Lately I'm understimulated. The word wide web has captivated me for nearly 17 years but lately i'm bored of "content." I could be doing other things with my time, namely being offline. I blame the weather for why I don't leave the studio apartment. It's a half truth that half the year is wet and deblitating here. I used to love the feeling of this ( Read more... )

I told myself I could look at the last post I made if I wrote a new entry. I also told myself I don't have to post this. I feel depressed. I'm finally coming out of the constant shock of anxiety and now I feel low. I've gotten myself to a place of nothingness once again. I've disconnected from friends and family, my interests, and aspirations. The ( Read more... )

but I feel compelled to post here. The first non essential action of my day. The motivation to even take care of the most basic tasks, is to get here. Life feels pointless in this time. I used to have a job to show up for. A job I claimed to like yet showed up later and later for. I used to have relationship. A relationship I claimed to like yet ( Read more... )

 It's 2021, I'm 29.85 years old and just as directionless as the clichéd pseudo-suicidal teen I was when journaling here in the mid thousands. What's worse is I sense the same hollow desperation in my present reality that I expressed in my old posts. I still lack a true vision of myself and the psychic creativity to form an identity... At least I'm ( Read more... )

I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE ( Read more... )

Ridiculous and ominous and nervous ( Read more... )

                                                                 DAISY SOUP

I've always been an alien 
So have you
I know you've never felt at home
I've got the feeling too
It's obvious the ship isn't coming back
The best I can promise is the moon

If just we got stuck there
                   ( Read more... )

i'm stuck at my house. i need to see Sean he is theonlyone. the only one that makes me feel alright. normal. safe. comfortable.

every morning on the way to school i kiss the city good morning from a bus window.

and i always wish i was there.

 i think they were beautiful.

( Read more... )

edit

i feel like i don't have friends, er well close friends in school and that i'm second best, at best, to everyone.
it's so hard to feel like you don't belong, it's so hard to feel like the ones you want are becoming someone else and moving away from you.

i want someone to want me. i want them to chase after me, make me feel like i'm the one.

i'