Random: A Sporking, part IV
If you hate misrepresentation of torture and injuries in fiction you are going to love this part! In the following chapter Captain Adrian (nyhahahahahaha) introduces us to the joys of corporal punishment. What could possibly go wrong?
Part I
Part II
Part III
Prepare for a caning and:
Chapter 5
The chapter opens on another of Drinkwater's special blog entries: Supplemental Log, HMS Calypso, in for repair, Portsmouth.[stardate 2319.199]
Lt. Anthony Drinkwater, in temporary command. 18-7-1799
No further news.
Why thank you, Lt Drinkwater. I'm glad you had the presence of mind to write it down in order to preserve this vital piece of information for the benefit of future generations. I'm sure that in a couple of weeks or months when you send in your logs to the admiralty they will be overjoyed to read of it.
Let's get back to our poor woobie, shall we?
Exhausted by the nerve-wracking dinner engagement, Archer slept like the dead, but a mob of masked sailors thumping into the cell brought him abruptly awake. The lantern light showed Marshall struggling in the grip of two burly seamen; a third gave him a single hard punch in the stomach that doubled him over
They're going for his lunch money! The bastards!
Archer is quickly seized as well and they are led out of their cell and out onto the weather deck "[s]hirtless and barefoot" with their hands tied and "blindfolded." No, I have no idea either why they took their shirts off to go to sleep on mats of straw.
Anyway if you think this does not bode well for our heroes you are right. When the blindfold is removed Arch-er finds himself lashed to a grating as if for a flogging, but the wrong way round: He frowned through the metal latticework, and realized that he was wrong-way on, facing the maindeck... and suddenly Marshall was thrown against the other side, so their faces were only inches apart.
I have so many questions about this: When the blindfold is removed Adrian says this is to be a lesson for Arch-er that he needs to "see."
Arch-er realises that this is going to be Adrian's revenge for having been refused. The narration also informs us that Arch-er expected there to be floggings because He had offended the bastard; aboard any ship, flogging was the most likely punishment for a variety of offenses. He’d taken a couple of beatings aboard Titan, when Correy had contrived to shift the blame for his own transgressions.
With all due respect to your poor abused backside, comparing the type of beating you were subject to as a middy to a potentially fatal flogging is a bit disproportionate, wouldn't you say? Oh, and of course you never did anything to deserve the caning yourself, because you're such a good boy! Couldn't have our readers believe you're anything but a starry-eyed, innocent little sunflower!
With a good, melodramatic streak of fatalism (no surprises there) he offers himself up to save Will: it had always been a foregone conclusion, hadn’t it? “All right,” he breathed, his mouth dry. “You’ve made your point. I’ll do it.”
But Adrian goes ahead with the show and tells his people that the flogging is going to be a punishment for an escape attempt, which has Will foolishly assume that Davy actually tried to do something useful at dinner. So, are you psyched for a whipping? Well, I have to disappoint you, even though this is the set-up to one, we get a caning instead! With a navy issue rattan cane! Applied to Will's bare back! No, not his buttocks, his upper body!
Which Adrian doesn't realise is a bad thing for some reason: “I don’t want to disfigure such a splendid young specimen,” Adrian continued. Hearing the undertone, Archer went cold. “So we’ll use the cane this time. Next time, it will be the cat.
A cane is not kinder than a cat. Ugh, this is not going to be a sensual caning! If it were you wouldn't hit bony areas like the upper back hard with a cane because you are going to break or chip something! Especially since these pirates are out to punish Will, not administer a sensual, erotic experience … although … with Adrian I guess you never know.
Does Adrian want to cripple the hostages you're holding to extort money for? How are a dozen hard strokes applied with a cane to someone's bare back not fucking "disfiguring"? Book, you do know that rattan canes are not made out of rubber? That even if they aim carefully enough to not injure Will's spine they are going to draw blood? How soon that occurs only depends on how thick or thin the cane is. Not that the punishment was especially severe-they’d each had this sort of thing a time or two as midshipmen
No, you bloody didn't. They'd have hit your buttocks, not your bare back. And three dozen is NOT a low number in this context. People have been crippled by less!
