What did you do last night? Drank a shot of murder, backwards, straight up, minus the red, coated my abdomen with fun. Danced around the town, saw stars in a couple of eyes, missed my chance for fame. Ran into a man named after a hair product, gave him the hug of my life. Rose, Rose, a beautiful Rose, plucked her from the ground ( Read more... )

Stop deleting your journals, you fucking pussies!

Is it weird that I’ve never watched an episode of South Park? I’d love to bash it just to see how many of you would take a dump in my mouth in an attempt to save its poor excuse of a face. But I’ll refrain from critique as I haven’t seen it. It just looks like one of those shows I’d watch and be like “What is this?” No thanks, I’ll stick to ( Read more... )

Dead musicians who are given too much credit.
Johnny Cash - Every time someone tells me they like this wrinkled bag of broken voices, I stuff a figurative baby fetus in my mouth. If I wanted to listen to someone who sounds like a car with brake pads inflicted with laryngitis, I’d go dig up my dead grandfather, throw him in a karaoke bar, and work ( Read more... )

Alice, Jimmy, Maegan, and I had a sleepover last night. The girls forced us into playing a game of "I Never" which is so 1992 that I actually had to disconnect my testicles from my body because they were screaming "What the fuck are you doing? This isn't sixth damn grade." Nonetheless, it was, shall I say, yes I shall, ridiculously fun. Ridiculous ( Read more... )

LOL Internet. Beer tastes kind of nasty. Also: Did you know that it's illegal to take pictures of the food at Taco Bell? I skated on a couple of lolz after a security guard chastized us for hthat one. Things are good. Sideshow is pissing me off.

I witnessed two kids walking to class in full cowboy gear today. The actual thought of a cowboy trend knocking its way into fashion made me want to smack them up and down the block and back to the store where they bought those atrocities. I’d turn to fascism before I am ever caught dead in ugly ass horse boots and whatever else those morons wear ( Read more... )

I want to understand why white people constantly feel the need to wear beach attire in fifty degree weather. They seem to be inflicted with some delusion that flip flops make your feet look cool, when in reality; they make your feet look cold. I can’t imagine walking around campus shipping from class to class on a flat hybrid of leather and rubber ( Read more... )

This is my confesion. You told me to tighten it, but I didn't really tighten it. I hope it falls from the sky and lands on your pretty little blonde head. And your blood will runneth over the wooden planks and into hell. A lesson should it to teach to thee. Stupid bitch in my free time. I'd rather keep the trash and throw out.

I went to Spartan Idol tonight. It was a blast ( Read more... )