You have won me over.  I may be nice, I may be sweet, I may be friendly...but...I am by no means, easy to win over.

And when I say "win over"...I mean...It is not easy for me to feel safe around people.  It is not easy for me to open myself up to people.

But...I love you.  I barely even know you, but I know I love you...so, so much.  I genuinely care ( Read more... )

I had another dream about my Dad.  I was awkward around him, just as I always was...but at the same time, I wanted to bond with him...I just didn't know how.  I think the feeling was mutual...in my dream...in real life...I believe that.  Even though I was an adult...I had a dance recital the next night.  Dad was about to hand me a written letter, ( Read more... )

I was 17 years old and I felt like I was at the end of my rope.

I thought my heart condition would kill me, and if that didn't kill me...the actual surgery would.

I walked the crowded hallways at my school.  I passed the kids who bullied me, and the kids who never noticed my existence...and then...there he was.  He was tall, and his hair shown like ( Read more... )

This will be the first summer without my Daddy.  I've been reflecting on those crazy summer vacations we would take every August.  Thanks to my Dad, I was able to see and do so many things...things that most children, teenagers, and even adults...don't get to experience.

Anyway.

I've been slacking a lot on my journal lately...but...I guess I've been ( Read more... )

It hurts.

Dice wasn't a pet...
Dice wasn't a cat...

Dice was a soul that I loved.

Dice was my baby...

It just hurts.  I hate this feeling.

I can read all of the inspirational quotes I can find...
I can listen to other peoples carefree beliefs of death being a new beginning...

How we should smile when our loved ones pass on...and celebrate...

But the ( Read more... )

Sebastian and I went to Pilot Mountain yesterday and took a stroll around the knob.  As we were walking along, Sebastian suddenly stopped.  I turned to look at him, as he gazed through a clear opening, down at the world below us.

"Wow..." Sebastian said in awe.  I took a couple of steps towards him, asking him what he was thinking.  I tried ( Read more... )

Today, I've been feeling great.  Extra motivated.  I woke up and cooked Sebastian and I some spaghetti.  I gave our Kitten, Nilla, a bath.  I washed two loads of clothes and a load of towels.  I cleaned up the bedroom and vacuumed the house.

I have been bouncing around, multitasking and feeling excited about tomorrow.  I will get to meet my friend ( Read more... )

Moments ago...I wanted to cry.

My Mother called me on the telephone and asked me if I wanted a chocolate milkshake.  I told her 'no' at first.  Of course, deep down...I really did want a milkshake...I just felt the need to say no.  I'm very insecure about my image...and I feel chubby all of the time.  I have already eaten quite a lot today...but ( Read more... )

Last night I had a dream.  In my dream...everything was normal...it was me...my daily life...except...Dad was there.  He was planning family vacations.  When I had friends over...I would have to explain...that...my Dad was a ghost.

I don't know why I have to have dreams like this.  I can't say they are pleasant.  Of course, in my dream...I was happy ( Read more... )

I glance in the trashcan as I walk by and see a VFW magazine with my Dad's name on it.  Just a crumpled reminder of the ghost that haunts me.
Flashbacks...flashbacks...flashbacks...
Do you ever have flashbacks?  Randomly, at any given time...?  Vivid memories playing through your mind like a movie?
It doesn't matter if I'm remembering something happy ( Read more... )