Finding Peace When You've Been Looking Too Hard
Title: Finding Peace 4/5
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC17 ( finally )
Warnings: Erm, it's not NC-17 cuz of the bad language. It's cuz of the sex.
Disclaimer: If I owned them...wait, what was the question?
Summary: Jensen discovers that finding peace is not something that you find in a how-to book. He's bought the perfect little farm, adopted the perfect dog, and even tried his hand at gardening, but it's just not quite right. Jared is a irate vet that just wants his dog to stay out of Jensen's yard.
Part three here:
Jared showed up at around 7:30. Sadie had shown up a few hours earlier, of course, and was settled comfortably at Jensen's feet when Jared's beat up truck came to a halt in front of the garage. Jared sat his truck for a few long moments, and Jensen sat as calmly as he could on his small front deck. He'd been nursing the same beer for the last hour, unwilling to be less than sober when Jared arrived.
Jared finally got out of his truck, grabbed a paper sack out of the back of the truck, and walked slowly up the stone walkway to where Jensen was sprawled out in a lawn chair. "Have a seat?" was all he said, and Jared settled carefully in the lawn chair facing him. Jensen silently handed him a beer out of the small cooler beside him, and maintained his breathing. He'd read a lot of studies online about the importance of breath. It was crucial to a peaceful demeanor, and Jensen wanted to make sure his demeanor was peaceful.
Finding peace was fucking exhausting, sometimes.
The two men sat silently for a long time, and Jensen tried to pretend like he'd be happy staying like that for hours. Jared sighed, finally, and stood up. "Grill out back?" Jensen nodded, and tried to smile. "Yeah, let's cut through the house," he said softly.
Jared made his way through the house, and Jensen noticed the way he was glancing around. "You're welcome to look around," he offered. Jared shrugged, and followed Jensen through the living room, and out the backdoor. The grill stood, in all it's glory, and Jared laughed out loud.
"What?"
"You ever used this?"
"No...it was sort of an impulse purchase."
"It won't look so pretty in about thirty minutes, city boy."
"I sort of figured that, country boy."
Jared actually smiled slighty, and the two men worked together to start the grill. Jensen had dragged the faded, scarred picnic table out of the tools shed, and he began setting chips, potato salad, and plates out as Jared manned the grill.
"So, Jared?" Jensen cleared his throat. Jared looked up, raising an eyebrow, and Jensen took that as a sign to continue. "Why'd you agree to this?" Jensen gestured vaguely to the small dinner, and bit his lower lip.
Jared frowned, his brows slightly furrowed. "Um, I don't really know, to be honest." He shook his shaggy hair out of his eyes. "I knew who you were--before you moved here--so I didn't much care for you," Jared said softly, "And I wasn't too thrilled with you buying this place. Figured you were going to tear it down, build some fucked up monstrosity. Flaunt the Ackles wealth everywhere you went, and drive around in some sort of overpriced luxury car."
Jensen blinked, unsure what to say. "Wait. Wait a minute. You know who I am? How? Wha--I don't understand." Jensen felt tension wind around his shoulders, ruining the peace he'd been fighting so hard to achieve.
Jared flipped a steak, pushing hair out of his eyes. "Yeah, I'm not oblivious, Jensen. I've known the Murphy's for years. Used to mow that lawn once they got too unsteady on their feet to do it themselves. They were good people, and I guess I didn't think you wanted...whatever it is you seem to want."
Jared grabbed another beer, tossing one to Jensen, who caught it numbly. "Anyway, when Jim told me that he liked you, thought you were good people, I did some checking. You don't have a glowing reputation amongst the blue collar folks. This area, all it is is blue collar. People live month to month. They depend on the weather for their crops, factories for their jobs, and all you did for years was..."
"Put people like that in the unemployment line," Jensen finished, voice hoarse.
"Yeah. You're name isn't really recognizable around here, and I doubt anyone else has a clue who you are, but it made me less than thrilled when Sadie found her way here." Jared tossed the dogs a few pieces of sirloin.
"I still don't really understand what you want, but you seem to be trying to fit in. The garden, the pickup, Harley."
Jensen reeled. Besides being the most Jared had ever said to him, it was also completely unexpected. He hadn't expected to be held accountable for a life he'd been trying to put behind him. He closed his eyes, gathering the words.