After the first twelve strokes Adrian asks Will whether he has anything to say to the shipmate that brought this punishment on him: “I certainly do.” His eyes challenged Archer to share the joke, and his voice was strong and clear. “Well done, Mr. Archer. Better luck next time.”
Apart from the corniness of Will still being a chipper, sarcastic little fellow under torture it's actually kind of neat to have him try and stop Davy from blaming himself. If only the rest of the scene weren't such a mess. Adrian immediately orders the punishment to be continued and as the blows rain down onto his back, the bosun putting "his full strength" into the beating, our heroes lose "count around 30" strokes: [Archer] could see that the punishment was breaking through Marshall’s resolve; his gasps were very nearly sobs by the time it finally stopped.
Don't attempt any of this at home, kids! Will is a professional main character: something that would have most grown men weeping blood in real life barely affects him. Marshal is only "very nearly" sobbing after an amount of strokes that makes people who are subject to judicial caning in our modern day and age pass out.
This book is beginning to make me feel like I'm reading "50 Shits of Grey, the nautical edition".
Eventually the punishment ends and Adrian orders the prisoners to be taken back to their quarters. Captain Smith, who had been forced to watch the whole thing, takes the opportunity to make a speech about his favourite subject: “You have been playing at pirates far too long. You men-all of you-are no longer simple criminals, you are traitors so long as you follow this man, and no port in the land will be haven to you. England is at war, you fools-and you are interfering with officers in His Majesty’s Navy!” His glare raked the deck. “I am prepared to offer amnesty to any man who renounces this treasonous swine and accepts his duty to his country!”
Unfortunately for him the pirates must be sick of his ranting about the navy by now, so this rousing speech goes as … um … better than expected, actually? Even Archer found himself swayed by the force of the Captain’s personality; he was ready to renounce the treasonous swine on the spot even though he bore him no allegiance, and he guessed that half the men present felt the same. If the three of them had not been bound, Smith might actually have carried the day.
Um, okay. I guess he still had one of those up his sleeve …
Anyway, Adrian tackles Smith to the ground and the spell is broken. Back in their cell Davy takes care of the welts on Will's back, because Adrian subjects his valuable cargo to corporal punishment without having a doctor aboard. Oh, and before the scene changed Adrian ordered a couple of sailors who looked like they were ready to switch sides to "report for a flogging." I doubt they get to see a physician either afterwards. How is this guy still in charge of anything?
Best, most successful kidnapping pirates ever!
Will and Davy wonder the same thing and Will comes to the conclusion that Smith having made an impression on their kidnappers will turn out in their favour: “They may be rogues, Davy, but they’re English rogues; at least some will have families in England. And they’re sailors. Every man on that deck who heard our Captain now knows what a real captain looks like, and they know that what they’ve got is no match for him. And Adrian will know that, too, so he’ll have to set his crew to watching one another, and he can’t be sure a few of them won’t conspire against him.”
I find that whole argument a bit shaky. They have been kidnapping people for months now without a hitch if the earlier info is to be believed. They've been making heaps of money. Even if they'd simply prefer to walk away now that Adrian might have overreached himself: how is helping Smith to get rid of Captain Insano in their best interest? Yeah, they'll be rid of Adrian, but lose money. And go to jail.
Ugh, why am I trying to make sense of this? I've read the book, so I know the eventual outcome will be even stupider!
Davy eventually tells Will to go to sleep despite the pain, which leaves Davy alone to contemplate his miserable existence. Boy, he has problems. I tried to sum up all his angst but it is impossible! There is so much!
So, because this is such an important scene I'm giving you quotes instead: Archer suspected [Will] had guessed what Correy had done to him, years back, but he was grateful they had never spoken of it. He couldn’t bring himself to tell William what was really at stake here, either.
[…]
Will might wonder, as he was beginning to, himself, whether Archer wasn’t sending some sort of signal that suggested he would welcome such attentions.
And if William wondered that, he might also wonder if he wanted to keep a friend who was sending such signals.
I'll admit, that reasoning is somewhat believable, coming from a person in a dark place, but as this is a work of fiction I would have expected something more. The book so far did not show us anything that painted Davy and Will as anything other than BFF's. Will even goes out of his way to prove to Davy there is no resentment from his side. A hint about Davy's doubts about the nature of Will's friendship before this breakdown would have been appreciated.
