Little Boy Blue. Chapter 10
Longest. Chapter. Yet.
Sorry for the wait. Or delay. Or whatever. I forget when I said it'd probably be done, or if I even did. But seriously, longest chapter yet. I didn't want to end it until they were at least out of the freaking building. ;)
Please note: The character Pulsar belongs to timemonkey and is being used here with permission.
Beta and suggestions by lakidaa.
CHAPTERS: { Prologue }{ Chapter One }{ Chapter Two }{ Chapter Three }{ Chapter Four }{ Chapter Five }{ Chapter Six }{ Chapter Seven }{ Chapter Eight }{ Chapter Nine }{ Chapter Ten }{ Chapter Eleven }{ Epilogue }
<-{ previous story: Dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide } { next story: Mullet-verse handbook/guide }->
~10th Chapter
"Son of a bitch!"
"You know that's not true," Junior said, almost by reflex.
"...I wasn't talking about you, dumbass," Max snapped. "It was...insightful commentary about the situation."
"Right, yes, very insightful," Ted replied. "Do you have any other insight about the situation? Maybe something useful this time?"
"Look just...look around and see if you can find the storage container. I'll see what I can find in the system. OMAX out."
There was silence for a moment before Ted said, "Okay, I'll look around for the container, you work out how to get that thing in it without any...zapping."
"Waitwaitwait what?" Junior protested, putting a hand to his chest. "Me? I'm sure I mentioned this isn't my area of expertise."
Ted stared at him in disbelief. "No! As a matter of fact you didn't!"
"'Quantum whatever and temporal thingum'?!"
"I thought you were joking!"
"I was! I know you're familiar with self-depreciating humor! Look, give me something that resembles an engine and I'll make it purr, roar, or freakin' tap-dance for ya. I can whip up a batch of nerve toxin and calculate the rate of paralysis to the minute! But I don't do temporal thingums!"
Ted stared at him for a moment. Then he reached for his communicator. "Plan B," he said, turning it on. "Booster? I need you for your brain."
"I'm starting to think that's all you need me for."
"Really not the time, Booster."
"Exactly what I was going to say. Unless phone sex on the job is your new kink. I mean--"
"Booster, shut up," Ted interrupted, putting a hand over his goggles. "We found the satellite and it's not in the container it was supposed to be in, so we can't get close to it without playing time travel roulette. Any ideas?"
In the thoughtful silence that followed, Junior looked at Ted and spread his hands questioningly. Ted shrugged in response. After a moment, Booster responded with, "It works on organic matter, right?"
Ted hung his head and suppressed a sigh, rethinking the wisdom of asking for Booster's opinion. "Yes."
"Sooo is Max organic matter?"
There was another silence as Ted stared at the floor in astonishment. "Booster, I--You--I...I can't wait to get home," he blurted out.
"What? What do--Oh! Oh."
Ted tapped the comm off before Booster could say anything else and looked up at Junior. "Call Max," he said.
---------------
It was, of course, the exact moment that Max needed to get somewhere using the hallways that security decided to notice something was amiss. And of course, no one had bothered to mention that to Max.
That was why he was running from three security guards who were calling for backup on the radios he hadn't been able to jam the frequencies of. He was also trying to decide if he should try to lose them, or if he should just lead them to exactly where he was headed and let Junior and Grampa Grudge help him sort things out. At this point, he was really ready to punch something. If there were several somethings determined to be around while he had that urge, then who was he to refuse such a generous offer?
Then the point became moot as more security guards spilled from around a corner up ahead, blocking his path. Max skidded to a halt, glanced back over his shoulder as the first three closed in on him, and checked the long hallway for any vents he might have somehow missed but knew weren't actually there. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
So Max started running forward again and launched himself at the surprised, newly arrived security guards. One of the very few good things about being one person attacking a group was that all you had to worry about was hitting something, flailing wildly was for once an entirely acceptable, and even effective, strategy.
Especially if you were a pissed-off man made of metal with somewhat more control over your body than someone with, say, bones. Or joints. Or squishy meat parts.
The guards went down quickly in a flurry of fists, feet, knees, elbows, and one headbutt. Quickly enough that the first three guards hadn't reached him yet, so he decided to bring the fight to them.
As he moved, Max silently cursed Junior and Goldie and their freakish, inexplicable obsession with, of all things, competitive gymnastics, that they watched on TV with popcorn and glazed expressions. They actually had favorites, they could quote stats, they willingly paid for the cable channels dedicated to obscure activities that claimed to be sports!
His hate for them burned with the fire of a thousand suns.
It was because of this freakish, inexplicable obsession that Max knew what he had just done was a cartwheel into a handstand. From there he had done the splits from that position, knocking out two guards who (stupidly) rushed him at the same time, and then a handspring. Once his feet hit the ground again he did a somersault and prepared to lunge at the third guard.
Then there were muffled banging sounds and a sudden, sharp feeling in his chest. Max stopped, abruptly, and brought a hand to his chest, slowly looking up to see the last remaining security guard pointing a gun at him. He had...The man had just shot him.
Standing, Max knew what it probably looked like. His human hologram was up and was programmed to respond to outer and internal stimuli, so there were bullet holes in the image of a shirt that matched the bullet holes in the real shirt he was wearing. The man was just staring at his chest and Max was pretty sure he was waiting for the gush of blood that should be coming, would be coming if he were really the human his hologram said he was.
But Max didn't feel like adding that much verisimilitude, so the bullet holes were just vaguely reddish shadows that the eye didn't want to focus on.
Max was having a bad day. There was the rehashing of a long-settled fight with Ted, having to do a surveillance sweep for show to get that red-haired harpy's security pass, having to fight a young and inexperienced AI that didn't know enough to be vicious on purpose but had apparently been trained in it by people who had better pray Max never learned their identities, that damn satellite not being where it was supposed to be, this whole stupid fight with security, and now some idiot asshole had shot him. So Max met the man's eyes with his own holographic brown, and calmly spat the bullets out of the side of his mouth.
