Comments | carriemeaway: Letter to Kate

carriemeaway

Letter to Kate

Feb 14, 2011 00:45

Have you ever been so upset with somebody that you wrote them many edited letters which were never sent..?? I have a friend called Kate whom I have so much to say to but can't. So I'm writing her a letter which I'll probably never send .... Could I ever send this ( Read more... )

Comments 23

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carriemeaway February 14 2011, 01:22:08 UTC

Thank you for replying and understanding :)
I was really afraid that people would think I was being nasty to people with bipolar, but as i said I just can't take anymore.

I've tried to talk to her before (literally: talking, calling, emailing, texting, facebooking) and my experience is that she won't answer calls, refuses to meet me, but will sometimes respond to texts or emails. Only with negative responses though.

My worry has always been that this is something outside of her control though. I try to understand her situation, as I'd like her and others to understand mine. But I'm glad somebody else said her behaviour is not totally beyond her control!

Thank you x

byronicromance February 14 2011, 01:15:06 UTC

Just a thought, but you should check up Borderline Personality Disorder. It is often misdiagnosed as Bipolar (which I have), but is often much more distructive towards relationships. :/

carriemeaway February 14 2011, 01:24:03 UTC

Thanks...that's a good idea :)

carriemeaway February 14 2011, 01:38:06 UTC

I just did a quick google check on borderline personality disorder...thanks for the heads up, she seems to have a lot of those symptoms! Though, I know she has attended a psych for years...surely he would consider that diagnosis?

bag_of_ice February 14 2011, 01:50:45 UTC

I thought your letter was well written. If you don't send it I hope you at least address these issues in some way with your friend. It's hard when the person is sick, but at the same time, you may need to establish new boundaries because at some point it crosses over to an emotionally draining and/or psychologically abusive.

carriemeaway February 14 2011, 02:02:26 UTC

Thanks :)
I don't know if I'll send it, certainly not as it is (I just poured it out, and cried), but after so many years I really need to sort this out and get some closure with her, in some way.

You're so right about boundaries...I tend to let people abuse me left right and centre. Guess this says a lot about me too!

Thank you for responding. You seem very cool, here and with other posts. Mind if I add you?

bag_of_ice February 14 2011, 02:14:22 UTC

Of course! I'll add you right now...

carriemeaway February 14 2011, 02:22:32 UTC

Thanks for adding me! I added you back :)

sillysallyfckup February 14 2011, 02:14:04 UTC

I agree with everybody who said that they hope that you can find a way to work this out with your friend, and especially set boundaries, because the way your friendship is now is clearly not working out. It seems like you are the one making all the effort and not getting any support or proper friendship in return.

I don't think this is nasty to bipolar people at all; it's true that it may be difficult for her, but even those of us with mental illness that affects us socially have to learn to take responsibility for our actions and adapt.

It's easy to see that the way she's behaving is really hurting you, and I hope so much that it can get better so it won't drain you so much!

The way she talks about your weight seems pretty brutal and verging on (if not already) abusive.

<3

Hope it's not weird that I read/commented, I saw your entry in ait and you are one of the sane ones who I really appreciate in there.

carriemeaway February 14 2011, 02:21:11 UTC

Aw it's not weird that you read/commented! I'm so grateful that you read my post in AIT and responded. You're one of the ones I actually wanted an opinion from!! You always seem so mature and honest, and I respect you.

I know I need to talk to Kate; this has been on my mind since FOREVER, and i've never really talked to anyone about it before (((relief!!)))

carriemeaway February 14 2011, 02:23:09 UTC

PS mind if i add you?

sillysallyfckup February 14 2011, 02:27:09 UTC

Not at all! I like you and am adding you also!

I'm glad you feel relieved having gotten this out!

Thread 5

nopotatoes February 14 2011, 02:41:58 UTC

This was painful for me to read. It reminds me of a situation with my best friend in high school, except I was in the position of Kate, and my poor friend was in your position. I absolutely hated everything about myself, and I hated myself for being such an awful friend to her, but I was too deep in my own sea of misery to change my behavior. Needless to say we're no longer friends--we had already grown apart by the end of high school, due in part to my self-absorbed depression--but I still regret the loss of such a special friendship.

I don't know if your friend feels the same as I did, and I'm not saying you should forgive her if she does. If she's really mistreating you maybe it's best for both of you just to keep your distance. If she can't be a real friend to you, it's possible that the best way to be a friend to her is to let her go.

I'm sincerely sorry that you're in such a difficult situation, and I hope you manage to work through it without going too crazy xx

carriemeaway February 14 2011, 02:52:03 UTC

I'm really sorry that I reminded you of a difficult situation in your past.
I know that Kate is hurting, and I've really really tried to help her, but every exchange we've had for at least the last year has been really negative, with no break for positivity at all.
I would of course forgive and forget, but she won't even talk to me anymore. Mostly the exchange is through text or fb (she hasn't answered a call in a long time, so I gave up!)
With regard your situation though, you can still make amends!