Still, I'll admit the angst levels at this point are somewhat believable. So how does this book manage to ruin the mood? It was almost funny that Will could look at [men like Jervis, Pellew and Nelson] and not recognize himself-as when he’d said that Adrian had caught a man stronger than he was. He’d caught two at once, and it probably frightened the hell out of him.
Maybe that’s why he went after me. A corvette won’t take on two frigates if there’s a lightly-armed sloop handy. I’m an easy target. And he knows he can use us against each other. He enjoys that, it gives him power.
A corvette that spies two frigates on the horizon runs, sloop or no sloop. Maybe it also starts praying. Arch-er I'm beginning to think your stagnating career has less to do with your lack ambition and more to do with the fact that you're just not very good at your job.
Um what? That wasn't what I had intended to quote this for! Your inability to construct meaningful analogies is distracting!
So here's more of the same! :D
But he could provide a diversion. Those two frigates would find it easier to defeat the corvette if the corvette was preoccupied with trying to sink the sloop. If Adrian’s vigilance was lulled by a victory on one front, he might neglect the more important battle. It was not the sort of diversionary tactic that would ever be taught, pray God, but it might serve the purpose.
"Pray God" is right.
But all the old terror, Correy’s legacy, was still dragging at Archer like an anchor, and he didn’t know if he could slip that cable. He had to do that. He had to. If he held onto it
To the anchor?
Could you please stop using metaphors? Because they don't sound like you have any idea what you're doing.
Arch-er ends up resolved to submit to Adrian in order to proctect Will from further harm: He had survived worse. He truly had. Adrian was a lecherous swine, but he didn’t seem to be interested in beating his prey to a pulp, as Correy had done. It wasn’t likely to be as bad as being wounded, which Archer had also survived. Or even that horrible infestation of bedbugs some of the men brought aboard from a whorehouse in Verona-it took a month to get rid of them, and every man in the crew had been covered in bites.
I'm sure this is supposedly funny in some parallel universe, but I like how he rules being raped and getting beaten "to a pulp" better than bedbugs. And by "like" I mean I'd "like" to scream.
Still, he'll be doing it for Will and the thought gives him courage: Archer had realized almost immediately that what he felt for William was far more than the love of a friend. His feelings went much further than the Articles of War permitted
Hey, buck up, Davy! The articles say nothing about attraction. They only expressively forbid anal sex on penalty of death. You could even get away with fingering and some oral if you wanted.
His love for Will brought out a courage he didn’t know he had on that French ship. William was always there-he had helped Archer master his panic in that damned waggon only a few days ago. It was not just life that Archer owed him, but the self-respect without which life was insupportable.
I hope you will introduce us to that self-respect someday, because right now it is being sorely missed.
Chapter 6
Adrian visits Captain Smith to fetch the ransom letter: “By the way, Captain, I’ve decided how I’m going to punish one of your men for your little outburst earlier.” When Smith merely frowned, he said, “Aren’t you curious?”
Please, Captain Smith, compliment him on how dastardly evil he is already, so we can move on. Please?
Anyway, let's use this scene to show you one of the books darling little quirks: “[…] For instance, this next time I will make it clear to... your young officer... that your noble and patriotic display is the cause of his discomfort. You will get full credit this time, Captain. Never fear.”
“Piracy,” Smith said, in the same conversational tone, “is something for which I may summarily hang a man, when I catch him, without the bother of a trial.”
“But I have caught you, Captain, not the reverse. You seem to have an unhealthy preoccupation with hanging.”
“I intend you will find it permanently unhealthy.”
Non sequiturs and rather wonky semantic connections in bits of dialogue just so characters can pun or retaliate with a witty quip! Oh my!
We return to Davy and Will who are having breakfast in their cell. Fed up with having nothing to do but sit and eat, Will begins to work on an escape plan by questioning Davy on what he noticed about the world outside their cell. Somehow Davy manages to describe what the bolts on their door look like despite having been blindfolded every time he had been taken out of the cell. Must be one of his super powers. And of course it's Will who does the thinking here, even though his back is still on fire from the torture of the night before, because Arch-er still is fully occupied with his own angst and suffering like the little, helpless princess he is.
