brigits_flame: Heavy

[bootler]

“Is this strictly necessary?” I ask through clenched teeth as I attempt to swing the sword Morgan has given me

Comments

[hathorx]

Oooh, I really enjoyed that. Nicely written! Good luck with your entry :)

[bootler]

Thanks very much!

[lostwhiterabbit]

I enjoyed reading this~ It made me want to read more.

[bootler]

Awesome, thanks. It actually made me want to write more, which is always a bonus.

[lionteeth]

This feels very well-developed, like it's an excerpt from some larger story. Keep going with it! Great to see some fantasy in the competition. Good luck!

[bootler]

Thanks! This is actually the first I've written with this character (which is actually for a D&D campaign that may or may not be starting with some friends of mine soon). I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[intermezzo_poet]

Nice work! The humor in the beginning was appreciated, and the gravity towards the end was lovely.

Good luck! :)

[bootler]

Thanks very much! I thought I'd try to play with a couple different definitions of "heavy".

Good luck to you as well :)

[j_cat]

Good Stuff Boot-meister.

[bootler]

Thankee, sir!

Edits,

[peeeece]

Hey, i really like this piece, and lucky (or not so lucky, depending on your want of criticism) i am your primary editor for this round.

So basically, i think this is really well written, in a considerably short piece you have developed not only the primary character, but the secondary, and i think that really demonstrates your aptitude as a writer, and just wow, i am impressed.

Grammar: Throughout i can't truly find and grammatical errors, although i think it would help the flow of your piece, if this sentence Crafted primarily out of lead, as my sword is, the dwarf’s warhammer weighs almost twice as much as my own weapon. was shortened, as comparatively to the rest of your piece it falters a bit, maybe just the removal of the last word 'weapon' would help, as the audience is already aware of the object in question, being that of the characters weapon, (this is pedantic, but i truly am trying to find fault within your work, lol)
“Graah!” I bellow, swing the sword in a double-handed grip, then decapitate the target in front of me.

Re: Edits,

[bootler]

That's all very helpful, thank you! Also thanks for catching the change in tenses. I usually write in past-tense, and so tend to revert to it. I meant to catch everything to correct it to present-tense, but obviously I missed one.

With regards to the god, there are several gods in this setting, which is why I chose the lower case spelling.

Thanks again, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!