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Yesterday I went out to Como Zoo with J. I had been feeling much better than I have anytime lately. After walking for a few minutes I started feeling funny. I felt like there were bubbles in my ears, particularly my left. My voice started sounding funny to me, really sharp but distant at the same time and my heart kept feeling like it was ( Read more... ) -
RAnDNom
This blissful blackness. It’s all I've known for a long time now. They speak of the artists and the masters as gin-blossomed drunks. What then of me this mind-fogged author-creature that I am? Barely writing, or producing a mere word.Smoking like a chimney. Thoughts swim in my head oh so blurringly fast and my fingers are frozen. Life-- Art screams ( Read more... ) -
Fuck you very much
If anything else bad happens I think I may be forced to laugh myself to death. Back in shit land. People shock me. Then again, I knew this would happen. Only thing that sucks is now I don't have a therapist. Lovely. At least I have one sound to soothe me. Pissed as hell. Weighed myself. They said they'd keep me at my goal weight. I'm 8 lbs. over ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
My first date ever just happens to be in a cafeteria. I'm freaking out right now. Oh god, don't let me blow this. I am so clueless with this stuff. I need a hug. Well, I'll just be me and see what happens.
This is me scared shitless. -
Last transmission 21:14
This blog is now closed. It's been fun but I'm way too open and honest on here. See ya, or not. -
It only runs skin-deep
I guess I've always known, I've just been trying to convince myself otherwise. God, this hurts. But I need to ask myself, "What now?". There isn't anywhere or anyone. You aren't willing to understand or even listen. Your words and actions tell me the one thing you've told me isnt even true. Maybe you'd like it to be, but it just won't happen. I ( Read more... ) -
From Complicated to Elated in 2.2 seconds...
I feel like I'm wrong in everything I feel. It makes me want to be alone all the time. We are born alone, we die alone, so why not live alone? Or at least that's what I was thinking until a few minutes ago. T. just asked me to move in with him....possibly to California. Everything in my life is being flipped upside-down, liquefied, and ( Read more... ) -
A Note From the Fucked Up.....
Why is it that when you need something the most it's never there? It just solidifies my doubts about the subject. I don't know what to make of it. I can't rid it from my life, nor do I want to, but I can't control others. I'd rather cut ties than cope with this emotional distance. I need to talk this out but it would be completely pointless ( Read more... ) -
Great......
I think I can safely say I have gastroparesis because every time I've tried to keep anything down the last few weeks I end up getting involuntarily sick. Today has been horrible. Just got sick again for the 4th or 5th time. They are going to tube me just because I can't keep anything down, I think. Ughhhhh! Trying to keep anything down is like ( Read more... ) -
Lots to say, no energy to type it....
Back to Hell tomorrow, oh joy! And the fact that I've gained 3.5 lbs in 2 days isn't helping at all. Cindy threw me a [sort of] surprise early birthday party after church at Baker's Square last night. It was really nice and ranks #2 on my list of best birthdays [there are only 2 on the list.]. My birthday dinner wasn't nearly as good as last ( Read more... )