While driving, I often find myself singing or air drumming, although never at the same time, because I don't ever want to be confused with Phil Collins (and it could happen). There's a show on VH1 where they put a camera in your dashboard and make fun of your singing voice later. In response to that, I periodically flip off random parts of my ( Read more... )

Last night was better than expected. I went to 'The Bear Necessities' a downtown strip club (and yes, that is how it's spelled), where I met who I hope to be my next leading lady. "Leading lady," where do I come up with this shit!? I'm like Dave motherfucking Coulier and Margaret Cho wrapped in one person ( Read more... )

I recently developed the ability to levitate. It's not like David Blaine levitation, because I really can do it ( Read more... )

I kept forgetting to post my new year's resolution. I suppose you people want me to say something about how much I drank or something, something so I could cover for myself in having forgotten the all important new year's resolution post, but I'm not your monkey ( Read more... )

you know, I was rereading my journal and I realized that dammit, I write the best livejournal ever. seriously, it's better than everyone else's.

lj sucks.

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recently, the band 'Damage Plan' was attacked on stage. Apparently some marine (like whoa dood, a marine) shot a few of the band members. Unfortunately, he shot Dimebag Darrell, ( Read more... )

I've made a lot of enemies in my day. That's easy to do when you bad ass for a living (and I certainly do, dammit). Anyways, I'm only scared of one thing, and that's that someone may put a bomb in my toilet, ala Lethal Weapon 2 (or 3 or whatever). I won't be Riggs'd ( Read more... )

I came up with an idea over the weekend that has to be turned into a movie. It's about three unruly badasses named The Funjas! The Funjas are a hard partying group of ass-kickers with hearts-of-gold, who aren't afraid to gleam any cubes or let any dogs out ( Read more... )

Dear Mac Elliot ( Read more... )

I guess I should have proposed that I would ( Read more... )

Why should you vote for me?

Because I am also not George W. Bush (which seems to be important criteria).

Because Lee Majors is the Fall Guy and the Bionic Man, you know he will be better than Dick Cheney ( Read more... )