Dick Clark is a mythical man. He taught me the innocence of a child and the vengence of a pitbull. His teachings as well translated to one Mark Zupan. My close personal friend Mark Zupan and I spent a magnificant year with Dick Clark in the jungles of Guatemala. Dick taught us the art of loving a woman, and how to make wine from grapes. If it wasnt ( Read more... )

Dick Clark once told me, No One likes a dead hooker at a Bar Mitzvah. He spoke from experience.

Anthony Thomas Huver

Dick Clark started the great Irish Potato Famine to make sure that we would all love our freedom fries, and continue to hate the French. Dick Clark, visionary, music lover, American.

Anthony Thomas Huver

In 1988 at the ripe old age of 35 Dick Clark invented ebonics. He originally meant the language to be used between himself, and his bitch ass hoes, who be pokin' at da time.

Anthony Thomas Huver

Dick Clark spent 8 years at Syracuse University, the same college he founded in 1870. He started the college with nothing more than a dream, a bail of twine, and a hooker.

Anthony Thomas Huver

Dick Clark invented homosexuality one drunken night at the Cabo Wabo in 1865 at the age of 44. He later perfected the act in 1902 at the age of 48.

Anthony Thomas Huver

Dick Clark invented Key Lime pie during the depression. When oranges and rats were in short supply.

Anthony Thomas Huver

One day Dick Clark said "Sometimes late at night, I pretend my pillows a lady ( Read more... )

Dick Clark's mother was 3/4 lesbian and 1/4 finnish. She married a fish monger, that was 1/2 Michigander. Dicks GrandFather on his Mother's side was known for tickling dog's family jewels, while he sand old Swedish songs. Finally Dick's Aunt twice removed was gypsy who believed in the tooth ferry, and ate snoze berries ( Read more... )

Dick Clark met his best friend in 1972 when he was 28. Dick and Retard Larry would take long strolls on the beach, and feed the geese, to the homeless. Many were uspet at Dick for calling Larry Retard, but he assured them it was only a nick name, Larry was in a wheel chair because he got drunk and crashed his Nova into a tree, not because he was ( Read more... )