I mean boys are ugh. Even ones you may suspect sre more than fleeting. I do NOT know how to do this. It seems every i delicate step i make runs them for the hills. I suck.

I just had a fleeting memory. We had gone as a group of grade 8's to old quebec city. There was one kid(kinda gino-y) who we all thought would be the cats meow over there with the varying small town schools(we were the only ones from a major city. And we KNEW it.), however it was the alterna "weird" kid who stole hearts. Much to our collective ( Read more... )

Weekend facebook is the worst facebook. All the look at what im doing posts and pics... And while mostly i can deal when people are peopling for some reason on weekends the edges are sharper. Perhaps that when i realise how far i still have to go in terms of human interaction. Its what it is of course but it doesnt smart less. It goes back a long ( Read more... )

Im still sorta sick. My throat feels like i swallowed jizz caked glass. Ugh. Its the day before the bloodletting so im at peak insanity. I feel like the little drowned girl from the ring. I want EVERYONE to feel my pain. Just once. But barring that id take hugs. My plan tonight was to get my drink on. But if i use my booze money to go get the booze ( Read more... )

Well that happened. Im glad i didnt get my hopes up. It was basically two hours of my mental health history, childhood, teen years adulthood. And no real resolution. In fact at a point she seemed to dismiss that i had pmdd at all and stated that the problem with having all my co morbidities is that during pms theyd be exacerbated. Like lady really ( Read more... )

There comes a point in every single fucking month where i become and irrational shrew. I make bo sense to myself. I feel hated and or forgotten by everyone. Add to that feeling like the definition of failure and the complete inability to look in the mirror and you have a third of the pmdd. Its like a flipped switch. Literally from moment to moment ( Read more... )

Sometimes you can really feel the broken pieces. Today is one of those days.

Touch me. Seriously. I equate being touched with abuse and or sex so if neither of those things is happening and youre touching me my brain goes right there. Immediately. That isnt a cool place to be. I know i need to fix it. But till then. DONT. FUCKING. TOUCH. ME. PLEASE! GOD!

And by this thing its what id imagine is contentedness nay happiness? I have no idea what this feeling feels like with the exception of when it calls crashing down about my ears. Tis the season for everything to go to shit and so while in the quiet moments i can let a half smile escape then this crushing worry follows it. When that happens i pop a ( Read more... )

My fear of possession. I know why. I think. I think its because since i was young ive known something was wrong with me. Not that i knew it was mental illness. Or what kind it was. But any child who was as perpetually sad as i was and that was just troubled i guess i needed a reason. And i suppose being super over dramatic and raised around the ( Read more... )