It seriously has been forever since I wrote in here. For a while I was just diarying in a word doc. but then my computer crashed and all was lost and I just stopped writing down my thoughts and fears. This is probably why I felt compelled to come back because they are just as present as ever. Currently I am facing graduation in December and dealing ( Read more... )

I was going to stop writing in here. But then I changed my mind. I was going to write a full drawn out entry here updating my diary on my life over the past few months as so much has happened. But I haven't the energy nor the desire.

So this will suffice...for now?

I feel it happening. I feel that ever so crazy stopping and starting of my heart as he holds me tightly in his arms. I know now, more then ever before, that he feels it too ( Read more... )

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

So I feel absolutely powerless. If I think back on all the guys I've liked throughout my life I've always managed to get them in the end. People say that it's my 'great' personality mixed in with my good looks. Whatever. And yet, when it comes to this whole ( Read more... )

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blameI hate blameless situations, well...situations where the only person to blame is myself. Yet, I continually put myself in these difficult situations. Today I knew I'd be exhausted so I got rid of my work shift ( Read more... )

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.I never thought there could ever be a moment where I looked at Chris and thought "No," and yet, there are so many things that ( Read more... )

like an innocent man on death row
i sit here waiting
wondering
if you even take notice as i bleed
for you could be the start
or the end of me

So I've been nervous for the next time I would be with Chris and the next time I would be with Jesse. But I could cross both those things off my list of things to worry about as last night I ran into both of them. ( Read more... )

I do understand that I'm the one in control of my destiny. For this reason, I concluded that I was going to turn my life around. It's funny to me how I used to go out seven nights a week and now I spend pretty much seven nights a week laying around feeling sorry for myself. Even Eric last night was like "I'm glad to see you pulling yourself out of ( Read more... )

Yesterday I awoke to those all familiar feelings of self doubt. It wasn't so much that I was hating myself but more the life I've been leading in recent weeks. Never before have I ever spent so much time doing absolutely nothing. Thus, I took it upon myself to call Krissy and put an end to my pity party. At her apartment I managed to get a really ( Read more... )

I've definitely reached new depths of patheticness. It's not like me pinning away for Jay and moping over Chris should totally consume my life, and yet...they do. When Jesse was hitting on meand saying how beautiful I am and asking me out on dates...gently kissing my neck, I cringe at the realization that it's him and not Jay. That it's him and not ( Read more... )