So tonight dad left a message saying he wanted to talk. And I haven't been doing well lately. Crying a lot at work. Depression's coming back. And this just kinda pushed me over the edge. And for some reason I start thinking of when we were robbed at Towering Oak, when they brought me into the basement and had me lie on the floor. And I knew they ( Read more... )

I'm gonna buy $300 worth of party platters for a doctor's office for lunch because bribing them with cash would be unethical. The guy who delivers it can't write prescriptions though, so I'm gonna act like a douchebag to him and keep him waiting for an hour and then not tip him. Because that would be an unnecessary cost! It's not like I work for a ( Read more... )

I see all these couples at Chili's... husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, I dunno maybe brother and sister. But about half the tables are just two people. And I can't help but look at them and think, you're all a bunch of phonies. "Oh, look at what a great couple we are, the hunter-protector and his doting woman" like their relationship is ( Read more... )

So the music fest wasn't a total bust. There's about 20 people here and about 30 vendors and drug dealers. I got pretty drunk last night and told mike all about my imaginary friends, he didn't remember much though cuz he was shrooming. Wanted me to try tonight, I'm just not comfortable here though. I wouldn't enjoy it. Though I kinda do want to try ( Read more... )

I miss you. And I need you right now ( Read more... )

So yesterday afternoon I suddenly got lightheaded. I assumed it was because I hadn't eaten anything but more than a day later it's still here. It's like the mental fog from my teenage/early 20s years. I'm calling coworkers by the wrong name, I'm having trouble seeing things, and the voices in my head are louder. And I'm talking to them in public ( Read more... )

Friends are awesome. They put things in perspective. Lisa worked at Chili's years ago, and she's back now. I told her I graduated; she says, "I know, I told my mom, she's like 'which one's Stephen?', I said the slightly schizophrenic one, and she remembered you instantly!" Hmm. I don't remember meeting her mom ( Read more... )

So I haven't updated my LJ in a while. Most of my friends migrated to Facebook and I pretty much have too. But whatever, cross-post ( Read more... )

( Musings on some of my dearest psychoses. You probably don't need to read this. )

Of course the highs never last very long... I need to call my shrink. God dammit, I can't afford this right now.