i think thomas moved on.
and that hurts.
big time.
and i know that i should too.
but i cant.
i've tried.
and i just cant.
this is depressing.
i wish i could go back in time.
and fix all this.
but i cant.
and now i have to live with my mistake.
for the rest of my life.
constantly wondering
"what if i didnt make such a dumb mistake?"
would we still be together?

i ( Read more... )

kenny keeps on hitting on me.
it's gross.
and it doesnt help that he's thomas' cousin.
i feel dirty somehow.
he keeps on telling me that i'm beautiful and sexy and whatnot.
and while that's flattering, i dont want to hear that from him.
and he's a friend.
JUST a friend.
and even IF feelings were to develop, he lives in georgia.
i've tried long-distance ( Read more... )

and hasnt called.
he got on around 5:30.
it's 9:17 at night.
mom is saying to "give him time to figure out how to respond".
i want to call him.
ashleigh said that i should wait.
but she's calling him as i type.

this really sucks.
well, i just found out that he didnt pick up.
he's probably avoiding calls from both of us.

ughhhhhh.

for a one-month deployment.
i like it when it's just me and mom.
there's so much peace.
we dont have to worry about if the kitchen is absolutely spotless for fear of getting yelled at.
we dont have try to supress the feeling of dread when he opens the door.

ahhh.

and i finally got to talk to thomas.
not even 10 minutes ago.
i asked him who said all that ( Read more... )

i've decided to send thomas a gigantic message.
okay, so i havent written it yet, but i'm pretty sure it's gonna be long.
it's gonna pretty much explain the full reason i broke up with him, how i feel now, and how i'd do anything to fix my mistake.
the only sure thing i know i'm gonna write is at the end.
its gonna say:
"i'm sure that you probably don't ( Read more... )

i can make my Sims' lifes perfect, but not mine.
Takara is on her way on meeting her life aspiration.
Ash is on his way on meeting his life aspiration.
they got engaged and married after one date.
they already have a kid.
they are happy as i dunno what.

how is it that i can make a bunch of pixels happy, but i cant make myself happy?

i dont think i can too much more of this.
but the one emotion that hasnt changed is the loss i'm feeling.
i cant laugh or smile at anything anymore.
idk what's gotten into me.
sometimes, i wonder if i can take the emotional stress.
and i dont think that i can.
and what sucks the most, is that i cant even get a hold of him.
i know i shouldnt be trying to, ( Read more... )

life without thomas sucks.
BIG TIME.
waaaay back when, when we were arguing over something stupid, i tried to imagine my life without him.
and damn, if i didnt hit it right on the money.
i'm as miserable as ever.
and i think that him breaking up with me wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt my fault.
if i hadnt broken up with him, we'd still be together.
i mean,  ( Read more... )

vince cant have his party.
and i was really looking forward to that.
really.
i need a party.
haha.
seriously.
and that same week, we're going to the Markley's.
and i really dont wanna go.
i really dont.
i think i might ask my mom if i could just stay at Ashleigh's house for the weekend or something.
i don't wanna go.

i used to use Maryland as an escape from ( Read more... )

i couldnt have CourtneyAndAshleighPoolDay because ashleigh had some sort of party-thing.
and when she came home, i was sleeping and it would've been too late for me to go anyways.
which sucks.
cuhhs i want....need...to see some hot guys.
srsly.
^^haha
and i cant do anything over the weekend because dad's leaving on sunday.
A;LSHFQOR-2]8RFJAS;FL!!!!!

and ( Read more... )