"I don't know how to be happy." Jensen's face must have shown his shock. He had meant to try to justify actions he knew to be reprehensible, but he was so fucking tired of pretending that nothing was wrong. Jared studied him, and smiled softly. "Yeah? Me, too. I think everyone feels like that, sometimes."
"No, Jared. I mean, I am trying to find peace. I'm trying to be better, to find out who I am, what I like. I don't even know. That's fucked up, right?" Jensen turned pleading eyes on the other man.
Jared slowly took the steaks off the grill, laying them on a plate, and gestured for Jensen to sit down. Sighing, Jensen sat down, and both men ate quietly.
"Sadie really likes you," Jared said casually, and took a sip of his beer. Jensen glanced over at her, carefully positioned for tablescraps, and smiled slightly. "She's a great dog. I don't want her to get hurt on the roads, but I love it when she shows up here."
"Yeah, she's my girl."
"Got a girl at home, eating by herself tonight?" Jensen kept his voice casual. Jared smirked, and shook his head. "Smooth." Jensen shrugged, his cheeks flushing. "No, Jensen, you're looking at the only other gay man in about thirty square miles. I would know, too, since I'm the only vet around here."
Jensen toyed with his salad. He wasn't sure how to proceed, didn't know if he wanted to. What did they even have in common? Hell, Jared had already said he wasn't Jensen's biggest fan.
"I didn't change much inside the house."
"I noticed."
"I think I might like gardening."
"The corn looks very healthy."
"Harley is learning how to roll over, play dead, and shake hands."
"Good things for a dog's resume."
"When you agreed to come here tonight, were you agreeing to a date with me?"
"Looks that way."
"I'm Jensen Ackles."
"I'm Jared Padalecki."
" I mean, I have an entire life that I'm trying to change. I'm confused."
"About?"
"I just want...peace."
"Maybe you've been looking too hard."
Jensen bit his lip, and took a deep breath. "So, what does gay mean? Here, I mean?"
Jared snorted softly, sipping his beer thoughtfully.
"Gay in the redneck midwest?"
Jensen nodded, his face creased with worry. He had always been very careful about his sexuality. His family still didn't know, and he had no desire to tell them. His father would disown him completely. No son of his would be a faggot. Jensen suspected that it had more to do with Alan's idea that gay meant weak than anything else.
Jensen wasn't really concerned about being cut off from the family inheritance, he had made his own money, but he hated the idea of being a cause of pain for his little sister. It made him stressed just thinking about the page six scandal.
"Jensen, I don't know what you think about life is like here, but it isn't lynch mob mentality you need to worry about. People here, they don't much care about what goes on in your bedroom, as long as you keep it there."
Jensen frowned. "You mean, no making out on street corners?"
Jared rolled his eyes. "No, dude. I mean, give people the same courtesy that you would expect in return. You way over think things. Plus, I think you're more jaded than you realize. People know I'm gay. Doesn't seem to bother anyone."
Jensen smiled slightly. "So...you're not seeing anyone?"
Jared laughed. "You want to date me, Jensen?"
Jensen thought of the rude asshole that had spent the last few months giving him the cold shoulder, and the man who kept a gigantic kennel full of healthy, happy dogs, who crooned to dying kittens, and who was looking at him with eyes that shone with amusement.
"Yes, yes I do."
"Ok, then."
The two men spent the next few hours lounging in the backyard. Jensen proudly showed Jared his garden. It was flourishing, stretching toward the sun, and Jensen loved it.
Harley and Sadie followed sedately as the two men made their way around the yard, chasing butterflies and squirrels when given the chance, but sticking close to their owners.
Jared finally couldn't stop from yawning, and Jensen immediately began wrapping half of the leftovers up so that Jared could take them with him. Jared watched him silently, and took the offered containers. Jensen watched in confusion as Jared took them and set them in the fridge.
"So," Jensen began. "So," Jared agreed.
"You haven't seen the bedroom," Jensen offered, voice catching slightly. "I got a few new pieces of furniture--" Jared's mouth cut him off, and Jensen moaned slightly against Jared's lips.
"I'd love to see your bedroom, Jensen."
