FIC: WHEN OUR FRAMES COLLIDE 5/16

[carolinablu85]

Title: When Our Frames Collide
Chapter: 5/16 - I've Got A New World In My View
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Marcus (OC), Lucinda, Lily, Holden, Damian, Casey, Alison, Hunter, Jack, Emily 
Rating: PG 
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Noah tries to deal, Lily tries to fix things, Casey tries to control himself, Emily tries to get her story.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "New World In My View" by King Britt. You should recognize it if you're a True Blood fan!
Chapter 1  /  Chapter 2  /  Chapter 3  /  Chapter 4  /


LOCAL FAMILY GIVING UP HOPE OF FINDING MISSING CHILD

March 30, 1991- The Miller family is still holding out for any information on the location of the youngest member of their family, two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared from the front yard of their Augusta, GA home two weeks ago, and police and investigators have found no sign of him since.

There was more to the article, but Noah couldn’t read it. There was also another picture of two-year-old-him, but he couldn’t look at that either. He couldn’t do anything right now, his body and brain numb. He was outside of it all, looking in. Staring at himself, wanting to scream that this wasn’t true, this wasn’t real. But his body didn’t scream back. Everything was quiet.

On autopilot, he watched as his body calmly logged off the computer, shut it down, and gathered his stuff together. He picked up his schoolbag. He pulled it over his head so it hung across his shoulder, because his other shoulder- the one that had been dislocated months ago- still ached sometimes.

He pushed in the chair, straightened up everything at the cubicle. Everything in its place, neat and orderly. Just like he had been taught as a child. Everything in its place and a place for everything, Noah! How many times do I have to tell you? How many times do I have to teach you a lesson?

His hands weren’t shaking anymore. He was fine. He was fine. He was fine. Leaving the library, Noah passed a group of guys from one of his film classes. They called out a greeting to him, and Noah may have waved back but he wasn’t sure. He may have been breathing, but he wasn’t sure of that either. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s-

Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-

No. No. It couldn’t be true. No. His life was screwed up enough. No. He was Noah Mayer. Noah Mayer existed. He had a birth certificate. He had a psychotic father in prison and an absentee mother in Oakdale’s cemetery. He had a boyfriend and a new family and friends who seemed to honest-to-God like him. There was no way he…

Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-

No! He was just being paranoid. Or it was from lack of sleep. Or maybe he was finally going crazy. That was genetic, right? Because Winston Mayer was crazy, and Winston Mayer was his father.

Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-

No. He was fine, he was fine, he was fine. Everything was fine. But Noah could feel his chest tightening, his vision blurring a little bit, his head heavy. His body was in a fog he couldn’t escape. This was how it felt when he had to take a sleeping pill. This was what he hated, and Noah knew he wasn’t fine.

Because he didn’t know who he was.

He thought about his dream from a few days ago. The blonde woman in the doorway- his mother- whose face he never saw. Had that even been Charlene? Or was it this other woman? And then his father- the Colonel? His father? Who?- grabbed him out of the yard. On Franklin Street. In Augusta, Georgia. Was he Andrew Miller? Had he always been? Had he ever been Noah Mayer? But then who-

He needed someone to talk to, someone to tell him he wasn’t crazy. That he was a real person. Noah looked up to see that his autopilot-body had taken him to the hospital. He almost sighed in relief. Dr. Weston. Yes, that was what he needed, who he needed. The Doc would be able to figure all of this out. He made his way inside, trying to shove thoughts of Andrew Miller out of his head for just a moment so he could get to Dr. Weston’s office without breaking down.

He nodded and maybe even smiled at the on-duty receptionist at the entrance to the psych department- it was Alice today, not Eileen. Alice was the one who always smelled like apple cider, Eileen was the one who usually had Debussy playing on her computer speakers.

Outside Dr. Weston’s office, Noah paused before he went to knock, trying to steady himself. He was shaking again, and if he walked in like this the Doc would take one look at him and probably try to put him back on some anti-anxiety medication. And no, Noah wasn’t about to get involved with that stuff. He hated being drugged, and he really hated that it seemed to be the go-to option whenever anyone wanted to help him.

Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-

He raised a hand to knock, but voices inside the office made him hesitate again. He didn’t think Dr. Weston had any other patients, so it couldn’t be an appointment. Who…?

“Marcus, don’t toy with me!”

Noah actually took a step back, even though Lucinda wasn’t yelling at him. She didn’t need to, her voice and tone always managed to carry on its own frequency. Like a dog whistle, but much, much scarier.

“I know you’re upset, but I also know you understand why I couldn’t say anything to you,” Marcus replied, his voice calm with only the tiniest hint of pleading in it. A rush of guilt flooded through Noah; Marcus was getting in trouble for keeping a secret Noah had told him. Luke working for Damian. He bit his lower lip, suddenly wanting to hide from the Walsh wrath. But he couldn’t; he couldn’t leave. He needed Dr. Weston.

“You knew. You knew Luke was carrying around this secret that would upset his family, and you didn’t tell m- didn’t tell anyone? I thought you cared about-”

“My priority there was Noah. My patient. My patient who confided in me, and after we worked so hard to get... I will not break Noah’s trust, Lucinda. Not for anything, and you should know that by now,” Marcus said sternly. Noah’s eyes couldn’t have been any wider. Partly because he had no idea Dr. Weston took him so seriously, and also because he had never ever heard anyone be stern with Lucinda like that. (Anyone who wasn’t now unemployed or working in WorldWide’s Siberia branch.)

