Round One Drabbles
Team 1:Jack Sparrow (the_jacksparrow)
Kabaji Munehiro (copyrighthndman)
Atobe no Kangofu
Mystified, Jack Sparrow swaggered up to the nursing
home. Perhaps he had consumed enough rum that his
compass was inebriated, as this was not where he
should be. However, it hadn't misled him before. He
asked the compass to guide him to Ore-sama, and wound
up here. He didn't yet know what would be
accomplished by coming, but no one rejects Captain
Jack Sparrow, let alone regard him as old. Jack was
determined to prove that he was not geriatric, merely
experienced - well-traveled so to speak.
Snubbing the inquisitive scrutinization of the staff
and patients, the compass directed him to a janitor's
closet. This is intriguing, he thought as he
entered.
Taken aback by the intrusion, Atobe, donning a candy
striper outfit, wondered if the charming pirate was
stalking him? "I recall stating that you are too
elderly for Ore-sama."
"Not old. Seasoned. Savvy." Jack said, bearing down
upon the pulchritudinous lad. "You are tarted up for
me, if you would admit your curiousity, we could boff
then get on with our day." He smirked, withdrawing a
multitude of sex toys from his pocket.
Atobe screamed when Jack held up a sizable paddle,
alerting the nurses. Seizing Atobe by the waist, the
lecherous pirate escaped out the casement, slowly
descending to the ground via parachute. Their deviant
pursuits would have to commence elsewhere.
Team 3:Lust (lucious_lust)
Shinji Ibu (mutedmumbles)
Kamio Akira wasn't really sure how he'd gotten to be here. Well, he knew how he'd gotten here - there was a bike ride to Momoshiro's house and then Momoshiro had opened the door and then he'd shown Akira to his room and there had been others there. But he didn't understand the sequence of events that had led to him being conned into playing Dungeons and Dragons with the group.
The game was really really boring. There weren't even any real dragons or real dungeons or real fighting or real explosions or even any little figurines of dragons or fighting people or anything.
So the other had decided to liven it up a bit. It was now Strip Dungeons and Dragons.
Akira sighed. They had even brought out some leftover punch from Atobe's party, but he vehemently refused to drink any of it. Drinking was bad and ruined the liver and killed brain cells and was bad for tennis and coordination and Shinji would be sad if he knew that Akira had drank because Shinji didn't drink for the same reasons that Akira didn't want to drink.
So when he was handed some punch he said, "No thank you."
"You should drink some of that stuff, you know!" A perky voice said right into his left ear.
Akira jumped slightly startled, turning around to see none other than the Virgin Mary sittin on his left shoulder. Except she was dressed in a very provocative, lust-inducing devil costume. "Er. No." he said completely confused.
"Don't lissssten to her," came a hissing sound on his other ear. "Whatever you do DON'T drink that punch."
Akira turned to his right shoulder and saw A.J. Crowley sitting upon it. Crowley silently made a vow to inflict torture on whomever was responsible for him having to wear a halo.
"Aren't you a demon?" he asked quite puzzled.
"Demon or not do you want to end up pregnant and growing a vagina?" he hissed back.
"Don't listen to him, child, my punch does not induce pregnancies. It was a mistake in diagrams that have long been fixed." said the little devil form of the Virgin Mary.
The argument that ensued had little to do with Akira at all, it was a constant bickering back and fourth between Crowley and Mary. The other people in the room didn't seem to notice the little pesky angel and devil on his shoulders, but it certainly was giving him a headache.
When Ron Weasley apparated in and began wondering where the real dragons were and why everyone was mostly naked, a huge discussion of the game ensued. It was all too much for Akira to handle. He had to get rid of the Mary-devil and Crowley-angel somehow, but who should he trust?
Everyone knows you should trust angels over devils - yet this angel was actually a demon and the devil was a holy symbol of purity. Akira opted to trust the mother of Christianity over the demon-angel-thing on his shoulder and took a huge, long gulp of punch. Mary snickered and disappeared. Crowley hissed in his ear before also disappearing, "Don't name it after me, fool."
The rest of the night was pretty much a blur, a memory that he couldn't quite remember. Yet.. without a doubt, the next morning he woke up and found a message from Mary herself. "You're pregnant! Isn't it a blessing?"
-The End.-
Team 4:Envy (androchameleon)
Kamio Akira (scenehair)
YOU WILL
go explore those other women,
the geography of their bodies
but there's just one map you'll need.
An-chan tosses Kippei's girly magazine to the floor
and it lands crinkled over a dictionary, pages spread
wide like the legs of the fake-breasted women who fill
it. They do nothing for her, and she wishes they did
nothing for her brother either.
Sighing, she closes her eyes and lets her hand slip
past her waistband, thoughts of her brother robbing
her body's bank running through her mind. It wasn't at
all that she likened him to a criminal - if anything
she was the criminal one, touching herself to thoughts
of her brother plundering her body, as if she were
full of valuable jewels.
"Kippei," slips past her lips as she climaxes, her
fingers wet and sticky, her panties damp and her body
trembling. She glances back down at the magazine,
wishing that she were valuable enough for her brother
to cherish the way she wanted him to.