As the tiny bits of metal dropped to the floor with tiny tinking sounds, Max sincerely hoped the expression on the man's face meant he had just wet himself.
---------------
When the doors suddenly opened, Junior's dartgun was instantly out of its holster and aimed at the entrance while Ted darted to the side and crouched in preparation of an attack. The hallway beyond the doors was unlit, as was the figure standing just outside the shaft of light from the satellite room.
There was a tense moment before the figure stepped into view and turned out to be Max. As he entered the room, looking around and ignoring the other men as they relaxed, his hologram melted away again.
"This is another fine mess you've gotten us into," he remarked to Junior, staring at the satellite. "The container's in a closet off this room. Locked. But I could've told you that over the comm, so what was so important that you needed me here?"
"Are you organic at all?" Junior asked.
Max looked over his shoulder at him and raised an eyebrow. "Is this a trick question?"
"So that's a no then," Ted said impatiently.
"Yes it's a no," Max sighed, turning to face them both. "Usually the shiny skin and glowing eyes tips people off, but I'll go over it again. No, I'm not organic. I am currently one hundred percent inorganic material."
"Then you can put the satellite that effects organic matter into the container."
Both of Max's eyebrows raised at that, then lowered in a wince. "How did none of us think of this sooner?"
"Actually, Booster thought of it," Junior said cheerfully.
Max stared at him for a second, then sighed. "I know the man has a brain, I've seen the evidence, and yet somehow that's still a shock."
Junior grinned in response, then frowned suddenly and gestured at Max with his index finger. "Uh, didja run into any trouble on the way here?"
Looking down at himself, Max reached up and poked a finger through one of the holes in his shirt, wiggling it a little. "Got shot," he said absently. "Traumatized a guard. What'd you do to piss off your goddess so much?"
"Me?" Junior scoffed. "It's you she doesn't like. I'm not the one who got shot."
Max grimaced at him and waved a hand dismissively before turning to face the satellite. He moved from one side to the other, carefully standing out of its temporal field, then stopped and straightened. Screwing his face up, Max twisted his mouth and leaned his head back, then suddenly snapped his head forward and spat a wad of shining silver at the satellite.
The wad struck the satellite and started to ooze downward, then abruptly stopped. Motionless, it gleamed.
Ted stared at it and Max in disgusted disbelief. "That is--"
"Cool!" his traitor son interrupted, grinning.
Smirking, Max glanced over his shoulder at them. "I'm immune," he said, then cautiously strode forward to touch his hand to the splat of silver clinging to the side of the satellite. When he stepped away and walked around the satellite to a door behind it, the splat was gone.
"What was that?" Ted demanded.
"Nanites," Max called back, voice echoing a little in the high-ceilinged room. "Did you honestly think I'd just hocked a loogie? Technically I don't even have sinuses."
"But why...Why do that?" Ted asked, frowning in confusion. "Couldn't you just...throw some?"
"Blue, answer the man. Why did I do that?"
Junior looked over at Ted and beamed. "'Cause it was keen," he said cheerfully. "Did you see that distance?"
Ted thought that over, then eyeballed the distance from where Max had stood to the satellite and gave a reluctant smile. "Okay, it was kind of impressive."
With a laugh, Junior clapped him on the shoulder and grinned approvingly.
---------------
It took a relatively short time to get the satellite packed up, though Max was uneasy that it seemed to be smaller than it was supposed to be, based on the few reports he'd read that mentioned size. They briefly discussed whether it was possible the satellite had been broken into smaller pieces and whether doing so would render it less effective or even completely ineffective.
Ted suggested asking Booster's opinion, but Max vetoed that, saying Ted sounded a little too eager to get the man's opinion. Blushing, Ted denied everything.
There was also a large wheeled pallet in the closet with the container that they assumed had been used to convey the satellite to that room in the first place, so they loaded it on and hurried to wheel it from the room toward the elevator Max said was just down the unlit hall.
Well, after a sheepish Junior showed Ted how to set his goggles to night vision, following Ted's complaining that he wasn't entirely comfortable not being able to see where he was going.
There was a moment of wincing and muttering when the elevator doors opened and flooded their goggles with light, briefly blinding Ted and Junior. Max observed them thoughtfully as they turned the night vision off, then casually mentioned that the elevator lights didn't turn off. Under his breath, Ted cursed him as they squeezed into the large elevator and made their way back up.
Surreally, calm, boring elevator muzak filtered in.
---------------
Up ahead, Goldie skidded to a halt and nearly fell over herself turning around and running back the way they had come. Grabbing Booster's arm, she all but dragged him after her.
"What--" he started, but was quickly shushed.
Goldie sped around a corner and pressed her back to the wall, panting a little. "Heard...voices," she whispered. "Recognized 'em. They called the League! You believe the nerve? They actually called the League!"
Behind the yellow tint of his borrowed goggles, Booster's eyes widened. "But...they're...." He waved a hand. "They're doing illegal things here! That's so...stupid."
Goldie shook her head. "Not totally stupid. Max said all the upper levels are legit. It's just the 'nonexistent' lower levels that are shady. We, currently, are trespassing in the upper levels." She suddenly winced. "And we're kidnapping."
"What?!"
"Max downloaded the AI and told me to babysit!" Goldie said defensively. "So it's...I mean, he'd probably spaz if I called it stolen goods, so it's kidnapping!"
"Yeah, AIs count as kidnapping," Booster muttered, thinking back to the long forgotten laws of his youth.
