This break has been uneventful but enlightening. I realized that my heart and brain have taken over. I'm beginning to let go of all rationale and blame myself for all of the bad shit that has happened to me. It isn't my fault for the events that have occurred recently. I wasn't good enough, or maybe just not what they are looking for. I am learning ( Read more... )

I'm tired of studying and I felt the urge to write. So I'm writing about nothing because the usual will only depress me more. I have become aware of some much that now it seems that this year was pointless in a sense. The repetition seems to remain a favorite action of mine. I think I have learned this time. I think I may not make so many mistakes ( Read more... )

 Just for now I will be civil. I will not let the world be so hard and face life with some point of view other than defeat. I have no idea why I am doing this, but I feel I have to if I even have a chance at making it to graduation. I feel weak, tired and overwhelmed with everything that is happening now. One day I won't have to think or feel so ( Read more... )

I don't know why I am writing but it seems like the right thing to do. It seems like everything is falling apart and I haven't noticed until now. What do I do now? I think that its not a big deal that my friends are drifting away from me, my soul-mate is in New York, and the person I gave my heart to ignores me. I have the fucking victim complex ( Read more... )

Once upon a time someone told me that they had buried their feelings for me for months, trying to avoid the truth. Now it seems that he has buried me alive. Its sad to realize that you were forgotten, buried in the past with everything else that he tries to forget. So I'm trying to unearth myself and find the remainders of my personality and love. ( Read more... )

It seems now that being pissed off all the time isn't really getting me anywhere. It just makes me want to be a bitch even more than I already am. There is no point though because after I have cut someone down I still feel like shit for existing. I have a problem and I need to solve. This singular problem when its solved will make life so much ( Read more... )

I'm pulling from every source of life that I have left. I have to keep going, I have to see the goodness in it all and feel something. I am here. I am not going anywhere because I have no options so way out to see the life that I am disgusted with. Its a disease that I created myself. This hatred, the neglect that I have grown accustom because I am ( Read more... )

I'm listening to this song that talks about this guy who does all these terrible things to be people and by its conclusion the singer realizing that he isn't any better than this guy. He realized that he had secrets buried within himself. At this point I am hiding a lot more than I can tell for the pure sake that all of my thoughts were not meant ( Read more... )

How do you know if you love someone? How do you decide if you are capable of feeling these intense emotions? How is it that I don't know what I'm feeling. The confusion is building and I am becoming less and less detached. I want to isolate myself, find myself, and free myself from these confines that I have set for myself. Where will it all end? ( Read more... )

So this year what I want for Christmas is my sanity. What I want is to be happy, is that possible? I don't want those material things if everything in life will just smooth over and leave no traces of pain. I don't know what I got myself into this year. I played games, got hurt, and now I'm back where I started wondering why I did all this shit ( Read more... )