My Mom took me to the doctor the other morning.

We explained my continuing health issues to him.

I laid on the table...being examined.

And he seemed concerned by what he saw.

When the nurse stuck the needle in my arm...Mom closed her eyes...but I watched.

It reminded me of the old days...when I had a heart condition.  I use to have blood drawn on a ( Read more... )

An entry from my handwritten journal:

6-12-2010

Life is becoming scary.  Things are not okay.  My emotions are taking control.  My heart is feeling too much.

My Dad is dying from an incurable lung disease.  I grew up my entire life thinking my Dad was invincible.  The family would always joke around and say he would out live all of us.  It's sad to ( Read more... )

...the doctor visit didn't go so well.

There are multiple concerns.

Things might get ugly.

...I still have hope though...
...that this too...
...shall pass...

I've had a lump...

I've been ignoring the lump.

I can't ignore the lump anymore.

The lump has grown drastically.

My Mom is worried about me.

My Mom wants me to go to the doctor tomorrow to get it checked.

I guess I will.

It might be...nothing?

It's better to be safe than sorry.  =/

I haven't posted anything in a while...and to pass the time, I've decided to post RANDOM LINDSEY FACTS!!!  

• I look taller in photographs.  I'm actually 5'5"...though people who have never met me in person tend to think I'm taller.
• My biggest insecurities include my hair and weight....even though...my hair is my main issue.  I wear wigs to make myself ( Read more... )

I had a strange dream last night.

I drempt that my Dad was a spirit...but the only person who could see him and talk to him was my brother, Destry.  I wasn't sure if Destry could really communicate with our dead father or not...  he claimed that he could...  but I honestly just thought that he was going crazy.

And then something important happened in ( Read more... )

First of all, let me begin by stressing that this journal entry isn't directed at one specific person.  This is simply, how I feel in general...and...I just need a release.  I don't mean to offend or make anyone feel uncomfortable or ashamed.  So please, if you read this, and if you feel like this is in any way about you, don't get chocked up, okay ( Read more... )

Have you ever had a moment where you remember a memory you had long forgotten? 
You open the dusty treasure chest and the gold comes pouring out...glimmering...
...the happiness in your heart...remembering a cherished moment in time...

I see you Dad...kneeling on the carpet, my tennis shoe in your hand.  I was in my paranoid brown recluse spider phase ( Read more... )

This afternoon was a landslide.

It began with feeling rejection from someone I thought to be a friend.
It progressed into someone I love getting angry at me for feeling so sad.
It ended with me sitting on my old swing, crying.

And the sky looked happy, the sun was bright.  The house I grew up in, was still the same house...the way my Dad had left it ( Read more... )

This has been a very big year for me, and for a lot of reasons.  Even though I still act like a child,  I'm a woman now, whether I'm ready to be or not.  I've had to do a lot of growing up this year.  My Daddy died in January, and that changed me...I believe, for the better.  I appreciate my family on a whole new level.  I see that holding grudges ( Read more... )