Goldie nodded, then pushed herself away from the wall and grabbed his arm. "C'mon, we need to get outside. If we're lucky, the camo kept them from noticing Bug."
Without a backward glance, they ran down the hall, away from the sound of voices.
---------------
"We're made!" Goldie called through the comms.
"What?" Junior asked. "Who--"
"The League! They called the Justice League on us! Max?"
A look of concentration crossed Max's shiny face and his eyes glowed brighter. "Where are you? Corridor seven-B?"
"Uh, probably?" Booster spoke up.
"What he said," Goldie agreed.
Max sighed. "Thank you, that clarifies everything. Okay...yes, that's where you are. I've got the security cameras back on, not recording, so I can track you with them. Stay out of...corridor five-B, that's where they are now. Do you want me to turn off the lights?"
"Do you think that'd help?"
"At this point? Not much. And they've got Nyctalopia with them."
"Oh damn," Goldie said, sounding disappointed. "Nicky's gonna be cranky."
"You can explain things later, don't worry about it," Junior spoke up.
"Avoid, don't engage," Max advised.
"Yes, thanks, hadn't figured out the whole not attacking our friends thing."
Max snorted. "You ask for advice, I give it. Excuse me if it's painfully obvious. Turn left--Left!"
"Which left?!"
"Left left! How many lefts are there? Make an 'L' with your hand and go that way."
Goldie muttered something under her breath and Booster snickered.
"Bite not the hand that does your tech support," Max warned. "Make a right up ahead. See that door? It's unlocked. Go out the unlocked door and you're outside."
"Thanks, Max," Goldie said flatly.
"Thank me by having Bug ready. We're going to the roof."
The glow of Max's eyes dimmed and he looked up at Junior and Ted's surprised, expectant faces. "...Didn't I mention?" he asked.
---------------
How, exactly, Junior had ended up on the roof by himself while Ted and Max snuck the satellite out to the Bug, he wasn't entirely sure. The details were a little fuzzy and getting fuzzier by the second.
He remembered telling them to run, save themselves, he would stall. And then Max agreeing and solemnly telling him he was a brave man, though the effect was ruined by the fact that Max was quite clearly trying not to smile.
He also remembered, just as they were parting company, Max telling him, "Try not to get yourself killed. You still owe me, and debt goes to next of kin."
"Isn't...Bug my next of kin?" Junior had asked slowly.
"Yeah," Max had answered musingly. "I'd hate to do that to my own mother. Especially in her time of mourning."
And then they were gone and Junior was up on the roof all by his lonesome. Well, all by his lonesome except for the grey-eyed woman in the dull grey costume with something that looked like a stylized merging of the symbols for male and female emblazoned on the chest in an even darker grey. Her pale blond hair was a somewhat unisex cut that reached just past her ears and she was pretty in an odd sort of way that was too confusing to think about.
She was also telling Junior that he was a very naughty boy.
It wasn't the first time she had said so, but he wasn't used to the setting being so public.
"Now why don't you come over here and tell me what you've been up to," she murmured, head tilted enticingly.
Dazedly, Junior started toward her. "Yeah...sure, I--Stop trying to manage me, Andy!" he suddenly shouted, stepping back. "This is exactly why things didn't work with us!"
Androgenie recoiled, features blurring for a second, then slowly reached out to him. "No, I...Blue?"
Junior threw his hands up with a frustrated growl. "Yes! A little prod here, a suggestion there, and next thing I know I can't find my keys!" He put a hand over his goggles and sighed. "I'm sure you justified it to yourself, or maybe you didn't realize it, I want to believe you didn't realize it, but.... Look, I honestly like you. You're a swell person. (When you're not manipulating my brain.) And the sex? The sex was...fantastic. Seriously, I don't have words for it. I mean...wow. But I wasn't willing to risk permanent brain damage for the sake of my hormones!" He spread his hands entreatingly.
"Brain damage?!" Andy said in disbelief, hands planted firmly on hips. "No, Blue I would never--Not you. You have to believe me, I would never do something like that. You're exaggerating, you must be."
"Max agreed you probably didn't even realize you were doing it, sometimes," Junior sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared down at his feet. "I mean...who hasn't occasionally wished they could change the person they're dating. Get rid of an annoying habit, an embarrassing quirk...thing is, I've got a lot of those." He looked up and smiled wryly. "And you? Well, you could make me change." He mimed knocking on his head. "Hence, brain damage. Luckily, Max caught it before it got too bad to fix."
Andy shook her head. "Blue, you know Max never liked me," she said reasonably. "It can't be as bad as all that."
"Well...maybe...." Junior fidgeted uncertainly. "I know it seemed pretty bad at the time."
"But now that you've had time to look back, it's really not."
"I...." Junior sniffed and wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, you're...you're probably--Is my nose running?" He sniffed again and swiped at his nose with the back of his hand.
"Blue, pay attention," Andy said sternly.
"Yeah I am, it's just--" He grimaced and sniffed, wiggling and wrinkling his nose. "Are you sure it's not running? It feels like it's--"
"Blue Beetle!" Andy snapped, stomping a foot. "Listen to me!"
"But--"
"But nothing! Your behavior has people worried, now what were you doing in that building?"
"Pulling a wacky shenanigan?"
Andy narrowed her eyes at him.
"Wow, no seriously, knock it off," Junior said, leaning away from her with an effort. "It's...bad for my health, I remember that. Stop--I'm serious about the brain damage! Max's nanites are still repairing the damage!"
"What?" Andy breathed, eyes widening. "You really mean--Oh Blue, I didn't realize. I never meant to hurt you, you know that, right?"
"Just...don't pull the suggestion trick with me again, okay?"
Ducking her head a little, Andy looked up at him through her lashes, lip quivering. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for...Oh god, I'm so sorry."
Junior smiled sheepishly and reached up to rub the back of his neck. "Well...don't be too sorry."
