( Read more... )

My head has been an absolute fucking mess, and this is an understatement. A goldfish has a more reliable memory than I do, and at least a goldfish usually knows where he is ( Read more... )

--erdies and gerantol men. Erlisten erhe, are you maryr seee! What the groipel schnoup maight blither unto the nuances of your most facilitated journey to the center of a circus atom ( Read more... )

I seized the cold neutrality of the doorknob as the gravity of my discovery began to sink in. Anything could be on the other side of the door - most likely just another configuration of coffee tables and lamp shades, but if the Cosmo Lobby could materialize a vending machine out of nothingness, I had a feeling that far more impressive things were ( Read more... )

Following my conversation with the sketchy computer, I had taken to wandering amid the rooms of the Cosmo Lobby. Pacing back and forth, spiraling around the bizarre place like a convicted murderer awaiting his death sentence, nothing sat right with me. The Cosmo Lobby seemed perpetually foreign, as if someone had been rearranging the furniture in ( Read more... )

Finally, after spinning my wheels in the proverbial muck that has amassed to my sorry existence in this bizarre place, I had made an ounce of progress. I was on a roll. For me, at this point in time, one success is a roll.

“Alight, computer. I have questions and I need answers. Who am I, what the hell is this place, and how the fuck can I get an ice ( Read more... )

It was time to take charge of this mess. I wound my way through the retro-labyrinth, found the metal door, and kicked it clear off it’s hinges. As it crashed against the operating table and clamored to the floor of the steel room, I saw for the first time a large blank screen against the back wall with a small keyboard attached directly below it. ( Read more... )

Slightly to my dismay, I awoke to the single loudest sound I have ever heard in my entire life, followed by a booming voice which screamed with no apparent regard to the eardrum-shattering volume at which it spoke.

“HELLO!” howled the voice.

Immediately, I assumed it was God. After all, that character is most famous for his booming voice, and this ( Read more... )

And there I sat, drowning in a sea of absurd relics from a forgotten decade, wondering who and where I was. What now? What’s next? This was the waiting room from hell. I felt like I should take a number and wait for the nurse to call my God damn name. That is, if anybody even know what my name was. I needed a fucking miracle, but I would settle for ( Read more... )

If things were to continue down the same path, I was positive that I wasn’t going to like what was on the other side of that door. I weighed my options: I could stay here in this sterile, echoing room, buck naked, with no clue who the hell I was, where the hell I was from, how the hell I had gotten here, or what the hell this god damn place even ( Read more... )