There was a pause. “I do,” and then there was a sigh. “I do know. And I don’t blame you or Noah at all, I truly don’t. It’s just… we’ve all been doing so well lately. And now this. Holden and Luke aren’t speaking to each other. Luke is working with Damian. Lily has some foolish notion that she can fix this with a lunch date, but I…” another heavy, dramatic sigh. “It’s been so nice, not having to deal with a new Oakdale catastrophe.”

Noah froze again. He had a feeling he was about to hear something he shouldn’t.

“I just don’t know anymore, Marcus. Every time something hits us, it’s worse than the one before. What happens if…? Can this family deal with another crisis? As bad as this is, it’s as though one more thing might break us all. It worries me,” Lucinda’s voice faded away at the end.

Noah flinched from the other side of the door as though he’d been struck. God, were they really that bad off? He found himself backing away from the office. His mind flashed through scenario after scenario of him telling the Snyders about this new fear. Of him dumping more drama on that poor, wonderful family that was going through enough already.

No one cares about your problems, boy. If you can’t handle them yourself, what kind of man are you?

No, this was something he’d have to figure out on his own. He was an adult now, it was time to start acting like one. He had taken care of himself during worse than this, hadn’t he? Since the age of seven he had understood (keeping secrets, hiding bruises, learning not to make eye contact, Honest, Mrs. Wright, I just slipped and fell down the stairs, I’m sorry) that his troubles were his and his alone. There was no reason he had to shove them on other people now.

The voices inside were quieter now, gentle. Marcus said something that caused Lucinda to laugh sweetly, and Noah had to back away further. His hands might have been shaking again. It had been so long since he’d heard Lucinda sound that light-hearted. He couldn’t interrupt one of the few times the couple had together without some distraction- family, work, the Universe.

He couldn’t do this. Not now. Even if this thing with him was true (and it wasn’t, it couldn’t be, it wasn’t real), it didn’t matter. He couldn’t add any more drama. He couldn’t be the person responsible for breaking the Snyders, not when they had done so much for him. They had dropped everything to help him during the fiasco last spring, the least he could do was return the favor now.

Shaking his head, Noah turned away from the office and Dr. Weston, and stepped back into the hallway. Running a hand through his hair, he looked to the left and to the right. His feet were stuck in neutral, needing a direction to go in, but his brain couldn’t find one. He had no idea what to do.

And then, like it always did, his mind conjured up the perfect place, the only place, to go.

************

Lily tapped her fingers nervously against her coffee cup. Her gaze shifted back and forth between the entrance to Lakeview Lounge, which her son should be coming through any minute, and the door to her office where her husband was making a phone call. Oh Lord, I hope this works.

She took another sip of coffee- decaf, out of necessity- and tried to settle her nerves. She had to be firm and in control for this lunch. Neither of them knew she had invited the other, and she really hoped they didn’t kill her, or each other, before the hour was through.

The problem with both Luke and Holden was that they did everything a hundred percent. Call it a strong ethic or call it pure stubbornness, call it that ‘cowboy’ part of their brains, but neither of them did anything halfway. They had big hearts, big mouths, and big egos. And of course that would occasionally cause them to butt heads, but she wasn’t about to let this go on longer than it had to. Life had been so good lately, she wasn’t going to let it be ruined because the two of them were unable to let go of harsh words and hurt feelings.

“Mom? Hello?” A hand waved in front of her face, causing her to jump slightly. Luke grinned a little warily at her.

“Hi sweetie,” she smiled, standing up to hug him. He returned it gratefully, sitting down across from her, picking up his own coffee cup and tapping on it the same way she had been. The sight made her smile widen. “Nervous, Luke?”

He mirrored the smile. “A little. You haven’t had your chance to yell at me yet.”

“I’m not going to yell,” she said quietly, smile slipping away. “I don’t think I have to. You know what you did was wrong.”

He nodded. “But I don’t want to go back to school, Mom. It doesn’t feel right,” Luke set his cup down, folding his hands into his lap. It seemed like such a practiced gesture, and Lily had to wonder if he had picked that up in a business meeting or something. Did he go to business meetings? Did he have his own office, his own parking space? Did he wear suits to work, did he have friends there? It did hurt her heart a bit to know he was having this whole other life without her.

She shook her head. “And you also know that’s not what I’m upset about. And Damian has nothing to do with it either,” she said quickly when he opened his mouth. “It’s that-”

“It’s that I lied,” Luke finished quietly.

“It’s that you lied,” she echoed in agreement. “You lied a lot. You have to understand how much that hurts, to think you’d even doubt how much we love you, to think we’d ever stop…” she shook her head again.

Luke was quiet for a second before offering a weak smile. “Wow, Mom, you really got that ‘I’m-not-mad-I’m-just-disappointed’ technique down perfect.”

Lily threw her balled-up napkin into his face. “You’d be surprised how many times I’ve heard it and used it.”

He tossed the napkin back at her. “A lot?”

“A lot,” she echoed again. Regarding him gravely, “Please don’t make me use it again for a long, long time. I don’t like it.”

He nodded seriously. “I don’t like it either. And I am sorry.”

“Then I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me,” she stared him down for a bit before tilting her head to the side. “Anyway, how’s Noah? Did he give you the same speech I just did?” There had to be a way to check up on ‘Boyfriend’ without the person in question actually knowing. Otherwise all she’d ever get was an ‘I’m fine.’

