True story. I like "fakes smile" it sounds cool to me. James too. He likes it. But the rest of the world: they think it's "gay". Plus, nobody knows how to spell and/or pronounce it correctly. Everyone seriously thinks it says "fake smiles". That is a gay names. But it's not supposed to be plural at all. We're not brandonzo fucking Ginzey and the ( Read more... )

I'm not feeling very good about anything today. I'm just really depressed, maybe for few reasons, but it's real strong on me today. Heather didn't help. I wish she'd trust me a little more. It kind of breaks my heart whenever she tells me how much she thinks I take her for granted. I don't even like thinking about it. I just want to be sedated by ( Read more... )

Work just pushes me to my limit so often, I get worried that i'm gonna snap and do something stupid and result in keeping myself here even longer. It's hard to trust my basic emotions cuz I just feel things so much. If i get angry, I'm about ready to set shit on fire, if I'm happy I can't stop jumping all over the place, if I'm sad I just want to ( Read more... )

I don't have much time left till I'm home again, and it seems so surreal, like it's impossible for someone like me to just go back home without some sort of consequence. Maybe I don't have anything to fear, after-all, most of our country lives outside the military, and they're doing fine, so I guess I just need to pull myself out of this "failure" ( Read more... )

I've been so anxious lately worrying about this whole separation process. It always seems like everyday i spend here is another chance for things to go wrong and leave me trapped where I am. I think I'm being stupid and unreasonable here, but I really don't trust the military anymore to just let me go with a clean slate. It feels like they're up to ( Read more... )

I guess James is doing pretty good with his music right now. He's joined White Boy Ric's new band "4star". It's cool and all, cuz that's not a bad move for him, but it kind of feels like my musical ambitions don't have enough benefits for people to want to stick around with me. So technically, I'd say I'm still stuck being solo, cuz that's all I ( Read more... )

I haven't really felt too compelled to live this weekend. It's been very lonely for me since everyone left. My time is now spent watching the same movies over and over again and/or talking to Heather. This makes her about the only thing worth looking forward to in my life. Everything else seems so temporary. I have probably a thousand+ cd's and ( Read more... )