HORRIBLE anxiety attack right now

I woke up all fuzzy and out of sorts then i ate, and ate, and ate. So much! And now I feel worse. I am fat and can't stop crying. I don't know what to do. I hate this!!! I need to fix this. If being on Prozac means I don't feel like this then maybe it's worth being fat.... Ugh what am I saying? I can't be fattttt. I ( Read more... )

Gw1: 114 pounds BMI of 18
Gw2: 107.6 pounds BMI of 17

Then I'll stop! I swear. And I'm gonna get there healthily. I think.... I hate how I say that and then fuck it up. :(

After this week I'm gonna start eating regular again.... Still needs to be like 800 or less until I start losing then I'm gonna try naturally thin rules. Shoot for 3 main meals ( Read more... )

Just need to vent. My good friend got in the musical and i didn't. It's honestly ok. The director hates me bc I quit her program my sophomore year. But um yeah. My friend is like so happy and it's sort of annoying bc she's been grumpy all week. And she is costumes on my show! :( so it's like when she's acting it's cool but not doing tech annoyed ( Read more... )

So my callback was lame. I just sang scales. :( prob not even getting cast. Eh oh well.

Met with my ED counselor. She's so sweet and gonna help me work through this. I can beat this thing.

Performance 7:30-10 eep!

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So um crazy but today two boys told me I don't need to lose any weight! That I'm looking great. Wow um ok?! One of them is a super muscular guy too. He was saying how he likes girls with some muscle. He'll yeah! That's why I'm getting a personal trainer. ;) Anyway... So that kinda made my day

Unfortunately ate like 820 cals today :( banana 80, ( Read more... )

I can't stop crying and im sitting in the corner of my room all a lone. :(

I hate myself so much for getting fat that it hurts. I just went through all my food and threw out anything that wasn't safe foods. I can't even stand seeing myself. I've never felt this bad before...

I wish I'd either die or get skinny bc I cant be this fat person for the ( Read more... )

Dear girls,

I met with my trainer today. Worked out! So good. But then i came home and ate. I'm not sure why being at 500 calories by lunch time makes me feel like I binged. I didn't!

But I feel so fucking guilty like the workout was for nothing now bc I ate. Stupid me!

Getting on my exercise bike!

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128.6 today.

Better? Sorta.

I tried on my costume.... It fit! :))))) best news in ages. My costume designer said if i gained 30 pounds she has no idea where I put it. Thank god it doesn't show! Thank god.

So far just had fruit/veg today... At like 350 cals or so.

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I hate stress. I always give in and eat :(
I also hate my period i get odd cravings. I'm too weak right now to say no. I suck. I got fat and now everyday i want to just eat. I really can't! I am stronger than this...

Goal:
800 cals a day
Walk or workout or bike
No eating after 6 pm
If hungry...
Brush teeth
Drink water
Go for a walk/run

Gw: 125 sept
Gw2: ( Read more... )

Hi loves

Every time I eat I feel sick and super full. No matter what it is....

Today I'm doing terrible I had soup and salad (fine) but then broke into the cake in my freezer (probably had about 500 calories) so I'm at 650 already and it's only 12:30! I'll have a salad with mushrooms for dinner so 100 cals and then I'm done for the day! Class 2-5 ( Read more... )