There was a flash of something in Luke’s eyes- a little like worry, a little like helplessness, a lot like what she had felt the last time she talked to Noah- but before she could ask, her son’s focus shifted to something over her shoulder. Lily held her breath, readying herself, and turned to look. Holden had just left her office and was making his way back to the table. His own eyes were locked on Luke.

“So that’s why you invited me to lunch?” Luke’s voice, hardened, brought her attention back to the table.

She raised her chin defiantly. “Yes,” she answered, unapologetic. “You two need to talk like civilized adults in a civilized environment.” An environment where they couldn’t start throwing things at each other, she added mentally. She hoped.

By this time Holden had approached the table. “So this is why you invited me to lunch, Lily?” he asked, and Lily had to fight off a slightly hysterical laugh at the repeated question. Unfortunately, neither Luke nor Holden seemed to see the humor in the situation.

“Yes,” she said again, resolute, holding her ground. “You two are going to talk everything out and leave this lunch on good terms again. Or so help me God, Noah and I will both make sure you sleep on the couch until you do.”

“I have nothing to say to him,” Luke continued talking to Lily as though Holden wasn’t there. She had to think he was doing it on purpose just to upset his father even more. “I’ve said enough. When he apologizes to me, then we can figure things out.”

“I have to apologize for being upset my son lied to me?” Holden asked, sitting down next to Lily.

“No, you have to apologize for what you said because you were upset,” Luke fired back.

“Could say the same to you,” Holden replied calmly. Luke glared at him, and Lily took a sip of her coffee, suddenly wishing it was something stronger than decaf.

She took another deep breath, reminding herself that she had to be in control here. “Look, Luke. Holden. Both of you need to…” And then she was wishing she had forgone the coffee and just headed straight for the bourbon, because Damian was walking into the Lounge.

************

Nothing happened, nothing happened. Casey brought his hands together, jittery, then pulled them apart to tap at the table. Then he ran a hand through his hair. Then he went back to tapping on the table, absentmindedly playing the drum solo from a Rush song he had heard on the radio that morning. Why was he twitching like a dude on a crack binge? It wasn’t like anything had happened.

It wasn’t like he and Jade had…

No. There was no ‘he and Jade.’ Nothing had happened. He was with Alison. Because he and Alison were good together. She was good for him. She was nice, calm, easygoing. She didn’t push him, it wasn’t a challenge being with Ali. …Wasn’t that what he wanted? Sure it wasn’t always the most exciting relationship in the world, but it was safe. Comfortable. With all the crap and trouble that seemed to pop up in Oakdale, shouldn’t Casey want something that made him feel-

“…Bored…?”

“What?” Casey nearly dropped his mug of coffee into his lap. Whoa, that would’ve been bad. He juggled with the cup for a second before setting it upright on the table again, then looked up wide-eyed into Alison’s bemused face.

“I asked if you were bored waiting for me,” she repeated, frowning a little as she sat down across from him. “You okay?”

He smiled wide. “Yeah. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” He probably would have sounded more convincing if his voice would stop rising in pitch with each sentence.

She eyed him a little suspiciously. “Okay,” she drew out the word slowly. “You sure?”

“I just said I was, didn’t I?” Casey snapped, then instantly regretted it. Where had that come from?

Ali looked just as surprised. “Look,” she sighed, “I’ve only got twenty minutes before I have to be back at the hospital. Do we have to spend it with you acting like this?”

“Like what?” Casey really thought he kept any tension out of his voice, but judging by Ali’s expression he wasn’t that successful. Why did she always have to look at him like that? It made him feel like he had just killed a puppy or something. Or an orphan. An orphaned puppy.

“Like being with me is a chore,” she replied, somewhere between confused and resigned.

“At least I’m trying,” he mumbled back, unable to stop himself. What is wrong with you? one side of his brain screamed at the other.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Don’t answer that, he tried to warn himself. It’s a trap. Just say ‘nothing. I love you.’ That’s what she wants to hear. “It means, we haven’t spent any time alone with each other in, like, weeks. You’re always in class or at the hospital or with your family or…” Man, you’re an idiot.

“And yet when I’m around you can’t wait to get rid of me, I guess,” Ali responded softly, once again adopting the you-killed-my-orphaned-puppy look.

Apologize, dumbass. “That’s not true,” he mumbled. And that’s not an apology, Hughes.

“Yeah? Then what do you call the way you’re acting now?” she challenged. “God, Casey, it’s like you’re not happy unless you’re unhappy with me. Why are you looking for trouble when there is none? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Casey sat back, crossing his arms defensively. Except, sometimes, everything. “Why do you have to assume if I’m in a bad mood that it has something to do with you?”

She rolled her eyes upwards for a second. “Because I don’t see you acting this way with Luke or Noah.” Fixing her stare back on him, “Or Jade.”

He almost froze. “Is that was this is about?” Yes. “Jade has nothing to do with us.” Hey Pinnochio, your nose is growing again.

“I never said she did,” Ali responded quietly.

It was that tone that grated on Casey’s nerves, the one that seemed designed to make him feel like crap about himself, like everything was his fault. “Damn it, Ali, what do you want from me?”

She stood up abruptly, the chair scraping awkwardly against the floor, the sound reverberating through the coffee shop and through Casey’s head. “I just want you,” she snapped. “Give me a call when you feel the same.”

She stormed out of Java, shoving open the door and nearly knocking her brother to the ground on the way out. “Hey Ali, are you… walking out of the door very angrily without saying hi to me?” Hunter trailed off as she disappeared around the corner. “See you later then!” he called out, confused. The confused expression remained on his face until he spotted Casey still sitting at the table. “Oh.”

