Eventually (I tell myself) that I will learn from my mistakes and see that all of this that is in front of me is wrong for me. I will see that I am only making things worse for me. I see all the holes in my plan, my life and I'm terrified that I won't make it to the end. I cannot be faithful to myself, I cannot love myself so how do I expect to win ( Read more... )

I really don't feel like writing but I desperately need to get my point across. I'm tired of not knowing. I want to be prepared for things that I can not control and it scares the shit out of me to know that I am uncertain about life, my future, my romantic interest..all these things are only variables that are currently unsolved and puzzling. I ( Read more... )

At this point I don't really know why I'm bitching so much. I just see it as being the repressive teen who finds life to be too hard sometimes (angst). I'm angry at so many things, so many people that I just don't know where to start first. I feel like dying, ending everything and moving on from this place. My only fear is that where I go will be ( Read more... )

I saw him today. The person who makes me think crazy thoughts and feel conflicted with myself. I don't know what he does, but somehow he changes me. Somehow I am different and I don't like it, I don't like feeling uncomfortable, out of my skin and looking in. I see who I am and I know that its  not beautiful. Sometimes it feels like I am just here ( Read more... )

I'm tired of it all. I feel unethical and cruel. For some reason I did it and said things that I am not proud of. What's my deal, what's my issue? I don't feel surprised or shocked at how I reacted but I am slightly ashamed of myself. My body gave into flesh, into sins that I didn't think I would ever commit again. I thought I was done with it all ( Read more... )

I try to push past it all. Not think really, but do what I am asked. I think that's enough, right? You would think just doing the minimum would be sufficient but it turns out that its not even close. To live but not LIVE can be beneficial to the heart (if you are in the mood to protect it) but numbing to the soul. I don't have any real joy anymore ( Read more... )

I want to run. I don't know why but I have this impulse to run away before the inevitable "I'm sorry" arrives. I want to stop myself from continuing with this game that I constantly play with him. What has become of me? Why have I lost my edge, my attractiveness? I don't know what it is but I want to "hide it away", I want to protect the one thing ( Read more... )

Everything is happening too fast and all at once. I am overwhelmed with so much feeling that I don't know what to do first. All I know is that I am trying to sort through my life and find what I really want. I knew that I WANTED him but he turned his back on me so I left it alone. I'm done lurking in the shadows hoping to catch a glimpse of him ( Read more... )

Today I passed you on the street
And my heart fell at your feet
I cant help it if Im still in love with you

Someone else stood by your side
She looked so satisfied
I cant help it
Im still in love with you

A picture from the past came slowly stealin
As I brushed your arm and walked so close to you
Then suddenly I got that old-time feelin
I cant ( Read more... )

I want to say it. I want to confess it all and tell the world, but I won't. I will be secretive and ignore the fact that I'm falling apart inside. I have learned to keep my composure and lie to myself. I have gotten very good at that actually. I try and tell myself that I don't feel anything that I am heartless but I'm not. As I am being touch I ( Read more... )