i did it out of spite for you.
and for me.
and to fly.
and to sleep, finally.

i felt like shit.coming down.
and i never go to class because of you.
and now i still dont.
ill probably never go.
computer nerd. instead.
no life.
sick of lock down.
running.
soon.

and instead of missing him i miss the drugs.
one for you and one for me.
my ears.
my eyes.
my shoulder.

and i miss it.
i miss black eyes and endless pits.
dont you see it the way i do?
itd all be perfect if i could run.
with no shoes on.
so i could feel free ground.

whenever you smile it makes me scream
but now that i try and remember
you dont smile
except at night
in the dark
next to me.
and ive always done the same.

ive been called antisocial
people are fake
im not in love with anyone here.
slit my fucking throat and call me content.

no one is here anymore
im always the one left behind and i hate it with all my heart and soul.
i hate this place
i hate illinois
i hate rehab
i hate the people i live with(except for 2)
and i hate people who whine
so i must hate me right now.
ill get over it...its just temporary right?

the newest convo between me and the driver of the bus was him telling me so:
"when a guy is coming onto you and wont give up just tell him your boyfriend slit the last guys throat."
"uh ok...thanks"
oh the lessons of life i have and continue to learn on the bus.

i lost my pass yesterday and they found it ( Read more... )

i snorted a whole entire ice cube this weekend ( Read more... )

even the smallest things get me high as a kite ( Read more... )