Casey folded his arms on the table and rested his forehead down on them. “Dude? Not now,” his voice came out muffled.

Hunter nodded, going to the counter and ordering two coffees to go. After collecting the carry-out carton (how was it every server at Java seemed to know he couldn’t carry two cups without dropping them? Noah probably warned them), he turned back to the guy he was finally comfortable calling a friend. “You okay?”

“Oh yeah, just great,” Casey didn’t move, didn’t look up.

I’m fairly certain that’s sarcasm, Hunter almost said out loud. Instead he tentatively took a seat across from Casey. “Casey?”

“I’m serious, Hunter. Not now. I actually like you, and I don’t want to take this out on you.” Casey finally raised his head, and Hunter was surprised more by the level of confusion in Casey’s eyes than any other emotion that was present.

He decided to choose his next words carefully. He and Noah and Luke had talked about this once before, and the guys had warned him against getting too involved in Casey-Ali drama. (Even though they all agreed that it was a ship just waiting to sink.) “Well,” he finally said. “I have to get back to work. So I’m just going to ask this, in all fairness to both of you…” he swallowed, gathering his courage. “Is this, this relationship with Alison, is it maybe more work than it’s actually worth?”

And Casey found he couldn’t really answer. Even after Hunter had waved goodbye and left, almost dropping his carry-out carton twice on the way out, even after finishing his coffee, even after sitting there alone for what seemed like an hour… Casey still didn’t have an answer.

************

He hated that it was winter. He didn’t mind the cold really, and he loved snow, and Christmas had recently become his favorite holiday, but right now he hated the winter season. Because it made the pond look empty. The water was an unidentifiably drab color, reflecting the gray of the sky. The surrounding trees were thin and skeletal without their leaves. It looked empty, and it made him feel empty. He felt sick and drained. And, most embarrassing of all, Noah missed his ducks.

He had no idea when they had become his ducks, but they had. He had names for all fourteen of them, though Luke was the only person on earth who knew that. Those birds had helped to save him in a way that he couldn’t really describe. (But he was willing to bet an entire Java paycheck that Dr. Weston could.)

And right now, thanks to winter season, the ducks had left him. Okay, they hadn’t purposefully left him, it was just migration. Laws of nature and all that crap. Noah still hated it. He missed the ducks.

Andrew Miller.

The name flashed through his brain like a slap, and Noah physically cringed. He had come here to not think about that. When he was at the pond he was usually able to forget about the real world, it was why he had always come here after a session when he first started therapy. But now he couldn’t stop his brain from working overtime.

If he was Andrew Miller, then he wasn’t Noah Mayer. But then who was Noah Mayer? It was impossible, he couldn’t be both. His head was starting to hurt but he ignored it. Think, Noah, think. If he looked at this logically… Logically, it meant something bad had happened to Andrew or to Noah. Probably both of them. Something bad had happened to him.

He sighed heavily, drawing his legs up close to his chest and wrapping his arms around them tightly. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. He knew this, had always known this, and yet the universe continued to drive the point home. Why couldn’t it leave him alone, just for a little while?

Noah felt tears start to well up in his eyes, but he forced them away. No, no crying. If he cried, it meant he was acknowledging that something was wrong. No, he just had to think this through. The way he saw it, he was one of two people, and neither seemed worth being. He was either Noah Mayer, the son of a psychotic, abusive father. Abandoned by his mother. A recovering trauma victim.

Or he was this Andrew Miller, lost for almost twenty years. (Still a victim.) Who already had a family out there somewhere that thought he was dead. Maybe he belonged to this Miller family. And if them, then not the Snyders. Because if he was Andrew Miller, then he wasn’t a Snyder.

What the hell was he supposed to do? Was he Noah? He was Noah, he had to be. If he was Andrew then there was an… an obligation to find this family and give them peace of mind, right? The only thing he was capable of right now was breathing deeply, counting slowly, and staring out at the empty pond. Trying not to completely break down.

He just wanted to stay in a fog.

“Hey, kid.” Noah jumped a little at the voice but didn’t turn. He shouldn’t have been surprised.

Jack stared down at the young man, eyes narrowing in concern. He had seen Noah’s truck parked by the barn and took the chance that he was out at the pond. And Jack was glad he did. Noah looked fragile, lost. He looked so much like the Noah that first started coming to the pond last spring that Jack couldn’t help but worry. Something was wrong.

If it had been Parker or JJ here, or Luke or Aaron, then Jack would’ve started demanding answers. But this was Noah, and Jack had developed a different technique for dealing with him. Silently, he sat down next to his young friend (really though, Jack had started thinking of Noah as just another Snyder cousin a long time ago) and stared out at the pond. He wasn’t looking at Noah. And Noah wasn’t looking at him, staring down at his hands.

Jack frowned, mentally running through any possible catastrophes. He always made sure to check police reports regularly- the Colonel, Alan, and the other two were still in prison with no hope of parole. And so far Jack’s investigations into Fort Gordon and Augusta had gotten nowhere (though Noah didn’t know about this). No one had been admitted to the hospital recently, everyone he could think of was happy and healthy. Well, healthy, he amended. But he didn’t think Luke and Holden’s current fight would cause this kind of reaction in Noah.

“What’s wrong, Noah?” he asked quietly. Noah shuddered but said nothing, still looking at his hands. Jack’s frown deepened. Something had happened that caused Noah to retreat to this place, and Jack wanted to know what.