"What? But...I don't understand. Why?"
"Well, while all of that is true," Junior explained, taking a step back. "And it really is, just ask Max." He continued backing away. "It was also a distraction, so the others could get away." Standing on the edge of the roof, he grinned and gave her a brisk wave. Then he backflipped off the building.
Gaping in disbelief at the spot Junior had been standing moments before, Andy started to rush forward, but stopped halfway there.
Rising from the side of the building, came Junior's head. Then the rest of him. Then Bug, which he was standing on top of, feet planted firmly. "Bye, Andy!" he called cheerfully as Bug continued to rise. "Great seeing you again! Closure, you know?"
Andy stared after him as he and the Bug disappeared into the distance, mouth still gaping. After a moment, her eyes narrowed and her mouth twisted into a snarl as her features melted into a more masculine face. "Dammit!" he shouted.
"Let me guess," came a male voice from behind Andy. "You tried to talk to him, didn't you? And you got all tied up in relationship issues."
Whirling, Andy glared at the dark-haired man who had spoken. "That's none of your business, Pulsar," he said angrily.
"Hey, no, I've been there, I've done that," Pulsar said, holding up his hands. "Granted I didn't scramble his brains, but--"
"Shut up, you walking stereotype!" Andy snarled, stalking away.
"Stereotype?" Pulsar repeated thoughtfully, glancing over at a small black-clad woman as she landed on the roof. "Have I been bitchslapping more than usual lately? My punches been a bit limp-wristed?"
The woman covered her mouth with one hand and tittered quietly.
"Is it the costume?" Pulsar called after Andy. "I like purple!" He glanced at the black-clad woman again and shrugged innocently. "I like purple."
The woman just giggled in response.
---------------
Junior quickly dropped to his stomach, hugging the top of the Bug. Glancing to the side, he slowly slid down to one of Bug's legs and dropped down until he was hanging by it from both hands. He caught sight of the rope ladder hanging from Bug's hatch and grinned.
Swinging his legs backward and forward until he had built up enough momentum, Junior threw himself at the ladder and clung to it for a second. When he was sure of his grip, he scurried up into Bug and pulled the ladder up with him.
"No, no--" Max was saying.
"You want to drive?" Goldie demanded peevishly. "Here, you go ahead."
"What are you--Holy robot Jesus, woman! Steer!"
"No, you wanted to--"
"You'll get us killed you lunatic!"
"Could someone drive the damn thing?!" Ted shouted over them.
Chuckling to himself, Junior shook his head and sank onto one of the benches set in the sides of Bug.
---------------
"Sorry, sir," Goldie apologized, taking the controls again as Max slumped over the back of her chair in relief.
"I don't have a heart," he griped. "I shouldn't be able to have heart attacks."
There was a moment of silence before Junior suddenly murmured quietly, "Oh. That's...worrying."
All eyes turned to find him staring down at the smear of red on the back of his glove where he had swiped it under his nose. A steady trickle was pooling above his upper lip and venturing into the streak he had made under his nose. Looking dazed, Junior sniffed.
"Oh god," Max breathed, horrified. "You idiot." He quickly sank to his knees in front of the bleeding man and gently reached out to cup his chin with one hand, pushing the cowl and goggles off with the other. "Andy talked to you again."
Junior shook his head slowly, but was stopped when Max's grip on his chin tightened. "Don't try to deny it," the AI snapped. "You left your comm on. Again."
Grimacing, Junior sighed, "I'm sure Andy didn't mean to--"
"Don't you dare make excuses like some spineless domestic abuse case!"
Junior winced, then sniffed again.
"How can you keep standing up for that...person after everything--"
"Headache," Junior whimpered quietly.
"You idiot!" Max continued, rising to his feet again. "What were you thinking? Or were you?"
"Headache."
"Did she pull that innocent crap again?" Max growled. "Oh I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to almost turn your brains into oatmeal!"
"Headache!" Junior shouted, grabbing Max's shirt and yanking him down so they were almost nose to nose. Then he immediately made a tiny, pained whine and let go of Max, raising his hands to cradle his head.
Max sighed and shook his head, straightening. "It's not as bad this time. It could've been much worse, but...I just need to give them the command to speed things back onto schedule. Trust me?"
Not letting go of his head, Junior nodded. "Till you lie to me," he whispered shakily.
"This is going to hurt, Jujubee," Max warned him gently, replacing Junior's hands on his head with his own. Then his pupilless eye flared brightly and suddenly Junior's mouth dropped open in a strangled scream, arms twitching slightly.
After a tense minute, during which Goldie had to keep a tight grip on Ted and Booster's shoulders to keep them from interrupting, the light of Max's eye dimmed. Junior slumped with a pained whimper and Max carded his hands through the man's hair soothingly.
"Hurt," Junior complained with quiet petulance.
"How do you feel?" Max asked.
"M'hungry."
"No you're not, it's psychosomatic."
"Yeah," Junior agreed unhappily, leaning the side of his head against Max's stomach.
Max looked up and grimaced. "Goldie, the man needs comforting, could you...?"
"You big softie," Goldie teased, lightly punching his shoulder as she moved to take his place. When she had Junior's head against her abdomen, stroking her hands through his hair as she bent over him, she cooed softly, "Hey there, baby. I'm here, I've got ya. You okay, now?"
Junior hummed happily and mumbled, "Can I take a nap before we save the world again?"
"You got it, sweetie."
Briefly meeting Ted and Booster's eyes as he sat down to take the controls, Max ducked his head. "I can't tell," he whispered. "I can't tell you enough that you could change it." Looking up again, his mouth was set in a thin line. "But I wish I could."
-----
[ETA of chapter the eleventh: plotted, partially written]
Mullet-verse handbook/guide. (AKA "Are you as lost as I am?")
