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Heartbreak had paws and whiskers
Your heart breaks small.
This isn't the shatter, the explosion, your father's death was; something that ripped through you violently and then rained devastation down on you for months. It (so far) hasn't left you in a daze, stumbling blindly through the minutes and the hours, unable to take a full breath. You don't seem to be traversing the kind of ( Read more... ) -
04/07/2009
They make love. It is what they do, what they have been doing for months. They make love, because it's what they've been doing this whole time. Making Love.
They make love in her bedroom, with her guiding his hands over her body, relearning it over and over. His palms over the smoothness of her skin, the fullness of her breasts. Her body under the ( Read more... ) -
Give me the nail, I'll hammer it in myself
When will you stop martyring yourself?
Maybe it's because if you do it to yourself, you don't have to accept that you just aren't being loved by another person. You say it's enough because you're addicted to chronic disappointment. Outside of the very few exceptions, you think that this is what love looks like, the gut-wrenching, bitter starvation. ( Read more... ) -
What is love? Baby, don't hurt me no more
Ah yes.
This.
This exhaustion, this obsessive picking at your brittle hair, the restlessness every night.. it has tasted familiar but still difficult to pinpoint, until now. Emotions running as ragged as the fingernails you've been growing out only to destroy to the quick with the teeth which you can't stop fucking grinding. Laying splintered in your ( Read more... ) -
Passion burns and I'm at the stake
You don't know what you want. You don't know what the fuck you even want. Your thoughts skip like stones effortlessly across your mind, barely leaving ripples behind them. The dark water beneath them remains still, untouched, undisturbed. Fathomless, empty, and yet still full to the brim, and so, so black. There are nightmares there. It wants to ( Read more... ) -
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When did you become this creature, half in and half out? The duality of you is baffling. Are you the woman who is tending house, digging your fingers into the soil with your husband to make something grow? Are you the beast with panicky thoughts, fingers curled tight around your wrist, nails digging in? These things are too different to be whole. A ( Read more... ) -
Lost
It is funny that you don't feel connected to where he died, you are connected to when. You don't look at the hospital and gauge how many blocks or miles away you are. You look at the date, at the sun set, and you feel yourself zipping away from him every second. You think about how Thesius used a ball of twine to navigate through a maze and you try ( Read more... ) -
Inspiration to be healthy
I just bought the most expensive pants I've ever owned. They are amazing in every way. I never knew I could be so comfortable or that my butt could look so good. But they won't fit if I lose more than 10 pounds or so, which puts me at my goal weight. But the lady thing I want is for them to be too big... weird stuff. .
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Feeling pretty good about my body today, so I thought I'd share a photo for the first time. :)
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So, I have to go in for an ultrasound, but I probably do not have cancer. Which is good, we just need to confirm that. But I'm so tired, guys. I feel like giving up but like I don't know how. I'm too tired to purge, too tired to even restrict. I'm just trying to slog from one place to the next. My job is stressful, but mostly because I can't ( Read more... )