Unfortunately, he knew from experience that he couldn’t force anything out of the kid. So instead he inched his way closer until they were sitting side by side on the ground, shoulders almost touching. “Okay,” was all he said. If Noah didn’t want to talk, Jack wouldn’t make him.

They stayed that way for awhile, facing out towards the pond. No words were exchanged. Finally, Jack dared to look at the young man, and he was shocked to see tears trailing down his face. In all the time he’d known him, he’d seen Noah cry maybe twice. And both of those times had been when they talked about Alan. Damn it, what was going on? “Noah…?”

Noah shook his head shortly, still not looking up, still not saying a word. He wasn’t going to talk. It was becoming pretty obvious to Jack that he couldn’t talk. So Jack did the only thing he could. He reached out, slinging an arm around Noah’s shoulders, and pulled him a little closer, the nearest thing to a hug the two of them had ever shared.

Noah leaned into the embrace, and they both sat there, not saying a word. Noah made one attempt to wipe at his face, but gave up as the tears kept falling.

Jack looked out at the pond, and couldn’t help but notice how empty and gray it all seemed. Sitting there with his arm wrapped around trembling shoulders, he really hoped that sight wasn’t a sign of things to come.

************
Luke was the next person to spot Damian, and he immediately turned his glare back to Lily. “In what universe do you live in that you thought it’d be a good idea to invite him too?”

Lily bit back a reprimand. “I didn’t invite him!” she hissed, sensing the moment Holden saw who they were talking about. The tension rose at the table at least eight notches.

“Oh, this has got to be some sort of joke,” her husband muttered through gritted teeth.

Lily closed her eyes and wondered if she tried hard enough, maybe she could turn back time and undo this lunch idea. “Please, just stay calm. Please don’t get me kicked out of my own hotel,” she prayed under her breath.

Luke rolled his eyes, while Holden held up his hands, forced smile on his lips. “I’m calm. I’m perfectly calm.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes, and Lily found she was holding her breath.

And at that moment, Damian spotted them. He took in the scene and then, possibly because he was glutton for punishment or Holden was right when he said Damian was Satan’s true spawn, he decided to come over. He approached in that smooth, oily way she knew Holden hated and for that, Lily kind of hated Damian too.

“Hello, good to see you all,” he greeted, looking somewhat cautious. She had to give him credit for that. She smiled cordially at him, Holden putting up a lot of effort to do the same.

“Hey, Damian, I thought you had a meeting today. What are you doing here?” Luke turned in his seat to face the man. Lily was struck mute for a moment at the ease with which her son spoke to Damian, how comfortable he seemed around him. When had that happened? She could remember a time when that wasn’t the case, when Damian had first arrived. Luke had been the first to try to send him out of town…

Lily kept her shaking hands clasped in her lap, watching as Holden paced back and forth from the sink to the kitchen table and back. She almost jumped when Luke stormed back into the room, fire nearly shooting out of his eyes.

He came to a stop at the edge of the table, gripping its edges tight enough almost to crack the wood. “Okay, what’s the quickest way to get him gone?”

“Where’s Noah?” Lily asked, only partly because she wanted to put off this conversation. Noah’s pneumonia had resurfaced just days ago, and the whole family was going a little overboard with his care. Much to Noah’s consternation, Lily assumed with an inward smile.

Luke’s expression softened involuntarily. “I got him to fall asleep on the couch in there. After he asked about eighteen hundred times if I was okay.” He shook his head. “Of course, with the amount of drugs in him, he may not remember any of this when he wakes up.”

“Kinda wish we all could do that,” Holden muttered. She had to agree.

“Like I said, how do we get him gone?” Luke cut in, eyes blazing again.

“Honey, that’s really what you want?” Lily couldn’t help but ask.

He glared at her. “I don’t want him in my life. I don’t want him near Ethan or the girls. I don’t want him near Noah. I don’t want him near you guys or anyone else, and I definitely don’t want him near me.”

Lily took a deep breath. “Luke, maybe this time-”

Holden quickly cut her off. “Lily, if he doesn’t want Damian around, then he doesn’t. I for one am perfectly fine with the decision.” Luke went to stand next to his dad, nodding firmly.

She tried to smile peaceably. “I’m sure you are. But he really wants to make amends this time…”

Luke blew out an exasperated breath. “Mom, do you really believe that? It’s Damian, remember? The Dark Lord himself. There’s no way he’s here just to make amends.”

“But-”

“Mom, no! No, okay? He has hurt this family enough. I won’t let him come back here, worm his way in, and hurt us again. Whatever his agenda is, it’s not going to happen this time.” Luke crossed his arms defiantly across his chest. “I won’t let it.”

Lily shook herself back into the present, realizing she missed Damian’s answer. He and Luke were discussing some paperwork problem, while Holden was silently seething next to her. She snuck a hand over, squeezing his knee. He looked over at her, about to snap, but she shook her head slightly. ‘Calm,’ she mouthed. He glared for just a second- looking so much like Luke it almost hurt- but then relaxed reluctantly.

Damian looked over at them just then. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to interrupt your lunch.” He looked down at Luke with a smile. “I’ll speak to you later, son.”

The collective wince at the table was so loud Lily was sure the front desk could hear it. She wouldn’t be surprised if her mother, wherever she was, could hear it. If that was the case, Lily was sure to get a giant ‘I-told-you-so’ lecture tonight.

Luke and Damian were both looking worriedly at Holden. The man in question quietly folded his napkin, placed it on the table, and stood. “I’m suddenly not hungry anymore. Excuse me.”