Chapter 7
As the chapter opens we learn from another log entry that the ransom letter has been delivered to Drinkwater and that the detective work of the Calypso's crew has ruffled quite a few feathers: Mr. Bowles has succeeded in extricating O’Reilly from the constable’s clutches;
Oh for fuck's sake, you didn't even change Bowlesy's name?
It is two days after the caning (from which, as the text informs us, Will is already recovered. I don't believe he is a cat anymore. Sounds more like a rhino), when the guards come knocking again. Arch-er is convinced they have come for him, but they take Will away instead. But Arch-er doesn't have to fear loneliness in his little cell since Adrian himself has come to visit him.
Davy is surprised: He was under the impression that they had an agreement that Mr. Marshall would come to no harm if I were to...” He swallowed, the bitterness rising like gall. Bad enough to contemplate, how to put it into words without sounding like a dockside whore? “... to... attend you in your cabin...”
Oh, don't worry that you're the one making anything sound too corny in this book, Davy! That's what Adrian is here for!
Let's get right to it: “Willingly?”
He was smiling now, damn him. “No. That is not possible. But... without contention.”
“Do you really think you could contend against all my men?”
Ugh, it's the wonky bits of dialogue again that only exist for the heroes to think of really cool comebacks to. I'm not giving you the satisfaction this time, book! I'm not quoting the embarrassing conclusion to this exchange of nonsense!
Oh, no wait, why would I stop this book from embarrassing itself? Here we go: Archer quelled a flare of anger. “I have lived on His Majesty’s warships since I was 16,” he said carefully. “I have survived battles where men were slipping in the blood that ran along the deck. Surprising as it may seem to you, I do know how to fight.”
With a little shock he realized that was the truth, and it gave him strength enough to say the rest. “If you did not hold hostages, yes, I would fight you.”
You hear that Adrian! He would fight you! If only we ever saw any of that newfound strength and confidence in anything but dialogue.
Let's ruin this almost decent bit of dialogue from Arch--er with more corny lines from a Harlequin romance: His captor laughed aloud [and no doubt twirled his moustache]. “Ah, so there’s steel in the sheath. Even better.” He stroked Archer’s hair. “So much more rewarding to master a spirited creature. I don’t doubt you will do your best, laddie. In time.”
Adrian swears that he is not going back on their little agreement, but still has to punish someone for Captain Smith monologueing about the navy and England in front of the whole crew until their ears bled. Fair's fair. Plus, according to Adrian Will is facing "only a spell of close confinement."
“Think of it as an incentive. As to his situation in future... I am a gourmet, not a glutton. I appreciate Mr. Marshall’s considerable charms, but I shan’t concern myself with them until I have had my fill of yours. So his welfare rather depends upon you, don’t you think?”
Was Adrian raised by a cross between a bad romance novel and a James Bond villain? I can't help but imagine him wiggling his eyebrows suggestively after every. single. line!
Here's another highlight: “You are perceptive, laddie, but you underestimate your own appeal. I intend to enjoy you slowly and thoroughly [like a jar of Nutella]”
And if that still wasn't depraved enough for you: “If you merely injure anyone, I shall turn your friend over to the crew for a space of time determined by the severity of your offense. There are no few who would enjoy him, and none of them are as considerate as I.”
Because of course every member of Adrian's crew is also a rapist who wouldn't mind violating a hostage. All 40 of them. This book is a veritable treasure trove of tastefulness.
Need further proof of that?
“ […] If you should happen to kill me, the crew has permission to do what they like with all of you. I have naturally left instructions for your friend to be killed as well, but they may choose to have him ransomed, or sold into slavery in North Africa. That, by the way, is what will happen if for any reason we are unable to ransom you. A good merchant knows many ways to turn a profit.”
Are you sure you didn't leave out anything? Don't you also happen to sell drugs to school children or clobber baby seals to line your pockets? And should Arch-er not enjoy your attentions vocally enough are you going to drown a sackful of puppies?
Adrian leaves and orders Arch-er to shave once more, since they will be seeing each other at dinner. Yeah, I wonder how that will go. And I do hope you guys are still alive. You can probably tell it's not going to get easier from here on. D:
Part I
Part II
Part III
Prepare for a caning and:
Chapter 5
The chapter opens on another of Drinkwater's special blog entries: Supplemental Log, HMS Calypso, in for repair, Portsmouth.[stardate 2319.199]
Lt. Anthony Drinkwater, in temporary command. 18-7-1799
No further news.