Sorry for the wait. Or delay. Or whatever. I forget when I said it'd probably be done, or if I even did. But seriously, longest chapter yet. I didn't want to end it until they were at least out of the freaking building. ;)
Please note: The character Pulsar belongs to timemonkey and is being used here with permission.
Beta and suggestions by lakidaa.
CHAPTERS: { Prologue }{ Chapter One }{ Chapter Two }{ Chapter Three }{ Chapter Four }{ Chapter Five }{ Chapter Six }{ Chapter Seven }{ Chapter Eight }{ Chapter Nine }{ Chapter Ten }{ Chapter Eleven }{ Epilogue }
<-{ previous story: Dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide } { next story: Mullet-verse handbook/guide }->
~10th Chapter
"Son of a bitch!"
"You know that's not true," Junior said, almost by reflex.
"...I wasn't talking about you, dumbass," Max snapped. "It was...insightful commentary about the situation."
"Right, yes, very insightful," Ted replied. "Do you have any other insight about the situation? Maybe something useful this time?"
"Look just...look around and see if you can find the storage container. I'll see what I can find in the system. OMAX out."
There was silence for a moment before Ted said, "Okay, I'll look around for the container, you work out how to get that thing in it without any...zapping."
"Waitwaitwait what?" Junior protested, putting a hand to his chest. "Me? I'm sure I mentioned this isn't my area of expertise."
Ted stared at him in disbelief. "No! As a matter of fact you didn't!"
"'Quantum whatever and temporal thingum'?!"
"I thought you were joking!"
"I was! I know you're familiar with self-depreciating humor! Look, give me something that resembles an engine and I'll make it purr, roar, or freakin' tap-dance for ya. I can whip up a batch of nerve toxin and calculate the rate of paralysis to the minute! But I don't do temporal thingums!"
Ted stared at him for a moment. Then he reached for his communicator. "Plan B," he said, turning it on. "Booster? I need you for your brain."
"I'm starting to think that's all you need me for."
"Really not the time, Booster."
"Exactly what I was going to say. Unless phone sex on the job is your new kink. I mean--"
"Booster, shut up," Ted interrupted, putting a hand over his goggles. "We found the satellite and it's not in the container it was supposed to be in, so we can't get close to it without playing time travel roulette. Any ideas?"
In the thoughtful silence that followed, Junior looked at Ted and spread his hands questioningly. Ted shrugged in response. After a moment, Booster responded with, "It works on organic matter, right?"
Ted hung his head and suppressed a sigh, rethinking the wisdom of asking for Booster's opinion. "Yes."
"Sooo is Max organic matter?"
There was another silence as Ted stared at the floor in astonishment. "Booster, I--You--I...I can't wait to get home," he blurted out.
"What? What do--Oh! Oh."
Ted tapped the comm off before Booster could say anything else and looked up at Junior. "Call Max," he said.
---------------
It was, of course, the exact moment that Max needed to get somewhere using the hallways that security decided to notice something was amiss. And of course, no one had bothered to mention that to Max.
That was why he was running from three security guards who were calling for backup on the radios he hadn't been able to jam the frequencies of. He was also trying to decide if he should try to lose them, or if he should just lead them to exactly where he was headed and let Junior and Grampa Grudge help him sort things out. At this point, he was really ready to punch something. If there were several somethings determined to be around while he had that urge, then who was he to refuse such a generous offer?
Then the point became moot as more security guards spilled from around a corner up ahead, blocking his path. Max skidded to a halt, glanced back over his shoulder as the first three closed in on him, and checked the long hallway for any vents he might have somehow missed but knew weren't actually there. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
So Max started running forward again and launched himself at the surprised, newly arrived security guards. One of the very few good things about being one person attacking a group was that all you had to worry about was hitting something, flailing wildly was for once an entirely acceptable, and even effective, strategy.
Especially if you were a pissed-off man made of metal with somewhat more control over your body than someone with, say, bones. Or joints. Or squishy meat parts.
The guards went down quickly in a flurry of fists, feet, knees, elbows, and one headbutt. Quickly enough that the first three guards hadn't reached him yet, so he decided to bring the fight to them.
As he moved, Max silently cursed Junior and Goldie and their freakish, inexplicable obsession with, of all things, competitive gymnastics, that they watched on TV with popcorn and glazed expressions. They actually had favorites, they could quote stats, they willingly paid for the cable channels dedicated to obscure activities that claimed to be sports!
His hate for them burned with the fire of a thousand suns.
It was because of this freakish, inexplicable obsession that Max knew what he had just done was a cartwheel into a handstand. From there he had done the splits from that position, knocking out two guards who (stupidly) rushed him at the same time, and then a handspring. Once his feet hit the ground again he did a somersault and prepared to lunge at the third guard.
Then there were muffled banging sounds and a sudden, sharp feeling in his chest. Max stopped, abruptly, and brought a hand to his chest, slowly looking up to see the last remaining security guard pointing a gun at him. He had...The man had just shot him.
Standing, Max knew what it probably looked like. His human hologram was up and was programmed to respond to outer and internal stimuli, so there were bullet holes in the image of a shirt that matched the bullet holes in the real shirt he was wearing. The man was just staring at his chest and Max was pretty sure he was waiting for the gush of blood that should be coming, would be coming if he were really the human his hologram said he was.
But Max didn't feel like adding that much verisimilitude, so the bullet holes were just vaguely reddish shadows that the eye didn't want to focus on.
Max was having a bad day. There was the rehashing of a long-settled fight with Ted, having to do a surveillance sweep for show to get that red-haired harpy's security pass, having to fight a young and inexperienced AI that didn't know enough to be vicious on purpose but had apparently been trained in it by people who had better pray Max never learned their identities, that damn satellite not being where it was supposed to be, this whole stupid fight with security, and now some idiot asshole had shot him. So Max met the man's eyes with his own holographic brown, and calmly spat the bullets out of the side of his mouth.