Lily tried to grab for his arm as he moved away. “Holden-”

Holden turned to look at her. His jaw was clenched tight, but the look in his eyes- anger and a lot of hurt- was what shut her up. “I can’t, Lily. I can’t sit here and hear him call Luke ‘son’ and pretend everything’s okay.”

“Dad…” Luke was standing up now too, looking somewhat timid.

Holden gave a quick shake of his head. “Luke, I can’t.”

Luke’s eyes turned sad. “I’m not quitting this job, Dad. It’s my choice, no one else’s.”

“Yeah, Luke,” Holden replied. Lily looked back and forth between them helplessly. “It looks like you have made your choice.” He turned to leave.

“Dad, don’t walk out on me like this,” Luke snapped, getting angry now.

Holden was angry now too. “I’m not, I’m walking out on-”

“Walking out on Damian is walking out on me,” Luke interrupted.

Holden paused in the doorway to the Lounge, looking back at Luke, immeasurably pained. “The fact that you think that? Just proves my point.” And with that he was gone.

Lily stared, shocked, at the spot where Holden had been standing. When had this all unraveled out of her control? Looking back at her son, she had no idea what to say. She didn’t really even know who she agreed with at this point. “Luke…”

He shook his head, looking at anything but her. “It’s okay, Mom. You can go.”

She came closer, a hand on his arm. “Honey, I don’t want-”

Luke smiled weakly. “I’m fine. Go. I think he’s your ride.”

She smiled in turn. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Say hi to Noah for me.” Lily looked over him one more time, squeezed his arm gently and left.

Luke stood very still, breathing deeply. Wow, the universe really didn’t want him and his dad to get along right now, did it? He continued staring out into the lobby until Damian came up to stand next to him. He sighed quietly. “Well, that went well.”

“I’m sorry, Luke,” Damian said softly. “I didn’t mean to cause-”

“You didn’t,” Luke cut him off. “This is totally between me and him.”

“Nonetheless, I am sorry.” Damian seemed to hesitate for a second, eyeing him seriously. Luke could feel himself gearing up for whatever the man was about to say. He had a feeling it would give him a tension headache, whatever it was. “Luke, I don’t mean to pressure you about this New York trip, but I need an answer soon.”

Yep, there was the headache. Luke rubbed his forehead for a moment, stalling. Part of him wanted to tell Damian no, he couldn’t go to New York. Things were tense enough with his dad, this would only make it a hundred times worse. Plus, he really wasn’t sure Damian was offering the trip for the right reasons. What if he was just taking advantage of this mess?

And yet. The other part of Luke really wanted to say yes. To prove to his parents, to himself, that he was an important part of this company and not just Damian’s son, not just some poster boy for Grimaldi Shipping. He wanted to show Holden that he couldn’t force Luke to do anything either, that Luke wouldn’t be manipulated by anyone.

Or, maybe it should all just come down to what Luke wanted, not Holden or Damian at all. Luke looked back up at Damian, squaring his shoulders, resolute. “Damian… I’m not saying no, I don’t want to say no.”

“That’s great,” Damian smiled, pleased. Luke could already see his brain turning gears, making plans.

“But,” he jumped in quickly. “I can’t make a definite decision yet. Not until I talk to Noah.” He definitely wasn’t going to make that mistake again. No more secrets.

Damian’s face twitched for half a second, but Luke held his ground. Finally the man nodded. “Of course, of course. Talk it over with Noah, and then I’ll see you on Monday.” And with a nod Damian was heading to his room.

Luke was still standing in that same position, somewhere between numb and furious. “God, this sucks,” he whispered to himself. He needed a release, an escape for a bit. Unfortunately his favorite escape- Noah- was busy until tonight. Maybe a walk in the park or a trip to the bookstore? Luke pulled out his car keys, sighing again. How much more drama could life create at this point?

************
Hunter nearly dropped his two coffee cups when he entered the Intruder office. “Noah?” That was a surprise, to say the least. “What are you doing here?”

“Um,” Noah cleared his throat, voice sounding rough around the edges. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.” He was fidgeting, not really looking up. His posture and stuttering reminded Hunter of, well, himself. Which was weird.

He knew Noah was shy, but he wasn’t necessarily awkward. And definitely not around Hunter, as the two of them usually sunk into what Casey referred to as ‘dork discussions’ or ‘nerd networking’ (Casey was really into alliteration) about movies or computers or such when they were together.

He took another long look at his friend, this time noticing the redness in his eyes, the way his hands were clasped together tightly. Hunter’s own eyes narrowed a bit, but he said nothing. Personally, he hated it when people tried to ask him what was wrong when he obviously didn’t want to talk; he was pretty sure Noah was the same way. “Sure, what do you need?”

“Well,” Noah followed Hunter over to his desk but didn’t sit down, preferring to shift his weight back and forth on his feet, hands now shoved into his pockets. “I’m working on a new film project, and I need help with the research. I haven’t been able to find much on the Internet myself.”

“Yeah, definitely, no problem,” Hunter smiled, excited by the prospect of a new challenge. “Oh, hold on a second?” he stood quickly, taking the second cup of coffee over to Emily’s office. He did the usual routine- knocked twice, entered, and set the cup in front of her as she typed furiously on her computer. He didn’t try to talk to her. When she was in Investigator-mode, hardly anything could interrupt.

His mind already focused on the prospect of new research, he forgot to close Emily’s door behind him as he went back to his desk. “Sorry, Noah, what do you need?”

