on the way home from work yesterday, i stopped at a hair salon/barber shop for my bi-monthly semi-buzz cut. try as i might to grow my hair out, i always end up looking like an ass, because my hair's just too thick and unruly. i'd never been to this particular shop before, so i was a little nervous at how it'd come out (not that cutting my hair is ( Read more... )

it has come to my attention that i am extraordinarily bored. stop right there. i know you're thinking "oh, come on, jim, you're *always* bitching about being bored, this is nothing new." granted, asshole, granted. but today i am stupendously, monumentally, categorically bored. bored to the point where trying to kick myself in the face is starting ( Read more... )

Today I launched what I can only assume will be a prolific television career with a spot on a Fox News segment in which I appear for approximately 1/15 of a second, holding up signs with several co-workers at a press release at the Capitol on Wednesday ( Read more... )

Today was the most enraging day I've had at my new job to date. And I place the blame for it squarely on the shoulders of my fellow intern. I won't bore anyone with the specifics of what she did to piss me off so much; suffice it to say, I've come to realize how epically misplaced my efforts to be nice to her have been, and that I basically never ( Read more... )

it's probably just the wine (and the beer), but for some reason i keep thinking about my penultimate job interview in northampton. which is odd, as i hadn't given it a thought in 4 or 3 months ( Read more... )

Yesterday, Friday, I caught a nice little break from work. Every year, DC hosts CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference), a three-day event held at some fancy hotel near the zoo, where various crazy right-wing groups get together, though for what purpose, I'm not entirely sure. Probably just to feel important, and to cheer about their ( Read more... )

of dropping a cup of very hot hot chocolate on the floor, in such a way that the cup lands perfectly and doesn't spill, but the contents of the cup splash straight up, into your face?

for a normal person, i would venture to say the answer is slim to none. but when you're jim patterson, the laws of probability fall by the wayside.

oww.

I've been in my new place for a bit over a month now, and I'm still in the process of making it home. I've fixed some stuff, and bought some stuff, and cleaned some stuff, but there's still plenty of all that to do. But the crying need has been, and continues to be, a damned Internet connection. To rectify this, I grudgingly called Comcast to order ( Read more... )

From Dave Barry's most recent column ( Read more... )

don't worry, i'll save you the trouble of asking and just tell you. i'm pumped, because, today, BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE II COMES OUT ( Read more... )