As the tiny bits of metal dropped to the floor with tiny tinking sounds, Max sincerely hoped the expression on the man's face meant he had just wet himself.
---------------
When the doors suddenly opened, Junior's dartgun was instantly out of its holster and aimed at the entrance while Ted darted to the side and crouched in preparation of an attack. The hallway beyond the doors was unlit, as was the figure standing just outside the shaft of light from the satellite room.
There was a tense moment before the figure stepped into view and turned out to be Max. As he entered the room, looking around and ignoring the other men as they relaxed, his hologram melted away again.
"This is another fine mess you've gotten us into," he remarked to Junior, staring at the satellite. "The container's in a closet off this room. Locked. But I could've told you that over the comm, so what was so important that you needed me here?"
"Are you organic at all?" Junior asked.
Max looked over his shoulder at him and raised an eyebrow. "Is this a trick question?"
"So that's a no then," Ted said impatiently.
"Yes it's a no," Max sighed, turning to face them both. "Usually the shiny skin and glowing eyes tips people off, but I'll go over it again. No, I'm not organic. I am currently one hundred percent inorganic material."
"Then you can put the satellite that effects organic matter into the container."
Both of Max's eyebrows raised at that, then lowered in a wince. "How did none of us think of this sooner?"
"Actually, Booster thought of it," Junior said cheerfully.
Max stared at him for a second, then sighed. "I know the man has a brain, I've seen the evidence, and yet somehow that's still a shock."
Junior grinned in response, then frowned suddenly and gestured at Max with his index finger. "Uh, didja run into any trouble on the way here?"
Looking down at himself, Max reached up and poked a finger through one of the holes in his shirt, wiggling it a little. "Got shot," he said absently. "Traumatized a guard. What'd you do to piss off your goddess so much?"
"Me?" Junior scoffed. "It's you she doesn't like. I'm not the one who got shot."
Max grimaced at him and waved a hand dismissively before turning to face the satellite. He moved from one side to the other, carefully standing out of its temporal field, then stopped and straightened. Screwing his face up, Max twisted his mouth and leaned his head back, then suddenly snapped his head forward and spat a wad of shining silver at the satellite.
The wad struck the satellite and started to ooze downward, then abruptly stopped. Motionless, it gleamed.
Ted stared at it and Max in disgusted disbelief. "That is--"
"Cool!" his traitor son interrupted, grinning.
Smirking, Max glanced over his shoulder at them. "I'm immune," he said, then cautiously strode forward to touch his hand to the splat of silver clinging to the side of the satellite. When he stepped away and walked around the satellite to a door behind it, the splat was gone.
"What was that?" Ted demanded.
"Nanites," Max called back, voice echoing a little in the high-ceilinged room. "Did you honestly think I'd just hocked a loogie? Technically I don't even have sinuses."
"But why...Why do that?" Ted asked, frowning in confusion. "Couldn't you just...throw some?"
"Blue, answer the man. Why did I do that?"
Junior looked over at Ted and beamed. "'Cause it was keen," he said cheerfully. "Did you see that distance?"
Ted thought that over, then eyeballed the distance from where Max had stood to the satellite and gave a reluctant smile. "Okay, it was kind of impressive."
With a laugh, Junior clapped him on the shoulder and grinned approvingly.
---------------
It took a relatively short time to get the satellite packed up, though Max was uneasy that it seemed to be smaller than it was supposed to be, based on the few reports he'd read that mentioned size. They briefly discussed whether it was possible the satellite had been broken into smaller pieces and whether doing so would render it less effective or even completely ineffective.
Ted suggested asking Booster's opinion, but Max vetoed that, saying Ted sounded a little too eager to get the man's opinion. Blushing, Ted denied everything.
There was also a large wheeled pallet in the closet with the container that they assumed had been used to convey the satellite to that room in the first place, so they loaded it on and hurried to wheel it from the room toward the elevator Max said was just down the unlit hall.
Well, after a sheepish Junior showed Ted how to set his goggles to night vision, following Ted's complaining that he wasn't entirely comfortable not being able to see where he was going.
There was a moment of wincing and muttering when the elevator doors opened and flooded their goggles with light, briefly blinding Ted and Junior. Max observed them thoughtfully as they turned the night vision off, then casually mentioned that the elevator lights didn't turn off. Under his breath, Ted cursed him as they squeezed into the large elevator and made their way back up.
Surreally, calm, boring elevator muzak filtered in.
---------------
Up ahead, Goldie skidded to a halt and nearly fell over herself turning around and running back the way they had come. Grabbing Booster's arm, she all but dragged him after her.
"What--" he started, but was quickly shushed.
Goldie sped around a corner and pressed her back to the wall, panting a little. "Heard...voices," she whispered. "Recognized 'em. They called the League! You believe the nerve? They actually called the League!"
Behind the yellow tint of his borrowed goggles, Booster's eyes widened. "But...they're...." He waved a hand. "They're doing illegal things here! That's so...stupid."
Goldie shook her head. "Not totally stupid. Max said all the upper levels are legit. It's just the 'nonexistent' lower levels that are shady. We, currently, are trespassing in the upper levels." She suddenly winced. "And we're kidnapping."
"What?!"
"Max downloaded the AI and told me to babysit!" Goldie said defensively. "So it's...I mean, he'd probably spaz if I called it stolen goods, so it's kidnapping!"
"Yeah, AIs count as kidnapping," Booster muttered, thinking back to the long forgotten laws of his youth.
Goldie nodded, then pushed herself away from the wall and grabbed his arm. "C'mon, we need to get outside. If we're lucky, the camo kept them from noticing Bug."
