i'm scared, anxious, stressed, worries, and every other word along that lines. i have no idea what's going on with my body and can't afford to go and find out. i can't even help my beloved jason to go take care of himself at the doctor's. i really do sometimes feel like i have faild him in some way ( Read more... )

i'm not even going to try and recap the past few months. the only people who probably read this have already been caught up. so why do i even keep this thing then? well, venting purposes i guess ( Read more... )

have been sick for the too long alread. been sick since friday. don't really know who i spent my weekend. it's pretty much a blurr. i remember going online twice this weekend, and i think i called a friend saturday night, just don't remember which one. that's fucked up. i'm still not too clear on things right now. have an interview tomarrow ( Read more... )

Sigh no more ladies ( Read more... )

not sure what's going on right now. we're all here just kind of waiting by the phone. it's an awkward time. it takes me back to the time of when my dad passed away. i remember that everytime the phone rang i hoped and prayed that it would be the doctors or someone calling to tell us the whole thing was a bit mistake and that my dad was coming ( Read more... )

am think of whether or not to make a life changing decision. am trying not to jump the gun on my life, but there may not be another way. ok so things as they are, as i am doing there are hard right now. now, i am told that if it is hard, then it is right. the right things is always hard to do. i don't know if i was to be right this time or ( Read more... )

a night that i believed would come finally came. it was also a night that was unexpected. i received a long awaited call. i am happy. even if months or years go by before i ever get another, i am happy. i received words that were not expected at all. they were a joy to hear but also scared me. i'm so weird. even when i have every reason to ( Read more... )

so once again i have hurt the ones i care for the most. once again it was not my intention. however, once again i managed to do so ( Read more... )

turns out that they finally understand. well, at least two out of the group now understand how hard it has been for me. all the girls, well, all the newbies, just couldn't or wouldn't get it. i declined invitations and was so "to myself" for a reason, and not a light or small reason either. it was a legitimate reason. how could i go out and ( Read more... )

i have been trying to hide from the world for the past couple of days but the world keeps findnig me. things are fucked at work. i've turned stupid all of the sudden. i think i've let my boss get to me. you would think i was a newbie or something. it's rediculous. things are getting even more fucked with my friends both online and off. seems ( Read more... )