bad description by an otherwise good author

[panthersoup]

Matt watched Mello as he slept, the jagged strands of hair splattered across the pillow like a golden halo of blood.

Not only is his hair just like a "golden halo", it's also... Made of blood? Golden blood, what?

Comments

[agapetus]

Blood is an awfully strange color to describe red hair...

Also, that sentence treads a fine line between descriptive prose and purple prose.

(Deleted to fix a spelling error... ;_;)

[panthersoup]

It was actually referring to Mello, who is blond. Which makes that sentence deeply confusing to me...

[agapetus]

OH. I thought it was talking about Matt. D8

Yeah, alright. I agree. Wtfux goes where?

[rainsmercy]

/fights urge to steal icon

[dandywonderous]

Golden blood? Is this what Twilight vampires bleed? O.O'

[quicksilvermad]

Uh? Why put "blood" in there at all?

And if hair is "splattered" can it be considered halo-like? I'd go more with the puddle of gold-but that's too purple prose. It also brings to mind that whole Greek myth about how Zues impregnated Danae. Ew.

[dunkler_ort]

I was already lost at the concept of "jagged" hair being "splattered" (those two just seem to contradict, somehow, and "splattered" makes me think his hair is melting). It seems that logic was sacrificed there for the sake of angst, because to me, the metaphor really doesn't make sense.

[chelonianmobile]

Eww, interesting metted mixaphor. Wanna take it over to its_like_what?