Noah was still fidgety. “I’m, I’m working on a short film based on a real news story. I found an article online, but it’s from 1991, so…”

“So the newspaper probably didn’t archive everything from that time onto the site. Probably still in the process of uploading all of that from their hard copy files now. Maybe only the most recent article was put up,” Hunter rambled on, thinking out loud. “But I bet public records from the town or county would have more…”

Noah nodded, his eyes clouded over a little more. Hunter frowned but let him talk. “I figured you’d know what to do. If you could just- if you get a chance?- look into this story and get back to me I’d really, really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, of course,” Hunter’s voice softened. “Anything for you.” And he meant that. Noah was the first one to encourage him not to be scared to talk to Maddie. (And had probably put in a few good words for him on her end too.) “What’s the article about? Where’s it from?”

“It’s in Augusta, Georgia. A missing kid named…” he swallowed hard. “A-Andrew Miller. I need to find out if there’s any info on how he disappeared, if the case was ever closed, that sort of thing.” He looked down, scuffing one foot along the floor.

“Okay, no problem.” He booted up his laptop, his brain already sliding his focus onto the project. “Give me a couple hours and I’ll email you anything I find.” He started typing quickly, fingers flying across the keyboard as though it was a piano and he was Mozart.

“Great. Thanks, Hunter.” Noah’s voice sounded so small as he turned and headed for the door.

“Wait, Noah, is everything-?” The door was open and shut before Hunter could get the question out. He frowned at the empty room, then turned back to his computer screen. Distracted by his concern, and his new research project, he didn’t even notice the woman standing at the door of her office, staring off in the direction Noah had gone in, her eyes suspicious and excited.

************
By the time Luke got home, he was beyond exhausted. Or, what was the stage after exhaustion? A mind-numbing weariness, maybe? That sounded about right. His feet were dragging as though his Sketchers were made of cement. He just wanted to fall into bed and sleep for, like, five years. Things had to be calmer by then, right?

…Yeah, probably not.

He entered the apartment somewhat cautiously, unsure of what he might have missed in other drama today. “Noah?”

“Yeah,” his voice, extra-deep, echoed from the bedroom.

When Luke walked in, he tried not to react visibly to what he saw. Noah was curled up in bed, already in his pajamas, flipping aimlessly through the channels on the TV. His face was pale, drawn, and completely expressionless. It was a sight Luke had been hoping he’d never ever see again; he had a slight flashback to running up to the hospital roof, seeing Noah sitting there, eyes closed and face blank. “Hey,” he said quietly, sitting down next to him. He reached a hand out, rubbing his back through the comforter.

“How was lunch?” Noah asked, still flipping through the channels. When Casablanca appeared on screen and he didn’t stop, Luke realized Noah had no idea what was on the television screen. And that caused him to worry just a little bit more. Noah’s eyes weren’t focusing.

“Oh, you know,” he tried to sound airy and casual. “Exactly like I thought it would be.”

“That bad?” Noah turned the TV off and twisted around so he was on his back, looking up at Luke. His expression went from blank to concerned, and a part of Luke couldn’t help but be relieved by the appearance of something on his face. But studying more closely, Luke could see just how unfocused Noah’s eyes were.

Fighting back a growing fear, he settled down so they were sharing the same pillow, heads just barely resting against each other’s. “Pretty bad, yeah. Could’ve probably done without Damian randomly showing up too.”

Noah winced. “Ouch. Guessing Holden wasn’t happy ’bout that.”

His words were slurring just a little. Just enough for Luke to notice. He had another sudden flash, a memory of himself from years ago. He lifted his head, eyes narrowing. “Are you… have you been drinking, Noah?”

Noah was more comfortable drinking around Luke lately, since Luke had proven he could handle being around alcohol without joining in. Even if Luke had wanted to, the combined powers of Fake-Noah in his head (his very own Jiminy Cricket, but less creepy. And much cuter) and Real-Noah next to him were always enough to stop him. And now that Noah trusted that, he was allowing Casey and the others to draw him out of his shell a little more, enjoying a night out a Yo’s or Metro without totally worrying about Luke.

And yet, Luke didn’t want him to be drinking now. It didn’t make sense, Noah didn’t drink alone. He didn’t drown his sorrows- Luke was pretty sure he hadn’t done that since Luke had been paralyzed. So if he was doing it now… Luke felt that fear in him grow, coiling around in his stomach.

Noah’s eyes widened, his gaze focusing for just a second, before he shook his head. Luke frowned, watching as Noah lifted an arm that seemed to weigh a hundred pounds, reaching over to the table next to the bed. Luke spotted the pill bottle just as Noah’s hand fumbled around, grasped the bottle, and pulled it forward. “Took a sleeping pill,” he explained needlessly, rattling the plastic container a little for emphasis.

“You did?” Luke would have been less surprised if Noah had been drunk. Willingly taking a sleeping pill? Without Luke bugging him? Without Emma or Lily (or Marcus. Or Holden. Or Jack. Or Faith) calling to make sure he took one? “Are you… did something happen? Are you okay?”

The blue eyes were hazy again, and it seemed to take Noah a few seconds to realize Luke was talking to him. “I need another one. To fall asleep. No dreams,” he tried to explain.

The fear was rising into his chest, squeezing his lungs a little. “Did you have another nightmare?” he asked, unconsciously reaching his hand forward to hold Noah’s empty hand, trying to ground him. Noah just as unconsciously gripped his hand in return, needing to be grounded. He nodded reluctantly, even as he tried to open the bottle again.

Luke smiled faintly, leaning closer and gently pulling it out of Noah’s hand. “You sure you want another pill?” he had to ask. The normal dosage was two, but it was usually a battle just to get Noah to take one.

