declaration made Jin’s own stubbornness to come back, even more powerful than at the beginning. It was one thing to say that Kazuya thought it was a mistake because Jin could have probably dealt with that and find another occasion - he still wouldn’t have given up, maybe just waited a while; two days top. But to say that he liked someone else… now that was a challenge for him. “Oh, really?” he said, taking one more little step towards Kazuya and grabbing the younger by his waist, trapping him in his arms. “And have you told her that you like her?” he then asked, shrugging a little like it didn’t matter to him.
There were shivers down Kazuya’s spine when Jin pulled him in his arms and it surely had his heart sink into his stomach, giving him the butterflies he dreaded to feel. “I have to see her, I promised a date.” He replied and pushed Jin away. It wasn’t a safe distance for neither of them.
Jin pouted for a second, looking upset because he had been pushed away by Kazuya, but he recovered quickly, a smirk adorning his lips again. “So she doesn’t know about you kissing me either.” Jin lingered on his words with a thoughtful expression and mischievous eyes. “I wonder what she would say about this.” He then added with a slight teasing tone.
“And why would I tell her about that mistake?” Kazuya asked, his eyebrow cocked in irony. “It’s not like it’s that important to have her know about it.” He then shrugged and put some more space between him and Jin, now almost close to the couch.
“Weell…” Jin continued with a playful voice seeming to be really enjoying this situation as he once again followed the younger with an expectant expression. “It may have been a mistake and I had been the one to initiate it, but you clearly responded to it and actually enjoyed it.” He said with confidence like this was the only truth that could exist. He then shrugged a little. “I was just wondering what she would say if she finds out about your little habit.”
Kazuya’s eyes flared in an instant. “Habit?!” he asked with a voice that leaked of contained fury. “Don’t make me sound like you, I’m not the one who’s doing girls in a closet.” He retorted, now glaring at Jin. “And she won’t find out anything, she doesn’t have from where.” Kazuya smirked, looking pleased.
“Oh, but she does.” Jin laughed a little, stopping in front of Kazuya and pushing him lightly so that he could fall on the couch, Jin immediately hovering over him, his hands on the wall to support his body and his eyes glittering with mischief. “The world is surprisingly small and trust me that it won’t take me long to find out who she is.” He continued with an arrogant tone, the unsaid threat obvious in his voice.
“Yeah, right.” Kazuya mocked him and climbed up on the couch, trying to weasel out under Jin. “Like my world and your world would ever clash.” He laughed shortly.
“I wasn’t talking about any clashing.” Jin grinned, deciding that he also wanted to sit on the couch and the perfect place to do that seemed to be Kazuya’s lap so he straddled the younger, continuing his thought immediately to stop the boy from yelling at him: “The staff people also have eyes. And you have been in their center of attention since you became mine.” Jin stopped there, refusing to utter the words ‘my assistant’ because it sounded better without. “I will know.” He declared, emphasizing the word ‘will’ to show that he will do that with any cost, even if it meant that he had to hire a detective to follow Kazuya - even if Jin was more the type to do the following by himself and be spotted by all the fans and ending up in creating a mess.
“Became yours??” Kazuya looked incredulously at Jin. “Since when?!” he asked with a dry laugh. “And don’t kid yourself thinking that you will know anything anytime now.” He added and tried to push Jin off him. “And get off of me.” Kazuya glared, displeased with their position.
“Don’t wanna.” Jin pouted, letting his head fall on Kazuya’s shoulder while his hands encircled the younger’s waist. “I like being this close to you.” He whined, smiling and thinking how good this felt.
“Jin, someone might come in and…” Kazuya just realized. “Fuck!! Get off, you were supposed to be on set in ten minutes!!” he shouted and with sudden power, he pushed Jin off, Kazuya himself jumping off the couch and looking around hectic-like. “You have memorized your lines, right? Check your clothes, they mustn’t be crinkly. Also, hurry already, I’ll follow you quickly!” he turned to Jin who blinked at Kazuya, watching him like he didn’t understand what was happening or why was the assistant freaking out like that.
Then he laughed. “Okay, okay.” He said, accepting for now Kazuya running once more. He got off the couch and went to the door, opening it and turning his back on it to look at the younger. “But just remember that this isn’t over yet.” He announced with a sweet smile, tilting his head a little and gazing innocently at Kazuya.
And just like that, he left the room.
Part II