You can have the past, I'll keep my future.

I use a beer like a cane, to keep my weak legs steady, sitting on a leather couch, which must have been made to be uncomfortable. Over a half dozen people sit, stand, talk, laugh, and I cannot amend my countenance. They always make fun of the fact that I never take my chef's coat off in their presence, I have no desire to be exposed. I am stiff and ( Read more... )

It is always a million times more complicated than ever it needs to be.

Today I am wearing wing tipped doc martens, beige slacks, a black button up that is opened at the top, untucked, and rolled up at the sleeves, and a polka-dot tie loose around my collar. I thought I was going for grungy, punk rock business... people have been telling me that it is so nice I dressed up... all day. How the holy fuck do I usually look ( Read more... )

Fuck, acting out is so much easier.

I miss adolescent anger, gave me something to look forward to.

I have been acting out, lately. I really hate it when I do that.

I am so full of insecurities that I cannot bear to be in my own skin. I wish I could drink enough to drown.

I have realised that there are stages to my reactions, especially when people gives me answers to questions that I do not necessarily like ( Read more... )

I feel as though I am several different people or have several different people within me. Of them are a small child and a very judgmental parental figure. Any time I am learning something, studying, I can feel the presence of that adult over my shoulder, counting the time it takes my brain to compute. It yells at me and degrades me terribly, ( Read more... )