Team 5:Honsho Chizuru (4biddnloveotaku)
Oshitari Yuushi (kansaisex)
Star-Crossed Love
The silver haired youth stood backstage, thin limbs
encased in silver aluminum, his oh-so-perfect face
hidden beneath a dark mask. The music started, a
classical piece leading him in, the stage lights
shimmering over the darkened arena shaped like a giant
spacecraft. He flounced over the control panels,
looking up at the audience with a melodramatic sigh.
The music quickly ceased, and his mask lifted. "ALLO,
MATES/I TELL YOU, AIN'T I A BEAUT/LOOK, WHO COME
HITHER/ARE YE A BRUTE?" He sang, and his voice was as
beautiful as angels in the heavens.
The youth's sharp but elegant features shone brightly
as he made his own entrance onto the stage,
brandishing the finest crossbow one could find in
outer space. His beauty did not surpass that of the
other young man's, but complimented it, his dark hair
setting the mood between them. Light and dark, good
and evil. His voice was melodious as he sang, "A BRUTE
I AM NOT/NOW RUN BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT/A BOOMERANG
CANNOT BE SLAIN/BUT I CAN STILL INFLICT SOME PAIN."
"AYE!" Atobe replied, the music moving with his voice.
"BUT TO LEAVE YOU HERE I WOULD DIE/IT DISPLEASES
ORE-SAMA THAT OUR LOVE IS JUST A LIE!"
As the number came to a close, Ishida stepped forward
and his crossbow dropped to the ground. "IT WILL NEVER
BE A LIE." Their tender lips met in a passionate kiss,
and the audience erupted into applause.
The End
Team 6:Matsumoto Rangiku (busty_neko)
Kaidoh Karou (fsshuuukitty)
LEGALLY UKE
Atobe sat in the witness stand as Elle Warner
questioned him, looking smug and confident as ever.
Tezuka stared straight at him from his seat at the
defendant's table. :| Just like that.
"So, let me get this correct, the defendant, Tezuka
Kunimitsu, nearly destroyed the world with his tennis
because he saw you in a thong?" Elle asked.
"Ore-sama brings all the boys to the yard," Atobe
replied rather flippantly.
Roger Federer looked down at Atobe from his Judge's
seat, "Atobe Keigo, please answer the question."
"Ore-sama no bigi ni yoina. Na, Kabaji?"
A deep "Usu," was heard from the back of the court.
Judge Federer dismissed Atobe as an unreliable
witness. As Atobe left the witness stand, he tossed
the thong at Federer with a wink and said, "If the
thong doesn't fit, you must acquit."
Team 7:Kaji Masaki (fried_thing)
Yukimura Seiichi (yuki_dollz)
Atobe stood silently--if you could call leaning heavily on his bedpost standing--and sipped the chalky pink substance. Every time he swallowed, the memories and the taste mixed, and he couldn't help but wrinkle his nose. How utterly disappointing.
The party had been a roaring, scandalous success, but this one thing hadn't...
One last gulp, and the medicine was finished. He spoke to no one in particular, eyes surveying the rather trashed parlor. "Honestly, one would think a dark lord would be better at sex than that."
The Dark Lord retched, his body shuddering violently and head pounding. He slowly dragged himself out from under a bed, grabbing a hold of something and digging his nails into it as he pulled himself out completely.
It felt like his head had cracked in two when a screech sounded above him. Whatever he had been clinging onto was jerked out of his grasp and the Dark Lord face planted into the cold marble floor.
In his mind he repeated the Killing Curse over and over. He didn't stop until he passed out once again.
Team 8Kuro-woof (bigpuppykuro)
Kikumaru Eiji (nekonyahoi)
Mario-san and Luigi-san were sitting in their living
room, thumbs rapidly pushing their Nintendo Game
Cube's handlers, trying to beat each other silly on
the newest Naruto fighting game. They loved fighting.
And ninjas!
"Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" yelled Mario-san as his
character, Uzumaki Naruto cloned himself a thousand
times. Mario grinned evilly at his brother, twirling
his moustache. The future looked grim for Luigi-san's
character, Yamashiro Aoba. One versus one thousand.
The odds were not good. Quickly, Luigi used the code
for the super secret special attack: up, Y, left,
double Z, down and triple X. A cloud of smoke twirled
around his character, stars and nunchaku flew in a
whirlwind as tiny ninja dropped from the sky. The
television boomed: "SUPER SECRET JUTSU: RUBBER CHICKEN
NO JUTSU!!!"
The brothers looked at each other, bewildered. An
ugly, giant rubber chicken version of Aoba was
single-handedly trouncing all of Naruto's clones with
a combination of what sounded like dying squawks and a
variety of feathered ninja stars. A few seconds later,
the final Naruto fell victim to the rubber chicken,
and the game was over.
Luigi-san looked sideways at his brother with a smug
smirk, his moustache twitching in delight before a
taunting cackle escaped. Mario-san couldn't believe
it. He reached over, grabbing a handful of pasta from
the bowl they had been sharing, and threw it in
Luigi-san's face. Now the fight was on. No one messed
with Luigi-san's pasta.
