It's true- I've been really depressed lately. I have basically cut myself off from everyone lately except for those I see day to day in class, Casey, and Erik. I suppose I should come clean about what's depressing me... perhaps it would make me feel better. I'll try ( Read more... )

There is over a 75% chance that Erik is going to Iraq after his training. My heart is breaking.

As if coming home again for the next 2 weeks isn't bad enough, my phone is temporarily shut off. I haven't had any money, ergo I didn't pay the bill, ergo my phone gets turned off. Beautiful. I'm currently at the library on the computer because my grandparents no longer have the internet. So I'm stuck there with practically nothing to do beside ( Read more... )

What I hate is crying so heavily that it's hard to breathe. What I miss is crawling into mom's bed with her, and letting her hold me while I cry. She would say "I know", and she really did know. She would tell me that it would be ok, and it always was. I miss her comfort. I miss her love. I hate it that she's gone and I am sitting here crying by ( Read more... )

Ok... so you don't just call someone up out of the blue and start critisizing their relationship within the first few sentences spoken. Who does that? You know what? YOU are not in my relationship and YOU do not know all the ins and outs of the person I am with. Yes he has secrets and yes he shares them with me. The reson I understand so well is ( Read more... )

I just got off the phone with Erik for the last time until he gets to Ft. Sill about the third week over November. He suprised me last night by calling - it was funny. I looked at my phone, picked it up, and without saying hello, I said, "how are you calling me? aren't you in supposed to be in bootcamp?" How loving, right? haha! Apparently they had ( Read more... )

"Speechless ( Read more... )

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the past today. It has just been one of those days where I've chosen to evaluate everything about the past 4 years of my life. I've thought about the relationships I've been through, how they went, how we met, and how they have ended. I've thought about my mom being sick and all the decisions I have made ( Read more... )

So... Erik and I had our first actual arguement/fight last night that wasn't resolved before it ended. It was different. It was almost frightening, but at the same time I was mad so it didn't frighten me as much. For the past two days prior to that, we hadn't talked. In fact, he'd been avoiding me. Then finally yesterday he sends me a text that ( Read more... )

I feel like I can breathe again. I don't know what exactly caused it, but a certain sense of releif has finally given itself to me. It could be that the conversation the night before last with Erik laid everything out - a lot of confessions of fear and uncertainty. It could be leaving Arbors because of the amount of hate I had for the facility and ( Read more... )