I feel so full (literally) and so empty (figuratively). I don't understand the full feeling, to be honest; I haven't had a proper meal since Saturday, and while I've munched on things here and there, it's not been enough to bloat me like I am; I just don't get it. I've gained so much now that skipping a day's meal doesn't make my stomach flat ( Read more... )

I stopped drinking almost two months ago. I did it because I wanted to set a good example religiously, and didn't feel that alcohol helped to present me as a good Christian. It has also helped me to avoid mornings where one wakes up wondering what the heck happened the night before, and prevents that hangover feeling that plagues most who go out ( Read more... )

That old, fimiliar feeling has returned. No; it never left. It's been deep inside, dormant, awaiting the perfect time to re-emerge.. waiting to be triggered. It's that feeling deep in your gut telling you that you shouldn't have a gut; that feeling that you'll never be good enough unless you're thin enough and there's no such thing as thin enough, ( Read more... )

I feel so incredibly, pemanantly bloated. I can hardly sit without being disguated with myself. I'm up to 125lbs; that, to me, is sickening and far too much. I don't know how I let this happen. I understand that, being an athlete, I must eat more than I was eating this time last year. Fine. But summer is on it's way and I can't bear to even fathom ( Read more... )

I feel like a complete jerk for not updating. I know I've gone astray from some of the most beautiful people I know.. and I hate that. Darn college for taking up so much of my time and darn me for not prioritizing this into my daily routine. Heck, I have time to stare at a computer screen for hours at night; might as well make some use of that time ( Read more... )

I want to start off first by apologizing for my absence. I guess I have no valid excuse other than distractions and laziness. And I really wish I could give good news right now.. I mean, things have been so good.. but something just happened and I have no one else to tell.. and I can't stop crying or shaking.. my teeth are chattering and I feel so ( Read more... )

Well I don't really feel like typing too much today.. I'm so exhausted! I just finished plyos and I'm about to go lift in the gym.. then I have individual sprints tonight with coach. AHH! But I feel so good ( Read more... )

Well, I guess life never fails to remind you that you cannot be naive and close your eyes when you kiss someone ( Read more... )

The tears would not stop coming last night. I felt so out of place, so alone. I pulled out an un-used razor from the bag and, using a pair of scissors, I cut the plastic from around the blade to bear only that shiny silver metal I was longing for. With Fall Out Boy screaming in the background, masking my cries and sobs, I held the blade against my ( Read more... )

I hate everything. I hate this school, I hate this city, I hate everyone who I'm surrounded by. I can't stand this. I miss Florida so badly. Atleast there I had some sort of ground. Here, I have nothing.. and no one. I've just tried to call the two people who could help me right now.. my sister, and Chris.. and neither have answered. Now, I stand ( Read more... )