Why thank you, Lt Drinkwater. I'm glad you had the presence of mind to write it down in order to preserve this vital piece of information for the benefit of future generations. I'm sure that in a couple of weeks or months when you send in your logs to the admiralty they will be overjoyed to read of it.
Let's get back to our poor woobie, shall we?
Exhausted by the nerve-wracking dinner engagement, Archer slept like the dead, but a mob of masked sailors thumping into the cell brought him abruptly awake. The lantern light showed Marshall struggling in the grip of two burly seamen; a third gave him a single hard punch in the stomach that doubled him over
They're going for his lunch money! The bastards!
Archer is quickly seized as well and they are led out of their cell and out onto the weather deck "[s]hirtless and barefoot" with their hands tied and "blindfolded." No, I have no idea either why they took their shirts off to go to sleep on mats of straw.
Anyway if you think this does not bode well for our heroes you are right. When the blindfold is removed Arch-er finds himself lashed to a grating as if for a flogging, but the wrong way round: He frowned through the metal latticework, and realized that he was wrong-way on, facing the maindeck... and suddenly Marshall was thrown against the other side, so their faces were only inches apart.
I have so many questions about this: When the blindfold is removed Adrian says this is to be a lesson for Arch-er that he needs to "see."
- I doubt he will see much from that position, considering Will is in front of him and the interesting stuff is going to happen to Will's back.
- Also, uh what is holding up that grating? And how is there room for Arch-er between the grating and whatever that thing is mounted on.
- And why is this grating described as a "metal latticework"? What kind of ship at the time would use metal gratings? I was under the impression that you would want to avoid the vital parts of your weather deck to be made out of a material that rusts? Or is this a special bondage grating that only ever gets displayed when Adrian has pretty boys to whip?
Arch-er realises that this is going to be Adrian's revenge for having been refused. The narration also informs us that Arch-er expected there to be floggings because He had offended the bastard; aboard any ship, flogging was the most likely punishment for a variety of offenses. He’d taken a couple of beatings aboard Titan, when Correy had contrived to shift the blame for his own transgressions.
With all due respect to your poor abused backside, comparing the type of beating you were subject to as a middy to a potentially fatal flogging is a bit disproportionate, wouldn't you say? Oh, and of course you never did anything to deserve the caning yourself, because you're such a good boy! Couldn't have our readers believe you're anything but a starry-eyed, innocent little sunflower!
With a good, melodramatic streak of fatalism (no surprises there) he offers himself up to save Will: it had always been a foregone conclusion, hadn’t it? “All right,” he breathed, his mouth dry. “You’ve made your point. I’ll do it.”
But Adrian goes ahead with the show and tells his people that the flogging is going to be a punishment for an escape attempt, which has Will foolishly assume that Davy actually tried to do something useful at dinner. So, are you psyched for a whipping? Well, I have to disappoint you, even though this is the set-up to one, we get a caning instead! With a navy issue rattan cane! Applied to Will's bare back! No, not his buttocks, his upper body!
Which Adrian doesn't realise is a bad thing for some reason: “I don’t want to disfigure such a splendid young specimen,” Adrian continued. Hearing the undertone, Archer went cold. “So we’ll use the cane this time. Next time, it will be the cat.
A cane is not kinder than a cat. Ugh, this is not going to be a sensual caning! If it were you wouldn't hit bony areas like the upper back hard with a cane because you are going to break or chip something! Especially since these pirates are out to punish Will, not administer a sensual, erotic experience … although … with Adrian I guess you never know.
Does Adrian want to cripple the hostages you're holding to extort money for? How are a dozen hard strokes applied with a cane to someone's bare back not fucking "disfiguring"? Book, you do know that rattan canes are not made out of rubber? That even if they aim carefully enough to not injure Will's spine they are going to draw blood? How soon that occurs only depends on how thick or thin the cane is. Not that the punishment was especially severe-they’d each had this sort of thing a time or two as midshipmen
No, you bloody didn't. They'd have hit your buttocks, not your bare back. And three dozen is NOT a low number in this context. People have been crippled by less!
