The narcotic abuse is stopping. Its not as good as it used to be and its brought about a lot of problems. I used it to try and help to suppress my emotions but it looks like I'm just going to have to deal with the headache on my own. I'm ditching the LJ. All my entries look like a cry for help. I'm going back to the old fashioned one where I can ( Read more... )

I'm so tired of being alone. I want a significant other but, there has been so much emotional trauma inflicted upon me. I have to face the facts that no one wants to spend time trying to fix a broken boy when they can find one much better than I anyway. my heart has been broken so badly that I don't know how to fix it anymore. I don't know what to ( Read more... )

I look around and I see so much pain in the world. I see grave injustices everyday and they all just make me sick. It bothers me because I know what it all feels like. To be used, rejected, hated, screwed over and completely disrespected and degraded. I just don't understand why things have to be so bad. Why people have to be so cold hearted and ( Read more... )

I have become so lonely. Today I lashed out at Evan just because he asked me if I was okay. I don't think I am okay anymore. While I can live and survive on my own there is a great emptiness in my heart. I want to replace all the anger and sadness inside of me with love, I want to love someone and also be loved but no one will accept me. I've ( Read more... )

i still recall the taste of my tears.echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore ( Read more... )

Everyday it just gets worse and worse. I'm trying not to let it get to me but its so hard. I fell like l'm the worst person in the world. I just don't know what to do. Its so hard to control my emotions once I've let them control me. I wish I just didnt have them. I honestly don't want to feel anything anymore. Its not worth it if all they cause ( Read more... )

life just doesnt feel like woth living right now. drugs are the only thing that keep me from being completely miserable and I see everyone happy with someone else and I don't understand why I can't have that. I just don't understand why no one will love me back. It really doesnt matter I guess. I'm just a bitter junkie with an internet connection ( Read more... )

Only two more days and I'll be gone from this nightmare that I thought would never end. I can finally start over and make something of myself. Meet new people and be able to forget those that have made my life miserable. Endless opertunities await me and I think that I can finally be happy once I leave. There are of course people I will miss but ( Read more... )

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I find myself filled with so much hate without any reason at all. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of feeling. I just want everything to die. Nothing really matters to me at all right now. All pointless and trite. All boring and hollow. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I suppose I'll just settle for any sleep at all right now though.