Sorry about yesterday - I was having a really down day ( Read more... )

Many people say that when you're older and date, you have to be ready to accept the baggage of past relationships from each other. I love how that is stated as if the opposite would be better: someone who has never had a relationship, as if there's no baggage from that fact. And I would think in that case both parties would be far less capable of ( Read more... )

There are times, too often in fact, that I feel alien. That I feel like a total freak. Not because of how I look, or how I dress, or anything as superficial as that. No, this has to do with my life experiences and just how far they are from what is considered a normal human experience. Like, several standard deviations from it. A prime example is ( Read more... )

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I watched videos of the last space shuttle launch and recall the echo of memory, from a more than the first half of my life: I was so thoroughly convinced that it was my destiny to someday go up there. Every time I saw a launch it was like my heart went with them - a yearning so strong that it felt like separation of my soul and the only way to ( Read more... )

I completely lost it today. The combination of everything hit me like a freight train and I cried for over two hours. I thought I had the managed to balance the stresses of work and financial issues and it all, but the lynch-pin hit today: I was getting all the decorations up because I'm hosting a small family gathering for the holidays tomorrow, ( Read more... )

Maybe its the time of year... Of course, reading over my past entries in this LJ its more of a constant state of being I guess. I don't feel like a whole person in too many different ways to count. I'm lonely and yearn for the other to share my life with and me to share theirs. Yet I've never been in love. Infatuated definitely, but never in love ( Read more... )

I had weird dreams last night filled with magical items. One of the items was a magical sword with a black handle - it had a mind of its own. Though when I held it I could aim it and direct it, it would suddenly attack other objects it seemed to "notice". In particular it attacked small statues of bulls that also appeared in the dream and I had to ( Read more... )

I'm very worried lately by things going on with me. I no motivation at work, and am finding it far too easy to get distracted rather than do what I should be working on. I'm also getting very sad and depressed lately due to loneliness, more so than usual. I know the holidays are coming up, but all I can seem to focus on is how much more diminished ( Read more... )

I am writing this entry by using speech recognition. This is built into windows 7 professional. How cool is that? It's not as fast as typing, and there are enough corrections that it can be a pain in the ass. But overall it's working better than I thought. The only thing that really annoys me is that certain times it doesn't know when to dictate or ( Read more... )

Lately I've been lacking motivation, not just to do stuff that I need, but stuff that is beneficial to me. VERY beneficial. As in reimbursement for last year's medical expenses from my pre-tax account. And I've been putting it off and now its really the last minute. Just tonight I SCRAMBLED to find all my receipt (I have no filing system other than ( Read more... )