After the first twelve strokes Adrian asks Will whether he has anything to say to the shipmate that brought this punishment on him: “I certainly do.” His eyes challenged Archer to share the joke, and his voice was strong and clear. “Well done, Mr. Archer. Better luck next time.”
Apart from the corniness of Will still being a chipper, sarcastic little fellow under torture it's actually kind of neat to have him try and stop Davy from blaming himself. If only the rest of the scene weren't such a mess. Adrian immediately orders the punishment to be continued and as the blows rain down onto his back, the bosun putting "his full strength" into the beating, our heroes lose "count around 30" strokes: [Archer] could see that the punishment was breaking through Marshall’s resolve; his gasps were very nearly sobs by the time it finally stopped.
Don't attempt any of this at home, kids! Will is a professional main character: something that would have most grown men weeping blood in real life barely affects him. Marshal is only "very nearly" sobbing after an amount of strokes that makes people who are subject to judicial caning in our modern day and age pass out.
This book is beginning to make me feel like I'm reading "50 Shits of Grey, the nautical edition".
Eventually the punishment ends and Adrian orders the prisoners to be taken back to their quarters. Captain Smith, who had been forced to watch the whole thing, takes the opportunity to make a speech about his favourite subject: “You have been playing at pirates far too long. You men-all of you-are no longer simple criminals, you are traitors so long as you follow this man, and no port in the land will be haven to you. England is at war, you fools-and you are interfering with officers in His Majesty’s Navy!” His glare raked the deck. “I am prepared to offer amnesty to any man who renounces this treasonous swine and accepts his duty to his country!”
Unfortunately for him the pirates must be sick of his ranting about the navy by now, so this rousing speech goes as … um … better than expected, actually? Even Archer found himself swayed by the force of the Captain’s personality; he was ready to renounce the treasonous swine on the spot even though he bore him no allegiance, and he guessed that half the men present felt the same. If the three of them had not been bound, Smith might actually have carried the day.
Um, okay. I guess he still had one of those up his sleeve …
Anyway, Adrian tackles Smith to the ground and the spell is broken. Back in their cell Davy takes care of the welts on Will's back, because Adrian subjects his valuable cargo to corporal punishment without having a doctor aboard. Oh, and before the scene changed Adrian ordered a couple of sailors who looked like they were ready to switch sides to "report for a flogging." I doubt they get to see a physician either afterwards. How is this guy still in charge of anything?
Best, most successful kidnapping pirates ever!
Will and Davy wonder the same thing and Will comes to the conclusion that Smith having made an impression on their kidnappers will turn out in their favour: “They may be rogues, Davy, but they’re English rogues; at least some will have families in England. And they’re sailors. Every man on that deck who heard our Captain now knows what a real captain looks like, and they know that what they’ve got is no match for him. And Adrian will know that, too, so he’ll have to set his crew to watching one another, and he can’t be sure a few of them won’t conspire against him.”
I find that whole argument a bit shaky. They have been kidnapping people for months now without a hitch if the earlier info is to be believed. They've been making heaps of money. Even if they'd simply prefer to walk away now that Adrian might have overreached himself: how is helping Smith to get rid of Captain Insano in their best interest? Yeah, they'll be rid of Adrian, but lose money. And go to jail.
Ugh, why am I trying to make sense of this? I've read the book, so I know the eventual outcome will be even stupider!
Davy eventually tells Will to go to sleep despite the pain, which leaves Davy alone to contemplate his miserable existence. Boy, he has problems. I tried to sum up all his angst but it is impossible! There is so much!
So, because this is such an important scene I'm giving you quotes instead: Archer suspected [Will] had guessed what Correy had done to him, years back, but he was grateful they had never spoken of it. He couldn’t bring himself to tell William what was really at stake here, either.
[…]
Will might wonder, as he was beginning to, himself, whether Archer wasn’t sending some sort of signal that suggested he would welcome such attentions.
And if William wondered that, he might also wonder if he wanted to keep a friend who was sending such signals.
I'll admit, that reasoning is somewhat believable, coming from a person in a dark place, but as this is a work of fiction I would have expected something more. The book so far did not show us anything that painted Davy and Will as anything other than BFF's. Will even goes out of his way to prove to Davy there is no resentment from his side. A hint about Davy's doubts about the nature of Will's friendship before this breakdown would have been appreciated.
