Today I am researching Edward Furlong's abysmal career after he finished American History X, because that's what passes for fun on a Sunday.

The most exciting snack you can rustle up is Branston Pickle spread evenly over a single weight watchers piece of cracker bread. The sort of snack that makes you mumble 'jesus' as you crunch it in your mouth as fast as possible, just to get the thing out of your way.

I've joined a gym and I'm feeling lovely. I just completed my first official work out, apart from working as a labourer, going on massive moody walks for long thinks and doing sit-ups to keep a semblance of muscular tone. Though none of that really counts as proper exercise because I find losing ones breath to be uncool ( Read more... )

When walking down a street, you come to notice a figure in the far distance, ever so slowly getting closer. It's a long road and you seem to be walking about 0.2mph faster than him/her. At some point there will come an agonising ten second take-over moment where you have to swerve this person without looking at them or tripping over, just a ( Read more... )

Today I have developed a fondness for nonchalantly chucking things over my shoulder when I'm finished with them. Cups, lighters, etc. There's a bed for them to land on, so no damage is incurred.

Still, fuck off cup. Fuck off lighter. Fuck off tiara.

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If only Eddie Murphy and Michael Jackson were in change of all governments. Peace, paedophilia and cruising for transexual prostitutes in our time. Imagine.

Fucking hell, that was even worse than last year.

Daleks: Universe destroyed in 3! 2! 1!

*something fucks up*

Daleks: Eh?

Catherine Tate: Because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

Doctor: Brilliant!

Bill: Terrible.

Asides from the Nazi Daleks, anyway. That I couldn't be any more in favour of.

Edit: Oh, yeah. I forgot. ( Read more... )

I head to the dole office tomorrow for my first Job Seeker's Allowance claim for a couple of years, due to a credit crunch related lack of work in the building trade. What I find most incredibly enjoyable about doing this is sitting opposite stoned bombheads in their 30s, as if we are one and the same. Rrr you and me lad. Also fun is coming up with ( Read more... )

Are you a woman? Seriously though? So why aren't you watching sex and/in/or/of/with the city?! Which girlfriend do you most relate to exactly? The slutty one? The married one? The big one? The fluffy one? The furry one? The red one? The on fire one? The Liverpool One?

How good are shoes?

I'm off to All Tomorrow's Parties... tomorrow, which given the line up promises to be excellent. I'm not there to enjoy a festival by any means, I'm there to appreciate sounds, stone faced, rolling my eyes analytically and eventually expressing a single approving nod towards any beats/strings/tangents/break/time signature irregularities/woops/ I ( Read more... )