today proved something ive gone through all my life.
ive been in my brother's shadow ever since i popped out.
no matter how hard i work, what i do will never be good enough.
ive worked my ass off in school since i got into school.
ive tried my best in sports, but i was never #1.
ive tried to have the best friends, but i always fail.
ive tried to be ( Read more... )

i know no one reads these things anymore, but i decided i needed to write.
im not good at most things, and the one thing i am good at i feel like im failing.
i was born with the love of making people happy, cheering people up, and i cant anymore.
i try to be there for so many people, and i get rejected...i try so hard to be the encouragement
and i get ( Read more... )

im seeing a side of someone i love that ive never seen, and well...i dont know what to think.
im disappointed, im confused, im...in need of some clarity.
im in need of my best friend.

i dont know what to do.
i dont know what to think.

the only thing im finding comfort in is the beatles and crying about stupid things.
i feel so not like myself and im ( Read more... )

so the first week of my junior year is finished, and im not truly sure what this year is going to hold. the tension and drama is still there from last year and the old pain reminds me every once and a while. my classes are overwhelming at times and the homework is truly overwhelming. still having to lifeguard is killing me, because i seem to have ( Read more... )

im SO tired of people right now ( Read more... )

  Rest in Peace
June 20th, 2007 Thomas Edward Brown.

Remembered forever to me as eddie.
Remembered for his loving heart for God.
Remembered for his loving heart for people.
Remembered for his genuine friendship.
Remembered for his loving hugs.
Remembered for his smile.
Remembered for his amazing sense of humor.
Remembered for his urge to make trouble.
( Read more... )

i love summer.

its the small joys in life that stop you in your tracks.
its the simple things that make happiness genuine.
its the cute smiles of cute little kids that move you.
its the soft touch that pushes you to be better.
its the words to a song that make you want to dance.
its going down a slide and swinging on a swing.
its sitting watching kid ( Read more... )

what i learned my sophomore year.

through out this year i have experienced many firsts and many lasts. i had many realizations on how life is suppose to be and how much i truly screw up and screw things up. i guess it all starts at band camp 2006. this year at band camp i found myself and what and who i was truly meant to be. i found my enthusiasm ( Read more... )

alright. so tonight, yea.

i saw spiderman 3 with stephen.
hahaha, ive never laughed so much in my life.
i am genuinely happy right now.
i forgot how good this feels.

i dont know, felt like expressing.
i feel like im myself again.

throughout the last few weeks i have lost my love for life.
no matter what i do i feel so alone and so empty.
school work is killing me, my family life just gets worse.
and im not ready to move on with my life, its like im incomplete.
i feel like crying all the time and i dont know why...i feel lonely in a crowded room.
i have lost the people that mean ( Read more... )