Team 9:Usopp (cantsoppthebeat)
Kawamura Takashi (baaahning)
“Oh! Sirius! My dear lover! What are we going to become? Never would my father allow me to marry the son of the Sushi Shop family!” wailed Lucius, his voice reaching the upper pitches of ultimate and tragic despair, wiping away the tears in his eyes like dew from a half-wilted flower. “It would bring shame on the Pasta Family Restaurant!” And shame was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to any man that really called him a man. The definition was self-given. And could be taken away just as easily.
“I can’t live like that anymore, my dear Lucius. I am going to challenge your father! My family is as good as yours!” the black haired man said, taking his lover’s hand to his lips, brushing it with the feathersoft touch before he stomped out of their hideout. But they were stopped by a crowd of men dressed up in black suits and white stripped hat. It was almost a fashion disaster.
“This is the end of the road for you, Sirius Black of the Sushi Shop Family!” said one of them in a voice like shaved ice and knives and gravel, as the crowd gathered closer to the star-crossed loveturtlebirds. As the man was about to strike Sirius with a club, the young man took a step back and jabbed his hand into his jacket, only to reveal a rubber chicken that could only be described as “BAAAAAHNING” It was the ultimate weapon! The thugs shrieked in fear and left like the cowards they are, and the two lovers were free to be together forever. And they lived happily ever after!
Team 11:Sengoku Kiyasumi (luuuucky)
Light Yagami (totallynot_kira)
Title: Oh the Humanity
Fandom: Inuyasha
Character: Naraku
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Parody
Word Count: 288
Summary: Naraku completes the jewel, and the shiznat hits the fan.
Naraku dreams of world domination where there are black poison skies and corrupted souls and everyone is under his command. It's a rather stereotypical dream for a Villain Who Just Won't Die, for an elusive bastard cloaked in miasma and a thousand (or more) puppet strings, but as far as stereotypes go, he just doesn't give a shit.
So when he finally completes the Shikon Jewel, its pink purity transgressing into a poisonous purple and glowing with power, he expects his wish granted.
He certainly doesn't expect the end of the world. It just... exploded, somehow.
But even less, he doesn't expect being jailed in the afterlife (because when it's the end of the world you die too). How that happened, he still doesn't know. He just is.
"Court adjourned. We find the defendent guilty on all accounts for crimes against honor-"
"You killed Kikyou while in my form, you fucking bastard! I'ma kutchoo!"
"...humanity..."
"He killed thousands of humans and commanded hordes of demons!"
"...er, demonicity..."
"He was never a real demon in the first place! His heart was human, making him only a half-demon! Ha!"
"...the female sex..."
"You're a man and you had offspring by yourself?! Ewwwwww!"
"...the dead..."
"Okay, HOW MANY TIMES did Kikyou die because of you? Five? Nine? Fifty-seven? Let the dead rest in PEACE! Peace, muthafucka!"
"...and the fashion police."
"Don't you know that tentacles are out of season, baboon fur was so 1968, and thongs did not even exist in the Warring States Era? What did you do, steal them from Kagome's backpack while she wasn't looking?"
Naraku gives a loafy, disgruntled sigh, threatening to fart miasma at anyone who looks at him the wrong way, then rolls his eyes.
Team 12:Draco Malfoy (stfupotter)
Echizen Ryoma (princeofwriting)
The galaxy was alive with the sound of spaceships. This was because the galaxy was at war.
The captain of the U.S.S. Seigaku barked out orders from his command deck, and a couple billion kilometers away from him and his ship (though it looked like maybe 20 meters because space is weird like that), the captain of the evil alien ship Abra Cadabra did the same.
"Send a whole lot of lasers their way!" said the handsome captain of the Seigaku.
"Power up the Killing Curse generator!" hissed the grotesque captain of the Abra Cadabra.
The powerful and very gorgeous followers of the captain of the Abra Cadabra (which really was supposed to be 'Avada Kedavra', but some Muggleborn idiot made a typo when naming the ship) all huddled over to the generator. "Yes, my Lord!" said the followers as they filled the generator up.
Back over at U.S.S. Seigaku, however, things were not running as smoothly. It seemed as though one very clever blond boy one the Abra Cadabra sent over a box of chocolates that happened to be charmed to make those who ate it sing. Because those who followed the captain of Seigaku were incompetent, they took the chocolates gleefully, not realising that it wasn't exactly wise to take candy from the enemy. In a matter of minutes, the U.S.S. Seigaku was filled with a chorus of, "You make me feel like a natural idioooooot!" as well as, "I feel ugly! Oh so ugly! I feel ugly and stupid and gaaaaay!"
The captain of Seigaku panicked as his crew jumped all over the place performing their own horrible little musical, and doing the only thing he could thing of, he threw some stupid muggle boomerang out of the ship in hopes that it would hit the power supply of the Abra Cadabra. It didn't. It ended up flying back and hitting him in the face, knocking him out cold. His crew paid no attention and continued on singing. Two minutes later, their ship blew up once the Abra Cadabra launched their Killing Curse. There were no survivors one the Seigaku, and space was lit up in a brilliant green color.