Still, I'll admit the angst levels at this point are somewhat believable. So how does this book manage to ruin the mood? It was almost funny that Will could look at [men like Jervis, Pellew and Nelson] and not recognize himself-as when he’d said that Adrian had caught a man stronger than he was. He’d caught two at once, and it probably frightened the hell out of him.
Maybe that’s why he went after me. A corvette won’t take on two frigates if there’s a lightly-armed sloop handy. I’m an easy target. And he knows he can use us against each other. He enjoys that, it gives him power.
A corvette that spies two frigates on the horizon runs, sloop or no sloop. Maybe it also starts praying. Arch-er I'm beginning to think your stagnating career has less to do with your lack ambition and more to do with the fact that you're just not very good at your job.
Um what? That wasn't what I had intended to quote this for! Your inability to construct meaningful analogies is distracting!
So here's more of the same! :D
But he could provide a diversion. Those two frigates would find it easier to defeat the corvette if the corvette was preoccupied with trying to sink the sloop. If Adrian’s vigilance was lulled by a victory on one front, he might neglect the more important battle. It was not the sort of diversionary tactic that would ever be taught, pray God, but it might serve the purpose.
"Pray God" is right.
But all the old terror, Correy’s legacy, was still dragging at Archer like an anchor, and he didn’t know if he could slip that cable. He had to do that. He had to. If he held onto it
To the anchor?
Could you please stop using metaphors? Because they don't sound like you have any idea what you're doing.
Arch-er ends up resolved to submit to Adrian in order to proctect Will from further harm: He had survived worse. He truly had. Adrian was a lecherous swine, but he didn’t seem to be interested in beating his prey to a pulp, as Correy had done. It wasn’t likely to be as bad as being wounded, which Archer had also survived. Or even that horrible infestation of bedbugs some of the men brought aboard from a whorehouse in Verona-it took a month to get rid of them, and every man in the crew had been covered in bites.
I'm sure this is supposedly funny in some parallel universe, but I like how he rules being raped and getting beaten "to a pulp" better than bedbugs. And by "like" I mean I'd "like" to scream.
Still, he'll be doing it for Will and the thought gives him courage: Archer had realized almost immediately that what he felt for William was far more than the love of a friend. His feelings went much further than the Articles of War permitted
Hey, buck up, Davy! The articles say nothing about attraction. They only expressively forbid anal sex on penalty of death. You could even get away with fingering and some oral if you wanted.
His love for Will brought out a courage he didn’t know he had on that French ship. William was always there-he had helped Archer master his panic in that damned waggon only a few days ago. It was not just life that Archer owed him, but the self-respect without which life was insupportable.
I hope you will introduce us to that self-respect someday, because right now it is being sorely missed.
Chapter 6
Adrian visits Captain Smith to fetch the ransom letter: “By the way, Captain, I’ve decided how I’m going to punish one of your men for your little outburst earlier.” When Smith merely frowned, he said, “Aren’t you curious?”
Please, Captain Smith, compliment him on how dastardly evil he is already, so we can move on. Please?
Anyway, let's use this scene to show you one of the books darling little quirks: “[…] For instance, this next time I will make it clear to... your young officer... that your noble and patriotic display is the cause of his discomfort. You will get full credit this time, Captain. Never fear.”
“Piracy,” Smith said, in the same conversational tone, “is something for which I may summarily hang a man, when I catch him, without the bother of a trial.”
“But I have caught you, Captain, not the reverse. You seem to have an unhealthy preoccupation with hanging.”
“I intend you will find it permanently unhealthy.”
Non sequiturs and rather wonky semantic connections in bits of dialogue just so characters can pun or retaliate with a witty quip! Oh my!
We return to Davy and Will who are having breakfast in their cell. Fed up with having nothing to do but sit and eat, Will begins to work on an escape plan by questioning Davy on what he noticed about the world outside their cell. Somehow Davy manages to describe what the bolts on their door look like despite having been blindfolded every time he had been taken out of the cell. Must be one of his super powers. And of course it's Will who does the thinking here, even though his back is still on fire from the torture of the night before, because Arch-er still is fully occupied with his own angst and suffering like the little, helpless princess he is.
