She took me to see her apartment this morning. She wore her halloween costume, a giant eeyore costume that was the ultimate embarrasment. It was funny at school but it just got me when she didn't take it off in time to see the landlord and sign the lease and such. The apartment's fine. Fine is the only world to describe it. The apartment itself is ( Read more... )

I'm so close to just screaming at everybody it's amazing. I feel like i'm at breaking point. I'm so fucking angry. I'm seeing my mom's apartment tomorrow, i'm getting out of school for an hour. I can't be there for you if you're going to do t his. I just can't. And i feel like the weakest person to say that. But i can't not be upset when you see me ( Read more... )

I think i got what i needed in Indiana...a person to talk to and a dose of reality. I can imagine crying my heart out to anbody, but it won't happen. It just won't. I talked to Aunt Karen one night really late, sitting on the rug in the upstairs of their beautiful country fall house, and she told me about when her parents got divorced, she asked ( Read more... )

dreams last for so long ( Read more... )

where do you go when i need you ( Read more... )

Another family secret. You say that i cope with hurting better than she does, but that's only because i reach out and talk about it, and now this a big thing and i have to pretend it's not happening ( Read more... )

i remember that time you told me
you said, love is touching souls
surely you touched mine.
you boys harsh out at me in these lines from time to time.
oh you're in my blood like holy wine
taste so bitter and so sweet
i could drink a case of you darling
and still be on my feet.

I'm living two lives. On the plane, i'd listen to Keane and think of relationships and families, and then i'd listen to other stuff and think about Max and people at home. One side i'm so upset and the other i'm so happy. It's the weirdest balance. I want nothing more than to cry to somebody, and i want nothing more than to dance crazily and kiss ( Read more... )

We went straight from the Oakland airport to the wedding rehersal. We were late, of course, but everybody was still standing up. Everybody i absolutely love was there...Cynthia, Aunt Sue, Aunt Amanda, Alexander, Granny Phyllis, "Grampa", Jeff and Barbra, C.P (not Bagna),Taylor and Jojo, Noni and Devin, Aunt Sarah, Jen, Willy...some of them i haven' ( Read more... )

Last night was the closest i've come to breaking down in a long time. I talked to dad and i won't even go into everything he said, but it did kill me. It killed me so much that i came upstairs and packed a bag and decided to sleep in the yard, grabbing the sleeping bag and pad. I stumbled down the back stairs and passed the room he was in, with his ( Read more... )