Without a backward glance, they ran down the hall, away from the sound of voices.
---------------
"We're made!" Goldie called through the comms.
"What?" Junior asked. "Who--"
"The League! They called the Justice League on us! Max?"
A look of concentration crossed Max's shiny face and his eyes glowed brighter. "Where are you? Corridor seven-B?"
"Uh, probably?" Booster spoke up.
"What he said," Goldie agreed.
Max sighed. "Thank you, that clarifies everything. Okay...yes, that's where you are. I've got the security cameras back on, not recording, so I can track you with them. Stay out of...corridor five-B, that's where they are now. Do you want me to turn off the lights?"
"Do you think that'd help?"
"At this point? Not much. And they've got Nyctalopia with them."
"Oh damn," Goldie said, sounding disappointed. "Nicky's gonna be cranky."
"You can explain things later, don't worry about it," Junior spoke up.
"Avoid, don't engage," Max advised.
"Yes, thanks, hadn't figured out the whole not attacking our friends thing."
Max snorted. "You ask for advice, I give it. Excuse me if it's painfully obvious. Turn left--Left!"
"Which left?!"
"Left left! How many lefts are there? Make an 'L' with your hand and go that way."
Goldie muttered something under her breath and Booster snickered.
"Bite not the hand that does your tech support," Max warned. "Make a right up ahead. See that door? It's unlocked. Go out the unlocked door and you're outside."
"Thanks, Max," Goldie said flatly.
"Thank me by having Bug ready. We're going to the roof."
The glow of Max's eyes dimmed and he looked up at Junior and Ted's surprised, expectant faces. "...Didn't I mention?" he asked.
---------------
How, exactly, Junior had ended up on the roof by himself while Ted and Max snuck the satellite out to the Bug, he wasn't entirely sure. The details were a little fuzzy and getting fuzzier by the second.
He remembered telling them to run, save themselves, he would stall. And then Max agreeing and solemnly telling him he was a brave man, though the effect was ruined by the fact that Max was quite clearly trying not to smile.
He also remembered, just as they were parting company, Max telling him, "Try not to get yourself killed. You still owe me, and debt goes to next of kin."
"Isn't...Bug my next of kin?" Junior had asked slowly.
"Yeah," Max had answered musingly. "I'd hate to do that to my own mother. Especially in her time of mourning."
And then they were gone and Junior was up on the roof all by his lonesome. Well, all by his lonesome except for the grey-eyed woman in the dull grey costume with something that looked like a stylized merging of the symbols for male and female emblazoned on the chest in an even darker grey. Her pale blond hair was a somewhat unisex cut that reached just past her ears and she was pretty in an odd sort of way that was too confusing to think about.
She was also telling Junior that he was a very naughty boy.
It wasn't the first time she had said so, but he wasn't used to the setting being so public.
"Now why don't you come over here and tell me what you've been up to," she murmured, head tilted enticingly.
Dazedly, Junior started toward her. "Yeah...sure, I--Stop trying to manage me, Andy!" he suddenly shouted, stepping back. "This is exactly why things didn't work with us!"
Androgenie recoiled, features blurring for a second, then slowly reached out to him. "No, I...Blue?"
Junior threw his hands up with a frustrated growl. "Yes! A little prod here, a suggestion there, and next thing I know I can't find my keys!" He put a hand over his goggles and sighed. "I'm sure you justified it to yourself, or maybe you didn't realize it, I want to believe you didn't realize it, but.... Look, I honestly like you. You're a swell person. (When you're not manipulating my brain.) And the sex? The sex was...fantastic. Seriously, I don't have words for it. I mean...wow. But I wasn't willing to risk permanent brain damage for the sake of my hormones!" He spread his hands entreatingly.
"Brain damage?!" Andy said in disbelief, hands planted firmly on hips. "No, Blue I would never--Not you. You have to believe me, I would never do something like that. You're exaggerating, you must be."
"Max agreed you probably didn't even realize you were doing it, sometimes," Junior sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared down at his feet. "I mean...who hasn't occasionally wished they could change the person they're dating. Get rid of an annoying habit, an embarrassing quirk...thing is, I've got a lot of those." He looked up and smiled wryly. "And you? Well, you could make me change." He mimed knocking on his head. "Hence, brain damage. Luckily, Max caught it before it got too bad to fix."
Andy shook her head. "Blue, you know Max never liked me," she said reasonably. "It can't be as bad as all that."
"Well...maybe...." Junior fidgeted uncertainly. "I know it seemed pretty bad at the time."
"But now that you've had time to look back, it's really not."
"I...." Junior sniffed and wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, you're...you're probably--Is my nose running?" He sniffed again and swiped at his nose with the back of his hand.
"Blue, pay attention," Andy said sternly.
"Yeah I am, it's just--" He grimaced and sniffed, wiggling and wrinkling his nose. "Are you sure it's not running? It feels like it's--"
"Blue Beetle!" Andy snapped, stomping a foot. "Listen to me!"
"But--"
"But nothing! Your behavior has people worried, now what were you doing in that building?"
"Pulling a wacky shenanigan?"
Andy narrowed her eyes at him.
"Wow, no seriously, knock it off," Junior said, leaning away from her with an effort. "It's...bad for my health, I remember that. Stop--I'm serious about the brain damage! Max's nanites are still repairing the damage!"
"What?" Andy breathed, eyes widening. "You really mean--Oh Blue, I didn't realize. I never meant to hurt you, you know that, right?"
"Just...don't pull the suggestion trick with me again, okay?"
Ducking her head a little, Andy looked up at him through her lashes, lip quivering. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for...Oh god, I'm so sorry."
Junior smiled sheepishly and reached up to rub the back of his neck. "Well...don't be too sorry."