They kissed hungrily all the way down the hall, tugging off shirts as they went. Jensen stumbled into the small bedroom, pulling Jared with him. They stood in the dimming light, their bare chests heaving as they studied each other.
Jared's muscles were well defined, and his massive shoulders made Jensen ache. He reached forward, trailing his fingers over a pec, lightly pinching Jared's nipple. Jared moved closer, letting Jensen's wandering hands slide across his abs and around his waist.
Leaning down to kiss him, Jared pulled their bodies together. Jensen moved his hands down to unbutton Jared's worn jeans, tugging them off slim hips. Jared stepped out of them, his neck arching as Jensen's mouth kissed a trail down his chest before latching onto first one nipple, then the other.
Jared was gasping for breath, his cock a hot, hard thing in Jensen's palm. Jensen slowly pulled away, grabbing Jared's hand to lead him to the bed. Jared willingly let himself be pushed back onto the matress. Jensen worked Jare'd boxers off and stopped to admire the naked man laid out before him.
Jared's cock curved up across his belly, leaking precome. Jensen dropped to his knees between Jared's legs, and sucked marks into the skin of his inner thighs before moving to take the head of Jared's cock in his mouth. Jensen moved slowly down, hollowing his cheeks and humming.
He could feel Jared squirming, struggling not to thrust into Jensen's mouth. He relaxed his throat, taking Jared as far as he could. He groaned at the tangy, salty precome as he massaged Jared's balls, his teeth dragging across the head of Jared's cock.
"Jensen," Jared choked out. "You gotta." Jensen batted Jared's flailing hands away, running his tongue down the thick vein as he buried his nose in thick curls at the base of Jared's cock.
Jared's balls drew up, and he cried out as he came. Jensen swallowed as much as he could, his hands still cupping Jared as he worked him through his orgasm.
Jensen moved to lay next to Jared, smoothing damp hair off of Jared's forehead. Smiling, Jared opened his eyes and pulled Jensen in for a kiss. Jensen let Jared roll him over onto his back, losing his jeans and boxers somehow.
He watched Jared search and find a small bottle of lube and a condom in a drawer of the nightstand, and tried to keep fear from reaching through his haze of lust. He hadn't gone any further than handjobs and blowjobs before, and he knew that wasn't how this night was going to end.
Jared moved between Jensen's legs and grabbed Jensen's fingers. Smirking, he poured lube over them as Jensen watched. Jensen almost came from the sight alone as Jared moved to straddle his chest and positioned Jensen's fingers.
"Jared," he whimpered as Jared lowered himself onto Jensen's fingers and began to stretch himself. Eventually, Jensen got his wits about him, and began helping; twisting his fingers to search for Jared's prostate. Jared shuddered, his eyes locked on Jensen's as their fingers moved together inside him.
Jared finally pulled away, grabbing the condom. Jensen took it from him, squeezing the base of his cock tightly as he rolled it down. Jared leaned forward and the two men kissed roughly as Jared lowered himself onto Jensen.
Jensen grabbed Jared's hips and pressed into him slowly. They moved together carefully until Jared rested against him, and then he pulled away, slamming down hard. Jensen cried out, thrusting up. They moved roughly, and Jensen reached up to grasp Jared's stiffening cock.
Jared grinned and suddenly grabbed Jensen's waist, flipping them over. Jensen growled, moving his hips to thrust deeply inside the heat of Jared's body. From his position on top of Jared, Jensen began nipping at Jared's nipples, and his hand reached down to jerk him off. He felt slightly overwhelmed by the sensation of being inside of Jared, the tightness wrapped around his cock like a vise, and his body was trembling with the need to come.
Jared cried out, come spilling across Jensen's fist and his own stomach. His muscles clamped around Jensen, pulling his own orgasm out of him. His hips stuttered as he pulsed deep inside Jared, and he whimpered as his arms gave out. He buried his face in the sweaty hollow of Jared's neck.
The two men lay quietly, their bodies pressed together, and Jensen relished the feeling of calm that washed over him. As they finally pulled apart, cleaning up sleepily, Jensen let himself just enjoy the sight of the man in front of him.
They curled together under the simple quilt, Jared's arm across his waist, his own head on Jared's chest, and fell asleep.
The night went on, peacefully, as they slept.
part five
I hope you liked this chapter.
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