Noah nodded, rubbing at his eyes. “Don’t want to dream tonight,” he answered simply and firmly, as though he had given it a lot of thought.

Luke had to bite his lip to stop an interrogation from escaping his mouth. Pushing Noah for answers would just cause him to retreat even further. Noah obviously didn’t want to talk right now, and Luke had to trust him enough to wait. He nodded, taking one sleeping pill out of the bottle and handing it over. He busied himself getting up and throwing on a shirt and sweatpants so he wouldn’t have to watch Noah swallow the pill without water (gross!).

When Luke got back into bed, they both scooted down to face each other. Noah moved in even closer, blinking heavily and slowly. Luke smiled at him, trying to put the both of them at ease, not sure if he could, not sure what was really going on.

Noah tried to return the smile, but just couldn’t get himself to do it. He closed his eyes with a slight frown, and Luke couldn’t help but sigh out his worry. “Baby?” Please tell me what’s wrong.

“Hmm?” Noah gave a hum of response, turning in even more, instinctively throwing an arm around Luke’s middle and pulling him close. Despite everything, Luke smiled into the warmth their bodies generated together. It wasn’t like a heat warmth, it was a something-else warmth. Safe and promising and all-encompassing.

And it made keeping quiet right now all the more difficult. Noah was hurting, and Luke couldn’t do anything. He really wanted to gather Noah up into his arms, but he knew better than that. When Noah was under the influence of sleeping pills, he had to be the one in control of touching. Neither of them wanted to risk a flashback.

“Damian wants me to go on a trip to New York with him next week,” Luke whispered suddenly. He always found it easiest to confess things at night, in the dark, safely tucked away in bed, one of them spooned up against the other. Noah did too; both of them could say things in this place that they were afraid to say any other time. “And I think I want to go.”

Noah exhaled through his mouth, eyes slowly focusing on Luke. “Then you go,” he mumbled, words drawn out and stuttered. “Do what makes you happy, that’s what I want. All I want. ’Kay?”

Luke’s smile was wider now, and genuine. He snuggled in even closer, waiting until he was positive Noah could see his hand before placing it on the side of Noah’s face. “Okay,” he replied, thoughts of Damian and Holden warring with thoughts of his boyfriend. Maybe it would be better for both of them to get a good night’s sleep and deal with their crap in the morning. He let his thumb rub along the stubble line of Noah’s jaw. “I swear, Noah, tomorrow we’re going to talk about whatever’s got you so upset.”

Noah’s eyes had already started to close again, this time for good, but he still managed to wince. “Not Noah,” he mumbled so softly Luke almost wasn’t sure he heard correctly.

He reached down to pull the comforter up over both of them. “What’s not Noah?” he asked, frowning in confusion. There was no answer. “What…?” He looked up. Noah was asleep. And though he was still worried, Luke couldn’t help but give in to his own exhaustion from the day’s craziness.

He turned so his back was pressed against Noah’s chest. Noah’s arm, still wrapped around him, tightened even in his sleep and kept him close. Luke couldn’t help but smile again. He loved Noah, and Noah loved him. Whatever was going on, they could deal with it. They could handle it.

Couldn’t they?

************
She couldn’t believe it. She really couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t just a great news story. This was a god damn national headline, if she could get it right. This could get her space on every paper, get her time on every news channel. And it was all hers.

Noah Mayer wasn’t really Noah Mayer.

She wasn’t sure if he knew it yet, but he definitely seemed to be on that track, if his ‘project’ for Hunter was any indication. Not that it mattered, because Emily now knew almost everything.

March 1991. Andrew Miller had been playing with his older brother and sister and a dog in their front yard. The mother had come to the front door to say dinner was ready, and the two older kids had run around to the backyard where their father and the barbeque were. The mother turned her back for just a few seconds, heard the screech of car tires, and by the time she looked out again Andrew was gone. No witnesses, no Amber Alert system to help, no ransom note- the kid just disappeared without a trace.

At this very same time, Charlene Mayer switched her name back to Wilson. And not long after this was the start of the riff between Charlene and the Colonel. It was all too much of a coincidence. Plus Cheri’s confusing words about Augusta, and the Colonel’s proven penchant for kidnapping kids… it was all adding up to some serious Dateline-level drama. The only thing Emily couldn’t figure out was how Noah had an authentic birth certificate, but there would be time to figure that out later. Right now, there was too much to do.

A kidnapping. Sometimes Emily couldn’t believe her own good luck. An unsolved kidnapping case from almost twenty years ago, and the unknowing victim serves Emily coffee every morning. This was the best story she had been involved with in years.

There was no doubt in her mind that Noah was Andrew Miller, the pictures she found of the two-year-old online were enough to convince her of that. (It was that same pair of blue eyes.) And she was the only person in the world who had all this information at her fingertips.

God, sometimes a good headline like this was better than sex. Sometimes.

She added a few more touches to her story proposal, then excitedly grabbed her phone. There was only one person she needed to talk to before she could get this thing in motion. Luckily, that person picked up almost right away. “What is it, Emily? Now’s not the best time,” the voice was always imperious and had the ability to intimidate even her.

But not now. “Then you better make time, Lucinda,” Emily happily fired back. “I’ve got the story to end all stories, and I want it in the Intruder’s next edition. How soon can you meet me to talk about it?”

TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: Lucinda goes on the warpath, Casey and Luke demand the truth from Noah, another Snyder blowup comes at totally the wrong time...