Team 14Mello (chocomachinegun)
Kuchiki Rukia (petit_shinigami)
“I can't believe I'm in this thing!” Ryoma crossed his arms over his chest and sulked. “Dungeons and Dragons is stupid!”
“Shut up and stop breaking the fourth wall,” Ron said. “Just tell me what your character is doing.”
“I'm a fighter, what do you think I'm doing? I waste him with my crossbow!”
“I thought you didn't play D&D? It seems someone protests too much.” Duo smirked.
“...Fine. I attack.” Ryoma glared at Duo.
“And the rest of you? What are your actions?” Ron asked.
“I go poke him from behind.” Duo grinned and winked.
"Oh no you won't!" Hermione cried from her perch on Stewie's shoulder. "DUO MAXWELL, YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!"
“No, no, don't listen to that prude,” Light drawled silkily from the other shoulder. “Do it again; I want to watch.”
"Once you two have done coaching the other players," Stewie growled, "perhaps you will help me in achieving victory?!"
"I'm not going to let a football headed baby win," Duo smirked.
“What are you two talking about? D&D isn't a game you win!” Ron snapped. “Ichigo, Stewie, what are your characters doing?”
Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Say what? I thought I was just here to watch. No way in hell am I playing such a lameass game!"
Stewie smiled evilly. “I drop a fireball on him.”
“You WHAT?” Hermione was incensed. “Do you know what the radius is on that thing? You'll kill the rest of the party!”
“Do it. You know they deserve it,” Light said with a seductive smile.
“I'll have them raised... if they're useful to me. I'm doing it!”
"Congratulations. The room explodes with fire," Ron rolled his eyes.
“Idiots,” Ryoma snapped, as the baby and shoulder angels fell to arguing, while downing his can of Ponta.
Team 15:Ron Weasley (iamwazlib)
Atobe Keigo (bigi_my_yoina)
Once upon a time, two countries were at constant war with each
other. The war went on for many years, outlasting births, deaths,
marriages and even rulers. This newest generation of royalty came to seek an
end to this war but other pressing matters got in the way, such as finding a
bride for Prince Atobe. So they held a ball where all
sorts of suitors and suitorettes came, dressed in their best. The court was positive the Prince would find someone to wed.
Suddenly, Lord Voldemort burst in clutching the princess of the rival
nation, Lady Kunimitsu (who was pregnant).
"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahha!" Lord Voldemort said, as evil villains tend to
say. "Prophecy says I must kill this child! Not that there was really any
point in bringing him here but it advances this story somewhat and it means
I see Kuni-chan all sweaty and quietly disgruntled! AND RYOMA IS DEAD!" Lord
Voldemort cackled, for evil people often cackle.
The fire was re-lit in Atobe's heart at the news that King Echizen, his main
rival in Kunimistu's heart, was dead and therefore little competition in his
deceased state. With a casual flick of his wrist, Lord Voldemort vanished, because Atobe was that awesome.
"Marry me, now that my younger and bratty late husband has passed?"
Kunimitsu asked.
The war between the two nations ended and Atobe and Kunimitsu had a
beautiful wedding, Kunimitsu wore a tiara of purest gold and they danced to
t.A.T.u in front of everyone.
Team 16:Toushirou Hitsugaya (notshirochan)
Inui Sadaharu (juicify)
Proving Their Worth: A Parable
---
The Bishounen Home for the Aged and Gay (But Still Pretty!) bustled with excitement. Their annual beauty pageant and talent show was starting, the only thing in their Aged & Gay lives that still assured their worth.
Aged & Straight (But Still Appreciative!) fan...women arrived from all over; they arrived by bus, train, and wheelchair, they arrived by parachute, they-- well, there were a lot of them. And they were loud. Early estimates indicated that they could be heard 0.402336 kilometers into the atmosphere, but all were silenced by a single snap.
"Watch Ore-sama demonstrate his beautiful talent," announced the snapper to the snapees (Not to be confused with Snape-ees, who were not here because that's Western Fandom, an Entirely Different Beast). The audience shrieked and changed their panties en masse as Atobe showed off his Aged (But Still Pretty!) Chest. Then he broke a hip to thunderous applause.
Many competed for The Old Bishie: Taka-san waved his racquet and dildo around screaming "BURNING!" until he was told that yelling fire in a crowded room while clutching sex toys wasn't polite; L stacked sugarcubes and wondered why he wasn't dead; and Kyouya showed off his stock portfolios.
The final contestant was a little white-haired man-child. His talent was...
Er...
Being resentful? But he did have shota eyes and grumbled cutely about everything (including not actually being Aged, despite being Old). So, it wasn't a surprise when Hitsugaya was eventually named winner.
"I told you I wasn't asexual," Shiro-chan said smugly, sitting in front of his prize, a lifetime supply of watermelon. So, the fanwomen were happy, Shiro-chan was happy, and even Atobe was happy because he was totally doped up due to his broken hip.
Though the way Shishido-san kept eyeing the watermelon was a little suspicious.
The End.
Must be off now, loves.
Kabaji Munehiro (copyrighthndman)
Atobe no Kangofu
Mystified, Jack Sparrow swaggered up to the nursing
home. Perhaps he had consumed enough rum that his
compass was inebriated, as this was not where he
should be. However, it hadn't misled him before. He
asked the compass to guide him to Ore-sama, and wound
up here. He didn't yet know what would be
accomplished by coming, but no one rejects Captain
Jack Sparrow, let alone regard him as old. Jack was
determined to prove that he was not geriatric, merely
experienced - well-traveled so to speak.
Snubbing the inquisitive scrutinization of the staff
and patients, the compass directed him to a janitor's
closet. This is intriguing, he thought as he
entered.
Taken aback by the intrusion, Atobe, donning a candy
striper outfit, wondered if the charming pirate was
stalking him? "I recall stating that you are too
elderly for Ore-sama."
"Not old. Seasoned. Savvy." Jack said, bearing down
upon the pulchritudinous lad. "You are tarted up for
me, if you would admit your curiousity, we could boff
then get on with our day." He smirked, withdrawing a
multitude of sex toys from his pocket.
Atobe screamed when Jack held up a sizable paddle,
alerting the nurses. Seizing Atobe by the waist, the
lecherous pirate escaped out the casement, slowly
descending to the ground via parachute. Their deviant
pursuits would have to commence elsewhere.
Team 3:Lust (lucious_lust)
Shinji Ibu (mutedmumbles)
Kamio Akira wasn't really sure how he'd gotten to be here. Well, he knew how he'd gotten here - there was a bike ride to Momoshiro's house and then Momoshiro had opened the door and then he'd shown Akira to his room and there had been others there. But he didn't understand the sequence of events that had led to him being conned into playing Dungeons and Dragons with the group.
The game was really really boring. There weren't even any real dragons or real dungeons or real fighting or real explosions or even any little figurines of dragons or fighting people or anything.
So the other had decided to liven it up a bit. It was now Strip Dungeons and Dragons.
Akira sighed. They had even brought out some leftover punch from Atobe's party, but he vehemently refused to drink any of it. Drinking was bad and ruined the liver and killed brain cells and was bad for tennis and coordination and Shinji would be sad if he knew that Akira had drank because Shinji didn't drink for the same reasons that Akira didn't want to drink.
So when he was handed some punch he said, "No thank you."
"You should drink some of that stuff, you know!" A perky voice said right into his left ear.
Akira jumped slightly startled, turning around to see none other than the Virgin Mary sittin on his left shoulder. Except she was dressed in a very provocative, lust-inducing devil costume. "Er. No." he said completely confused.
"Don't lissssten to her," came a hissing sound on his other ear. "Whatever you do DON'T drink that punch."
Akira turned to his right shoulder and saw A.J. Crowley sitting upon it. Crowley silently made a vow to inflict torture on whomever was responsible for him having to wear a halo.
"Aren't you a demon?" he asked quite puzzled.
"Demon or not do you want to end up pregnant and growing a vagina?" he hissed back.
"Don't listen to him, child, my punch does not induce pregnancies. It was a mistake in diagrams that have long been fixed." said the little devil form of the Virgin Mary.
The argument that ensued had little to do with Akira at all, it was a constant bickering back and fourth between Crowley and Mary. The other people in the room didn't seem to notice the little pesky angel and devil on his shoulders, but it certainly was giving him a headache.
When Ron Weasley apparated in and began wondering where the real dragons were and why everyone was mostly naked, a huge discussion of the game ensued. It was all too much for Akira to handle. He had to get rid of the Mary-devil and Crowley-angel somehow, but who should he trust?
Everyone knows you should trust angels over devils - yet this angel was actually a demon and the devil was a holy symbol of purity. Akira opted to trust the mother of Christianity over the demon-angel-thing on his shoulder and took a huge, long gulp of punch. Mary snickered and disappeared. Crowley hissed in his ear before also disappearing, "Don't name it after me, fool."
The rest of the night was pretty much a blur, a memory that he couldn't quite remember. Yet.. without a doubt, the next morning he woke up and found a message from Mary herself. "You're pregnant! Isn't it a blessing?"
-The End.-
Team 4:Envy (androchameleon)
Kamio Akira (scenehair)
YOU WILL
go explore those other women,
the geography of their bodies
but there's just one map you'll need.
An-chan tosses Kippei's girly magazine to the floor
and it lands crinkled over a dictionary, pages spread
wide like the legs of the fake-breasted women who fill
it. They do nothing for her, and she wishes they did
nothing for her brother either.
Sighing, she closes her eyes and lets her hand slip
past her waistband, thoughts of her brother robbing
her body's bank running through her mind. It wasn't at
all that she likened him to a criminal - if anything
she was the criminal one, touching herself to thoughts
of her brother plundering her body, as if she were
full of valuable jewels.
"Kippei," slips past her lips as she climaxes, her
fingers wet and sticky, her panties damp and her body
trembling. She glances back down at the magazine,
wishing that she were valuable enough for her brother
to cherish the way she wanted him to.
