This pretty much sums up my entire philosophy of life:

Somebody is going to hell for this.

If I hear one more reality show contestant mangle a Queen song, I am going to cut my ears off.

Why is Kermit the Frog doing all these commercials now? Does he really need the money that badly?

I meditate. I burn incense. I eat brown rice.

And still I want to smack people.

( Burp. )

Auntie Christ just got a spam that says "Let Yoda Refinance Your House."

I know there's a joke in there somewhere.

This Halloween, Auntie Christ would like to leave you with a scary image:

Marilyn Manson sitting on the toilet.

Thank you.

Dear Paul Hamm,

Auntie Christ would like you to give her your gold medal, for she is the one who really deserves it. If you don't do this, you will be a bad sport and the whole world will hate you.

Plus, I will bake you some cookies.

Love,
Auntie Christ

P.S., You have a really nice ass.

Now that Friends is over, Auntie Christ is seriously contemplating suicide.