i get more superficial every day...

[aventurine]

as usual, i've been thinking about sex. if you can't answer the questions without specific facts or want to leave more lengthly remarks, feel free to drop a comment.

Poll put out or get out

Comments

[dilatedeyes]

my head is going to explode from the pressure of this poll.

to me, sex is important and i want it all the time. but then, all my relationships fail miserably and i suppose that perhaps i should change my views... which is why i answered the way i did.

[aventurine]

how much of your self-esteem is tied to whether or not you get laid when you're in a relationship? seems to me that there are a lot of factors that influence your chances when you're single... but if you're with someone...

[dilatedeyes]

way too much of my self-esteem! but then again, with both of you and your horrible schedules.. it's hard to fit things in, i guess, to put it not so gracefully. :)

[aventurine]

i agree, i feel the same way. and i'll admit i have a bit of a double standard: i think girls should be able to say no for any reason at any time, but i think a guy had better have a damn good reason.

[kingtycoon]

unless by not enough you mean none ever under any circumstances then no.

[aventurine]

no, i just mean infrequent. infrequent to me is anything less than once a week. dr. phil says something like 20 million americans are living in "sexless" marriages!

[kingtycoon]

yeah, he also says he's a doctor. Just because they aren't having sex with each other doesn't mean they aren't having sex. Touche dr. Phil!

Sex is a pretty lame part of any relationship I think - I think there are a lot of much more useful things people can do for each other than lick on their privates to show affection and devotion.

[aventurine]

what other things do you suggest, then?

[aventurine]

thanks for your thoughts on this. i think they're essentially the same as mine. however, things have gone sour since all this. i'll have to tell you the whole story.

[aventurine]

i would love to talk about it. i need help.

[shkoo]

Yeah, I'm all about the 3-somes. I think I need to get 2 bi chicks to move in with me. That way when I'm not feeling particulary libidous they can bump clams with each other.

[aventurine]

why do you prefer threesomes? so you can perform less, or more? :)

[jjjiii]

I think there's something to be said for variety, but I've never been able to get the emotionality of a 3some to work out right. I've never actually been in one, but while the idea has great appeal on paper, when it has ever come close to being put into practice, I find things seem to become shakey and fall apart. I guess achieving that level of trust (or not giving a shit) is just not an easy thing.

[shkoo]

It gives flexibility. If I want to perform less they can go at each other or if I want to perform more there's more opportunity to do so. The same is true for everyone else involved. I had a 3-some this weekend and one of the lovely ladies was on the rag so she didn't need to get much play. The other one was pretty nympho, so good for her. :)

I have a group of 3 gay friends that are all together, so I know the emotional stuff does work out for some people. I'm not familiar (nor do I want to be) with the details of their sex life, though. :)

[roses_rejoice]

if sex (either having more of it or less of it) is truly an important value to you, then you should try to find someone whose values match yours. if you don't care that much about sex compared to other values such as spending habits, time spent with family, etc. then it's not that big of a deal.

people shouldn't be afraid to be honest about what's important to them. i think there's some kind of weird dichotomy in our society that sex is superimportant and at the same time, superficial. i say, let's just forget what other people think of us and if we want sex say so and don't want it say so too and try to find someone who fits with what we want. for myself, there's no way i could stay with a guy who put a big importance on having regular sex, either because he "needed" that or felt like proving his manhood or whatever. i've had that before and it got real, real, REAL annoying and probably would have broke us up eventually if other things hadn't beaten the sex issue to it.

[aventurine]

well, i'm afraid i might be doing the same thing. maybe i'm demanding it all the time just to prove my desirability? but what am i supposed to do about that even if it is the case? that's what i want to do...

[roses_rejoice]

if it's what you want it's what you want. i'd then take the next step and ask why the other person isn't giving it to you. like someone said above, is it a case of something practical, such as your partner being on a different schedule from you, or just being physically tired sometimes? or are they being withholding as a way of exerting control, or giving you some reason to feel undesirable? it's all in the dynamics of the situation, and whether you feel this is something that you want to "get past" in your own mind (i.e. make sex less important), or whether you would just like somebody who has more sex at this point, and that's the end of it. the other thing to look at is how long the relationship has been going on, if this is someone you don't have a gigantic shared history with and the bloom is already off the rose sexually speaking then i wouldn't bother hanging around. but that's just me.

[aventurine]

i don't think it's anything he's doing intentionally. the poor boy works from 7am-4:30pm daily, then goes to law school from 6pm-9pm. so you're probably wondering how he's even alive, let alone having sex, right?