Team 5:Honsho Chizuru (4biddnloveotaku)
Oshitari Yuushi (kansaisex)
Star-Crossed Love
The silver haired youth stood backstage, thin limbs
encased in silver aluminum, his oh-so-perfect face
hidden beneath a dark mask. The music started, a
classical piece leading him in, the stage lights
shimmering over the darkened arena shaped like a giant
spacecraft. He flounced over the control panels,
looking up at the audience with a melodramatic sigh.
The music quickly ceased, and his mask lifted. "ALLO,
MATES/I TELL YOU, AIN'T I A BEAUT/LOOK, WHO COME
HITHER/ARE YE A BRUTE?" He sang, and his voice was as
beautiful as angels in the heavens.
The youth's sharp but elegant features shone brightly
as he made his own entrance onto the stage,
brandishing the finest crossbow one could find in
outer space. His beauty did not surpass that of the
other young man's, but complimented it, his dark hair
setting the mood between them. Light and dark, good
and evil. His voice was melodious as he sang, "A BRUTE
I AM NOT/NOW RUN BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT/A BOOMERANG
CANNOT BE SLAIN/BUT I CAN STILL INFLICT SOME PAIN."
"AYE!" Atobe replied, the music moving with his voice.
"BUT TO LEAVE YOU HERE I WOULD DIE/IT DISPLEASES
ORE-SAMA THAT OUR LOVE IS JUST A LIE!"
As the number came to a close, Ishida stepped forward
and his crossbow dropped to the ground. "IT WILL NEVER
BE A LIE." Their tender lips met in a passionate kiss,
and the audience erupted into applause.
The End
Team 6:Matsumoto Rangiku (busty_neko)
Kaidoh Karou (fsshuuukitty)
LEGALLY UKE
Atobe sat in the witness stand as Elle Warner
questioned him, looking smug and confident as ever.
Tezuka stared straight at him from his seat at the
defendant's table. :| Just like that.
"So, let me get this correct, the defendant, Tezuka
Kunimitsu, nearly destroyed the world with his tennis
because he saw you in a thong?" Elle asked.
"Ore-sama brings all the boys to the yard," Atobe
replied rather flippantly.
Roger Federer looked down at Atobe from his Judge's
seat, "Atobe Keigo, please answer the question."
"Ore-sama no bigi ni yoina. Na, Kabaji?"
A deep "Usu," was heard from the back of the court.
Judge Federer dismissed Atobe as an unreliable
witness. As Atobe left the witness stand, he tossed
the thong at Federer with a wink and said, "If the
thong doesn't fit, you must acquit."
Team 7:Kaji Masaki (fried_thing)
Yukimura Seiichi (yuki_dollz)
Atobe stood silently--if you could call leaning heavily on his bedpost standing--and sipped the chalky pink substance. Every time he swallowed, the memories and the taste mixed, and he couldn't help but wrinkle his nose. How utterly disappointing.
The party had been a roaring, scandalous success, but this one thing hadn't...
One last gulp, and the medicine was finished. He spoke to no one in particular, eyes surveying the rather trashed parlor. "Honestly, one would think a dark lord would be better at sex than that."
The Dark Lord retched, his body shuddering violently and head pounding. He slowly dragged himself out from under a bed, grabbing a hold of something and digging his nails into it as he pulled himself out completely.
It felt like his head had cracked in two when a screech sounded above him. Whatever he had been clinging onto was jerked out of his grasp and the Dark Lord face planted into the cold marble floor.
In his mind he repeated the Killing Curse over and over. He didn't stop until he passed out once again.
Team 8Kuro-woof (bigpuppykuro)
Kikumaru Eiji (nekonyahoi)
Mario-san and Luigi-san were sitting in their living
room, thumbs rapidly pushing their Nintendo Game
Cube's handlers, trying to beat each other silly on
the newest Naruto fighting game. They loved fighting.
And ninjas!
"Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" yelled Mario-san as his
character, Uzumaki Naruto cloned himself a thousand
times. Mario grinned evilly at his brother, twirling
his moustache. The future looked grim for Luigi-san's
character, Yamashiro Aoba. One versus one thousand.
The odds were not good. Quickly, Luigi used the code
for the super secret special attack: up, Y, left,
double Z, down and triple X. A cloud of smoke twirled
around his character, stars and nunchaku flew in a
whirlwind as tiny ninja dropped from the sky. The
television boomed: "SUPER SECRET JUTSU: RUBBER CHICKEN
NO JUTSU!!!"
The brothers looked at each other, bewildered. An
ugly, giant rubber chicken version of Aoba was
single-handedly trouncing all of Naruto's clones with
a combination of what sounded like dying squawks and a
variety of feathered ninja stars. A few seconds later,
the final Naruto fell victim to the rubber chicken,
and the game was over.
Luigi-san looked sideways at his brother with a smug
smirk, his moustache twitching in delight before a
taunting cackle escaped. Mario-san couldn't believe
it. He reached over, grabbing a handful of pasta from
the bowl they had been sharing, and threw it in
Luigi-san's face. Now the fight was on. No one messed
with Luigi-san's pasta.
Team 9:Usopp (cantsoppthebeat)
Kawamura Takashi (baaahning)
“Oh! Sirius! My dear lover! What are we going to become? Never would my father allow me to marry the son of the Sushi Shop family!” wailed Lucius, his voice reaching the upper pitches of ultimate and tragic despair, wiping away the tears in his eyes like dew from a half-wilted flower. “It would bring shame on the Pasta Family Restaurant!” And shame was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to any man that really called him a man. The definition was self-given. And could be taken away just as easily.
“I can’t live like that anymore, my dear Lucius. I am going to challenge your father! My family is as good as yours!” the black haired man said, taking his lover’s hand to his lips, brushing it with the feathersoft touch before he stomped out of their hideout. But they were stopped by a crowd of men dressed up in black suits and white stripped hat. It was almost a fashion disaster.
“This is the end of the road for you, Sirius Black of the Sushi Shop Family!” said one of them in a voice like shaved ice and knives and gravel, as the crowd gathered closer to the star-crossed loveturtlebirds. As the man was about to strike Sirius with a club, the young man took a step back and jabbed his hand into his jacket, only to reveal a rubber chicken that could only be described as “BAAAAAHNING” It was the ultimate weapon! The thugs shrieked in fear and left like the cowards they are, and the two lovers were free to be together forever. And they lived happily ever after!
Team 11:Sengoku Kiyasumi (luuuucky)
Light Yagami (totallynot_kira)
Title: Oh the Humanity
Fandom: Inuyasha
Character: Naraku
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Parody
Word Count: 288
Summary: Naraku completes the jewel, and the shiznat hits the fan.
Naraku dreams of world domination where there are black poison skies and corrupted souls and everyone is under his command. It's a rather stereotypical dream for a Villain Who Just Won't Die, for an elusive bastard cloaked in miasma and a thousand (or more) puppet strings, but as far as stereotypes go, he just doesn't give a shit.
So when he finally completes the Shikon Jewel, its pink purity transgressing into a poisonous purple and glowing with power, he expects his wish granted.
He certainly doesn't expect the end of the world. It just... exploded, somehow.
But even less, he doesn't expect being jailed in the afterlife (because when it's the end of the world you die too). How that happened, he still doesn't know. He just is.
"Court adjourned. We find the defendent guilty on all accounts for crimes against honor-"
"You killed Kikyou while in my form, you fucking bastard! I'ma kutchoo!"
"...humanity..."
"He killed thousands of humans and commanded hordes of demons!"
"...er, demonicity..."
"He was never a real demon in the first place! His heart was human, making him only a half-demon! Ha!"
"...the female sex..."
"You're a man and you had offspring by yourself?! Ewwwwww!"
"...the dead..."
"Okay, HOW MANY TIMES did Kikyou die because of you? Five? Nine? Fifty-seven? Let the dead rest in PEACE! Peace, muthafucka!"
"...and the fashion police."
"Don't you know that tentacles are out of season, baboon fur was so 1968, and thongs did not even exist in the Warring States Era? What did you do, steal them from Kagome's backpack while she wasn't looking?"
Naraku gives a loafy, disgruntled sigh, threatening to fart miasma at anyone who looks at him the wrong way, then rolls his eyes.
Team 12:Draco Malfoy (stfupotter)
Echizen Ryoma (princeofwriting)
The galaxy was alive with the sound of spaceships. This was because the galaxy was at war.
The captain of the U.S.S. Seigaku barked out orders from his command deck, and a couple billion kilometers away from him and his ship (though it looked like maybe 20 meters because space is weird like that), the captain of the evil alien ship Abra Cadabra did the same.
"Send a whole lot of lasers their way!" said the handsome captain of the Seigaku.
"Power up the Killing Curse generator!" hissed the grotesque captain of the Abra Cadabra.
The powerful and very gorgeous followers of the captain of the Abra Cadabra (which really was supposed to be 'Avada Kedavra', but some Muggleborn idiot made a typo when naming the ship) all huddled over to the generator. "Yes, my Lord!" said the followers as they filled the generator up.
Back over at U.S.S. Seigaku, however, things were not running as smoothly. It seemed as though one very clever blond boy one the Abra Cadabra sent over a box of chocolates that happened to be charmed to make those who ate it sing. Because those who followed the captain of Seigaku were incompetent, they took the chocolates gleefully, not realising that it wasn't exactly wise to take candy from the enemy. In a matter of minutes, the U.S.S. Seigaku was filled with a chorus of, "You make me feel like a natural idioooooot!" as well as, "I feel ugly! Oh so ugly! I feel ugly and stupid and gaaaaay!"
The captain of Seigaku panicked as his crew jumped all over the place performing their own horrible little musical, and doing the only thing he could thing of, he threw some stupid muggle boomerang out of the ship in hopes that it would hit the power supply of the Abra Cadabra. It didn't. It ended up flying back and hitting him in the face, knocking him out cold. His crew paid no attention and continued on singing. Two minutes later, their ship blew up once the Abra Cadabra launched their Killing Curse. There were no survivors one the Seigaku, and space was lit up in a brilliant green color.
Team 14Mello (chocomachinegun)
Kuchiki Rukia (petit_shinigami)
“I can't believe I'm in this thing!” Ryoma crossed his arms over his chest and sulked. “Dungeons and Dragons is stupid!”
“Shut up and stop breaking the fourth wall,” Ron said. “Just tell me what your character is doing.”
“I'm a fighter, what do you think I'm doing? I waste him with my crossbow!”
“I thought you didn't play D&D? It seems someone protests too much.” Duo smirked.
“...Fine. I attack.” Ryoma glared at Duo.
“And the rest of you? What are your actions?” Ron asked.
“I go poke him from behind.” Duo grinned and winked.
"Oh no you won't!" Hermione cried from her perch on Stewie's shoulder. "DUO MAXWELL, YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!"
“No, no, don't listen to that prude,” Light drawled silkily from the other shoulder. “Do it again; I want to watch.”
"Once you two have done coaching the other players," Stewie growled, "perhaps you will help me in achieving victory?!"
"I'm not going to let a football headed baby win," Duo smirked.
“What are you two talking about? D&D isn't a game you win!” Ron snapped. “Ichigo, Stewie, what are your characters doing?”
Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Say what? I thought I was just here to watch. No way in hell am I playing such a lameass game!"
Stewie smiled evilly. “I drop a fireball on him.”
“You WHAT?” Hermione was incensed. “Do you know what the radius is on that thing? You'll kill the rest of the party!”
“Do it. You know they deserve it,” Light said with a seductive smile.
“I'll have them raised... if they're useful to me. I'm doing it!”
"Congratulations. The room explodes with fire," Ron rolled his eyes.
“Idiots,” Ryoma snapped, as the baby and shoulder angels fell to arguing, while downing his can of Ponta.
Team 15:Ron Weasley (iamwazlib)
Atobe Keigo (bigi_my_yoina)
Once upon a time, two countries were at constant war with each
other. The war went on for many years, outlasting births, deaths,
marriages and even rulers. This newest generation of royalty came to seek an
end to this war but other pressing matters got in the way, such as finding a
bride for Prince Atobe. So they held a ball where all
sorts of suitors and suitorettes came, dressed in their best. The court was positive the Prince would find someone to wed.
Suddenly, Lord Voldemort burst in clutching the princess of the rival
nation, Lady Kunimitsu (who was pregnant).
"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahha!" Lord Voldemort said, as evil villains tend to
say. "Prophecy says I must kill this child! Not that there was really any
point in bringing him here but it advances this story somewhat and it means
I see Kuni-chan all sweaty and quietly disgruntled! AND RYOMA IS DEAD!" Lord
Voldemort cackled, for evil people often cackle.
The fire was re-lit in Atobe's heart at the news that King Echizen, his main
rival in Kunimistu's heart, was dead and therefore little competition in his
deceased state. With a casual flick of his wrist, Lord Voldemort vanished, because Atobe was that awesome.
"Marry me, now that my younger and bratty late husband has passed?"
Kunimitsu asked.
The war between the two nations ended and Atobe and Kunimitsu had a
beautiful wedding, Kunimitsu wore a tiara of purest gold and they danced to
t.A.T.u in front of everyone.
Team 16:Toushirou Hitsugaya (notshirochan)
Inui Sadaharu (juicify)
Proving Their Worth: A Parable
---
The Bishounen Home for the Aged and Gay (But Still Pretty!) bustled with excitement. Their annual beauty pageant and talent show was starting, the only thing in their Aged & Gay lives that still assured their worth.
Aged & Straight (But Still Appreciative!) fan...women arrived from all over; they arrived by bus, train, and wheelchair, they arrived by parachute, they-- well, there were a lot of them. And they were loud. Early estimates indicated that they could be heard 0.402336 kilometers into the atmosphere, but all were silenced by a single snap.
"Watch Ore-sama demonstrate his beautiful talent," announced the snapper to the snapees (Not to be confused with Snape-ees, who were not here because that's Western Fandom, an Entirely Different Beast). The audience shrieked and changed their panties en masse as Atobe showed off his Aged (But Still Pretty!) Chest. Then he broke a hip to thunderous applause.
Many competed for The Old Bishie: Taka-san waved his racquet and dildo around screaming "BURNING!" until he was told that yelling fire in a crowded room while clutching sex toys wasn't polite; L stacked sugarcubes and wondered why he wasn't dead; and Kyouya showed off his stock portfolios.
The final contestant was a little white-haired man-child. His talent was...
Er...
Being resentful? But he did have shota eyes and grumbled cutely about everything (including not actually being Aged, despite being Old). So, it wasn't a surprise when Hitsugaya was eventually named winner.
"I told you I wasn't asexual," Shiro-chan said smugly, sitting in front of his prize, a lifetime supply of watermelon. So, the fanwomen were happy, Shiro-chan was happy, and even Atobe was happy because he was totally doped up due to his broken hip.
Though the way Shishido-san kept eyeing the watermelon was a little suspicious.
The End.
Must be off now, loves.