"What? But...I don't understand. Why?"
"Well, while all of that is true," Junior explained, taking a step back. "And it really is, just ask Max." He continued backing away. "It was also a distraction, so the others could get away." Standing on the edge of the roof, he grinned and gave her a brisk wave. Then he backflipped off the building.
Gaping in disbelief at the spot Junior had been standing moments before, Andy started to rush forward, but stopped halfway there.
Rising from the side of the building, came Junior's head. Then the rest of him. Then Bug, which he was standing on top of, feet planted firmly. "Bye, Andy!" he called cheerfully as Bug continued to rise. "Great seeing you again! Closure, you know?"
Andy stared after him as he and the Bug disappeared into the distance, mouth still gaping. After a moment, her eyes narrowed and her mouth twisted into a snarl as her features melted into a more masculine face. "Dammit!" he shouted.
"Let me guess," came a male voice from behind Andy. "You tried to talk to him, didn't you? And you got all tied up in relationship issues."
Whirling, Andy glared at the dark-haired man who had spoken. "That's none of your business, Pulsar," he said angrily.
"Hey, no, I've been there, I've done that," Pulsar said, holding up his hands. "Granted I didn't scramble his brains, but--"
"Shut up, you walking stereotype!" Andy snarled, stalking away.
"Stereotype?" Pulsar repeated thoughtfully, glancing over at a small black-clad woman as she landed on the roof. "Have I been bitchslapping more than usual lately? My punches been a bit limp-wristed?"
The woman covered her mouth with one hand and tittered quietly.
"Is it the costume?" Pulsar called after Andy. "I like purple!" He glanced at the black-clad woman again and shrugged innocently. "I like purple."
The woman just giggled in response.
---------------
Junior quickly dropped to his stomach, hugging the top of the Bug. Glancing to the side, he slowly slid down to one of Bug's legs and dropped down until he was hanging by it from both hands. He caught sight of the rope ladder hanging from Bug's hatch and grinned.
Swinging his legs backward and forward until he had built up enough momentum, Junior threw himself at the ladder and clung to it for a second. When he was sure of his grip, he scurried up into Bug and pulled the ladder up with him.
"No, no--" Max was saying.
"You want to drive?" Goldie demanded peevishly. "Here, you go ahead."
"What are you--Holy robot Jesus, woman! Steer!"
"No, you wanted to--"
"You'll get us killed you lunatic!"
"Could someone drive the damn thing?!" Ted shouted over them.
Chuckling to himself, Junior shook his head and sank onto one of the benches set in the sides of Bug.
---------------
"Sorry, sir," Goldie apologized, taking the controls again as Max slumped over the back of her chair in relief.
"I don't have a heart," he griped. "I shouldn't be able to have heart attacks."
There was a moment of silence before Junior suddenly murmured quietly, "Oh. That's...worrying."
All eyes turned to find him staring down at the smear of red on the back of his glove where he had swiped it under his nose. A steady trickle was pooling above his upper lip and venturing into the streak he had made under his nose. Looking dazed, Junior sniffed.
"Oh god," Max breathed, horrified. "You idiot." He quickly sank to his knees in front of the bleeding man and gently reached out to cup his chin with one hand, pushing the cowl and goggles off with the other. "Andy talked to you again."
Junior shook his head slowly, but was stopped when Max's grip on his chin tightened. "Don't try to deny it," the AI snapped. "You left your comm on. Again."
Grimacing, Junior sighed, "I'm sure Andy didn't mean to--"
"Don't you dare make excuses like some spineless domestic abuse case!"
Junior winced, then sniffed again.
"How can you keep standing up for that...person after everything--"
"Headache," Junior whimpered quietly.
"You idiot!" Max continued, rising to his feet again. "What were you thinking? Or were you?"
"Headache."
"Did she pull that innocent crap again?" Max growled. "Oh I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to almost turn your brains into oatmeal!"
"Headache!" Junior shouted, grabbing Max's shirt and yanking him down so they were almost nose to nose. Then he immediately made a tiny, pained whine and let go of Max, raising his hands to cradle his head.
Max sighed and shook his head, straightening. "It's not as bad this time. It could've been much worse, but...I just need to give them the command to speed things back onto schedule. Trust me?"
Not letting go of his head, Junior nodded. "Till you lie to me," he whispered shakily.
"This is going to hurt, Jujubee," Max warned him gently, replacing Junior's hands on his head with his own. Then his pupilless eye flared brightly and suddenly Junior's mouth dropped open in a strangled scream, arms twitching slightly.
After a tense minute, during which Goldie had to keep a tight grip on Ted and Booster's shoulders to keep them from interrupting, the light of Max's eye dimmed. Junior slumped with a pained whimper and Max carded his hands through the man's hair soothingly.
"Hurt," Junior complained with quiet petulance.
"How do you feel?" Max asked.
"M'hungry."
"No you're not, it's psychosomatic."
"Yeah," Junior agreed unhappily, leaning the side of his head against Max's stomach.
Max looked up and grimaced. "Goldie, the man needs comforting, could you...?"
"You big softie," Goldie teased, lightly punching his shoulder as she moved to take his place. When she had Junior's head against her abdomen, stroking her hands through his hair as she bent over him, she cooed softly, "Hey there, baby. I'm here, I've got ya. You okay, now?"
Junior hummed happily and mumbled, "Can I take a nap before we save the world again?"
"You got it, sweetie."
Briefly meeting Ted and Booster's eyes as he sat down to take the controls, Max ducked his head. "I can't tell," he whispered. "I can't tell you enough that you could change it." Looking up again, his mouth was set in a thin line. "But I wish I could."
-----
[ETA of chapter the eleventh: plotted, partially written]
Mullet-verse handbook/guide. (AKA "Are you as lost as I am?")