Chapter 7
As the chapter opens we learn from another log entry that the ransom letter has been delivered to Drinkwater and that the detective work of the Calypso's crew has ruffled quite a few feathers: Mr. Bowles has succeeded in extricating O’Reilly from the constable’s clutches;
Oh for fuck's sake, you didn't even change Bowlesy's name?
It is two days after the caning (from which, as the text informs us, Will is already recovered. I don't believe he is a cat anymore. Sounds more like a rhino), when the guards come knocking again. Arch-er is convinced they have come for him, but they take Will away instead. But Arch-er doesn't have to fear loneliness in his little cell since Adrian himself has come to visit him.
Davy is surprised: He was under the impression that they had an agreement that Mr. Marshall would come to no harm if I were to...” He swallowed, the bitterness rising like gall. Bad enough to contemplate, how to put it into words without sounding like a dockside whore? “... to... attend you in your cabin...”
Oh, don't worry that you're the one making anything sound too corny in this book, Davy! That's what Adrian is here for!
Let's get right to it: “Willingly?”
He was smiling now, damn him. “No. That is not possible. But... without contention.”
“Do you really think you could contend against all my men?”
Ugh, it's the wonky bits of dialogue again that only exist for the heroes to think of really cool comebacks to. I'm not giving you the satisfaction this time, book! I'm not quoting the embarrassing conclusion to this exchange of nonsense!
Oh, no wait, why would I stop this book from embarrassing itself? Here we go: Archer quelled a flare of anger. “I have lived on His Majesty’s warships since I was 16,” he said carefully. “I have survived battles where men were slipping in the blood that ran along the deck. Surprising as it may seem to you, I do know how to fight.”
With a little shock he realized that was the truth, and it gave him strength enough to say the rest. “If you did not hold hostages, yes, I would fight you.”
You hear that Adrian! He would fight you! If only we ever saw any of that newfound strength and confidence in anything but dialogue.
Let's ruin this almost decent bit of dialogue from Arch--er with more corny lines from a Harlequin romance: His captor laughed aloud [and no doubt twirled his moustache]. “Ah, so there’s steel in the sheath. Even better.” He stroked Archer’s hair. “So much more rewarding to master a spirited creature. I don’t doubt you will do your best, laddie. In time.”
Adrian swears that he is not going back on their little agreement, but still has to punish someone for Captain Smith monologueing about the navy and England in front of the whole crew until their ears bled. Fair's fair. Plus, according to Adrian Will is facing "only a spell of close confinement."
“Think of it as an incentive. As to his situation in future... I am a gourmet, not a glutton. I appreciate Mr. Marshall’s considerable charms, but I shan’t concern myself with them until I have had my fill of yours. So his welfare rather depends upon you, don’t you think?”
Was Adrian raised by a cross between a bad romance novel and a James Bond villain? I can't help but imagine him wiggling his eyebrows suggestively after every. single. line!
Here's another highlight: “You are perceptive, laddie, but you underestimate your own appeal. I intend to enjoy you slowly and thoroughly [like a jar of Nutella]”
And if that still wasn't depraved enough for you: “If you merely injure anyone, I shall turn your friend over to the crew for a space of time determined by the severity of your offense. There are no few who would enjoy him, and none of them are as considerate as I.”
Because of course every member of Adrian's crew is also a rapist who wouldn't mind violating a hostage. All 40 of them. This book is a veritable treasure trove of tastefulness.
Need further proof of that?
“ […] If you should happen to kill me, the crew has permission to do what they like with all of you. I have naturally left instructions for your friend to be killed as well, but they may choose to have him ransomed, or sold into slavery in North Africa. That, by the way, is what will happen if for any reason we are unable to ransom you. A good merchant knows many ways to turn a profit.”
Are you sure you didn't leave out anything? Don't you also happen to sell drugs to school children or clobber baby seals to line your pockets? And should Arch-er not enjoy your attentions vocally enough are you going to drown a sackful of puppies?
Adrian leaves and orders Arch-er to shave once more, since they will be seeing each other at dinner. Yeah, I wonder how that will go. And I do hope you guys are still alive. You can probably tell it's not going to get easier from here on. D: